Wine drinkers, how do you play the wine wait game?

[Presentation]

Wine drinkers, how do you play the wine wait game?

As a couple we both enjoy a class of wine with dinner. We buy the wine package and order a bottle of wine right away on the first night.

We are a family of 5 so normally this means we are seated with a couple with one child at a table of 8.

In the past we have followed what I was taught to be the socially correct and polite thing; we offer the adult people seated with us a glass of our wine.

…then we play the wait game… we wait to see if they reciprocate.

Keep in mind I’m talking about people we did not know before the cruise.

On the last three cruises, one time the other couple at the table did reciprocate, the other two they did not.

Call it ‘tic-for-tack’ diplomacy if you will, but what we have done in the past is we say nothing if the other couple does not reciprocate but if the other couple does not reciprocate we do not offer them another glass of wine when we get our next bottle.

Once and only once were we put in the very awkward position of having the other couple not reciprocate plus one of them actually asked us for another glass of our wine. The husband was fussing over their kid, acting oblivious to what was going on, like he could not hear it or something. To be polite I complied with her request but it did bother me.

Thankfully, it did not repeat again but if it did I was ready to make a light hearted comment with a bit of laughter and a smile on my face to defuse the situation but I never needed to do it. I was going to say, again, politely with a smile and a laughing tone “I’m waiting to see what type of wine you order before we share more wine so I can get a better feel for your likes and preferences in wine.” Again, I never had to say it but if it comes up again I’ll use this line if appropriate.

In my opinion, if you are at a table on a cruise with another family that you just met on the cruise and they offer you wine and you accept and have a glass of wine, you should reciprocate by the next dinner that you are together and buy a bottle of wine and offer the other couple a glass in return. If you are not wine drinkers or are on a budget that will not allow you to reciprocate then you should decline the wine.

What do you do?

If you order a bottle of wine do you offer a glass of wine to share with the other adults seated at your table?

If you do share and they do not reciprocate do you keep offering them your wine?

How would you recommend handling the situation if they accept, and then do not reciprocate yet one of them asks for more?

[Morecruisesplz]

Wine drinkers, how do you play the wine wait game?

 

I don't play games. If I can't afford to offer a glass of my wine to others at the table as a gift without strings attached when they never asked for it nor did I consult with them prior to ordering it, then I wouldn't make the offer in the first place. If I offered it then I would just know it is a gift and if they decide to order wine and offer me a gift in return that is fine but my gift in no way obligated them to reciprocate.

 

Sounds like you are looking for ways to ruin what should be a relaxing vacation.

[Presentation]

I don't play games. If I can't afford to offer a glass of my wine to others at the table as a gift without strings attached when they never asked for it nor did I consult with them prior to ordering it, then I wouldn't make the offer in the first place. If I offered it then I would just know it is a gift and if they decide to order wine and offer me a gift in return that is fine but my gift in no way obligated them to reciprocate.

 

Sounds like you are looking for ways to ruin what should be a relaxing vacation.

 

Thank you for your reply Fred.

 

If you do share and they do not reciprocate do you keep offering them your wine night after night?

[lucyddr]

I see this differently...

 

If I offer someone a glass or two of wine, then I'm offerring it as a gift. I do not expect anything in return. If they offer me a glass, that's just icing on the cake!

 

We actually gave the couple beside us on our Disney cruise a bottle of wine from our package. We couldn't drink enough wine that week and enjoyed watching them interact with their family throughout the week. We figured they probably didn't "budget" for drinks, so we were happy to give some of ours away. We know they enjoyed it, which made us very happy!

 

I wouldn't offer wine as a "game." Either give it as a "gift" without strings or keep it to yourself!

[Presentation]

Thank you for the advice.

Basically, I was taught wrong. I was taught that it was rude to order a bottle of wine then not share it with the adults at the table. Although this may be true in most situations, on a cruise where you just met the people I was wrong.

After I posted these questions I found this online:

“It is polite everywhere else but nevertheless *not* expected that you will offer to share your wine with the table. If you are offered wine from a tablemate, consider politely declining and ordering your own. This will avoid the sometimes annoying situation where you trade drink orders with people you don't know for an entire cruise. If you are on the other end, do not feel that you must buy the table rounds.”

Again, thank you all for the advice. I have learned I was wrong and will change how we do it going forward.

[babyher]

Growing up with an Italian mother and father , you sit ,you eat, you drink, you enjoy. I was brought up that if you have people come to your house and they don't leave stuffed to the gills and very happy , its the sin of all sins . I have people at my table and I am enjoying their company and I have a bottle of wine, I share.

 

You don't play games.

[Morecruisesplz]

Thank you for your reply Fred.

 

If you do share and they do not reciprocate do you keep offering them your wine night after night?

 

Of course! Just the way I was brought up. I couldn't sit at the table drinking wine and not offer it around. It's a gift and I expect nothing in return. Want to join our table on our Jan cruise? (BTW, Frederick, MD is where we live, not my name. Others have made the same mistake so no big deal at all, just wanted to reply.)

 

thank you,

Merle

[Host Mick]

I'm personally a beer drinker. I buy a pitcher and share it. If someone else gets the next picher then we share that one otherwise I'll buy the next pitcher.

But then I'm not a wine drinker. Wine drinkers must be different.

I have a relative who obsesses over who gave what to whom and how much they paid for it. When it comes time for gift giving, she worries over what we received last time and factors that in to her gift giving decisions. I tell her to buy what she thinks that they will like and don't sweat the tit-for-tat gift-giving mental gymnastics. I'm just simple like that.

[JeanfromBNA]

It's not quite polite to set traps for people to fall into when they don't meet your unknown expectations. When you offer a glass of wine, and they accept, they are expected by polite society to say "thank you." If they don't offer thanks, then they are rude. Reciprocation is not an expectation of unexpected hospitality.

[Presentation]

It's not quite polite to set traps for people to fall into when they don't meet your unknown expectations. When you offer a glass of wine, and they accept, they are expected by polite society to say "thank you." If they don't offer thanks, then they are rude. Reciprocation is not an expectation of unexpected hospitality.

 

Hi Jean,

Wow, Jean. Reading your post you make it sound like we are evil people and that it is our goal to trap people. This is not the case at all.

We were taught to do one thing, in this case the wrong thing. We were taught that if you order a bottle of wine you should share it with the adults at the table.

So I came here asking for advice. Since I posted this I’ve also done some Google searching and reading on the subject. I’ve also posted this on other boards.

We now know that we were taught wrong, that on a cruise where you do not know the people ahead of time, it is not expected that you share your wine. If you do, fine, but its not expected.

We came here looking for advice.

I hope you have a good day Jean.

[gatour]

I have never had your situation (we are a couple with no children, so are always seated with other couples, traveled with family/friends, or got seated at two tops).

 

If we did, I think I would handle it more or less like you do. Offer a glass on the first night without the expectation that they would reciprocate, if they do great if not so be it. It definitely would affect my opinion about them.

 

Conversely if they order a bottle of wine on the first night, and they offered me a glass and I accepted it, I would return the favor. However I wouldn't expect them to offer me the initial glass either and it wouldn't change my opinion either.

 

The thing about wine is that it can be relatively expensive, esp. in restaurants and since you are just meeting your tablemate(s) you don't know their financial/budget situation so placing expectation on them is a little presumptuous.

[lovesublime]

We never share our wine with our tablemates. We are not rude people. We order our wine on how it will pair with our food. We have no way of knowing what our tablemates will be eating and to offer a type of wine that just wouldn't go well with what they're having is not something we do. Same with our bottled water at the table. We do not share it. They can buy their own like us.

 

Frankly, if I were having a steak and a tablemate offered me a glass of their chardonnay, I would feel bad turning them down, but also would know that I wouldn't want to drink Chardonnay with steak. IMO, it's best to not share wine at the table.

[Morecruisesplz]

Frankly, if I were having a steak and a tablemate offered me a glass of their chardonnay, I would feel bad turning them down, but also would know that I wouldn't want to drink Chardonnay with steak. IMO, it's best to not share wine at the table.

 

Of course! Who in the world would every drink chardonnay with steak? Wouldn't that be like having lemonade with soup? Or does it depend on the kind of soup. I'm terrible at all of these rules!

[gatour]

Let me clarify my response. I left out an important word in the second paragraph of my reply. In the last sentence I said "It definitely would affect my opinion about them." but meant to say...

 

It definitely would not affect my opinion about them.