One of my Seniors just quit school!!!

[cathy_kearns]

She's 18 and can legally do as she wants.

 

This was always one of my more irrational fears when deciding whether to hold my kids out one more year before starting kindergarten. They will both be 17 when they graduate high school.

[Crusin6]

We're taking 3 seniors on a cruise spring break to celebrate their graduation. My son, his friend and my neice. I just got word that my neice quit high school yesterday. Of course now my SIL and BIL refuse to let her go. My father has agreed to go in her place but now we have some major last minute room shifting and scrambling to do. What could I possibly say to my neice to change her mind? She claims to be an "adult" not that she's 18. She could'nt be further from the truth.

say nothing...she is their kid..not yours.....

 

but IMHO...I would be very honest with your own son and explain that what she did was very very poor judgement..no sugar coating and no bleed heart feeling oh sooo bad for your niece.....

 

and...she does not belong on the trip...good for her parents

[elcuchio24]

Even some menial jobs at CCL require a HS diploma.

 

"would you like fries with that?" will be a new part of her vocabulary!

 

Seriously. Man, it's tough enough for young people with a COLLEGE degree these days let alone just a HS degree let alone NO HS degree. It can be a cold world out there.....

 

My HS class had about a 50 percent drop out, but where I grew up in Maine most guys knew they were going to be lobstermen so why wait? Some of them do very well, some not so much. But at that point you are pretty much betting on one industry, and if anything ever heppened you have nothing to call back on. And I'm sure those guys were making a whole lot more $ dropping out of HS than 99% of kids across the country that do.

[jilllofalltrades]

I know this is a decision she'll regret for the rest of her life. Her father(my BIL) and her step mother(my SIL) are trying to talk to her but she won't even take their phone calls. Her mother is strangely dismissive about the subject. My TA is working on the substition now. I hope their will be no problem.

[Bo Didly]

Give Dr Phil a call,mabe he can get you on his show :rolleyes:.

[Crusin6]

I know this is a decision she'll regret for the rest of her life. Her father(my BIL) and her step mother(my SIL) are trying to talk to her but she won't even take their phone calls. Her mother is strangely dismissive about the subject. My TA is working on the substition now. I hope their will be no problem.

there is probably a whole lot more to the situation than you know or ever will know......let them deal with it..and be grateful it is not your child...since it is your BIL and SIL's child it doesn't sound like a blood relation to you but rather a niece by marriage...making you an in/out law no matter how you look at it or no matter how concerned you are for this girl.......it is best to just forget it and go about substituting another pax in her place

[dutchess43]

To the Op I feel for you. I hope someone talks some sense into her head. Where is the guidance counselor? If I was her parents I would go to the principal if I had to in order to keep her in school. Sometimes some one from outside the family can get through regarding the importance of an education. I would tell her the cruise is one of the first disappoints down the road she will be experiencing due to the lack of a high school diploma. If I was her parents I would then tell her well here is the job want ads b/c now you will to support yourself. With jobs a premium these days including people with masters out of work what chance does she have for a decent future? I would back up my bil & sil & take your dad he is more deserving to go.

[diver00001]

We did the same thing last spring break with my Twin nephews and our son..All three were going in the military after high school... well a month before our trip we found out that one was not graduating...We thought about doing the same but after talking to him,he decided to go back in the fall and finish...he did and we had a great trip ...dont be to fast to judge...you never know...

[Tbay-eh]

She has declared herself an adult and no amount of begging, pleading, rationalizing is going to change her mind, she is just going to have to live with the consequences when they come to roost. As much as you care for her she is not your child and it is not your place to say anything. If she was my daughter and continued to live at home she would have to get a job and pay at least minimal board plus anything that I paid for up to this point is now on her plate ie: cell phone, hygene products, meds, dental. Most family medical coverage ceases when she is not a full time student. If she has access to a car - she puts gas in, pays own insurance and the list goes on. If she moves out all the above is a moot point.

[crewsweeper]

1.You do not need to say a word it is not your kid.

2.They may take offense if you do.

3.The kid does not deserve a vacation if she can't finish school.

I agree here.

 

As others have said..do the substitution. Book your father in the cabin your neice was in. You can work out the cabin swap when you first get on board, its easier that way.

 

Have a nice cruise and don't let your niece's actions worry you. She'll figure it out eventually for better or worse.

[DEBnGAB]

Seriously. Man, it's tough enough for young people with a COLLEGE degree these days let alone just a HS degree let alone NO HS degree. It can be a cold world out there.....

 

My HS class had about a 50 percent drop out, but where I grew up in Maine most guys knew they were going to be lobstermen so why wait? Some of them do very well, some not so much. But at that point you are pretty much betting on one industry, and if anything ever heppened you have nothing to call back on. And I'm sure those guys were making a whole lot more $ dropping out of HS than 99% of kids across the country that do.

 

I hear you there...

I had a couple of friend quit college (UCLA) to head up to Alaska for crabbing..al la Deadliest Catch...mainly the allure of cash! When the gettin is good, its good! But when its bad, its beans and rice!

[cruisinvic2]

I sat my daugter down when she was 16, she was struggling and wanted to quit. I had her make a list of all the expenses in a month you have, rent, food, electric, gas, etc etc. Then figure out how much you can make at Minimum wage and see the difference. You can't live on it never mind all the fun stuff they think they are going to do. That nice cumfy bed, dinner on the table, Cable TV, internet, cell phone ...gone. If you can make her see the reality of what a drop out will loose and how limited she will be.Take her downtown and let her get a good look at homeless people, strippers, prostitutes ask her if that is what she wants? My daughter decided school wasnt so bad after all. I also sat down with her and figured out ways to get her organized and how to make school not so hard.

Good luck

[kelly11]

I hope you CAN change her mind, with your SIL and BIL permission maybe a word from someone not her parent may make a difference, worth a try at this point. We so far have 3 of our 5 sons all the way through school, that was our one BIG rule while living in our house, you WILL finish high school, if you make the "adult" decision to quit, then you must have a plan in place, such as being an "adult" you will need a place to live, money to pay for things like rent and food and silly things they take for granted as being "free" like when they flip a light switch and see light, or turn on the shower and get hot water, or turn on the satellite TV and browse through 400 channels, all that "adult" stuff they are now big enough to pay for on their own.

Have a wonderful cruise with you dad and son, hopefully her missing out on a great vacation will just be the first of many consequences if she continues down the path of no education and hopefully she will see how wrong and immature she is really being and get back on track.

[cruisequeen93]

We're taking 3 seniors on a cruise spring break to celebrate their graduation. My son, his friend and my neice. I just got word that my neice quit high school yesterday. Of course now my SIL and BIL refuse to let her go. My father has agreed to go in her place but now we have some major last minute room shifting and scrambling to do. What could I possibly say to my neice to change her mind? She claims to be an "adult" not that she's 18. She could'nt be further from the truth.

 

I am a high school counselor and deal with this issue. When a student wants to drop out, I show them what they have left to meet grad requirements and then paint a picture of the excitement of walking across the stage b/c the accomplishment of earning a diploma has been reached. I also discuss supporting themself on a minimum wage job. Many times, I have refused to even let them consider dropping out and pushed them until they make it. They always thank me. I have had to hold many hands to get students through. That is not to say that I haven't lost a few which is very frustrating, but I have also had some come back when they realize they can't get anywhere without a diploma. I hope your SIL and BIL have had a conversation w/ their daughter's counselor. Good luck.

 

Julie

[Alaskandad]

I am a high school teacher and watch kids make this poor choice all too often. There is no one clear model that represents why they make that choice, but most see that choice as relief from the pressures of high school. Not only academic, but social and just as often an exercise of their new adulthood and ability to make choices for themselves.

 

I also see them return sometimes as "super" seniors. Most of them had a reality check quickly after they quit from parents or self realization that their choice made things easier in the short term but much more difficult long term.

 

The things I have seen work for some is to identify the "why" part for the kid and not ridicule it but find a solution. Most courses can be completed on-line now from home which relieves the social stress. Some delays can be made while kids get a grip on reality.

 

For those that just don't want too, a hard line is usually the only approach. Make them live the consequences of that choice but it is a hard thing to do. Simply cutting a teen off leads them to further poor or regrettable choices.

 

It's easy to advise from the recliner, but I would also say that the "stay out of it" advise is wrong. Often someone outside the immediate family is exactly what's needed. Someone that does not already have a preconceived position and established biases toward the girl would be able to interact whereas the mother and father will often be shut out because the girl will stand firm to exercise her will. Taking the "conflict" out of the equation is crucial. It can't be a battle of authority, after-all that is what she may be rebelling against. The only way to resolve this without long term relationship crushing may be an outsider.

[elcuchio24]

I hear you there...

I had a couple of friend quit college (UCLA) to head up to Alaska for crabbing..al la Deadliest Catch...mainly the allure of cash! When the gettin is good, its good! But when its bad, its beans and rice!

 

I guess I could respect the choice to drop out more in that case if they had something lined up, but I think those options are less and less these days.

[tulsacubfan]

1.You do not need to say a word it is not your kid.

2.They may take offense if you do.

3.The kid does not deserve a vacation if she can't finish school.

 

'Nuff said....could not have said it better.

[kbmeow]

I'm sure that "lecturing" her will probably not get through. I wonder if you found someone who had to get their GED later in life if she'd be willing to talk to them. Hearing from them the consequences of not finishing their high school education and how much work it is to get a GED may help open her eyes to reality. I know plenty of people who have earned their GED's and believe me - they worked hard for those degrees!

 

I have a GED not a diploma, I was lazy and never went to school. I slept in. I was not willing to do another year so I quit and a month later got my Ged and within the year started college. But I then quit that and have worked ok jobs until the recession. got laid off and can't find a job without a education. The GED was not hard at all for me. But maybe it was because i did it right after leaving school.

 

Good Luck to your niece. I have no idea what she is going to do and why.

[serene56]

We're taking 3 seniors on a cruise spring break to celebrate their graduation. My son, his friend and my neice. I just got word that my neice quit high school yesterday. Of course now my SIL and BIL refuse to let her go. My father has agreed to go in her place but now we have some major last minute room shifting and scrambling to do. What could I possibly say to my neice to change her mind? She claims to be an "adult" not that she's 18. She could'nt be further from the truth.

 

 

there is NOTHIng you can say- being of that age they know everything they need to know if life.

 

regarding your father with the name change-- it will depend on how you booked the cruise-- ES--there is no name changes.

if it was booked the other way--- it will cost you 50 bucks to do a name change. -0 call your agent to see what can be done.

[DEBnGAB]

I guess I could respect the choice to drop out more in that case if they had something lined up, but I think those options are less and less these days.

 

Agreed..and shortsighted IMO. They never came back to school are now just "chillin" with odd jobs.

[jilllofalltrades]

My SIL and BIL have hit the situation head on. What a cry for attention! Unfortuneatly, she lives in KY while her father lives here in GA. They've been back and forth on the phone with the mother and the school counselor. She's still giving lots of attitude, but whatever it takes. She still may not go on the cruise however. She says she does'nt care if she goes or not. What a mess.

[halos]

The things I have seen work for some is to identify the "why" part for the kid and not ridicule it but find a solution. Most courses can be completed on-line now from home which relieves the social stress. Some delays can be made while kids get a grip on reality.

 

For those that just don't want too, a hard line is usually the only approach. Make them live the consequences of that choice but it is a hard thing to do. Simply cutting a teen off leads them to further poor or regrettable choices.

 

It's easy to advise from the recliner, but I would also say that the "stay out of it" advise is wrong. Often someone outside the immediate family is exactly what's needed. Someone that does not already have a preconceived position and established biases toward the girl would be able to interact whereas the mother and father will often be shut out because the girl will stand firm to exercise her will. Taking the "conflict" out of the equation is crucial. It can't be a battle of authority, after-all that is what she may be rebelling against. The only way to resolve this without long term relationship crushing may be an outsider.

 

Bravo :)

[jerseyralph]

Where are her parents in all this? She needs professional guidance and quickly while there is still hope.

 

You are so right.

 

OP, I am a female and dropped out of high school a few weeks after my 17th birthday. I had a VERY good reason to drop out and was afraid to tell my parents about it. The kid does not need to be punished. She needs to be heard.

 

FYI, I now have many letters after my name.

[halos]

You are so right.

 

OP, I am a female and dropped out of high school a few weeks after my 17th birthday. I had a VERY good reason to drop out and was afraid to tell my parents about it. The kid does not need to be punished. She needs to be heard.

 

FYI, I now have many letters after my name.

 

Exactly.... (and I'm happy that you worked out/through whatever it was :))

 

For someone to quit school when so close to graduation, there is more to it. Kids SO often think they need to handle things by themselves and they don't confide in anyone.

Make it a point to find out WHY the girl wants to quit school. There is a reason.

[proudpatriot07]

That's so sad. I disagree with those who say to stay out of it though- even if she's not YOUR kid, you still care about her and you're in her life. A lot of kids parents' won't say anything to them so that's why they need extended family, along with teachers, principals, etc in their lives.

 

You're right- dropping out this close, she doesn't deserve the cruise.

 

There has to be more to it for her to drop out this close to graduation, and whatever's looming over her is probably a lot worse than not being able to cruise. I remember my senior year (I'm 25 now), that's something that most high schoolers are *very* excited about. Even if they're not pursuing higher education, just graduating and being done with school. If she was dropping out as a sophomore or junior, when you're NOT as close, I would say yeah that's a rash decision, but this close to graduation, there has to be more to it.

 

If she has issues with the school itself, look into other options. I know my state has online public schools now, and also the school may be able to work something out with her to do work at home or counseling if there's issues with students/teachers at the school. Not to mention tutoring if she's falling behind or something.