***Welcome To The New Cruise Countdown Club***

[timeormoney]

Made some plans to go out and eat and then go to a friends house afterwards with my friend Mary. Not sure if I will actually do that or not, just not in the mood for fun and party for some reason.

 

I told you the "kids"sold the house, well then they asked me for the bills that they are going to have to repay me so I sent them to them. Now I get an e-mail asking for the cancelled checks for each of the bills they asked me to send. Geesh why couldn't they have asked for everything at once!

 

Getting more snow this afternoon, very lite but beginning to add up.

Sharon

[mstrc1]

Sharon, we are just getting very light snow falling and I do not think that it is going to amount to anything. But it is very cold outside, just bitter cold.

So when you said you made plans to go out, are you talking about for tonight or for NYE?

I am sure you will be glad to get everything all signed, sealed, and delivered with that house that they sold. You should know all too well that nothing will be easy with them. But do not let them walk all over you. Do not back down with that head stone engraving. Get it the way you want it and not the way they want it.

What a great work week this week. Only 1 more day to work tomorrow. Saturday afternoon we will leave to downtown. It will be another year of biter cold down there.

I hope you will be feeling better. Stay warm,

 

 

Kathy

[timeormoney]

No not feeling better, feeling it just is not going to work out with Bill and I will once again be all alone. Very sad feeling. I have lost 3 more pounds, really not hungry almost feel sick. Been forcing myself to eat a little every little bit just so I don't lose anymore weight.

 

Went to church this morning but just felt like crying, luckily I made it through the service without embarrassing myself.

 

Not going anywhere tonight, was invited by a friend to dinner and another friend invited me over for horderves and drinks, even said I could stay the night, but not sleeping good and not really interested in going. Plan on staying home. Can't shake this miserable feeling.

 

Sorry to be a "debbie downer" hope you have a great time tonight!

Sharon

[mstrc1]

Sharon, so very sorry to hear about you and Bill and that you are not feeling well. Sure is biter cold. I guess it has set an all time record for being the coldest New Year.

We got to the hotel on Saturday around 4. We really got jerked around with our room, and Bill I am sure he will really let them have it. We will get a free room sometime down the road.

We went to the Planetarium yesterday afternoon. It was very interesting and we had a very nice time there. Then we went to eat dinner. On our way back to the hotel. We went by a place that Bill's Dad was stationed at for his first firehouse. They have now turned this place into a nice restaurant. So we stopped for a drink.

Watched the fireworks from our room at midnight. Then we went to bed around 12:30. We got back home today around 1:30.

I will say prayers for you that you will first start to feel better. Then for you spirit and that you will feel better inside.

Happy New Year my good friend. Piece and Love.

 

Kathy

[timeormoney]

Sounds like you had a really nice evening, too bad about the room, but like you say you will get some compensation for it sooner or later.

 

Yes, with Bill, he lives so far away and where he works right now and for the next probably 10 weeks or more even further away so it's hard to get together. I think I am the lonelier one of us two since he does have work that has been keeping him busy 10 hrs a day lately. Maybe some weekend he will come back but its not like having someone to do things with you all the time. He did call and tell me Happy New Year last night, that was good to hear from him.

 

Also this stupid cold weather makes you not even want to go outside.

 

Been going through papers today and getting rid of all that aren't important anymore. Got to get rid of some of this stuff!

 

Sharon

[mstrc1]

Sharon, I know exactly what you mean. We have stuff in our basement from my mother and Bill's Dad. A lot of stuff and I need to go through things and get rid of a lot of things.

 

I totally agree about this weather. We took a cab yesterday to the Planetarium both ways. It is just too cold to be outside for any long period of time. We were dressed very good to walk about 5 blocks to get something to eat yesterday.

Unlike last week where we closed on Tuesday, we are working tomorrow. It would be nice to be off once again, but no way.

I completely understand about being so far away and working all of the time. How can you have a relationship if he is not around. Bad for you and he is just doing his own thing.

Happy New Year and lets hope that 2018 will be better for us all. Once again I will pray for you to feel better in both body and spirit.

 

Kathy

[timeormoney]

Nice you could get out a little anyway and have some fun.

I have been throwing things away all day. Just feel I have to get rid of "stuff". Can't stand it anymore and don't need it. But there is a lot of things I can throw away and I don't know how I can get rid of them. Old fax machine and old printer.

 

Went to zumba and the leader gal asked me right away, whats wrong? I didn't know I looked so bad. Of course then she gave me a hug and I started crying. Ugh!

 

Thanks you for the prayers, don't seem like they or anything else is working yet.

Sharon

[mstrc1]

Sharon, there may be cloudy days right now. But always remember, bright sunshine and rainbows are just around the corner. You just do not know it just yet. But always hold your head up high, and never ever give up. Smile you are loved.

Yes, I have been spending time in the basement as well getting rid of things and doing some organizing.

It sure is cold outside. I do not even want to go outside for anything. We have a heated garage. My car had salt all over it from the weekend. So Bill went out and had it washed. Driving it home and it was only 1 mile away, all the droplets were frozen once he got home. Than the heat kicks on and melts it all away, and he can dry the rest.

Well at least you are back in the swing of things for a brand New Year. So last week I had a craving for a chocolate martini. I made myself 1 and the very next day at weigh-in, I gained 1.4. Now how crazy was that for me to do that.

 

Kathy

[timeormoney]

I have a garage but its not heated so no way could I wash my car right now.

 

Just talked with my sister, she is in a lot of pain, seems to have moved to her back now. Sounds almost weak too. She did go to the cancer dr but they just told her to keep taking the pain medicine. Two of her granddaughters were home today so they made her a half a sandwich and something to drink. She weighs 111 now.

 

I lost two more pounds, not trying to at all, just can't think of anything that sounds good or if I do try to eat can only eat a little bit. I know its because I feel so down, just can't seem to climb out of my hole.

 

Didn't get the driveway plowed now I will have to pull the garbage can and recycle can through it. Luckily there are wheels but don't know how much good they will do in the snow. I have them both almost full this time with stuff trying to get rid of.

Sharon

[mstrc1]

Sharon, do you still have that guy plow your driveway?

Still very and extremely cold out. It is good to have a heated garage. Nice to have a nice warm car to get into in the morning. But having the car parked outside all day. So about 5 minutes before I leave work I do a remote start to warm up the car so I am not getting into a cold car.

Remember this time of year is # 1 for depression. It is the time of year with shorter days and overcast and bitter cold all help to increase depression. Bill has to go out of town over night next week. I am a big baby and I do not like to stay all alone. So I am thinking about having 1 of my GK's come and stay over night, so I do not have to be alone. We have an alarm system, so that helps to calm me down.

I will continue to say prayers for your physical well being as well as you mental well being. Most important is they do not always work instantly, but over a period of time they will. Never give up and stay positive. Go out with you friends, keep exercising.

 

My gain was due to the martini that I had the night before the weigh-in. I am sorry to hear about your sister. She must be really getting thin. I can only eat 1/2 whenever we go out to eat. I am sure your depression is causing you to loose weight.

Be happy my friend, stay warm.

 

Kathy

[timeormoney]

I did not go to see the girls last night. Feel very tired and when I came home from zumba the roads were getting bad in places because of the blowing and drifting snow,

 

I also didn't get the auto start, had it on the last car didn't even think about it not being on it until I had already bought it.

 

I don't like to hear noises in the house at night so sleep with the tv on all night. Might be nice for a granddchild to keep you company.

 

I have been trying to eat something every little bit to regain some weight. Was up 1 pound this morning so was happy about that.

 

Been going to bed to watch tv about 7pm warmer than sitting up.

Sharon

[mstrc1]

Sharon, you can still go to a place and have them put in a remote start. I know Bill did that to his car some years ago. So if it is something you want, you can still get that done.

So you sleep with the TV on all night. Doesn't the noise from the TV keep you awake? I used to do what you are doing going to bed to watch TV. But I always was falling asleep with the TV on and Bill would have to come in and turn it off. So I cannot do that anymore. But then Bill showed me how to use the sleep timer. So if I was ever going to do that again, I would just set the sleep timer.

Still in single digits, and a wind chill around here of -25. The roads have been good around here. A few days ago we only got a very light dusting of snow. It is all cleared away now. Starting Sunday the temp is supposed to be at 33. All next week the temps are supposed to be above freezing. Bill lucked out as he has been off for the past 2 1/2 weeks. Now that he is going back the temps will be above freezing.

Good news now that we have entered into January, each and everyday it will be getting light earlier, and getting dark a little later each day. People always feel much better when the sun is shinning.

Remember, when life throws you a bunch of lemons, make some lemonade. The sunshine will enter back into you life, just do not give up, never give up. Everything is just around the corner and on the horizon.

 

 

Kathy

[timeormoney]

I looked into getting a remote starter somewhere else, yes cheaper but it voids the warranty on the car.

 

Went to WW this morning, down 3.8. Others there were saying they had lost .4 or .5 and I was embarrassed to even say how much I was down. This morning though when I weighed was up a pound so that's good. Just so hard to eat anything since nothing even sounds good. Bought some Kefir it's a liquid yogurt shake and have drank that the last two days. At least get something into my stomach.

 

Texted Bill last night, he is enjoying his work, he usually works alone but on this job has been working with a couple of other guys. So I think he enjoys not only the job but the company. They are looking to get 3 apartments completely done by the 15th. All totaled there are 10 so he will be there a while. He said it would be at least till the end of January or more before we could get together again. I know he is committed to this job and needs the work but very difficult. Can't see how this can ever work out like I want it to.

 

Have still been getting rid of stuff, lots of clothes and books and papers. Still so much more to go. Trying to do one area at a time or else its overwhelming.

Sharon

[mstrc1]

Sharon, when 2 people are in a relationship, that means just that a committed relationship. When 1 is away all of the time that is not taking into consideration for how you feel. This sounds all 1 sided, and not good for you and your feelings. You want him around, and he can only be around whenever he is available, and that does not sound like too much at all.

 

That does not make any since voiding the warrantee. Perhaps you can take it to where you bought it and ask them how much it would cost. That is what they want you to do.

 

So I am confused here. You said this morning you weighed and you were up 1 pound. So then you went to WW and they said you were down 3.8. So what is it really? Having those shakes should put some pounds on. Also an energy drink called Ensure also might do something for you and give you more energy.

 

We are going to a party tomorrow night at a Guild members house. Either tomorrow or Sunday we will take down the tree and put everything away. Bill leaves on Wednesday afternoon and return Thursday evening.

 

Sunday the temp should go to 33, and all next week above freezing. In this biter cold Bill keeps the garage at 55. In a normal winter he keeps it at 54. So nothing like our house but coming from the biter cold it feels warm in there.

 

Stay healthy my friend.

 

Kathy

[timeormoney]

I meant I was up a pound before I went to WW otherwise I would have been down 4.8.

 

Went to the new zumba class this morning, everyone is asking if I am okay, must look a mess. Tonight there is a party with the zumba gals at the place I go on Wed night. I am going only because if I didn't they all would wonder.

 

You are right of course, but then again he has to work and this is steady work for him. The thing is I don't think he cares as much about me as I do him so it doesn't bother him. I can't help how I feel so it is really hard. I know all the things I should know but it doesn't help when you want someone to want you. I can't stand being alone again.

Sharon

[mstrc1]

Sharon, that is what I am saying. He does not have all this bothering him like it is bothering you. Also who knows how long this has been going on. Perhaps there have been more he has done this to. There are not many people who would put up with this kind of behavior. I know I would definitely would not. The way I see it, it is too 1 sided. You are needing him and he is not needing you, only when it suites him. A relationship cannot work that way.

It is good that you went out last night. You need to get back to your regular routine and see your friends and get moving again. We went to this guild party last night and there were about 25 people present. We got home much later than we had planned like after 11. So a very late night for us but we had a very good time.

 

So today temps supposed to get to 33 and on Wednesday supposed to get to 45, and all this week temps above freezing.

 

Well that makes sense now about WW. So yesterday I was up .4. Oh well I just have to keep plugging away. I figure it is all of this stress that is doing the weight loss to you. I will continue to say prayers for you. But you have to get back into your regular routine and get things moving once again. I know easier said than done. But you have to take the best care of yourself and get back on the high road once again. You are the only 1 who can take the best care of yourself. You are worth it and you have to make yourself #1.

 

Bill is leaving on Wednesday afternoon, so I am going to be reeling while he is gone. I will have 1 of the GK's come and stay with me. As I do not like being alone, as we have always been together ever since we have met. I would never have a relationship with anyone who would not be right next to me and shearing the very same values. Otherwise what is the point?

 

Kathy

[timeormoney]

Went to the party last night, could not dance though. Had a friend from Wed night come and keep me company. We left about 10pm.

 

Supposed to be warmer and yes it is 22, but there is also gale force winds that go right though you and blow the snow back onto the roads in the open areas.

 

Of course you are right, but doesn't help right now.

Sharon

[mstrc1]

Sharon, at least you did get out last night and had a friend keep you company as well.

Around here we are not too much in wide open areas. Just south of us it is wide open. But at least the wind is out of the south thus the warmer temps. But you are right about the wind it does feel much colder.

Yes, I know easier said than done. But the most important thing I can tell you is that you have to take the best care of yourself. There is no one more important than you and you and only you has to make that happen. You are so very important and by taking care of yourself you will feel better and feel how important you are. Life runs in cycles and there are hills and valleys. You are just in between the hills and valleys just now. Hang in there and make it all happen for you. Feel important, make yourself #1 and make it come true for yourself. Get back into your routine. Do puzzles, workout each week, get back to the pool. Stay active and more forward in a positive direction and do not look back for any reason.

Bill started a bit yesterday before we left. But today we are taking the tree all down and putting it away until next year.

 

Be safe and above all be happy.

 

 

Kathy

[timeormoney]

Nice pep talk Kathy, but I have been really down for the last 2 years, ever since I lost "husband" Bill. Then I met this new Bill and the sun seemed to finally come out again for me. Felt so good to have someone hug you! So for the last 9 months I have finally been happy. To think/know that it won't last is very hard. I have no one else. You don't like being alone for a night, I have been alone since 8/2015. It is very hard.

 

Got up this morning and had already decided not to go to zumba since we had the ice storm last night. Had a shower and felt really hard to breathe. I chalked it up to anxiety and tried to decide if I needed to get help or try and relax. About noon my nephew called and said my sister was in the hospital with a collapsed lung. How about that! It kind of explained my breathing problem. Unfortunately, her organs are slowing down also. The dr had told them to call everyone that might want to see her while they still could. I talked with her but she was on morphine so was a little incoherent. She did come through the surgery to inflate her lung and is now sleeping. Guess its a wait and see thing now. Just one more thing to try and handle!

 

Sharon

[mstrc1]

Sharon, I am so sorry, and I knew that you have had some very hard times. Meeting Bill has really perked you up. But with being away from you it has brought you way down. It might not be a bad idea to find someone who you can talk to. I really hate to see you suffer so much. Also sorry to hear about your sister. So is it possible that you could have a collapsed lung as well? I will continue to say prayers.

Yes, I know that you have been all alone. I also know that I am being a big baby by not wanting to be all alone. When I lost my last husband to cancer it was a long road just watching him slowly get eaten away. Once he passed I was all alone for 5 years. So I do know how hard it is to be all alone. So once I met Bill and he had lost his spouse from cancer as well. We have always been together. Even when he was working he was always home each and every day. If he does go away he always brings me with. This is just an over night and not practical to bring me with this time. I have been very lucky to have met Bill. But I also went for a very long time with no one in my life at all.

It looks like you got ice and we got snow. Only 1/2" and I would think by tomorrow when the temps will be in the mid 40's and Thursday in mid 50's it will be all gone. With the snow that is around and warmer temps that is why we have fog early morning and evening. Very overcast today but temps in mid 30's.

Once again I am so very sorry to have hit a core with you on this. I only wanted to help to bring you up and together. That did not happen, and all I can do is to pray for something good to happen to you. Be safe and well.

 

Kathy

[timeormoney]

I know Kathy, and thank you!

I had texted Bill yesterday about my sister. He called last night and we had a nice hour long chat. We have discussed the long distance thing several times. This job he is on will go on for at least a month or maybe even two. We will see when it is over how things go. He has offered to help me sell some of the tools and the truck I have when the weather gets warmer and I appreciate the offer and will take him up on it. If nothing else, we will remain friends.

 

Update on my sister, she was able to sign a DNR form this morning. Her son gave me a phone no. of the hospital and a code number that I can call and get updates as often as I want to. She is in ICU and will probably remain there at least for a while.

 

Another trip to Good Will this morning, makes the 3rd time I think. Also have arranged the Viet Veterans to come and pick up boxes of clothes in the garage on Jan 16th. Still so very much more to go but will keep going and rid myself of clutter and unwanted "things".

 

 

No fog in this area this morning that was good, went to zumba.

Sharon

[mstrc1]

Sharon, like you have said. If nothing else you can at least remain friends. A friend in need, is a friend indeed.

That is all you can do, is to keep plugging away. Little by little. On the other hand, I have to be very careful so I do not mess up my back. So I cannot attack things around here as you are. I just have to do things over a much longer period of time.

It was very foggy around her this morning and I am sure it will be the same for tomorrow. It was very overcast all day, but at least the temps were in the mid 30's. Tomorrow in the mid 40's. So I would think by weeks end all of the snow will be gone.

Bill leaves tomorrow afternoon and returns on Thursday evening.

I will continue to pray for your sister, and that she will not suffer and will not be in too much pain.

 

Kathy

[timeormoney]

I called the hospital and found out my sister is in very critical condition. She had been on a ventilator but her son text me this afternoon they had taken her off if it. She is still fighting to live. I have been crying all afternoon. Not only for her but me as well. She is the last person in the world that really, really cared about me.

 

Have not got "the call" but expect it at anytime.

Sharon

[mstrc1]

Sharon, I am so very sorry to hear the news about your sister. I will say prayers for your sister and for you as well. I will also pray for a piece full ending for her as well. Please keep me in the loop if at all possible.

 

I hung up the phone on the jerk yesterday and walked out and just came back this afternoon. I was also crying all afternoon and even this morning. That is what I am doing to him from now on. It seems like that is the only thing he understands. He called my this morning and said he was sorry and would I come back.

 

Another mild day today, and I guess tomorrow much colder and possible snow later on. All I can do is to offer you my friendship, and to continue to say prayers for your sister.

 

Kathy

[timeormoney]

Sorry to hear your boss is still up to his old behavior. Good for you walking out! I was thinking he had already left fir a few months. Hope you are feeling better now.

 

My sister made it through the night but is now unresponsive. I think probably the morphine is kicking in. She needs it for pain. Her sons have moved her into hospice, sounds like a different area of the hospital. I know medicare won't pay for hospital care if you aren't making progress. But they will pay for hospice. So now we wait.

Sharon