What are parents thinking?

[cpabobby]

Hey Sweet Angel -

 

I just got off the 3 night Disney Wonder as well. I guess we were ship-mates.

 

We have a 13 year old daughter, and an 11 year old daughter. And, even though this was a Disney cruise, my wife and I are pretty strict, and very adament about knowing where they are, and what they are doing at all times. We let them go to thier respective kids clubs, but even then, we made them carry Motorolla Walkie Talkies (which worked out great by the the way) and I called them every half hour or so to find out what they were doing, or if they were ready to meet us at the pool, or whatever.

 

Anyway, we had a great cruise. Hope you did as well.

 

Robert

[stretch]

This thread reminded me of a couple things that happened on the Brilliance back in March. We were on the 11 day cruise, in March and as is the norm for a longer cruise, there were'nt that many "minors" on board. The second sea day there were 3 girls, sisters I think with a couple of boys, all were in the 15-16 year range. They had there unlimited coke stickers and were hanging around the pool in the first row of loungers. They kept getting their sodas and then I noticed that they had a big bag with some sort of bottle in it. About the same time I saw it, one of the pool waiters also saw it and got a security guy. Both of them approched the kids and took their bottle away from them. Those young ladies really had some foul things to say to those too men that were doing their job.

A day or so later, at about 11:30 at night or maybe later, my DW and I went up to the Disco. There, sitting on the stairs right by the door was a young girl, probably 12 or 13 just sitting there looking sad. We asked it there was a problem or if she needed us to find somebody in the disco, and where were her parents. She said her parents had gone to bed and she just wanted to listen to the music and wasn't allowed in. She was eventually told she had to go back to her cabin by security. The next night there must have been at least 8 kids sitting on the stairs, but not for long before the bar manager and security ran them off. On this same cruise, an 17 year old girl was out by the pool, very late in the evening absolutely trashed. She was so bad off that she couldn't walk without falling down. Two men, gentlemen actually, assisted her back to her cabin, one she was sharing with her parents, and knocked on the door. Her father came to the door, and proceeded to raise h*ll and accused these two guys of getting his daughter drunk and molesting her. He even called security and got the Capt. involved to the point that they were going to put these two guys off at the next port. If it hadn't been for a few witnesses to what actually transpired, these two innocent guys would have been SOL. She was actually very lucky that these two men (I actually became good friends with the both of them) were the ones to find her passed out and did the right thing. These sort of things are a normal occurance on any cruise and parents need to take the responsibility for their children.

Stretch

[Kami's pal]

http://www.cruisejunkie.com/events.html

 

If only 10% of assaults are reported, then this is surely a concern. in a place where alcohol is freely used making being around people whose judgement is impaired more likely, I'd think that any reports of assaults would be an indication of a serious danger.

 

I myself became the "babysitter" of a precocious 12 year old whose mother did not know how to say no. When the girl refused to leave with her mother (with whom I'd been visiting) the mother turned to me and said she'd be right back. She didn't wait for a promise from me, just left. I assumed to go to the ladies' room, so I kept my eye on the child as she jumped into the pool, but after 30 minutes and no sign of her mother returning, I called the child over and told her that I was leaving. She shrugged and went back to the pool. I've always felt uneasy about that child and wished I had done something differently, but don't know what that could have been.

[LanikaiGirl]

We are going on the Explorer of the Seas in April. I will have my two 18 year old boys with me. My plan is to give them free reign of the ship during the day (carrying walkie talkies) and they have to meet us for dinner at night. They will never be allowed on shore without us either. They have their own cabin, but it is about 15 cabins from ours. One of my neighbors is apalled that we have given them their own cabin. I, however, think it is appropriate given their age. They are also very good at keeping each other out of trouble.I want to give them a bit more freedom then they have at home. This cruise is a celebration of them turning 18 and my husbands I's 20th Anniversary. I agree that for smaller children, it can be dangerous. I am feeling a little more relaxed because the issues with this age group are different. I am always more concerned at home with their friends driving, parties that may get out of control, etc. On a ship I feel like my biggest concerns are a little less immediate. Just my 2¢

[Shanafan]

I think we all have been on cruises with unruly, out of control kids. In all fairness, I have seen my share of adults acting like idiots, too. It is the same thing in shopping malls, sporting events, ect. There are always those that believe "the rules don't apply to me."

 

We have always let our kids do their thing on our cruises. We do have rules, and they know, if they don't follow them, they will not be allowed any freedom. My kids are all young teens, and a 20 year old. We always need to know where they will be, and they always have to go in pairs. If they decide to go somewhere else, they need to find us and let us know, and if we decide to leave our spot, we let them know where to find us. Usually we are hanging out by the pool. Daughters are usually by the pool, and Son likes to play basketball or ping-pong. Also, on the cruises we have brought the kids on, we have gone with other families, or other family members, so they never have a problem of not having a "buddy" to hang with. And of course, even though it goes with out saying, they are told to mind their manners.

[PTarbay]

On this same cruise, an 17 year old girl was out by the pool, very late in the evening absolutely trashed. She was so bad off that she couldn't walk without falling down. Two men, gentlemen actually, assisted her back to her cabin, one she was sharing with her parents, and knocked on the door. Her father came to the door, and proceeded to raise h*ll and accused these two guys of getting his daughter drunk and molesting her. He even called security and got the Capt. involved to the point that they were going to put these two guys off at the next port. If it hadn't been for a few witnesses to what actually transpired, these two innocent guys would have been SOL. She was actually very lucky that these two men (I actually became good friends with the both of them) were the ones to find her passed out and did the right thing. These sort of things are a normal occurance on any cruise and parents need to take the responsibility for their children.

Stretch,

It's just amazing how this girls father acted.It really makes me angry.He should have been thanking them. and glad someone helped his daughter before something serious happened.He should have been glad these men found her instead of someone who would have maybe taken advantage of the situation.Does it even make sense these men would get this girl drunk and then bring her to her parents?I think a lot of this has to do with this father not accepting any responsibility.It's a my kid would never do that attitude.I know a lot of parents that would rather pretend their kids are perfect than deal with the situation.What he did to these gentlemen sounds very serious.I hope the captain or someone apologized to these men and tried to make up for all this in some way.It's very unfortunate but they will probably think twice before helping someone like this again.All kids act up sometimes but it's the parents responsibility to take care of it not ignore it.I don't know about other places but where I live the law says the parents are responsible for the willful misconduct of their minor children.This includes something they do even without your knowledge or permission.I am very sorry for what happened to your friends.

[nosnobunny]

It's a sad state of affairs when you have to defend your innocence. How the heck do you prove you didn't do something? Like I said - sad. :( That father should have kissed their feet - then dealt with his DD. I won't go into my methods because I'd probably incite a riot. :D

 

Beth

[Kami's pal]

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=91743&highlights

 

This was posted back in late October on Princess I think. While the emphasis was on the teen drinking and party behavior, I do think that I've witnessed more adults' drunk, rude, arrogant, selfish etc. behavior than I have teens'. Still, the principle remains the same; i.e. if it's a person whom I'm resposible for, I would certainly be very careful about monitoring behavior. Youngsters who aren't experienced with the effects of sun, little sleep, freedom and alcohol can be led by their new friends into behavior they would never try at home.

 

I do agree that older teens and young adults must go their own way, but whoever paid their way aboard has to "take their keys" so to speak, as in protect them from their inexperience.

 

NB Sorry, I incorrectly attributed this post. I've gone back and checked it. Found it on Princess board Oct. 28

[sweet angel]

Hey Sweet Angel -

 

I just got off the 3 night Disney Wonder as well. I guess we were ship-mates.

 

We have a 13 year old daughter, and an 11 year old daughter. And, even though this was a Disney cruise, my wife and I are pretty strict, and very adament about knowing where they are, and what they are doing at all times. We let them go to thier respective kids clubs, but even then, we made them carry Motorolla Walkie Talkies (which worked out great by the the way) and I called them every half hour or so to find out what they were doing, or if they were ready to meet us at the pool, or whatever.

 

Anyway, we had a great cruise. Hope you did as well.

 

Robert

It really is a small world! Yup, we had a great time, although it was WAY too short!! Re-booked for 2006 and now we're looking for a RCL ship for 11/2005.

[PTarbay]

LanikaiGirl,

Last year we couldn't get adjoining cabins.My daughter and her friend were 17.The best we could do was 3 down the hall.We asked for an extra key to their room for us.We never actually used it because they always answered the door but we felt much better having it just in case and I think with them knowing we had it made them think twice about trying anything.

[PTarbay]

I do agree that older teens and young adults must go their own way, but whoever paid their way aboard has to "take their keys" so to speak, as in protect them from their inexperience.

This is so true.I have 3 cabins this year.My daughters friends are 18-21.They're adults but I warned them as long as I'm paying and responsible they had to agree to some of my rules or I couldn't take them.They're not going by themselves.I had to book the room and it's my name on the documents and I'm the one responsible.I don't expect them to spend all of their time with me but there has to be some limits.

[Overtyme]

I have been cruising for 17 years now (I'm 32). I'm not a parent, and I often wonder about the way I see young girls dressing when I go to the mall and how come they're allowed out of the house.

The answer is simple- It's because of the parents.

At some point, you have to take responsibilty for your childs behavior and attire. Since the parents buy the clothes, kids running around in short skirts with thongs hanging out beyond their waste lines are the parents responsibilily. I also think, and I hate to say this, but if everyone of their peers are dressing this way, then it's got to be difficult to tell your child no (not that you shouldn't, but if it's generally accepted as the norm, you're gonna have a fight on your hands). Think about the way you dressed when you were younger - I'm sure it was much different than your parents wanted (especially if you're a child of the 80's with the spiked hair, etc.). That said, If you raise your children well, they'll be responsible kids, despite their fashion sense.

I do believe that you have to give your children freedom on the ship to run around or with their peers or it's not a vacation for you or them. Some people want a family vacation. Obviously, I'm not talking about taking your screaming 2 year old, but someone who's 14, 15, etc. shouldn't be a problem.

There is no doubt there is definitely some "shipboard romances" that start, but if your son/daughter are going to go back to the cabin and have sex, they're probably acting this way at home too. If they're raised well, they know when to put the brakes on. Do you honestly believe that your children behave one way on the ship and another way at home? Teens, as was pointed out before are chocked full of hormones, they are going to do what all teens do and is considered normal. I wouldn't lie to yourself and think that you're exposing them/encouraging this behavior by taking them on a cruise and that all of a sudden they're different people. I'm sure they're doing the same thing at home weather you want to acknowlege this or not.

That said, The staff also have to share in the responsibility and not serve alchohol to minors and not let older people into the club where it's clearly for teens and not let the teens into the areas that are for adults. This is not to say that they are to be babysitters, because this is not their job either.

On the larger ships, a lot of teens had walkie talkies and were in touch with their parents pretty often. The ones that are out there today have range of miles, and given that you're on the sea, it's not like they're going very far.

[stretch]

It's a sad state of affairs when you have to defend your innocence. How the heck do you prove you didn't do something? Like I said - sad. :( That father should have kissed their feet - then dealt with his DD. I won't go into my methods because I'd probably incite a riot. :D

 

Beth

Because these two guys had been reported, their seapass cards were cut off. Couldn't even get into their cabins until this whole mess got straightened out. And that was almost sunup. In the end, the girl finally told the truth. The two guys just let it go, and completely avoided that family the rest of the cruise, but if it had been me being blamed, I would have had that family thrown overboard. I'm not a real big forgiving type when it comes to lying.

Stretch

[LoriLinay]

Kami, of course I had to go over and check out the thread and the pictures. I am digusted with what was written. And what I saw. A grown woman with a drunk 11 year old boy? And are they dancing? Like THAT?

 

Gee, I'd sure be a proud parent if I saw my kids in that group. NOT.

[PTarbay]

Because these two guys had been reported, their seapass cards were cut off. Couldn't even get into their cabins until this whole mess got straightened out. And that was almost sunup.

What happened to innocent until proven guilty?Did anyone even listen to them?I have to say if it was me in that situation I don't think I would have handled it as nicely as they did.Any apologies from the father after he found out the truth?

[stretch]

What happened to innocent until proven guilty?Did anyone even listen to them?I have to say if it was me in that situation I don't think I would have handled it as nicely as they did.Any apologies from the father after he found out the truth?

No, not a word to the either of them. He didn't have the guts to.

Stretch

[DrD]

I think people feel safe on a cruise because of its contained nature. If someone commits a crime, they aren't going anywhere and will be easy to find. We all know that if you meet someone you will consistently bump into them throughout the cruise, so a molester or pedophile will likely be recognized and caught. However, people may not realize that it is difficult to legally prosecute crimes that occur in international waters, and we've all heard stories on the news about rapists (usually crewmembers) who are simply put off the ship after a crime and never prosecuted. So I'd still be careful.

 

 

As for the larger issues, remember that every generation thinks that their children are too liberal in the way they dress and act. Remember miniskirts? It's nothing new.

[LanikaiGirl]

LanikaiGirl,

Last year we couldn't get adjoining cabins.My daughter and her friend were 17.The best we could do was 3 down the hall.We asked for an extra key to their room for us.We never actually used it because they always answered the door but we felt much better having it just in case and I think with them knowing we had it made them think twice about trying anything.

 

LOL. Trust me, it goes without saying that I will have their room key. They are also aware that I could be 'stalking' (as they call it) them at any time. I am famous for showing up when I am least expected. It never hurts to keep them off balance. ;)

[RACE20]

I have been cruising since 1988, and I cannot remember a cruise yet that was ruined by kids. Get a Life. Never knocking on my cabin door all hours of the night, no buttons pressed on elevators and I don't recall drunk teens everywhere. Are you people out there looking for them and people watching? On a few occasion I have witnessed unruly kids but I moved on. I enjoy cruising and enjoy the family atmosphere on Rccl. On my early cruises it was full of all old cranky people like this board. Try HAL. Go back to complaining about the food decline. Happy Sailing Todd

[LoriLinay]

I'm just going to assume Todd, that the cruise you took in 1988 was while your mother was still pregnant.

 

We aren't talking about unruly kids. That's been talked to death. We are talking about safety. And as parents, our best defense in keeping our kids safe is commication amongst each other. I've gotten some great ideas on these boards about sailing with my kids. The O/P brought up a great topic.

 

And our goal is to keep it that way.

[stretch]

I have been cruising since 1988, and I cannot remember a cruise yet that was ruined by kids. Get a Life. Never knocking on my cabin door all hours of the night, no buttons pressed on elevators and I don't recall drunk teens everywhere. Are you people out there looking for them and people watching? On a few occasion I have witnessed unruly kids but I moved on. I enjoy cruising and enjoy the family atmosphere on Rccl. On my early cruises it was full of all old cranky people like this board. Try HAL. Go back to complaining about the food decline. Happy Sailing Todd

Let me just say that if what you said is true, you're lucky. All that has been said here is so that these so-called liberal parents can understand what can and does actually happen on cruises. Just because you, haven't witnessed behavior like this doen't make it not happen. Or maybe you've just got your head stuck in the sand somewhere.

Stretch

[It'sRC4ME]

Just checked out the pictures - I'm ashamed to say that they looked a lot like MY vacation pictures, and I'm 32! (Although I don't think I would dance with an 11 year old). Interesting that this happened on a Princess ship. We took a cruise on the Golden Princess a couple of years ago, and by 11pm or so every night the teenagers hanging out in the covered "solarium" pool had put out a thick haze of marijuana smoke. I've never seen anything like that on RCCL.

[critterchick]

I always get a chuckle out of "what are parents thinking when they let their kids out of the house wearing [fill in the blank]"? In my day (the 60's), if mom would let me out of the house in a short skirt, I waited until I got to school, went to the girls' room & started rolling the waistband until it was short enough. I'm sure it was very sexy, that short skirt & big wad of padding around my waist! Then there were the fishnet stockings (OW OW OW!), blue stick eyeshadow up to the eyebrows, and for that last, corpse-imitating touch, white lipstick. And go-go boots. Damn, I was hot!:D

 

DH & I were at a basketball game a few years ago when a young woman pranced by in a poorboy knit shirt (very clingy) & bellbottom hiphugger jeans. DH said, "I can't believe the way she's dressed!" When we got home, I showed him a photo of me at 16 in pretty much the exact same outfit.

 

The more things change...

 

I do have to say, though, that my parents never let me out of their sight when we were on vacation. We went to the Virgin Islands one spring break when I was a junior in HS & a boy asked me to dance. He didn't know that he would practically be dancing with my mom, too!

[nosnobunny]

I always get a chuckle out of "what are parents thinking when they let their kids out of the house wearing [fill in the blank]"? In my day (the 60's), if mom would let me out of the house in a short skirt, I waited until I got to school, went to the girls' room & started rolling the waistband until it was short enough. I'm sure it was very sexy, that short skirt & big wad of padding around my waist! Then there were the fishnet stockings (OW OW OW!), blue stick eyeshadow up to the eyebrows, and for that last, corpse-imitating touch, white lipstick. And go-go boots. Damn, I was hot!:D

 

DH & I were at a basketball game a few years ago when a young woman pranced by in a poorboy knit shirt (very clingy) & bellbottom hiphugger jeans. DH said, "I can't believe the way she's dressed!" When we got home, I showed him a photo of me at 16 in pretty much the exact same outfit.

 

The more things change...

 

I do have to say, though, that my parents never let me out of their sight when we were on vacation. We went to the Virgin Islands one spring break when I was a junior in HS & a boy asked me to dance. He didn't know that he would practically be dancing with my mom, too!

 

This one made me laugh out loud. The city where I live has several Catholic high schools that require the wearing of uniforms. Well the girls' plaid skirts were getting so short from all the rolling that the school board had to come up with an alternative. Skorts! :D And yes the kids hate them.

 

Beth

[LoriLinay]

OH, I just snort laughed coffee up my nose!!! Yup, that whole super sexy rolled up waistband thing!!

 

When I was in Jr. High/elementary, those maxi skirts were in style. My mom would never get me one. So I would go into the bathroom with my a-line skirt, and pull it DOWN so it was 4 inches longer. Who KNEW I was the creator of the ever popular (and oh so attractive) pants below your @ss crack look of today???

And yes, I had a blouse that covered it. (At least in my MEMORY I did)

 

No wonder I had no friends in 5th grade.