Dos & Don'ts with traveling with your kids friends?

[crusinfamof4]

We are considering bringing one of our sons friends on the cruise we take in Nov. We need to decide rather quickly as we are about to book. Other than having to worry about his parents saying yes now he can go, and then change their mind in November, what else should we be aware of? Or be mindful of? Thanks in advance.

[Cricket63]

Insurance, letter of permission from both parents stating you can take them, administer any medical treatment needed, gratuities, who will be paying for cruise, you/them. Also make sure they have proper documentation to get on the ship, birth certificate/passport.

[adriennerm]

Are you paying for everything or are the parents? The reason I ask, if they are paying make sure they are 100% aware of the no refunds. Most airlines only give credits and I believe Carnival will charge you a cancellation fee.

 

Talk to them about curfew. Are they ok if the kids walk around solo for a few hours? Do they know that cell phones do not work while at sea? Are they ok if you need to discipline their child?

 

I traveled with my daughter's friend age 16. She was a dream. The mother paid for airfare and I paid for the cruise. I made sure the mother knew Airtran offered no refunds. So if the friendship went south for whatever reason, nothing I can do to get her money back. Since the mother was well-traveled she understood.

 

We were on the same page as curfew so that was a non-issue also.

 

The only problem we did have was the friend wanted to check in with her mom during a sea day. The Internet wasn't working and she wanted her cell phone. After I explained (for about an hour) why I couldn't give her the phone she was ok. I think she got a little homesick.

 

I had the friends passport, medical insurance card and some emergency money her father gave me.

 

Oh and if the friend is a soda drinker, you might want to discuss a soda sticker.

[steffaroonie]

I second all of the above....but I would also recommend that you have ground rules in place that the friend and the parents are aware of and agree on. I have taken friends of my kids on several cruises....and one sticks out. I paid for the entire cruise - and airfare for my daughter's friend. She was 15 at the time.....my kids are aware of my rules (be respectful, don't get into trouble, yada yada)....so I asked the friend to do the same....and her response "You're not my mother I don't have to listen to you". I found out later that she had been trying to buy drugs in St. Maarten and was sneaking alcohol whenever she thought she could. She drove my daughter nuts!!! That was the end of their friendship. My feeling was that I was responsible for this girl......and needed to bring her back in one piece.

 

I have taken other friends of my daughter, and had a wonderful time. But it only takes once....

 

Kristin

[K&P Luv2Cruise]

We are considering bringing one of our sons friends on the cruise we take in Nov. We need to decide rather quickly as we are about to book. Other than having to worry about his parents saying yes now he can go, and then change their mind in November, what else should we be aware of? Or be mindful of? Thanks in advance.

 

Depending on the 'friends' age, once booked you will need to set-out firm guidelines on who pays for what, (determine what you will be willing to cover i.e. cruise cost, pre and post cruise costs, such as hotel, meals, drinks, entertainment, excursions, etc.), and once on-board, set firm guidelines for curfews, expectations of behaviour, etc.

 

We have done this with our daughter's friend (17 at the time), and we were not all 'on the same page' as far as costs go. The parent agreed to cover spending money, and any pre and post cruise expenses (food, share of hotel etc), and reneged on everything. Her friend had $70.00 in her pocket for an 8 day cruise to cover all expenses and souvenier shopping :eek:. This girl was heartbroken that her parent did not keep his promise...she ended up borrowoing from my daughter, and paid it back over time. This was an arrangement the two of them had come up with before I could even offer to assist. She got a PT job when we got back, and paid everything back to my daughter.

 

We did make sure we set a curfew, and the requirement was they had to eat dinner with us in the MDR each evening so we could catch up on what they had been up to during the day, and also find out what they had planned for the evening. We also had post-it-notes in the cabin where they could leave us messages etc.

 

Worked great for us...she is still a good friend of our daughter's, and like a second daughter to us !

 

Good luck with the trip...

[adriennerm]

Also ask what medicine you can give the child for seasickness, headaches, upset stomach....simple things like this may come up. My daughter's friend had cramps the day before our cruise. I was going to give her some Pamprin but the mom asked if I could give her Tylenol...something about Pamprin has too many chemicals in it :rolleyes:

[adriennerm]

We did make sure we set a curfew, and the requirement was they had to eat dinner with us in the MDR each evening so we could catch up on what they had been up to during the day, and also find out what they had planned for the evening. We also had post-it-notes in the cabin where they could leave us messages etc.

 

 

 

Wow, I did the same thing all the way down to the post-it notes LOL

 

 

Also, tell them not to go into anyone's cabin. That was another rule I had.

[Ksea1961]

Yes, definitely agree on the $$ issue. I would say "your kid will need X number of dollars and be specific. Let them know you will help them manage their money and hopefull not spend every penny.

 

The kid must also understand who is in charge, and follow the family rules at all times.

 

Nice of you to let your son bring a friend! We do that a lot for non cruise vacations.

[chicasarita]

I would say make sure you communicate all of your expectations not only with the parents but also with the kid.

 

When I was in high school, my friend invited me down to her family's beach house with her and her parents. It thought, "beach, sounds great, sign me up." Come to find out her family does beach house very different from how my family does beach house. In my family it is pretty much come and go to the beach and house as much as you want during the day (these are oceanfront houses), everyone eats dinner together and we rotate who cooks, and you can pretty much do what you want. Her family was an everyone must do every single thing together all the time kind of family, including a 2 hour drive to the Filler-Brush outlet store and watching old home movies. Not my kind of trip, and I probably would have declined had I known what I was getting into.

 

Anyway, make sure the kid knows what your family dynamic is like and still actually wants to join you.

[lds26]

I second all of the above....but I would also recommend that you have ground rules in place that the friend and the parents are aware of and agree on. I have taken friends of my kids on several cruises....and one sticks out. I paid for the entire cruise - and airfare for my daughter's friend. She was 15 at the time.....my kids are aware of my rules (be respectful, don't get into trouble, yada yada)....so I asked the friend to do the same....and her response "You're not my mother I don't have to listen to you". I found out later that she had been trying to buy drugs in St. Maarten and was sneaking alcohol whenever she thought she could. She drove my daughter nuts!!! That was the end of their friendship. My feeling was that I was responsible for this girl......and needed to bring her back in one piece.

 

I have taken other friends of my daughter, and had a wonderful time. But it only takes once....

 

Kristin

 

 

My bff took her son and her son's friend on our November cruise this past year and I havent ever taken anyone other than my own children and I learned lots from her experience.

• We had several meetings with boy's family
  
• Said family agreed on excursions hotels etc prior and knew the price of each
  
• Families asked many questions about flights hotels and cruise and thats what my job was to give them as much info as I could
  
• Bff drew up rules with other family prior to cruise and we discussed that a few times with everyone in attendance
  
• Bff had letter outline her roles with the 'friend' drawn up by 'friend's' parents
  

I am taking my son's bff along and prior to asking him I interviewed my son because ultimately its our kids who "know" those they invite and know what we will want from not only our kids but those they invite. So for the poster whose child's friend acted disrespectfully not only damaged the respect of the host family but also a valuable friendship. I know my son would have put in his own rules for his friend. I would never take someone along who my son didnt trust or respect. My son knows me more than anyone and knows what I will tolerate and what I expect from anyone who travels with me!

I can only hope that my upcoming trip will be as smooth as anyone else but I trust the boy who is joining us and I know his mom would whoop him if he disrespected anyone. His mom is very respectable and has raised an amazing boy. I think my son may learn some lessons from him as well. ;)

[Tbay-eh]

Tons of great advice and suggestions. My only suggestion is to before you make another move is to put him/her on own S&S card so any thing spent on ship etc is on their own or parents. If you are paying for almost everything else or expect to get some back at least this doesn't leave the poor kid high and dry and you paying.

[bobsfamily]

We are considering bringing one of our sons friends on the cruise we take in Nov. We need to decide rather quickly as we are about to book. Other than having to worry about his parents saying yes now he can go, and then change their mind in November, what else should we be aware of? Or be mindful of? Thanks in advance.

Just a note, twice we did this... first time great fun had by all, kids were 12ish. Second time, horrible, friend basically ignored whatever we as adults had to say, 15ish were the ages. Make sure you have ground rules in place and good rapport with the parents. Cannot stress enough to be upfront about what you consider good behavior.

[crusinfamof4]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the responses! They both will be 16 at the time of cruising. We have his friend over all the time, in the summer he stays with us for weeks at a time, hate to admit it, but he is better behaved then my own two, that's why we thought we would bring him. To be honest, I don't even know if his mom would let him miss 3 days of school, he is taking a few college courses next year. I will def review with my DH so we can make the final decision. Again, thank you ALL for your responses, it has given me a lot to consider.

[palmtre2]

The money thing can become a big issue,get it straight ahead of time!

[crusinfamof4]

Yes, we figured we would pay for his cruise, it's not that much-instead of 1 balcony, we are getting 2 connecting ocean view cabins. The price is only about $150 more than what we were orginally going to pay. And we already have arcade $ set aside. I would ask that he get a passport and bring his own spending money. Since other than the arcade, most everything is included, we never let our kids have $$$ on their sail and signs anyway. But I know he will want souviners, he will have to buy that.

[mousey]

We took our DS (16) and his friend (17) on a cruise last Aug.

 

1. I got a notarized letter from the friend's mom because she had sole custody that gave me permission to take him out of the country and to seek emergency medical help for him.

 

2. The mother gave him spending money and paid for his excursions.

 

3. His father gave him spending money.

 

4. We paid for the cruise and his airfare (this was a gift because he had acted as our son's caddie when our son was in a world championship golf tournament).

 

5. I simply told the parents, who are divorced, that I would treat their child like my own son and that he would be bound by the same rules and gifted with the same freedoms as my son. Knowing my son really well and the kind of mom I am, they totally agreed that would be fine. We did not go into any details as to curfews, etc. The friend had stayed with us for a couple of weeks during the summer and had been on my son's high school golf team so we knew him very well.

 

6. We all had a great cruise!

 

Hope that helps. Don't make it too complicated unless the people don't know you, in which case you won't be able to handle it the easy way that I did and will have to go into specifics.

[bluehenfan]

I second all of the above....but I would also recommend that you have ground rules in place that the friend and the parents are aware of and agree on. I have taken friends of my kids on several cruises....and one sticks out. I paid for the entire cruise - and airfare for my daughter's friend. She was 15 at the time.....my kids are aware of my rules (be respectful, don't get into trouble, yada yada)....so I asked the friend to do the same....and her response "You're not my mother I don't have to listen to you". I found out later that she had been trying to buy drugs in St. Maarten and was sneaking alcohol whenever she thought she could. She drove my daughter nuts!!! That was the end of their friendship. My feeling was that I was responsible for this girl......and needed to bring her back in one piece.

 

I have taken other friends of my daughter, and had a wonderful time. But it only takes once....

 

Kristin

 

 

I had something similar happen when as a H.S. graduation gift, I took my Gr. dtr on a 7 night cruise. I wanted her to bring a friend as she's shy and doesn't make friends easily. She ended up inviting a girl that she had known all her life, but who went to a different high school. I gave them a 12:30 curfew but said it could be 1 a.m. if they were doing something with teen club. Her "friend" met up with some kids who did nothing at night but roam the ship looking for drinks people had left half empty. She also told a couple older guys she was 21 and they were buying her drinks. My Gr. dtr. didn't tell me this stuff until a year later when she was home from college, but I knew during the trip she was not happy.She said it was the worse cruise she'd ever been on. She loves all the activities when we cruise and it wasn't like her to miss shows to roam the decks. She didn't want to get friend in trouble so she'd go sit in buffet area or on a deck where she knew she wouldn't run into me until meeting up with "friend" at end of night. She and this girl haven't spoken since the ship docked. I spent a lot of $$ to make it special but she said it was worse cruise ever and she could kick herself for not telling me but didn't want to be a rat. Be careful who your child invites. I thought I knew this girl but obviously I didn't.

[momof4boys]

I had something similar happen when as a H.S. graduation gift, I took my Gr. dtr on a 7 night cruise. I wanted her to bring a friend as she's shy and doesn't make friends easily. She ended up inviting a girl that she had known all her life, but who went to a different high school. I gave them a 12:30 curfew but said it could be 1 a.m. if they were doing something with teen club. Her "friend" met up with some kids who did nothing at night but roam the ship looking for drinks people had left half empty. She also told a couple older guys she was 21 and they were buying her drinks. My Gr. dtr. didn't tell me this stuff until a year later when she was home from college, but I knew during the trip she was not happy.She said it was the worse cruise she'd ever been on. She loves all the activities when we cruise and it wasn't like her to miss shows to roam the decks. She didn't want to get friend in trouble so she'd go sit in buffet area or on a deck where she knew she wouldn't run into me until meeting up with "friend" at end of night. She and this girl haven't spoken since the ship docked. I spent a lot of $$ to make it special but she said it was worse cruise ever and she could kick herself for not telling me but didn't want to be a rat. Be careful who your child invites. I thought I knew this girl but obviously I didn't.

 

 

This was a very interesting story. I have 4 sons, and three of them have had friends come with us on various vacations and cruises. All three of the boys who have come with us are like 5-6-7 sons. :)

 

 

My youngest son has no wish to bring a friend with him. We have asked and he has always said no. Now we cruise with friends who have kids my kids ages, but still not exactly the same. My DYS says that he does not want to be "responsible" for someone elses fun. However, it could be he doesn't want to be responsible for some elses behavior.

 

Interesting post! Thanks.

[Seniorstallion]

Thank you all for the advice and real life situations. We will be taking our children along with the bff and gf on our cruise in July. Ages range from 16 to 21 so it changes some of the dynamics. We are not paying for their cruises but pre cruise hotel and some dining. BFF will turn 21 a month before we go. He is definitely a 2nd son to us and this will be his first cruise. Making sure he takes all medical info and that he got his passport card already. GF has never cruise either and already got passport. Waiting for letter for medical authorization and moms notarized letter as she has full custody. We have two cabins booked and are very much looking forward to this trip before the DS starts college.

[Sh1035]

yes make sure you nail the $$$ issues down . I have done this numerous times and always consider the kids family. problem is the parents give them a wad of cash and I pay for everything. When it's the other way around I always make sure to give it to the parents.

 

Amused me when the shoe was on the other foot the parents told me the cost of the cruise,etc and gave me a total due!

[cccer]

We took our son's friend with us three years ago and the cruise was great, but we had some issues before we went. We met with his parents three days before final payment and told them if it is a go, we need to know now. We told them the cost and they said OK.

Three weeks later we find out from our son that they don't want him to go. they say it is more expensive then our son told them (even though we told them the cost before final payment).

Anyway, I told them there was about $800 in nonrefundable fees if we cancelled and I would pay the rest so they let him go.

I would do it again, but I would want better communications with the parents before we left.

[boltnut55]

Y'all are very generous to do this. I'm not sure if I would be willing to put myself out there for the added stress and possible risk, which is too bad.

 

so I asked the friend to do the same....and her response "You're not my mother I don't have to listen to you". I found out later that she had been trying to buy drugs in St. Maarten and was sneaking alcohol whenever she thought she could. I have taken other friends of my daughter, and had a wonderful time. But it only takes once....

 

Kristin

Yikes! What would have been your "responsibility" if something happened? I think it's great you are able to bring her, but I hate the fact that your generosity puts you at risk :(

 

This girl was heartbroken that her parent did not keep his promise...she ended up borrowoing from my daughter, and paid it back over time. This was an arrangement the two of them had come up with before I could even offer to assist. She got a PT job when we got back, and paid everything back to my daughter.

Worked great for us...she is still a good friend of our daughter's, and like a second daughter to us !

Crazy when the child is more mature that her parent! Glad you're able to be a second parent for her :)

problem is the parents give them a wad of cash and I pay for everything. When it's the other way around I always make sure to give it to the parents.

 

Amused me when the shoe was on the other foot the parents told me the cost of the cruise,etc and gave me a total due!

 

I give money to DD when she goes out with others and always tell her to pay for her share; however, sometimes the parents won't let her pay, and she's embarassed to keep insisting, but I think it actually sets up a bad precedent (the kid figures out that she can keep the money if she doesn't offer!)... so let the kids pay! :D

[Celandine]

wow, what an interesting thread.

 

Some of you are super nice.

 

I am pretty sure my parents would never have brought a friend on vacation (mostly liability etc.)

 

The only time I went on vacation without my parents was with family.

 

 

I would stress the notarized letter, my mum had to get one when she took me on my first cruise because I was 15 even though she and my father were (and still are) married.... it had to state that she had legal permission to remove me from the country.

 

I find that kind of weird though because my dad and I have gone on trips to Florida alone together from the time I was 13 and he never needed a letter....

 

 

I'm assuming you know the kids but I would make sure to ask about allergies (food, medication, environmental) and like everyone else said, the money issue. If the parents are not familiar with cruising I would have the costs set up in broken down detail so they can see exactly what the fare covers, what might be extra etc.

[matondo]

Lots of great advice on this thread.

 

1. The money issue is huge and that needs to be laid out clearly.

 

2. The disicpline issue. Even good kids like to test the boundries. Trust but verify with what is going on.

 

3. Sometimes there will be conflicts and drama..usually it is the girls. I have a son and daughter so I am speaking from experience. Nip it in the bud and get it resloved ASAP or it could make the trip go south.

 

4. Most of the time it is a wonderful experience and as a parent you don't have to worry about the kids being "bored" and you can have you own fun.

[jordanaire]

On a Western Caribbean cruise, my son brought along his best friend. Both were 16 at the time. After promising his parents that we would keep an eye on their son 24/7, they finally agreed to let him go with us. Everything was fine during the cruise, except when we sat down for breakfast on the last day of the cruise. Danny had his shirt buttoned up at the collar and acted as though his neck was bothering him. I asked if he had slept crooked and he said yes. However, when he reached for his juice I noticed a great big HICKEY on the side of his neck! So much for watching him 24/7!

 

When we took him home after the cruise, he ran straight to his room with his mom behind him. I explained to his dad what happened and his response was..."that's my boy!"

 

:cool:Bill