OK ladies...I have a TOUGH one...

[MamaParrotHead]

I'm heading up a group of about 35 people (thus far, and still growing). As of now, there will be 6 kids, 2 of them mine. All age-appropriately somewhat well-behaved.

 

One of the moms I'm friends with, has another few friends that we're contemplating inviting. The problem with Mom A is, even though my friend thoroughly enjoys the company of her and her DH, the oldest of her 3 kids (who is almost 5 now) is TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL, behaviorwise. As sad as it is, it's almost to the point where it wouldn't surprise anyone if she were diagnosed somewhere on the Austistic "spectrum". I just cannot fathom spending a week with a child who is going to stress EVERYONE out. The parents do not control her, for fear of being the bad guy, and it doesn't sound as if this child is getting the diagnosis and/or treatment, even if it's just behavior modification, that she needs. I could see inviting them if we were doing something other than a cruise, where not only will we be spending the majority of our time together, but doing excursions together (such as LITERALLY spending an entire day on a boat/deserted island swimming and beaching it).

 

Mom B, and the rest of the family, would be a joy to vacation with. Mom and dad are awesome, as are their two little girls. BUT Mom A and Mom B are pretty tight friends.

 

How/should we go about inviting Mom B and not Mom A? Mom B is aware of the behavioral "challenges" of the DD of Mom A. I tried to gently encourage my friend, who's friends with them, to have a gentle and supportive conversation with them both, but besides that, does anyone have any input?

[Eskwire]

If mom A & B are BFFs, I really don't see how you can invite one and not the other.

 

In the alternative, as it sounds like you have a group of 35, which is a HUGE group, even if you invited both families, you probably won't see them as much as you think. I can't imagine coordinating a group of 40, especially if the majority don't have kids! First, the childless ones will be on a totally different schedule from the group with kids, and second, it is hard to coordinate a group of 8 kids to eat, sleep, etc. all on the same schedule.

 

We travel as a group of 10, and we can't get 4 kids to coordinate!

 

Good luck! :)

[MamaParrotHead]

*knock on wood*

 

The kid-less ones are choosing the later seating for dinner, but we plan on meeting up for a drink or two in the evenings. Everyone's doing their own thing and we're crossing paths when/if we can. LOW STRESS for all. :)

 

I have my immediately family that's for sure doing the excursions and such with us (that's 8 of us) and the others may or may not join us, although are welcome to.

[karatemom2]

Based on what you described I would either invite them both or not invite either family. Clearly if you exclude Mom A and her family and invite only Mom B, she will find out and and be very hurt. I'm sure they know their child has issues and being left out because of it must be painful.

[Jeni99]

This is a hard issue and touches very close to home. I would have to suggest either to invite them both or none at all. I have an autistic son with behavior problems and the thing that bothers me more than anything else is when a family member or friend invites our family but asks us to find a sitter for our son to dinner or activity or one of my one friend invites my oldest son to so something with her son instead of my autistic one which is the one who is the same age as her son and are best friends. She will use different excuses but I know the real reason. I know you don't mean to be hurtful so I ould really suggest either both or none. Good luck hun!

[rebeccalouise]

I think that you shouldn't invite either of them.

Sounds like there are plenty of people going already.

[MyPiePie]

This really sickens :mad: me. Seriously you are do not want to invite someone because of their special needs daughter, are you kidding me! My ds is on the specturm. They have behaviors they can not control. Some kind of friend you are.

 

Don't invite either FAMILY.

[abitaturbodog]

From your signature, it looks like this cruise is about a year and a half away. This child that you describe might do a lot of maturing in this time. I would invite both families and hope that she grows up some. You never know, they might not want to cruise anyway, but at least you asked.

[MamaParrotHead]

This really sickens :mad: me. Seriously you are do not want to invite someone because of their special needs daughter, are you kidding me! My ds is on the specturm. They have behaviors they can not control. Some kind of friend you are.

 

Don't invite either FAMILY.

 

Second of all, I deal with other people's kids for a LIVING and the last thing I want on my vacation is more stress, no matter what the source. Lastly, it wouldn't bother me as much if the parents were doing anything to control OR HELP the little girl...they just ignore all the signs, symptoms and behaviors and have since day one. I'm not going to put myself, my friends or my family through the stress of dealing with that situation when the parents are doing everything on earth they can to avoid dealing with it themselves.

[Onessa]

I'm a little confused as to why this was addressed to "ladies" -- is this to imply that Dads are not involved with parenting their children? Is this a mom and kids only cruise or a true family cruise.

[MamaParrotHead]

it's hard to tell from screen names who is which parent, LOL. :o

[camperhawk]

One of the moms I'm friends with... Your feelings, your words. Think about this.

[MamaParrotHead]

One of the moms I'm friends with... Your feelings, your words. Think about this.

 

What I said was, "One of the mom's I'm friends with has another few friends she's thinking about inviting". HER friends are the two other moms, A & B.

[camperhawk]

okay, thanks for the clarification....but still? why should you have to be resposible for the invites?

[MamaParrotHead]

She's asked for my advice, and I thought I'd ask people who had cruised with kids of all kinds for input. :)

[camperhawk]

okay. just was questioning, as you seem to have a lot of knowledge cruise wise and rearing children.( don't ya just love that terminology??)

 

Since I am done rearing or rearending if the case may be!

 

Thanks, and have a great cruise!:)

[born'4'cruisin]

I think you should have your friend invite them both. I understand what you are saying, but as you know from dealing with people's kids, some circumstances change their personality.

 

I know my son, for example, is horrible if we go out to some places, however on every vacation we have gone on (no cruises yet though, although he cant wait to go on a ship) he is perfect. He is so engaged in his surroundings and all the fun stuff to do he doesn't physically have time to melt down and misbehave. DON'T get me wrong, he is NOT an angel, but he is much more behaved on vacation than irl. KWIM. So maybe their DD would be the same.

 

So after that long winded rambled example, what I am trying to say is you don't know how the child will react on a ship, some of the well behaved in the 35 people could be horrid. It's all Russian roulette with kids.

 

Good luck on your large group cruise....sounds like fun.

[MyPiePie]

Oh, you are not doing the inviting...

 

Don't worry about it, let her do what she thinks is best.

 

If they do go I hope the little girl has a blast!

[rebeccalouise]

This really sickens :mad: me. Seriously you are do not want to invite someone because of their special needs daughter, are you kidding me! My ds is on the specturm. They have behaviors they can not control. Some kind of friend you are.

 

Don't invite either FAMILY.

 

Cruise ships might not be the best place for "out of control" kids- period. I think that speaks for itself. Cabins are small and there aren't places that a child can act up without dramatically impacting the other passengers.

 

I think that there are probably better types of vacations for kids that don't or can't interact with others without throwing tantrums, etc. Or maybe there aren't any vacations that are going to work out given these circumstances. Maybe the kids will have to stay home rather than ruin the vacation for the others involved.

 

We all know the temperments of our own children and plan our lives in accordance. I certainly would not appreciate it if my son was injured by an "out of control" child- either in the pool, hallways or children's program. It is the responsibility of the parent to adjust one's lifestyle in accordance with the realities of parenting.

 

This is why I would not take my own two kids to the formal diningroom until they were old enough to sit still. One has to be considerate of others.

[crusinmama06]

I am having another thought...do you honestly think they would go even if they were invited?

 

I invite people all of the time...lol...it takes a certain type of person/family that would be willing to pack up the kids and jump on a ship. ;)

 

And I know one thing for sure...you can start out with a group of 100 and by the time you cruise, you'll be down to a group of 10. Things happen. People back out. Don't stress about this. If your friend does invite both families and they both say yes AND put down a deposit THEN make the final payment, then worry about it. ;)

 

And lets just say they do go, the ship is so big that odds are you won't have to deal with them at all.

 

The only time I get stressed when friends go with us is when I am stupid enough to book them next door or, god forbid, in the same cabin. :eek: So as long as you don't plan on sharing the same cabin...lol....you will be fine. :D

[abba_dabba_doo]

I am having another thought...do you honestly think they would go even if they were invited?

 

I invite people all of the time...lol...it takes a certain type of person/family that would be willing to pack up the kids and jump on a ship. ;)

 

And I know one thing for sure...you can start out with a group of 100 and by the time you cruise, you'll be down to a group of 10. Things happen. People back out. Don't stress about this. If your friend does invite both families and they both say yes AND put down a deposit THEN make the final payment, then worry about it. ;)

 

And lets just say they do go, the ship is so big that odds are you won't have to deal with them at all.

 

The only time I get stressed when friends go with us is when I am stupid enough to book them next door or, god forbid, in the same cabin. :eek: So as long as you don't plan on sharing the same cabin...lol....you will be fine. :D

 

I agree. Just because she is invited, doesn't mean she'll go. Maybe she already realizes that a cruise ship is not the best place for her child. And your group will probabaly end up smaller than you think. If they do go, sounds like you'd have a big enough group where you wouldn't always be together anyway. You said you'd be doing excursions mainly w/your family. Someone else's child isn't your responsibility. If you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, remove yourself and your children, if possible, go do something else and meet up later.

[dosi]

wow.....you could be talking about my bil, sil and their dd. i have so much empathy for you and your friend. this is a tough situation. we no longer encourage my bil and his family to visit us. their dd is so out of control that it upsets our ds extremely. the last time they visited their dd was four and our ds was five. ds wet the bed for 5 nights after they left.....in his whole life he had never wet the bed before.

 

i understand completely the need for folks to feel included and the need for everyone to be compassionate. but i also know first hand how very disruptive and difficult having a challenging child on a vacation can be. i am sure that whatever decision you make will be the right one for your family and circumstances and i have to applaud your friend for being sensitive not only to the needs of the family with the daughter but to the needs of the other folks going on your cruise.....good luck.

[tekdiva]

There's always Camp Carnival ...

[texaspixie]

The only time I get stressed when friends go with us is when I am stupid enough to book them next door or, god forbid, in the same cabin. :eek: So as long as you don't plan on sharing the same cabin...lol....you will be fine. :D

 

 

I was thinking this myself. As long as you are not sharing a cabin with them I think it would be okay. With so many people going on the cruise your time with them might be quite diluted.

 

Also, we have acquaintances with challenging children and once I started focusing on their good qualities (loving, caring, polite, athletic), it made time with them much better.:)