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Friday Giggle

kiwi sailor

By kiwi sailor,
in P&O Cruises ( Australia )

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kiwi sailor

kiwi sailor

Posted
Posted

An old lady was standing at the railing of the Pacific Dawn holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

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rkmw

rkmw

Posted
Posted

An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy.

They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.

They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.

It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 ...please advise"

The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap

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rkmw

rkmw

Posted
Posted

have you heard this one

 

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pm news was coming on.. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money...

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rkmw

rkmw

Posted
Posted

A blonde walks into an HBUS branch in New York city and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to her new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and it officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

Te blonde replied,

"Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41?"

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cazz0069

cazz0069

Posted
Posted
Great jokes everyone. :D Why not make 'Friday Giggles' a regular feature here? Of course the jokes should be cruise related.

Cheers,

Anna

 

 

Ok, An elderly couple are having a drink in the Martini Bar on the Dawn Princess. Both of them order a drink. When the waiter brings back the drinks, he also places down a bowl of peanuts. After the waiter left all of a sudden the bowl of peanuts says `excuse me madam, i have to say that dress you have on is stunning!` They look at each other in shock. The bowl of peanuts then said to the man `And sir might i say, that is a very dapper suit you have, and as a matter of fact, you both look absolutely fantastic` The couple who were so shocked, called the waiter back and said `Excuse me, your not going to believe this but the bowl of peanuts just told us we were stunning` To which the waiter responded...`thats because their complimentary` :D:D:D

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rkmw

rkmw

Posted
Posted

An engineer splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the "craziest" thing he had ever done in his life.

 

Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, sinking it like a submarine. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life ring, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island.

 

Aside from beautiful scenery, a natural spring waterfall and pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost all hope and for hours on end, sat under the same palm tree.

 

One day, after several months had passed, a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat appeared. "I'm from the other side of the island," she said. "Were you on the cruise ship, too?" "Yes, I was," he answered. "But, where did you get that rowboat?" "Well, I whittled the oars from gum tree branches, wove the reinforced gunnel from palm branches, and made the keel and stern from a Eucalyptus tree."

 

"But, what did you use for tools?" asked the engineer. "There was a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed on the south side of the island. I discovered that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's how I got the tools.

 

But, enough of that," she said. "Where have you been living all this time? I don't see any shelter." "To be honest, I've just been sleeping on the beach," the engineer said. "Would you like to come to my place?" the woman asked. The engineer nodded dumbly. She expertly rowed them around to her side of the island, and tied up the boat with a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp topped with a neat back splice. They walked up a winding stone walk she had laid around a Palm tree. There stood an exquisite bungalow, painted in blue and white. "It's not much, but I call it home."

 

Inside, she said, "Sit down, please; would you like to have a drink?" "No, thanks," said the engineer. "One more coconut juice and I'll throw up!" "It won't be coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a crude still out back, so we can have authentic Pina Coladas." Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted the drink, and they sat down on her couch to talk.

 

After they had exchanged stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?" "No," the engineer replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life until I ended up on this island." "Well if you'd like to shave, there's a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet." The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom and shaved with an intricate bone-and-shell device honed razor sharp. Next he showered, not even attempting to fathom a guess as to how she managed to get warm water into the bathroom, and went back downstairs.

 

He couldn't help but admire the masterfully carved banister as he walked. "You look great," said the woman. "I think I'll go up and slip into something more comfortable." As she did, the engineer continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time, the woman, smelling faintly of gardenias, returned wearing a revealing gown ashioned out of pounded palm fronds. "Tell me," she asked, "we've both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Haven't you been lonely, too...isn't here something that you really, really miss? Something that all men and woman need? Something that would be really nice to have right now!

 

"Yes, there is!" the man replied, shucking off his shyness. "There is something I've wanted to do for so long. But on this island all alone, it was just...well, it was impossible." "Well, it's not impossible, any more," the woman said. The engineer, practically panting in excitement, said breathlessly:

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

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"You mean...you actually figured out some way we can CHECK OUR E-MAIL.!!"

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musicorn

musicorn

Posted
Posted
wonder how long this thread will last for before someone reports it.......its only nice clean jokes

 

rkmw

 

 

I think it will be fine if the jokes are kept clean and do not offend the sensitivities of others.

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