Best joke from a Cruise Director?

[gtouch]

The best joke we heard from a CD he was from Scotland. He said that the town he was from was small and that the popultation hadn't changed in 50 years. He said everytime a baby was born a guy left town. I still remember this joke and still repeat it. Do you remember any from your cruises?

[Breucklin]

how about the one for gamblers...our CD had said..might as well stand in front of the change machine...at least there you will always break even...(or something to that effect) LOL

 

 

but your joke..thats a great one.. =)

[tedjazz]

This is really not quite a joke, but I laugh everytime I've heard it. I've heard at least two CD's tell it in the past.

 

WINDWARD TOUR ANECDOTE

This is the actual radio conversation of a US Navy ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October of 1995. The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations, October 10, 1995.

 

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CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

 

AMERICANS:

Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

 

CANADIANS:

Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

 

AMERICANS:

This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

 

CANADIANS:

No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

 

AMERICANS:

This is the Aircraft Carrier US Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three Destroyers, three Cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

 

CANADIANS:

This is a lighthouse. Your call.

 

:) :) :)

[stargazingjess]

This is really not quite a joke, but I laugh everytime I've heard it. I've heard at least two CD's tell it in the past.

 

WINDWARD TOUR ANECDOTE

This is the actual radio conversation of a US Navy ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October of 1995. The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations, October 10, 1995.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

 

AMERICANS:

Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

 

CANADIANS:

Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

 

AMERICANS:

This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

 

CANADIANS:

No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

 

AMERICANS:

This is the Aircraft Carrier US Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three Destroyers, three Cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

 

CANADIANS:

This is a lighthouse. Your call.

 

:) :) :)

 

Here is a youtube version of this:

[gtouch]

This is really not quite a joke, but I laugh everytime I've heard it. I've heard at least two CD's tell it in the past.

 

WINDWARD TOUR ANECDOTE

This is the actual radio conversation of a US Navy ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October of 1995. The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations, October 10, 1995.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

 

AMERICANS:

Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

 

CANADIANS:

Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

 

AMERICANS:

This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

 

CANADIANS:

No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

 

AMERICANS:

This is the Aircraft Carrier US Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three Destroyers, three Cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

 

CANADIANS:

This is a lighthouse. Your call.

 

:) :) :)

 

That's freaking funny!!!!

[falkcor]

:cool:

This is really not quite a joke, but I laugh everytime I've heard it. I've heard at least two CD's tell it in the past. :) :) :)

 

i think that will always be hilarious... :cool:

[MidlothianCruiser]

This is really not quite a joke, but I laugh everytime I've heard it. I've heard at least two CD's tell it in the past.

 

WINDWARD TOUR ANECDOTE

This is the actual radio conversation of a US Navy ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October of 1995. The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations, October 10, 1995.

 

 

:) :) :)

 

While this is and always will be very funny...it never happened. It's an urban myth.

 

here the Snopes link: http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp

 

Still funny though.

[michelle1836]

This is really not quite a joke, but I laugh everytime I've heard it. I've heard at least two CD's tell it in the past.

 

WINDWARD TOUR ANECDOTE

This is the actual radio conversation of a US Navy ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October of 1995. The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations, October 10, 1995.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LMFBO!! I have to remember not to read some of these at work. People just dont understand why I sometimes start hysterical laughing

[tef43]

I misread the thread title, I thought it said best joke *of* a cruise director. That, of course, would be Jeff Bronson.

 

gtouch, the late Malcolm Kennedy (best.CD.ever!) used to tell that joke. Thanks for the memories!

[dan40]

Another good one for utube.

[nunuc2000]

This one's not a joke in the "traditional" sense, but it made me laugh:

 

On our recent Splendor cruise, our CD Goose was giving us the lecture in the main theatre for the debarkment procedures. As he was explaining the process of bringing luggage off the ship he said “So if you’re up early enough in the morning and you’re rich enough to have a balcony cabin, take a look over the side and see just how much luggage is being off-loaded onto the dock. It will sit there until you see a plain white van pull up to the dock, and one of the most important employees hired in US ports will then get out of the van… his name is Ben, he has four legs, and you guessed it – he’s a sniffer dog, and his job is to sniff all that luggage before you claim it. He’s sniffing for two things… drugs… and towels.” :D