Friends of Dorothy

[FBWOOF2]

Greetings....anyone Else Going To Be On This Cruise Would Love To Meet Up And Have A Few Laughs....and Some Fun.....thanxs...woof.....

[Blazerboy]

Well, one thing's for sure...there are a LOT of us in our early 40's posting here (does 44 still count?:D ) I guess we're the in-between generation...

 

I belonged to a gay fraternity in college, and when we had our winter retreat, it always included time to "educate" the young un's on critical things like "Auntie Mame" is good, "Mame" with Lucille Ball is bad (unless you watch it to laugh at all the vaseline on the lens) O.k., and it helped that our university had one of the first minors in LGBT studies...and that we were in San Francisco....

 

And as far as the FOD/more direct label is concerned, I can support either, but having privacy from the rest of the world is also a time honored tradition of many cultures, races, genders, clubs, and associations....How many times have you heard "well, you're not ____, so you wouldn't understand!" On the one hand, I want to be really out, on the other, the responsibility of educating the world on every nuance of gay culture, and of dispelling myths, and giving good hors d'oeuvres recipes gets OLD. ;)

 

Sometimes I think the FOD tradition should go on, not because I want to keep enlightened folks out, but because I get tired of the rubberneckers in my life who like to view us as a oddity to check off their "experience" list, as though they were on Jungle safari, and just saw that rare breed, a man in tasteful clothing! Just hang out in the Castro as the tour buses roll through on their way to Twin Peaks (the mountain park, not the bar!) and you'll know what I mean!

 

At any rate, off my rant, and back to the point...whether we like it or not, all cultures change, and, in 30 years when I'm on a cruise, and the daily paper has a "Gay, Lesbian, Bissexual, Transgender, Intersex, Queer, and Questioning Meeting", I guess I'll know what it is...but then I ask myself, "will I go?" or will I just think "that's nice, but it's time for my nap if I want to look halfway rested at dinner..." (You know how grumpy I get NOW without my nap!)

 

Andrew

[pnhmrk]

And as far as the FOD/more direct label is concerned, I can support either

 

Have you ever thought it depends who's using the name? B/F can call me what he likes (and often does:( ) but, if a work colleague calls me a fag then I could be offended. Maybe FOD is just a way that cruise lines are trying to avoid offence. (It had never dawned on me that the term FOD wasn't universally understood in the gay community).

[Blazerboy]

but, if a work colleague calls me a fag then I could be offended.

Why would you be offended if your co-worker called you a cigarette???:D

 

While I don't think the lines want to intentionally cause offense to anyone, I do believe that the offense they're more worried about causing is to their straight clients.:( Now if they debated between whether to call the meetings FOD or to call them "Fag Free-for-alls" or "Queer's n' Cognac" I might believe the concern for us to be more genuine;)

 

Andrew

[SeaMatesNYC]

I personally like the way that Princess prints it in the Pattter (how's that for three p's almost in a row?) - LGBT/Rainbow Gathering...I think that FOD is still very much known in certain circles, but becoming less so and a bit academic.

 

Happy cruisin'

 

Michael and Lawrence

[bhopal21]

"Queer's n' Cognac" I might believe the concern for us to be more genuine;)

 

Andrew

 

Now that's a novel title! Do you think there would be a chance we could get that in the patter on The Grand in February?:D :D

 

Mike;)

[Ephraim]

it's a social hosted by the cruise line for gay people to meet

 

I wish it was. We just returned from a cruise on NCL's Spirit (Cruise Director was Julie!) and it was UNHOSTED. Since it was unhosted and at a public bar there was no way for people to know who was who and well, no one introduced themselves. Since the first meeting was a bust, so were the rest, with only the two of us attending.

 

The reception desk apparently was refusing to answer customers questions when asked directly what a "Friends of Dorothy" meeting was. And so people would sit around the bar hoping to figure out what it meant (which was futile, because we were the only two showing up night after night, until we gave up.)

 

Frankly the name is archaic. The attitude is archaic and condescending. And when you are talking about Princess or NCL where you have open seating for dinner, having the meeting unhosted is also just plain stupid. Is it really that difficult to find a member of the cruise hosts to show up the first day and do introductions? Especially considering that both NCL and RCCL are members of the IGLTA.

[jeffs55]

I had the same experience with FOD on the NCL Dawn in Sept.

(I went into the bar and had no idea who was who!)

I'm of mixed mind in this. I'm 51 years old in a long term relationship.

I'm not comfortable with the word queer as that was what I was called in my younger less secure days, and there is still some damage from that.

The "Friends of Dorothy" ambiguity has a certain history that I appreciate.

Now I'm just out there and my philosophy is ^%@ them all if they can't take a joke. Once anyone takes the time to get to know me they will know what I'm about. They will accept or not, I don't really care.

For my next cruise there is a thread on the Gay and Lesbian board that really hasn't gone anywhere, and a thread on the main board that's been a lot of fun, interacting with the straight passengers who totally know who I am.

 

I'm just saying that sometimes we seem to try to segregate ourselves.

[ryndam]

We just returned from a 10 day Caribbean cruise on the Crystal Serenity. A very prominent "Friends of Dorothy" announcement was posted in the daily "Reflections" (Crystal's daily activity sheet). It was at 7:45pm, a good time, right in between 1st and 2nd dining sittings. It was hosted in the ship's disco by the assistant cruise director (a FOD, by the way, with his bf onboard). We were most surprised and pleased by the ship's generosity of an open bar with trays and trays of snacks. There were many of the ship's entertainers present, with their bf's and gf's, as well as 10-15 passengers. Total anywhere from 30-40 people+/- at any given time. We were all thanked for selecting Crystal Cruises, and several of the gay-oriented travel agencies were acknowledged and thanked.

 

We were having such a good time, we were a few minutes late to our dining table that evening. Every one else at our table knew exactly where we had been (they had read the daily program) and were sort of jealous that they hadn't joined us (especialy when we told them of the open bar!)

 

Earlier in the day, it was amusing to listen to other guests around the pool, trying to decifer what a Friends of Dorothy meeting was. Speculation was anywhere from "gamblers anonymous", to any variety of 12-step support group meetings. At least it did keep the curiosity seeekers at bay. Someone once described the "Friends of Bill W." meeting to me, as "you will know what it is, if you need it". I think the FOD description falls in the same type of non-confrontational descriptive category.

[IMNiles]

However, to me the term Friends of Dorothy is a wonderful old chestnut. It's a historical reference to a time when almost everyone was closeted. It reminds me how far we have come (and still have to go). And much of cruising to me is reminiscent of an older romantic time when ocean liners were queens of the ocean (pun intended!).

 

well said. I don't really see it as "hiding" so much as having a bit of an inside joke as well as a nod to the past. I'm proud to be a friend of Dorothy. :)

[twoguyscruising]

My partner and I have been on 15 or 16 cruises and last year we figured out (after another gay couple we meet asked if we were going to the fod party!) My partner and I had a great time and then realized on all those others cruises (-1 gay cruise didnt need the fod on that ship) we missed all of them. So when you meet the cute young hot ones we got to get the word out to come to the party.

 

Oh and yes last year I too turned 40 omg that was not suppose to happen to me. Most our friends and my loving husband seen it a few years ago, I was the one hanging onto my 30's ok really 20's then 40 hit me like a rock (btw: I am the blond). I never dreamed I would have such a wonderful life and meet so many wonderful people on cruise ships. Now cruising is just a vice... wait that sounds bad doesn't it.. lol:p

 

Cheers

Arthur

[peteranddan]

I am copying two posts that I placed in another thread on the topic of FOD meetings:

 

We were on Infinity to Alaska on July 1. There were FOD meetings announced in the dailies every night of the cruise.

 

We decided that it might be fun to meet some other couples while on the cruise and attended the first evening. The first problem was that the "meetings" were scheduled at 19:30. That was ok for us as we had late seating, but for those with early seating, they would never be able to make it. The second problem was that it was schedule in the Martini bar. For those of you who haven't sailed Celebrity, the Martini bar is massive and very popular. There was no real way to determine who was family and who wasn't.

 

We sat at a table and had a couple of cocktails. About 15 minutes after we arrived two young ladies walked in, looked about and decided to sit at the table next to us. Dan and I looked at each other as one of the gals (don't flame me!) was obviously a lesbian. When the waiter approached their table she asked about the FOD meeting, and he didn't know what she was talking about.

 

I leaned over and excused myself and asked if they were there for the "meeting"? They were, so we joined them and the four of us met every evening for cocktails. They had just been married at the British consulate in Australia and were on their honeymoon.

 

Each evening the FOD event was advertized, usually in the Martini bar and we never saw another same sex couple, at least ones that came to the meetings.....

 

They did have the meeting in Michael's club one night and that was even more akward. A small, intimate after dinner club that served liquors and cognacs....no one in there either, but the four of us didn't hang out very long. Before dinner cognacs weren't very appealing to us.

 

Disappointing, but we did meet the one lovely couple who we still keep in touch with.

 

We're booked on Celebrity's Summit for a 12 day Mediterranean Cruise July 10/08 and are hoping that the FOD meetings may be a little more successfull on that itinerary.

 

As for being able to "spot" the family members at a FOD meeting, maybe my gaydar was off or something. The first meeting night was the second night on the cruise which was the first formal night. There were 5 or 6 single guys sitting at the bar in the martini bar but they didn't have their big "homo" signs on....

 

We however, were dressed to the 9's. I had stopped at the onboard florists to order us boutineers (sp?) for the formal nights. I told the florist that I wanted something different. Stupid move. We recieved what looked like bridal bouquets for boutineers! They were massive with gold bows etc...

 

Needless to say, I hacked them back to a decent size and removed the bows...but sheesh, I might as well had a huge sign on my chest. Come on, how big does the brick have to be??? Two guys together, in tuxes with bridal boquets on their chests...you'd think that if there was another homo with 200 miles they could have picked us out as being there for the FOD meeting....nope...nothing.

 

Oh well, like I said, maybe next time.

 

Peter

 

 

Peter