How much freedom for DSs 8 and 10?

[earn]

We will be cruiseing RCI in a few weeks and not sure what thoughts are on how much freedom our 8 and 10 year old should have. The boys are great and very well behaved, but perhaps too trusting as we live in a small village where they know most people. At home they go to the park, local shop and visit gran if they go together, so I am thinking perhaps they should be allowed some freedon on the boat. We will have spent two weeks in CA and Vegas before the cruise, and there they will be attached to us at the hip. My thoughts are that we could let them wonder a bit so long as they report back every hour, but is that too much freedom?

[OnTheBrink]

It would be too much for me, but I think only you can answer that question. My daugther is almost 8. She is allowed out of our sight anywhere on our property, at church (my husband is the priest and we're there a lot), at family members', etc - but not in public places. I don't imagine that will change for a few years. BUT - it's a combinatin of me worrying and her being a bit of a worrier herself.

[venusjems]

I think it all depends on the kids.. I have a 10,12,14 year old going. And i would feel comfortable letting the 10 year old on her own if she wanted to.. She tends to talk alot to anyone who will listen, yet she can be shy at times too. As long as she makes some friends in camp or on her own, i wont mind her going off with a few friends..

we will have the usual ground rules set like no going in others cabins etc.. but if you are comfortable with it, and they are mature enough, i dont see it would be a problem. Try it out for like an hour at a time and see how they act.. I plan on "spying" on them too, and making sure they are where they are supposed to be every now and then.:D

[bplazo]

At that age -none, unless they were at the kids club.

[earn]

Thanks for the replies. We normally holiday in the Med and I have no problem letting the boys wander round the hotel complex as long as they tell me where they are going to be and pop back every hour or so. As has been said they will normally have made some friends and will 'pal around' with them. I thought a cruise would be more safe, but maybe not.

 

I think my problem is that I don't really know US culture well enough to understand the risks. Are people more cautious because they need to be, in which case so do I, or because that is the cultural norm? The norm where I live is for kids to have a lot of freedom and independance. However if I lived in the city I would probably need to have a different approach. If the kids cloub makes us sign them in and out that will make it easier I suppose.

[the_monkey]

DS will be 11 and DD will be 9 by the time we cruise in September, and they will probably have the same limitations that they have when we're at home, or at the hotel-based convention we go to yearly.

 

We have a level 2 registered sex offender less than 10 houses down the street, so we've had many, many talks about how to stay safe. Kids these days are very savvy, though, and tend to look out for each other. (Most of the other kids on the street knew about the sex offender before a lot of the adults!)

 

There are many threads on specific rules for kids that come up using the search function here at CC, so I won't go into our family specifics. :D

 

One thing we have always had is a family password. They are only to go with an adult they don't know if s/he has that password. That avoids someone with nefarious intentions being able to say to either of them "Your mom/dad sent me to get you".

[earn]

Thank you. The password idea is a great one. Probably wouldn't need to use it on a cruise, but might be useful at other times.

[doctordi]

I think that we in the US (or at least the rest of the moms I know) are more cautious because we feel that we need to be. There is no way that I would allow my 8yo to have ANY freedom to roam about the ship by himself - but that is mostly because I know my son and he couldn't be trusted by himself.:rolleyes:

 

I think that I would err on the side of caution and see how the first day or so goes, you may feel comfortable letting them have some freedom after that.

[cardbucfan]

On our first cruise our boys were the same ages as yours. We let them have free rein as long as they stayed together (with fear of you know what if they didn't!) and had to stay on the public floors (kids club level, pools, rock climbing wall, etc.) We had walkie talkies and they had specific check-in times. They did great and handled the responsibility beautifully and nothing bad happened. Now they are older and have the ability to sign themselves in and out of the kids/teen club. Only problem is DH and I aren't always sure when they are coming back!

[CanadaFour]

I have started to let DD10 make "a run" to get soda/pop, but I give her a really, really narrow time window. I was planning to start letting her have a little more freedom now that she is turning 11, but on our last cruise (DCL) she had a male admirer (an older teen) who started to follow her/us around the ship. She asked us to stay close as it really bothered her. So... I think that I am going to keep a close watch on her for a while longer.....

[Paumavista]

They are allowed to make specific short "trips" by themselves......ie down to the room to get something they forgot or to the ice cream machine for one more dessert while we're at the pool. They can play a game of ping pong while we're around the pool (technically out of our sight).....but this is about it.

 

I have generally well behaved young men......but they are this way in part I believe because they are under our watchful supervision.

 

They are NOT allowed (nor will I allow them in May) to sign themselves out of kids club on their own (since they may not be able to find us...in a show or the casino...and we also wouldn't be able to find them).

 

Personally it would make me a nervous wreck thinking of them wandering around by themselves on the upper decks somewhere........

 

"children running through the halls or playing on the elevators" are also cause for much discontent and complaints on many cruise boards - I can rest assured mine are not part of an offending minority if well supervised.

 

Luckily my boys usually really enjoy the kids clubs and activities. It provides them some non-parent time; and us a little couple time!

 

Judy

[earn]

I think I know where I am at now. I always intended to have my husband and myself sign them in and out of the club, and hopefully they will enjoy that so much that they spend little time wanting to roam. Shortish trips to do specific things seems like the best plan. In general we like to spend most of our time as a family and my husband and I will probably be more likely to be at a show or in the Promonade than in the bars and casino, so they should be happy to come along. By the time we have spent 2 weeks doing Disney/Vegas and Universal they will be used to a tighter reign than at home, so it should not cause any upset. We are just very lucky to live in a very safe place where everyone watches out for the kids.

[honeywell]

My kids are exactly the same age - 10 and 8. We are leaving on our next cruise in 3 weeks - this will be my daughter's 4th and my son's 3rd.

 

Aside from the Adventure Ocean activities, where they are signed in and out by a parent only and supervised by the staff, my kids don't go anywhere else without a parent. This is a floating city with more than 4000 strangers on board....there is no reason for them to go anywhere without supervision.

 

PS - they LOVE the kids clubs on cruises and beg to go there during the day and especially in the evening, which leaves me with plenty of adult time!

[WineDown17]

When my son was 9, we did not let him wander alone.. the trip was during spring break, and I was amazed at how the teens on board were behaving- somehow they were drinking (heavily), they were loud, rowdy and causing trouble, I even saw a girl passed out up on deck with no top on. It was scary. (and these were kids 13 and up... not 18 year olds..)

 

I didnt want my son to be loose with that crowd!! I didnt trust them- who knows what kids that age will do on a dare to other smaller kids.

 

You never know what could happen, so I think you are on the right track.

[fisherhum]

My son is 9 and we just got back from the Eurodam. He wasn't allowed to go very far by himself mostly becuase he got lost quite easily. (the decks look similar etc). I did let him go from the pool to the pizza/snack bar at the end of the ship - stay on the same deck if he was with one of the friends he had met onboard. I also let him sign in/out of Club HAL but he was only allowed to go to the Xbox room - which was next door to the Club HAL room. He loved the little bit of freedom the he felt he had, but he didn't really have much room to get into much trouble.

[azbaby8062]

My son will be 8 on our next cruise. This will be our fourth cruise and I just don't feel comfortable letting him roam the ship. Last cruise, we were two floors down from the Lido deck and there a couple of times I would leave him in the room and get some breakfast. He was told not to answer the door for anyone and I left the do not disturb sign up. It was five minutes and that is all I feel comfortable doing. A cruise ship really is like a city and you never know.

[rian90]

We have an 8 and an 11 year old and we will not allow them to roam the ship without either one of us or our 18 year old son. They will not be able to sign themselves out of the children's program either. I trust my children and they are well behaved kids but the ship does not screen passengers for past criminal records and while they may screen the crew to some extent, I have no idea the standards they use. There are plenty of reports of problems with drunk passengers and crew members...try googling...and also an issue of whether the cruiseline actually reports everything that happens on a ship.

 

Besides...my children are too young to have to deal with drunk adults on a spring break cruse. My 11 year old daughter could pass for 14 or 15..but emotionally she is still a child. Also, cruiseship of 3000+ people is HUGE and I don't want them to be lost or afraid because they can't find me.

 

I think each parent has to make up their own mind on this issue. Like your kids, mine are rather innocent about the ills in the world and they could be easily fooled. However, my eldest daughter, now 20, was never so innocent..laughs. I would have worried less about her....well until she reached 14...then I would have chained her to me. ;)

[MTElkwhistle]

We too are from Scotland and have cruised on quite a few lines, most recently RCCL when DS were 13 and 10. The 13yo could go places on his own as long as he wasnt on his own, he always had times to check in with us and knew if he didnt he would have that priveledge taken away, the 10 yo could go with him to the club but had to stay there until we picked him up.

They are both sensible and go in/out of Edinburgh on the train to school so are used to a bit more indepedence.

We will be sailing Princess and P&O this year, they will be 12 and almost 15 and as long as they stick to our rules/curfew they will be able to come and go fairly freely.

 

All kids are dfferent and only you will know what is best for them, I was always pleased to hear comments about "those pleasant Scottish boys in the kilts"

[earn]

More good advice, thanks.

 

Sadly I think the boy's kilts will have to stay in Scotland. We are away for three weeks and space is at a premium. They won't be happy in their's if DH is not in his and that is heavy! I am glad your boys enjoyed weraing them.

 

I think I will be happy for the boys to nip down to the Promonade to pick up a snack or go to get some icecream, and maybe a littyle more if I am relatively close by. Adventure Ocean will hopefully do the trick for them, and they will be happy being there.

[mjmalino]

We've cruised twice, once when my DS were 8 and 9, and once when they were 9 and 10. The first time, we did not give them any freedom. Even though they were old enough to sign themselves in and out of the camp, we didn't allow either. Last year, we let them sign themselves in, which made it easier especially after dinner, but they were not allowed to sign themselves out, so once they got to camp, they were there until we picked them up. We plan on doing the same thing this year as well, as even though my kids are pretty good kids, they are still kids and can make bad choices, especially if they are with a group of others.

[Onessa]

If we are talking about two siblings, same gender and close in age, I'd use this trip as an opportunity to give them a bit more responsibility. Put down some ground-rules and give them some time to explore or to hang with friends as long as they stay together at all times and you know where they are going to be at all times (pool, gameroom, etc).

 

Since it is a more controlled environment, it is a good opportunity to teach them responsibility -- making good choices is something that has to be learned, and to learn that skill you need to have the opportunity to practice it now and again.

 

My DD (13YO) is a curler -- at their bon spiel this weekend a few of the parents were commenting that it is such a great experience for the kids -- unlike any other organized kid's sport (at least in the US) -- the kids really have complete control -- with a glass wall separating the sheets from the clubhouse, the atheletes can't hear their parents yelling instructions at them. Their coach was back there in the clubhouse with us as well -- so it was the four of them making their own choices and then having to deal with the outcome.

[Toucan Dee]

I have a 10 and 12 year old.

My 12 year old daughter i'd trust to go by herself.

My 10 year old son is allowed to go by himself for certain things (to the arcade, to get a soda or slice of pizza). I must know where he is going as he tends to get distracted by EVERYTHING (ooh look the ocean, ooh look basketball court, ooh look...lint..LOL You get the picture)

 

99.9 % of the time they always stay together.

[Warmer Climes]

My daughter is 10 and she is so happy at the kids' club the main problem is getting her to leave at 10:30 when I want to go to bed! I don't let her sign herself out, either. She likes to hang out with her new friends in the pool when she isn't in the kids' club but either Dad or I am on deck then. If she had a sister close in age I would let them out of my sight a little more but as I told her, most people are good but some are not and these people are all strangers to us.

 

(We also live in a very small town where she is allowed to go to the stores, library, walk home from school etc by herself but I don't extend that to the ship.)

[njmomof2]

Our first cruise, my boys were almost 10 and 5.5. I did not give the older one sign out rights that year (and of course, the little one wasn't offered them). We met people from our M&M who we sat with (their kids were very close in age to mine) and the older ones were in the club together, and all were together at the pool playing most days (with me in sight).

 

Our next cruise, older ds was over 10 and we decided to give him sign out rights. My mom was with us and he shared her cabin. He had a walkie/talkie with him and he knew that he had to be leaving the club by a certain time and heading back to the cabin, calling us at that time. If he didn't, he lost the right to do that. We didn't have any issues with that.

 

Most of the time, during the day we were all together (at least at the pool or with one of us at some activity). They could walk around the deck and get ice cream and such if they wanted.

 

We are cruising again in August and older ds will be 11.5. I again will allow him sign out rights, but again he'll have to contact us when he's moving. We have not yet gotten to the point of wanting to walk around with other kids from the club, so that hasn't been an issue yet.

 

I think you have to know your kids and understand how much they can handle. Giving them a little rope to move about might be a good thing, provided they follow your instructions and do what you say, otherwise, back to mom's hip they go.

[xocatie94]

I think you should let your sons have some freedom on the boat. Do not give them sign out privleges but, if they are together allow them to go to get ice cream, food, drinks, back to the room etc. Get some walkie talkies maybe so you can check in with them if they are taking a long time. You probably shouldn't let the 8 year old go by himself unless he is with his brother or you trust him enough. The 10 year old is probably more trustworthy though. But really it is how much you trust your kids and how much freedom you want to give them.

I'm only 14 and I really am not trying to be rude but, I think you guys should give kids more credit, we aren't really as bad as some people say we are. haha