Should we abandon the ship?

[Herbaltees]

CC Please help us decide.

 

We are still in the beginning stages of planning this wedding, but here lies the problem.

 

We can only invite 50 ppl which is what we initially wanted. But my family is so excited for us, and now everyone wants to come. Right now we have 80 ppl and no invitations have been sent.

 

So, we reserved a space for a sort of AHR/ bon voyage so that everyone could attend. But now, I'm wondering if we cancel the 1.5 ceremony and reception on board and find a venue for a ceremony, we could probably save like $2k and just have a regular wedding.

 

I'm afraid we are going to hurt ppl's feelings and alienate someone with this two reception thing.

 

What do you think? Should we abandon ship?

[chasinraynbowz]

What do you want to do?

 

Many years ago, I eloped... lol. We had a reception about a month after our elopement, but that was it. I always regretted not having a "real wedding".

 

Only YOU can decide what you want. This is YOUR wedding, no one else's.

 

Best of luck!!

[LarAndShar]

We can only invite 50 ppl which is what we initially wanted. But my family is so excited for us, and now everyone wants to come. Right now we have 80 ppl and no invitations have been sent.

 

are None of that 80 sailing??? you can have 50 NON SAILING Guests .... unlimited # of sailing guests

hope this can help :)

[WDrake_98]

Yep, LarAndShar is right.

 

That's 50 non sailing. I have about 60, with 10 sailing.

 

Someone else on the board I recall having a similar issue. I think she said she did a regular reception for the majority of the guests, and the in port ceremony/reception for immediate family.

 

I like to make sure everyone has a good time and doesn't feel left out. But at the same time, I decided to do the cruise wedding to have an excuse for my limited guest list.

 

It's up to you tho. 1 large reception, may be cheaper. The planning will probably be more involved also.

[Herbaltees]

are None of that 80 sailing??? you can have 50 NON SAILING Guests .... unlimited # of sailing guests

hope this can help :)

 

Yes, all of our guests are non sailing. We wanted the cruise to feel more like a honeymoon.

[Artemis908]

Wow you're only allowed 50 non-sailing guests? Princess allowed 75, but they let me get away with 76. Are you SURE all 80 will want to go?

 

Well, could you maybe do a very small ceremony/reception onboard and then maybe when you go home have a big party? I know how hard it is to decide who to invite, especially with you have a maximum number of people. I had similar issues when my mom and I got in a fight because I didn't want to invite HER cousins (she won :-/). You just don't want to hurt anyones feelings! Is there any chance some of those people might sail or would you rather they didn't?

[Herbaltees]

Wow you're only allowed 50 non-sailing guests? Princess allowed 75, but they let me get away with 76. Are you SURE all 80 will want to go?

 

Well, could you maybe do a very small ceremony/reception onboard and then maybe when you go home have a big party? I know how hard it is to decide who to invite, especially with you have a maximum number of people. I had similar issues when my mom and I got in a fight because I didn't want to invite HER cousins (she won :-/). You just don't want to hurt anyones feelings! Is there any chance some of those people might sail or would you rather they didn't?

 

No, we would rather they didn't sail. And truth be told, most ppl wouldn't be able to sail anyway. We are planning to have a BIG party the night before the wedding. (a sort of At home reception/bon voyage party) but I'm wondering if ppl will feel slighted that they weren't invited to the actual wedding.

[brklyn78]

We are planning to have a BIG party the night before the wedding. (a sort of At home reception/bon voyage party) but I'm wondering if ppl will feel slighted that they weren't invited to the actual wedding.

 

Hmmm... On the one hand, if you do it at home, you could have a proper catholic wedding (if that's something you want to do) instead of the priest-on-the-boat, not-technically-"catholic" situation you were describing yesterday.

 

On the other hand, IF you can find a site+caterer for $55 a head (what it works out to on the pride with 50 non sailing +2 sailing guests) you'd break even on the first 50 invitees, but with the extra $30 you are looking at an additional $1650. Plus there's decorations, etc that you might not worry about on a boat.

 

Regarding the extra people, are they people that YOU want to be there, or are they people that other family members want to have invited? As WDrake_98 mentioned, having a cruise wedding does give you a built in excuse for limiting the guest size ("No Aunt Bertha, I can't invite my third cousins. Sorry, Sally, but the fifth guy you started dating this month can't come")

 

You may also end up with a high attrition rate. Just because someone is excited now, when they realize they'd be driving from Philadelphia (or wherever) for six hours round-trip to attend a 1 hour reception, they may change their mind. At least, that was my experience. I still have some people doing the drive from Philly, but it's like 2 cars worth of people.

 

Whatever you decide, just know that figuring out the invitee/guest list is probably one of the hardest, and most emotionally stressful, parts of wedding planning (this is my second time doing this, I know). Once you get this down the rest of it shouldn't be as bad.

[mrsgomez2011]

With Carnival, I had 63 non sailing guest and close to 100 at my wedding. They really didn't mind. Talk to your Carnival coordinator... sometimes they get pretty flexible...

 

On top of that, you haven't even sent out invitations yet so some people may not be able to come. Or you could cut the list down. That's what I did... we originally had close to 250 guests and I wasn't gonna have that. I wanted max 50 but we ended up at double that and it was perfect.

[Herbaltees]

With Carnival, I had 63 non sailing guest and close to 100 at my wedding. They really didn't mind. Talk to your Carnival coordinator... sometimes they get pretty flexible...

 

Really? That is very helpful info. This really gives me hope!

 

Hmmm... On the one hand, if you do it at home, you could have a proper catholic wedding (if that's something you want to do) instead of the priest-on-the-boat, not-technically-"catholic" situation you were describing yesterday.

 

Yes, you're right. But I also really, really like the idea of the cruise wedding. It's just soo cool and different. The catholic church isn't going anywhere, we can always go back and have a "proper" service in the eyes of the church.

 

On the other hand, IF you can find a site+caterer for $55 a head (what it works out to on the pride with 50 non sailing +2 sailing guests) you'd break even on the first 50 invitees, but with the extra $30 you are looking at an additional $1650. Plus there's decorations, etc that you might not worry about on a boat.

 

Yes, our AHR is an all inclusive pkg with decor and DJ. If we get a site for the ceremony we could potentially save $$. The extra ppl are ppl I forgot about when making the initial guest list, but would be rude to not invite, since my parents are footing a portion of the bill. It's like their siblings and children.

 

You may also end up with a high attrition rate....

 

Whatever you decide, just know that figuring out the invitee/guest list is probably one of the hardest, and most emotionally stressful, parts of wedding planning (this is my second time doing this, I know). Once you get this down the rest of it shouldn't be as bad.

 

After talking with my FH last night, he doesn't want to hear anything about changes. He said what we have is fine and whomever is offended will be offended. But I don't think that's a good way to start combining a family. (Especially since it's not his family who would be on the receiving end. LOL!)

 

Thank you so much ladies. I think I'm going to continue with this idea until the invites go out before really deciding what to do. brklyn78 you make a good point, once ppl start to add in the cost of travel and hotel, the guest list will dwindle.

 

I guess I'm just freakin out.

[WDrake_98]

After talking with my FH last night, he doesn't want to hear anything about changes. He said what we have is fine and whomever is offended will be offended. But I don't think that's a good way to start combining a family. (Especially since it's not his family who would be on the receiving end. LOL!)

 

 

LOL now that sounds just like a FH!

 

HAHA. Both of you are right. Men usually don't like to change stuff, as I'm sure he's already settled on the idea of the cruise wedding. You don't wanna have to the be one to tell your family they can't come.

 

In going with what brklyn78 said, even if you send out 80 invites, there is still a % that might decline for one reason or another.

 

Heck, I'm too going to look into the max guest list as MrsGomez said she got over the 50 nonsailing. If Carnival agrees, then problem solved. (Keeping in mind the extra guest total will go up....wayyy up for 30 more)

 

One thing I was thinking (as I kinda have the same problem but don't have an anguish about not inviting some) is to send out the main invites early requesting RSVP's at a certain date. Then, as I get any no's I'll just invite others on the "extra" list. Kinda bad, but I can't afford to invite everybody ya know...

 

Nona

[Herbaltees]

LOL now that sounds just like a FH!

 

HAHA. Both of you are right. Men usually don't like to change stuff, as I'm sure he's already settled on the idea of the cruise wedding. You don't wanna have to the be one to tell your family they can't come.

 

In going with what brklyn78 said, even if you send out 80 invites, there is still a % that might decline for one reason or another.

 

Heck, I'm too going to look into the max guest list as MrsGomez said she got over the 50 nonsailing. If Carnival agrees, then problem solved. (Keeping in mind the extra guest total will go up....wayyy up for 30 more)

 

One thing I was thinking (as I kinda have the same problem but don't have an anguish about not inviting some) is to send out the main invites early requesting RSVP's at a certain date. Then, as I get any no's I'll just invite others on the "extra" list. Kinda bad, but I can't afford to invite everybody ya know...

 

Nona

 

:eek: LOL! That's a good idea, but my family will find out they were on guest list B or ;) C. Once invites go out they will be calling each other to find out who made the cut and who didn't.

 

Dang close knit family! :D

[WDrake_98]

:eek: LOL! That's a good idea, but my family will find out they were on guest list B or ;) C. Once invites go out they will be calling each other to find out who made the cut and who didn't.

 

Dang close knit family! :D

 

OH LOL! That is a mess. Too funny. I didn't think about that tho really.

With MIB invites, I'm SURE people will be calling each other too, talking about how the invites look.

 

Oh gezz wiz.

 

Guest I'll just have to email Carnival about the limit.

 

Nona

[Herbaltees]

OH LOL! That is a mess. Too funny. I didn't think about that tho really.

With MIB invites, I'm SURE people will be calling each other too, talking about how the invites look.

 

Oh gezz wiz.

 

Guest I'll just have to email Carnival about the limit.

 

Nona

 

Yes!!

 

"Did you see?... Ohh how nice.. Oh so and so didn't get one? Well let me call her to find out why"

 

Disaster!

[WDrake_98]

Yes!!

 

"Did you see?... Ohh how nice.. Oh so and so didn't get one? Well let me call her to find out why"

 

Disaster!

 

HILARIOUS! Truly did LOL on that one.

 

Totally reminds me of my college graduation back in 04. I only purchased 25 invitations from the school, but ended up inviting double that. No time or money to purchase more, so I just scanned and printed a few more.

 

Well, for SOME reason, people brought the invitations and those that got the printed ones were UPSET.

 

Oh billy.

[Herbaltees]

hilarious! Truly did lol on that one.

 

Totally reminds me of my college graduation back in 04. I only purchased 25 invitations from the school, but ended up inviting double that. No time or money to purchase more, so i just scanned and printed a few more.

 

well, for some reason, people brought the invitations and those that got the printed ones were upset.

oh billy.

 

lol!!!!!

[Bostoncruiser35]

A friend of mine had the same issue and decided on a no children wedding. Noone was offended and it cut down her people list. The only children there were the ones in the wedding. An idea if you have children you are counting.

[Artemis908]

I think if you explain the limit, people would understand. I would just not expect gifts from people not invited to the ceremony. But I say it's about the company vs. what you're getting from them, so as long as you have fun who cares. In fact, I would personally prefer to NOT be invited to the wedding and just get to party with the bride and groom before or after. Saves me money and sounds like fun :)

[WDrake_98]

A friend of mine had the same issue and decided on a no children wedding. Noone was offended and it cut down her people list. The only children there were the ones in the wedding. An idea if you have children you are counting.

 

I've done this also. Only kids are flower girl and ring bearer.

 

Also, unless a guest is married or living with a significant other , they aren't allowed an extra guest (excluding bridal party since they have to pay for attire).

[jebuell]

Out of curiosity, how are you wording your invites so people don't think they are invited on the cruise? I for one would assume I could go on the cruise and book right away (most of the cruises in my siggy were for weddings!) and not think twice about it. To me a wedding on a cruise ship = a cruise.

[Lipz]

Sweetheart.... all 80 people will not show, trust me.

Yes everyone is ALWAYS excited, but when it gets down to the wire even those with the most excitement in their hearts may be a no show.

I say keep your 'unique' wedding, and invite all 80 guest if you can afford it. The cruise line never minds when you upgrade...more money for them!

If you can't afford the 80, then start cutting... you CAN do it. Even if you have to blame it on the cruise line lol.

[WDrake_98]

Out of curiosity, how are you wording your invites so people don't think they are invited on the cruise? I for one would assume I could go on the cruise and book right away (most of the cruises in my siggy were for weddings!) and not think twice about it. To me a wedding on a cruise ship = a cruise.

 

My wedding invitation wording will be traditional.

However, in lue if an rsvp card I'll be adding a FAQ card to answer some of the questions I've been asked when I say I'm having a cruise wedding.

 

One of the questions will explain that they don't have to take the cruise,and like Herb, I don't really want them looking to take the cruise really. I've invited all the primary people I'd like to travel with me on the cruise. All the others are extended family that I wouldn't really wanna party with for an entire week.

[Artemis908]

We had a few people on our cruise and they were understanding that this was our honeymoon. We had dinner with them every other night and the ship is so big we rarely saw them. When we did, we'd stop for 5-10 minutes to say hi and then move on. It worked out nicely for us since I did want to take the time to enjoy our honeymoon alone.

[brklyn78]

Last night I got a call from a college friend who I've stayed close to, who is flying in for my wedding. His mom, who I've met maybe 3 times, and lives locally, decided she REALLY wanted to come. My wedding is in three days. Since his mother refused to listen to reason from him, she made him call me to ask. I was able to say "sorry, but customs regulations won't allow me to add anyone else at this point." After I hung up the phone I was reminded of your situation, Herbaltees, and had to laugh. Had it been a traditional wedding, I would have had to find a way to get her in, pay more to the caterer, redo my table assignments, etc. Yeah cruise wedding!:D

[Herbaltees]

Last night I got a call from a college friend who I've stayed close to, who is flying in for my wedding. His mom, who I've met maybe 3 times, and lives locally, decided she REALLY wanted to come. My wedding is in three days. Since his mother refused to listen to reason from him, she made him call me to ask. I was able to say "sorry, but customs regulations won't allow me to add anyone else at this point." After I hung up the phone I was reminded of your situation, Herbaltees, and had to laugh. Had it been a traditional wedding, I would have had to find a way to get her in, pay more to the caterer, redo my table assignments, etc. Yeah cruise wedding!:D

 

Oh WOW! That's true. I never thought of that. Thank you for sharing.