Parents... this ? is for you!

[cruiser87654321]

Inherent. I "spelt" it wrong.

 

And now it appears you are coaching me how to raise children.

 

Rest assure, there is no "or". I do both.

 

No, I wasn't correcting your spelling....just asking what you meant by that word in the context of the discussion.

 

Nor was I coaching you on how to raise children, just saying that as you had stated you would not be happy for someone to tell your child they were behaving badly, you had two options, or you could not actually prevent that scenario from arising. As you do both, the situation will never arise. Although, at 16/17 your teens may rebel against your constant presence!!;)

[kdinkus1]

Originally Posted by poet123

inherant? not sure what you mean specifically by this, in this context?

 

If you don't want anyone else politely asking your child to behave, there are 2 options, ensure they are brought up to behave correctly at all times, which is a tall order for anyone. Or alternatively, ensure you are always with them so that no one else has the need or opportunity to do so. If you dont take either option, then be prepared for a stranger to tell a child who is misbehaving (note, not being simply childlike) that they are doing wrong. You would have no redress if it was done in an appropriate manner.

 

Inherent. I "spelt" it wrong.

 

And now it appears you are coaching me how to raise children.

 

Rest assure, there is no "or". I do both.

 

Poet123: Some people NEED to be coached to be parents. Maybe then their children would be better behaved because they (the parents) would be better behaved! :rolleyes:

[MrPete]

No, I wasn't correcting your spelling....just asking what you meant by that word in the context of the discussion.

 

Nor was I coaching you on how to raise children, just saying that as you had stated you would not be happy for someone to tell your child they were behaving badly, you had two options, or you could not actually prevent that scenario from arising. As you do both, the situation will never arise. Although, at 16/17 your teens may rebel against your constant presence!!;)

 

The teachers here seem to be chiming in that it is in their nature to correct or address "unacceptable" behavior.

 

And I don't disagree the situation will not arise. But if and when it does, it's MY opportunity to address, not someone elses.

 

 

 

Poet123: Some people NEED to be coached to be parents. Maybe then their children would be better behaved because they (the parents) would be better behaved! :rolleyes:

 

Yup, but not by you nor I.

[kdinkus1]

Yup, but not by you nor I.

 

To each his own... :D

[cruiser87654321]

The teachers here seem to be chiming in that it is in their nature to correct or address "unacceptable" behavior.

 

And I don't disagree the situation will not arise. But if and when it does, it's MY opportunity to address, not someone elses.

 

 

 

 

 

Yup, but not by you nor I.

 

Ah, I see you were referring to it being inherent in the nature of a Teacher to address bad behaviour, not bad behaviour being inherent in a child, which was how it came across to me.

 

I disagree, I would have acted the same way, would act the same way whether I was a teacher or not.

 

I also agree that if you are present it is your call, providing you step up to the plate and observe the boundaries, and as has been said, those are pretty much universally understood.;) However, I think it unlikely that you will always be present, so what is to happen then? are we all supposed to look away and let the behaviour continue?

 

Also, quite how this aversion and disallowance of your kids listening to others with more experience, or who are older, prepares them for adult life and employment I am not sure.

 

Kids who learn respect and boundaries early in life are far better prepared for life in general, than those who have been over indulged, and always believe their rights, and the rights of their parents, exceed the rights of others. This is a life lesson which is communicated quite clearly by parents who think their child can do no wrong, and it is not helpful to the child in the long run,

[LemurCat]

Actually, I'd just love my kid to befriend your kids, and, well, BE KIDS!

 

My kids are still in my ovaries, so that might be a little difficult. :D

[Safetyal]

My kids are still in my ovaries, so that might be a little difficult. :D

 

 

Wow, that sounds painful..:D:D

[trock]

:)

Toni, do you remember one of the earliest posts you sent me? You said something like we could be cousins!!! Well, this post of yours certainly sums up why you would have thought that! While I will admit that my parents did not raise me the way I am raising my kids, we are raising the girls exactly like your post suggests...and it is working....as we are the only elders in our village!

 

But there was that time in 7th grade that I told the science nun that I hated her..hehe....but you know what...I am still a good citizen in spite of it and if I had to choose any adult to raise my kids other than DH and myself....it would be my kids high school principal....a nun...and the best there is to boot!

 

So your mom stayed home to raise the kids....so do I......DH works hard and we have been fortunate but we are still up to our eyeballs in debt......but being home is worth it and neither DH or I want that to change. However, just to make others happy:rolleyes: DH will kid about me going back to work! I left a career I adored to raise the kids.....now that is sacrifice!! Posters please don't start on stay at home moms, thanks, as I respect working moms and really do not see how they are able to do it.:).

 

 

LOL!

 

I have such respect for mom's that work! Today is completely different than when I was a child.. I don't know how either decision can work.. and yet.. more likely than not a mother must work to get the family by...

 

Either way the mother sacrifices... Times are tough.. most of us have debt... but i will say if a mother can stay home with their kids, my personal opinion is I think they should.. I have the greatest childhood memories of being with mom.. and that is why we are so close today!

and I am old!!!!:)

[trock]

My kids are still in my ovaries, so that might be a little difficult. :D

 

 

And dont ya hate when those brats pinch you!:eek:

[dmdiver]

Lemurcat, you crack me up!

 

MrPete, how old are your kids? Just curious. I suspect people's perspectives on this issue have quite a bit to do with the age of their children. We should have all been posting that next to our responses. It might be an interesting study.

[aubreysmom]

Great Idea DM!!! My children are 19 and 22. And one is studying to be a TEACHER like her mother, grand-mother, and great-grandmother.

 

But - shhhhhh! - There are teacher-bashers on this thread!!!

 

At least my daughter knows the proper spelling and USAGE of the word inherent. :rolleyes:

[dmdiver]

Mine are 16, 21 & 24. The oldest is a teacher.

 

I would be mortified for someone to have to correct my child, but if he's misbehaving & I'm not handy, correct away. BUT keep in mind, correction is not belittling, cursing or screaming at someone. There is a proper way to correct a child.

[cruiser87654321]

Mine are 25 (Teacher) 25 (Lawyer) 21 (in Law school) and 12.

 

I whole heartedly agree with dmdriver re it is all about how the "correction" is done.

[kdinkus1]

Mine are 16, 21 & 24. The oldest is a teacher.

 

I would be mortified for someone to have to correct my child, but if he's misbehaving & I'm not handy, correct away. BUT keep in mind, correction is not belittling, cursing or screaming at someone. There is a proper way to correct a child.

 

My children are (DD) 32 with 3 well-behaved grandchildren aged 14, 10, 8. My (DS) is 29 and no grandchildren yet from him (though I'm hoping!) :D

 

And I agree with you about correction... it is not belittling, cursing, OR screaming at a child! It drives me crazy to see parents doing this in a public place. As I said before, children are NOT to be bullied.

[trock]

lol

I was raised the same way .

 

Village ....what freakin village ...my mother and my father and my grandmother. That wasn't a village that was the law baby *LOL*

 

Time out??????? i was brought up with "Knocked out" if you crossed the line . And it was mighty effective.

 

No child left behind ???????? We had "If a child said no when he was told to do something, the Left side of his behind would be beet red. :)

 

We didn't need a village , we had two caring parents who were "Hands on" before it became a yuppie buzz word.

 

Just consider the source and remember who brought the term "It takes a Village' into the American lexicon.

 

Maybe if our mother was a political grandstander and our father would nail a spider if he could figure away to get all the legs apart at the same time, we would need a village too. :(

 

 

lol I agree!

[Illinoisgal]

I have wondered at time if my son has SID but haven't had him tested....Everything you ahve described is my son. Part of the reason I don't get him tested is that I don't want bad behavor justified by the disorder.disease...whatever the situation is...I have learned how to handle it for the most part and when to fight with him and when it is better to just let him learn that when mommy says somethign he should listen.

 

Even I am bad about saying something to him like how many times have we pushed the 6 button and now you push 8.....then his feelings are hurt or he calls himself stupid or all sorts of other things. And the more you try to talk and reason with him the WORSE the situation gets. There are times that ignoring him actually does him some good.

 

One example I have is we were at an ihop with my grandmother and my son ordered french toast...well at home we have french toast from the freezer that comes in strips and this was french toast whole you would have thought that someone just told him that they were going to take every toy away from him and make him work or something with how upset he got. Then he went under the table to pout. My grandmother....thinking she knows all things.....was like you need to take him to the bathroom and whip him....which does happen at times don't get me wrong...but I knew that it would involve a BIGGER scene of me crawling UNDER the table to drag him out then litterally DRAG him to the bathroom scream his head off as if I was about to beat the living day lights out of him rather than what was really going to happen....which would cause so many other things. Under the table...no one saw him other than us he wasn't being loud or obnoxious....other than to my grandmother...and after about 5 mins or so he was up and ready to eat his food as if NOTHING had even happened. And he was all happy and smiles and everything else. It would have taken 20 minutes the other way. And don't think that he didn't get punished....he did once we were home and he was a little more clear headed and so was I. MY guy occasionally says he is stupid etc as well and it just breaks my heart. That is why I wanted to warn people all m ay not be as it appears for ALL children ( most are just being brats but some arent) :) MY son also has a processing delay so if I tell him to stop something it may take a few seconds to sink in .

 

I have learned to remind him that it isn't going to be like we eat at home. Or that it wont taste EXACTLY the same as the other place you like. But you should TRY it. If I had let that one instance stop us from going out to eat all together then he wouldn't learn that things happen and change in life he wouldnt learn how to act in public. It has been about 2 or 3 years since then...I think he was 5...MAYBE even 4 at the time...I know it was shortly after my father had passed away and that was 5 years ago this coming Jan. He is 8 now in the body of a 10-12 year old and does a LOT better at places. He has deffinately improved since then and it is because we CONTINUED to go out to places and keep teaching him. I will admit that we do still havve some meltdowns...it happens even to me but he is learning to handle them and himself a little better. Sometimes change can make a child totally flip out. Even something like choose to use a different elevator or taking a different route to get to the same place. Or a drastic change in temprature. Even a smell can trigger something.....For some reason when we go to lane bryant...doesn't matter what store...I have been to about 5 differen't ones with him....and they do something ot him to make him act out more so than normal. Things he wouldn't and didn't do in the other stores we had been in and didn't do in the ones after. I have asked them if the pipe in a smell and they tell me know...all I can think of is maybe the soap or whatever the clothes are washed in.

 

It would be nice if they would make a button on the elvator to clear all the previous buttons pushed....I have even pushed the wrongbutton before then had to make an extra stop...you would think with the technology we have that it would be able to do that.

 

HEy sorry we were gone on a last trip of freedom before school started. Yep they sure sound the same :) I do not let him act out and give the old "well he has autism etc" haha but as you know you can definatly tell if it is a "trait" issue or just being a butt head. The french toast story cracked me up. My mom even to this day is in some sort of denial about his traits. I could see her stressing and saying the same thing. On the occasion where we are all together and he says or does something she will just keep on him to the point where the minor issue is blown way out of control. I tell her to ignore him and it will work itself out . When she keeps on him for something stupid HE GETS WAY FRUSTERATED AND overstimulated.

He has been working with an occupational therapist as well as a social worker at school for his traits. Every year he gets older he gets a bit "better"

[MrPete]

 

MrPete, how old are your kids? Just curious.

 

Just one, and she turned 11 today.

[Rocknsoul]

When we were at Six Flags, waiting for the log ride, a boy around 10 yrs old was leaning over the rail & spitting into the seats of the boats floating beneath where we were standing; his father was oblivious to this, so I tapped the father (or the adult who was with the boys) and apologized for my intrusion, but I didn't know if he was aware that the boy was spitting into the boats. The man I assumed was the father gave the boy a strong correction, and that was that.

 

The boy had been doing it for quite some time, and since the adult didn't notice, I felt I should make him aware. If these kids had been by themselves, I would have asked the boy to stop. If he didn't stop, I would have let the staff know when we got to the boats.

 

I can't think of anyone who would want to sit in spit.

 

Regarding the village (political jabs aside): for most of human history, families were raised with many generations and branches of the family tree very nearby. It not only took a village, but the village was there whether you wanted it or not. Sociologically speaking, it is only very recently that the independent nuclear family structure became the norm. Children benefit greatly from numerous adult influences in their lives.

 

That said, strangers do not necessarily make a village. Most of the time, I won't correct a child I don't know, unless they or another child is put in danger by their actions (or if I might sit in spit:)). If the behavior is annoying or rude, I would let the cruise staff handle it.

 

What's amazing is that so far (knock on wood), we haven't experienced any bad behavior from the kids we've encountered on our cruises. Our kids (13, 10, 4) haven't cruised with us yet, but we've often gotten compliments on their behavior when we're out with them. They know we have a lot more fun when they keep within their limits.

[dmdiver]

Just one, and she turned 11 today.

 

Well, happy birthday to her! I can see why you would always be around to monitor her behavior. She's still very young. Although, I've seen fairly young kids go in groups on cruises.

 

I look at things differently because my youngest is old enough to be out & about without us. And yes, even though he most certainly knows what is appropriate behavior, I still worry that he may behave differently when he is with a group of friends. I've not had any complaints from his friends' parents, but I would expect them to correct him if I'm not around.

[MMCS Cruiser]

Inherent. I "spelt" it wrong.

 

And now it appears you are coaching me how to raise children.

 

Rest assure, there is no "or". I do both.

 

 

Why so nasty?

[H82seaUgo]

Why so nasty?

 

You a post analyzer or something?

[MMCS Cruiser]

You a post analyzer or something?

 

Yes, thanks for asking:D

 

You did not find the post I was replying to nasty?

[cathyoo]

Regarding the village (political jabs aside): for most of human history, families were raised with many generations and branches of the family tree very nearby. It not only took a village, but the village was there whether you wanted it or not. Sociologically speaking, it is only very recently that the independent nuclear family structure became the norm. Children benefit greatly from numerous adult influences in their lives.

 

That said, strangers do not necessarily make a village. Most of the time, I won't correct a child I don't know, unless they or another child is put in danger by their actions (or if I might sit in spit:)). If the behavior is annoying or rude, I would let the cruise staff handle it.

 

What's amazing is that so far (knock on wood), we haven't experienced any bad behavior from the kids we've encountered on our cruises. .

 

totally agree

[Almost Packed]

it takes a village to raise a child...just not the village idiot i always say.

i have no problem respectfully saying something to a child...no matter what the age. and depending on the age and what they are doing....if it's an older kid...tween/teen...i'll give them the "look". that's usually enough to let them know.

 

if they are younger...i'll say something or ask where their parents are. if i'm in line at the buffet, and they touch the food, mishandle etc....i speak up to the attendant to have it removed...i watched a kid one time take a spoon from a buffet dish, put food in his mouth, and then stick it back in the dish.(not on a cruise) of course i spoke up!

 

sometimes parents are morons! anyone can become a parent and parent fail their kids alot by not teaching them how to behave....

 

i personally would have no problem with someone disciplining my child...as in talking to them if they were misbehaving etc. i'd rather someone stop my child from climbing on a balcony rail than allow my kid to fall overboard. (not that my child would do such a thing lol ever :))

[MrPete]

I'd rather someone stop my child from climbing on a balcony rail than allow my kid to fall overboard. (not that my child would do such a thing lol ever :))

 

Reminds me of my first sailing out of NY, up on the F deck, looking down on the Veranda deck, and a "mother" put her infant UP ON THE RAIL and sat her there, holding her. :eek: