What are the bride and groom responsible for?

[hockeymom97]

All of my wedding research so far has been for destination weddings (land) but I'm now also considering a cruise wedding as well. I have a good idea of what we are responsible to pay for during a land desination wedding but I'm not sure how much different a cruise wedding would be? If we were to plan a cruise wedding - exactly what are we (bride and groom) responsible to pay for?

[monlyba]

I haven't come across any official etiquette rules about destination or cruise weddings! although I wouldn't care what they had to say anyway :p but it would be interesting reading.

 

so, I can only speak for what we're actually going to cover rather than what we're supposed to cover. we're getting married on the island (instad of on the ship through the cruiseline like many brides here), so not sure if it applies to what you want to do, but I'll tell you what we're doing.

 

we're paying for our own cruise (of course) and all the fees involved in our wedding ceremony on the island (well, my parents are helping with some of the island stuff so when I say "we" I mean them and us). by "island stuff" I'm including also in that the transportation for our guests from the cruise dock to the beach where we're having our ceremony (and back) and we'll most likely also do lunch at a restaurant on the island after the ceremony and the guests' lunch will be taken care of as well. we will only have 10 people coming along, so it shouldn't be astronomical (we won't be going to a fancy restaurant or anything! we can do that sort of thing for dinner on the ship for free ;)). I'll be making up little goody bags for each guest cruising with us with some useful things and some other things that are purely fun gifts. um... really, that's all I can think of that is being paid for guests who are in attendance. they're all paying their own way to FL, their own hotel the night before the cruise, their own cruise, spending money, yadda yadda. we just figure that it's a vacation they're on and we're only asking that they spend one day of it doing wedding-related stuff with us, so that's why we're covering any extra expenses for people on that day.

 

am I missing anything? I'm interested to see what othe people are doing.

[Fantasy_Bride]

Future hubby and I are paying for our cruises, wedding, and reception. We have 20 people going with us, and they will pay for their own cruises. We are only paying for the things that we would've paid for had we had a land ceremony.

[hockeymom97]

Ours will be the same -- if we do decide to do a cruise wedding the ceremony will be shoreside - I want my wedding on a beach; not inside the chapel. And I was thinking along the same lines as what you had posted - transportation to and from the ceremony, and then either have 1) lunch 2) cake and champagne, or 3) cockatails and hors d'oeuvres after the ceremony. what we do afterwards will end up depending on location and time in port, etc...

 

I completely agree - the guests are basically going on a vacation and spending the wedding day with us, but I still feel like I'm missing something. We're trying to compare costs between doing a land destination wedding and a cruise wedding and so far the cruise wedding seems more economical. I just want to make sure I'm not missing anything...

[pandabebe]

In general I think the rules for land vs. cruise wedding are the same...bride & groom are responsible for the ceremony/reception costs and guests pay their own way to the destination spot.

 

For our cruise wedding we paid for the private ceremony (we opted not to go with the cruise line's wedding coordinator and found an independant coordinator to work with), the transportation to take guests to and from the pier, the cocktail party/open bar (after the ceremony) and dinner at the specialty restaurant.

[littlegirlbigmouth]

We're planning on paying for the food and open bar at our reception, the cost of the ceremony, and everything else that the couple would pay for at a traditional land based wedding. But all of our guests are paying their own way on the cruise.

[vateacher]

I had the same question. I was searching on the web and came across this website. It says that the bride and groom are responsible for 2 nights of accommodations for the bridal party. I don't know how that will work for the cruise but, it could be considered the night before at the hotel.

 

http://www.topweddingquestions.com/forum/Destination_Weddings_C4/Destination_Wedding_Planning_Etiquette_F19

[monlyba]

I had the same question. I was searching on the web and came across this website. It says that the bride and groom are responsible for 2 nights of accommodations for the bridal party. I don't know how that will work for the cruise but, it could be considered the night before at the hotel.

 

http://www.topweddingquestions.com/forum/Destination_Weddings_C4/Destination_Wedding_Planning_Etiquette_F19

 

:eek: well, I don't know about the rest of you... but we certainly couldn't afford that, and I think our friends would keel over in shock if we told them we were doing that! and then they'd refuse to let us. so, I guess it depends on your economic class and if that is the sort of thing people in your friends/family group would do if it were a typical wedding... like if your chosen maid of honor lived out of town and had to come to your city for your wedding, would you feel obligated/responsible to pay for 2 nights of hotel for her? I wouldn't! :p but maybe I'm a cheapskate. luckily my friends/family are on my level so no one thinks it rude of us for not paying for anything except the actual wedding costs.

[goingagain]

no rules in my mind....

we are having about 45 ppl make it on our cruise wedding in january. We are paying for the air/cruise for my fiances' bridesmaids, my groomsmen and immediate family..(about 25 ppl total) WORST MISTAKE EVER. thats what I get for listening to my "high maintence" sister! everyone going (mostly the ppl we were paying for) told us we are crazy for paying for them. some actually have told others they will reimburse us in their gift ( which i wont allow because I would feel bad) I am happy that by doing this we will have everyone there that we want, but it really adds up! Everyone will have a great time no matter what (they are on vacation). do what you want, just dont go into debt doing it.... best advice that i recieved too late!

[DALSAL]

I was just talking to my son about this today! I have already booked my son and his btb's cruise cabin(since the groom pays for the honeymoon). And, I will pay the deposit on the officiant tomorrow, and then pay the remainder of his fee the day of the wedding on the beach. Also, will pay for the license. I think we are also suppose to pay for the brides flowers. I know there are other things the groom pays for, but those are the biggies.

 

I WISH I could afford to pay for everyones airfare and cruise cabin! Also, I wish I knew someone that was getting married and would invite me on a FREE wedding cruise!! :eek: :D Dot

[donaldsc]

Why don't you just elope and cancel the whole cruise? What you will be spending is totally rediculous. You could do a down payment for a house with the money - or at least a good bit of the downpayment.

 

DON

[DALSAL]

Why don't you just elope and cancel the whole cruise? What you will be spending is totally rediculous. You could do a down payment for a house with the money - or at least a good bit of the downpayment.

 

DON

 

 

Don, this is WHY its a Girl thing. :)

[donaldsc]

Don, this is WHY its a Girl thing. :)

 

In other words, because it is a girl thing - stupidity is OK. Forgive me for being sexist but that is the only way to put it.

 

DON

[DALSAL]

In other words, because it is a girl thing - stupidity is OK. Forgive me for being sexist but that is the only way to put it.

 

DON

 

stupid is a matter of YOUR opinion...now,dont get me wrong,I would NOT go into debt over a wedding....but to me, "stupid" is NOT wanting to celebrate it in my fashion!! :)

[sunsurf]

All of my wedding research so far has been for destination weddings (land) but I'm now also considering a cruise wedding as well. I have a good idea of what we are responsible to pay for during a land desination wedding but I'm not sure how much different a cruise wedding would be? If we were to plan a cruise wedding - exactly what are we (bride and groom) responsible to pay for?

 

 

There's no rules. I haven't been on any wedding cruises but have been to 2 destination weddings down south & really loved each of them. The first took place in CR and the parents of the bride & groom paid for the beach ceremony,flowers, food and drink afterwards. Bride & groom paid for the photographer & all their legal stuff prior to. The guests paid their own way and also recieved a discounted nightly hotel rate. The 2nd, the couple paid for everything, except non- family members flights and accomodation--needless to say it was a very expensive wedding ( because of their chosen detination), but they could afford to do it that way.

 

I would give a destin. wedding more thought. Its a great way for everyone to just enjoy eachothers company for the week or two. You and your fiance wouldn't have to be around everyone all the time either. You could stay an extra week for your honeymoon or opt to go somehwere else. I just think it would be more relaxing and probably more cost effective. Not to mention, destination weddings are just so beautiful---you can get married at sunset on the beach making for some stunning pics.

 

Whichever you choose, there's no doubt that your wedding will be beautiful and all your guests will enjoy.

 

Good luck!

[pandabebe]

I had the same question. I was searching on the web and came across this website. It says that the bride and groom are responsible for 2 nights of accommodations for the bridal party. I don't know how that will work for the cruise but, it could be considered the night before at the hotel.

 

http://www.topweddingquestions.com/forum/Destination_Weddings_C4/Destination_Wedding_Planning_Etiquette_F19

 

While I would have never been able to afford that, I guess I should mention that I did pay for 1 night hotel stay in Miami before we boarded the cruise. My family is pretty adament about going down a day before just to avoid any problems (delays/cancellations). I asked the wedding party if they wanted to go down early with us, and for those that did we covered the cost of their hotel room. To save money though, we did book 2-3 bedroom suites to accomodate those that could go down early (mainly the bridal party and their significant others).

[hockeymom97]

Why don't you just elope and cancel the whole cruise? What you will be spending is totally rediculous. You could do a down payment for a house with the money - or at least a good bit of the downpayment.

 

DON

 

I actually already own my own house so I'm not worried about that :p

I do understand where you are coming from and I completely agree that some of the amounts of money that people spend on a wedding is insane. But that's just my opinion - if you can afford a huge, lavish wedding then by all means, go for it. I have absolutely no problem with that. For me, I have never wanted a huge wedding and I can not justify spending 30k, 40k, 50k or even higher on one day - even if it is my wedding. I have always wanted a small initimate wedding on a beach. So all we are doing is turning a family vacation into a wedding. The wedding portion really isn't costing us that much more - $5,000 maybe? So can I justify that for my wedding - absolutely!!

[hockeymom97]

Thank you to everyone for sharing your opinions! We are still debating between the cruise wedding versus the destination (land) wedding. The pros of the land wedding are that I think it will be a little more relaxed and the logistics will be a little easier since we're only going to one place. The cons are that it's a lot more expensive. The pros for the cruise wedding are that I still get my wedding on a beach and it's less expensive; however the downside is that since I do have a specific date in mind for the wedding, itineraries are very limited. I'll keep researching and will let you all know when we decide. :)

[JerseyGrl]

My guests will be paying for their own cruise fare. I am going to pay for my bridesmaids' dresses (5 of them. I feel they are laying out enough money for the cruise itself and I don't feel comfortable asking them to shell out money for a dress I want them to wear! And of course the wedding itself will be paid for by us (well, my parents). The reception and cermony will be at a hotel in Bermuda. We are also going to host on a cocktail reception the first or second night of the cruise to get everyone together for a welcome aboard party!

[maddam_5maria]

No one should do more than they can afford. That's the rule of thumb with ANYTHING you sink money into.

 

For me...the only thing out of my entire wedding ceremony/reception that is being paid for by anyone is my dress. My dad insisted on me allowing him to atleast pay for that one thing.

 

I am also paying for all my immediate family's cruise fare along with their children, (our nieces and nephews). Including us, it's a total of 24 fares. They are however responsible for their own tips, transportation to the port, excursions, etc. All of the out of town members are also responsible for travel expenses as well.

 

We were planning on a land based wedding prior to us finding out I was pregnant with my now 8mth daughter. After she was born and we had to tone the planning down a bit we looked into the cruise wedding. It will make a wonderful memory, it will give my hard working family a great vacation, all the kids in the family will experience something they may have never had a chance to experience and for the kicker..it's costing us alot less than our land based wedding we were planning.

 

I am lucky enough to be able to do this for my family...but if it caused us to go into debt I would NOT do it.

 

Also, I believe that if you choose to have a destination wedding as opposed to a port wedding, you do need to help the guest with some of the expense.

[dbam182]

No one should do more than they can afford. That's the rule of thumb with ANYTHING you sink money into.

 

For me...the only thing out of my entire wedding ceremony/reception that is being paid for by anyone is my dress. My dad insisted on me allowing him to atleast pay for that one thing.

 

I am also paying for all my immediate family's cruise fare along with their children, (our nieces and nephews). Including us, it's a total of 24 fares. They are however responsible for their own tips, transportation to the port, excursions, etc. All of the out of town members are also responsible for travel expenses as well.

 

We were planning on a land based wedding prior to us finding out I was pregnant with my now 8mth daughter. After she was born and we had to tone the planning down a bit we looked into the cruise wedding. It will make a wonderful memory, it will give my hard working family a great vacation, all the kids in the family will experience something they may have never had a chance to experience and for the kicker..it's costing us alot less than our land based wedding we were planning.

 

I am lucky enough to be able to do this for my family...but if it caused us to go into debt I would NOT do it.

 

Also, I believe that if you choose to have a destination wedding as opposed to a port wedding, you do need to help the guest with some of the expense.

 

I would like to do the same thing for our family that you are doing. If you don't mind I would like to email you a couple of questions. Contact me at dbam182 at yahoo dot com. Thanks.

[maddam_5maria]

I would like to do the same thing for our family that you are doing. If you don't mind I would like to email you a couple of questions. Contact me at dbam182 at yahoo dot com. Thanks.

 

Email away....

 

maddammaria_504@yahoo.com

[Katosmama]

We are having our two kids, a friend and her DD, and another friend and her DH come with us. We are paying for our cruise, and our kids (they are only 11, so that's obvious), transporation for all on the day of the wedding, lunch (probably), dinner on the ship in one of the specialty restaurants (probably), and any wedding related activities. I am also thinking of doing a couple of tote bags for my friends with t-shirts, towels, etc in them.

 

Both of my friends are paying for their own cruise, air, hotels, etc. I have made it clear to both of them that I only wanted them to come if they would have come anyhow, as a vacation. I don't want either of them to be out a lot of money just to come to my wedding...I'm the one who chose to have it in St. Thomas, not them.

 

I am considering paying for an excursion for them as well, something that we could all do together in one of the other ports. Both of my gf's have birthdays coming up so I was thinking of giving them the excursion as a birthday gift.