Cruising with a nanny

[Kerry's Girls]

When my nanny vacationed with us once, after some discussion with the nanny, I ended up paying her more than her daily rate since she was going to be away from home 24/7, along with all her expenses and negotiated free time off. Then she came down with a very high fever while we were away and I ended up paying out all the money and not getting free time anyway for the last half of the trip. It was just one of those things that can happen and we're still very close with her years later, but I can completely see how a trip with a nanny could harm the relationship if all terms aren't understood ahead of time.

 

Best,

Mia

[c4alymom]

When my nanny vacationed with us once' date=' after some discussion with the nanny, I ended up paying her more than her daily rate since she was going to be away from home 24/7, along with all her expenses and negotiated free time off. Then she came down with a very high fever while we were away and I ended up paying out all the money and not getting free time anyway for the last half of the trip. It was just one of those things that can happen and we're still very close with her years later, but I can completely see how a trip with a nanny could harm the relationship if all terms aren't understood ahead of time.

 

Best,

Mia[/quote']

 

This is a good thing to make note of too! Thanks for bringing this up :). What happens if your nanny gets sick? I love that you paid your nanny regardless. After all, she did go along on the trip. It wasn't her fault she got sick. However, that is kind of a "gray" area... It would be good to cover this prior to leaving as well. Great thing to add to the list of what to put in writing!

[beachchick]

calikak:

 

I admire you for asking how best to handle a cruise with your nanny. It's so much better than making assumptions (either you or her). Having set expectations and even hours keeps the relationship professional, as it should be.

 

But I believe you need to rethink this mindset:

 

Also she's awesome and I think she's totally earned a vacation!

 

No doubt she does deserve a vacation, but this cruise is not it. She will be accompanying you as a paid employee. She will be working at her usual job. Certainly she will have time off to do things and have fun. You need to ask yourself how that is different from the usual schedule, except that's you are in a different location. I'm sure she has a work schedule day to day and has defined time off to do things and have fun at home too.

 

If she will be working fewer hours, then you might want to negotiate a different salary structure for the cruise in addition to paying for her travel expenses. If you aren't sure how many hours you will actually want her to work, then she should be paid her standard salary (and any overtime if that's a normal thing) in addition to you paying for her travel expenses.

 

Do be sure to decide and agree on other expenses. For example, if she goes on an excursion with you and is helping with the children, then you should pay for it. But if she has time off and decides to go on an excursion or to the beach or shopping or whatever on her own (off the clock), then she should pay for it just as she would pay for her own activities on her regular time off--Unless you decide to pay for something as an extra bonus. What about spending money and onboard expenses? Obviously, you would pay her tips/DSC. Are there other items you would cover? Make sure she knows what kind of personal costs will be involved.

 

It's obvious that you care about your nanny and her well being. Your heart is in the right place. IMO, you just need to shift your thinking about the cruise a bit. It is not a vacation for her, although it could likely be a nice experience for all of you. Just make certain that she not only knows exactly what is expected of her, but that she believes it is fair too.

 

(I have to agree with others that telling her she is free to use the balcony if you are not using it feels akin to saying she can have your leftover steak or something like that. That's especially true if you picture her out there enjoying the sun and then being basically "kicked out" when you come back/in and want to use it. She wouldn't have any privacy or freedom there. But if it's something you can work out with her and she's happy with the arrangement, then that's what matters.)

 

I hope you all have a great time and wonderful memories.

 

beachchick

[E&B]

I haven't taken a cruise with a nanny, but have done land based vacations with one. They should be paid their regular salary while on vacation and if the work extra hours above what they normally do, be compensated for that as well. And I also agree that expectations should be discussed in advance.

 

But, I see no problems with telling the nanny she can use the balcony if you're not using it. If it were your bedroom at home that had a small balcony she would never expect to join you if you were there. My kids are in an inside cabin accross the hall from us this trip. They will have access to our balcony as well. But it is our balcony - if we want privacy they will not be allowed to use it. I honestly do not think there is anything wrong with this or that your nanny will be offended by it.

[newbiecruiser09]

to the OP: I'm assuming that this has been discussed but in case it hasn't--have you ASKED the nanny if she is willing to come along on the cruise or are you just assuming she would want to? Some folks may not feel comfortable going on vacation (even a working one) with their employer. We took a sitter skiing when our DD was a toddler so we could ski with our older son. We asked before we planned to make sure the sitter was ok with this and was something she wanted to do (she skiied as well) I would make sure your nanny is ok with this added dimension to her job and also to again make sure everything is clear and in writing before you go.

[rebeccalouiseagain]

Calikak-

 

I hope you haven't been scared away. I think people are just trying to give points that I never thought of myself and probably was oblivious to.

 

One thing that I don't think will work for this cruise. If your daughter is in a room with her- that means she will not have any night life and will not be able to sleep in in the am.

 

When I cruised with my two kids- we had a suite and I had both kids in with my husband and myself. Our sitter was on another deck- far from us. I think this gave her the space that she needed. It drew a line between work and fun.

 

I took my sister to Hilton Head once because she said she would babysit. She asked if she could bring her boyfriend and I said sure. Then when it came time to babysit so that we could go out to dinner- she said "I've been with you guys all day". I was like- that was your choice but she couldn't really get away from us because she had the sofa bed in the living room. I learned it is best not to do "business" with family.

[IttaBit]

Excellent post because we had contemplated bringing our nanny with us on a cruise. I think what happens sometimes with nanny situations is that you start to feel like the nanny is an extension of your family, when in reality, they are actually an employee. When you choose to bring an employee on vacation, clear expectations need to be set, what hours will they be on duty, what hours can they have to themselves, financial matters, etc. Then everything needs to be in writing and signed by both parties. You could really run into a mess otherwise.

[Geldhart]

Never had a nanny, but I have traveled on business lots of times, and this is what I as the employee would expect. I'm including some examples from my own experience.

 

1. At a minimum, she is entitled to the full normal pay she would have gotten if it was just a normal week. Since she cannot simply "go home", consider paying a bit extra.

 

2. You pay full airfare, cruise costs, tips, pre/post cruise meals, excursions you are requiring her to go on etc. . . She should be able to go without spending a dime of her own money (unless she wants to of course). I do this all the time, not spending any of my own money, but sometimes I come across a neat show I want to see, that I couldn't see at home, so I go for it.

 

3. Have her schedule very clear in advance. Try to avoid flying by the seat of your pants. Since she is your employee, obviously your schedule will take priority. It could be something either like:

 

A. Every day from 1200 until 1600, you have the kids, and are 100% responsible for them.

 

or

 

B: On Day 1, you have the kids from 0900-1200, day 2 from 1000-1100 and 1900-2300, etc, Day 3, you are at the beach with us from 1230 - 1700, etc.

 

When I travel, I'm on site from 0900 until 1600 (or until the job is done, whichever comes first), with a 1 hour break for lunch at a point that makes sense for the job, ie I wait until the long automated process begins, go for lunch, and when I get back, I should be able to continue.

 

4. Consider #3 to be what you are paying her regular salary for. If something comes up and you need more hours, you pay her more, and have that amount agreed to in advance.

 

For example, if I am working longer hours because equipment arrived late or damaged, I am considered "out of scope" and am paid 1.5 x my normal rate.

 

5. Make sure that when she is off, that she is off, the best way to do this would to get her her own cabin, and she is not sharing it with anyone. Do not allow your kids to knock on her door when she is off the clock.

 

Once I am off the clock, I am not required to answer my phone, for ANYONE, except from the Emergency On-Call number. The client is never given my number for this reason - they call the help desk who can either fix it themselves (95% of the time) or contact me on the Emergency Line.

 

6. Have clear expectations of what you will allow alcohol wise. Is she allowed to drink (obviously at her own expense of course)? If so, what are the limits? If you expect her to be dry the whole time, make sure that is clear as well.

 

While I don't drink at all due to alcohol sensitivity, my company requires that all employees remain dry the entire time they are travelling since there can be a lot of driving involved, not to mention being embarrassed when one of us shows up to a client's site drunk, plus the unpredictably of alcohol on long flights - prior to this policy a good tech had a beer (or two) in the lounge and tried to get frisky with a flight attendant.

 

7. Purchase full travel medical for her, including medical evacuation by helicopter or medivac flight.

 

8. Ensure you have a backup plan for illness (either the Nanny is sick, the kids are sick, or Mom and/or Dad are sick). If she is sick, will she still get paid, and if so, how much.

 

I agree with the previous poster who paid the Nanny every penny she would have gotten.

 

9. Ensure you have a backup plan for any misconduct. Make sure you define what is considered misconduct.

 

10. Ensure you have an agreement on what expenses she can charge to you, and what she can't. On the last night sort through the expenses so you know what she is responsible for and what you are responsible for.

 

Eg. She buys some souvenirs for her friends and family - those she pays for, but when she sent the kids' laundry for cleaning, you pay for that.

 

It can be done, but as others have said, consider it a business trip, not a reward/treat for being wonderful. Any enjoyment she gets is considered a nice bonus, but it is first and foremost a time for working. Consider giving her time off either before or after the cruise.

[calikak]

I am so sorry I started a thread and then disappeared! We were on this year's vacation (Hawaii with my parents--FYI, the Hilton on the big island is pretty awesome for kids!) and the cruise with the nanny is next year's vacation. Also, I really appreciate all the input everyone has shared, both positive and negative. Knowing pitfalls in advance and thinking through potential issues is what I was hoping for.

 

To clarify: she would have her own cabin, with no kids staying in it. We booked one kid in with her so we aren't paying a single supplement for her, but the kid will in reality be staying in our cabin, which sleeps 4. My daughter is a horrifically bad sleeper, I wouldn't inflict her on family overnight, let alone an employee! I appreciate the tip about telling the kids they aren't allowed to bother her on her off hours. That's the kind of thing my oldest would do, and setting boundaries for him will be important!

 

And here's the other part where I freaked everyone out unnecessarily: on top of paying expenses for the trip (all of them!), we would definitely be paying her normal wage during the trip, which is an hourly one. We will of course pay her for all hours she spends with the kids, because when you are a nanny, spending time with kids is working, period. (I was a sleep-away camp counselor in college, and let me tell you, on my break, I needed that time away from children!) If she ends up working less than the 40 hours we normally pay her for, we'll pay her for 40 hours anyway--I don't want her losing money because of our trip.

 

Right now, I'm anticipating that we'll be leaving the kids with her for (probably early seating) dinner and possibly a few of the shows and maybe a couple hours at the casino. I am an early-to-bed person, especially with kids who wake up early, so I don't anticipate being out past 10, frankly. We'd also have her help with the kids during two daytime spa appointments during the trip (so, when I'm getting my pedicure and DH is single dad for an hour, he's got someone to help him--same when he's at his massage and I'm single mom for a couple hours). I hadn't planned on her being there for nap time, I just figured that was time I can sit on the balcony and read a book and decompress, or for DH to take a nap. If she's with us on excursions (I am still planning what those would be in most ports), even if it's her choice to go, we'd consider that on-the-clock time and so we'd pay her for that time. Beyond that, she will not be expected to be with us at all and I'll make sure she knows she's free to go ashore, go to the pool, stay out dancing, whatever floats her boat (pun intended!).

 

I appreciate the tip about discussing our alcohol policy with her. I hadn't thought about it because she's old/mature enough to be past the get-hammered-and-fall-overboard phase of life, but it's still worth talking about being single and female and drinking and safety issues on a cruise.

 

For the person who said to just send them to the kids club: my youngest will not be old enough for the kids' club. She'll be 18 months old on this trip. In addition, in the past, my oldest has not enjoyed the kids' club at all and has refused to go after the first day. I mean, if he wants to go this time, great, but I'm not holding my breath. Kids' club is great for kids that enjoy it and that are old enough to use it, but unfortunately, that's not us. I am really looking forward to the day when my oldest gets more independent, although I know when he's 13, I'll be nostalgic for when he was so clingy he wouldn't go to the kids' club!

 

Had not thought about trip insurance, since we haven't booked the airfare yet (we always wait to do trip insurance until after we've booked something non-refundable), but that is totally logical to buy it for her too. I probably would have figured that out when I got around to buying the insurance for us (because, if something did happen and she had to be evacuated, I would have insisted on paying the costs for her), but now it's for sure on my radar.

 

Our nanny loves to travel and has repeatedly said that she is excited about vacationing with us. Recently she was telling me about a first date she went on with a guy who had never been outside our state. That was a deal-breaker for her, because travel is a big part of her life. So, that's why both she and I are seeing the cruise as a "treat" in that she's super excited about it--this will be her first cruise and she is excited to try out cruising. I wish we were taking her someplace more exciting than just California, but after a long flight to Hawaii with our kids, I am also kind of glad it's a fairly short flight to LA for us! Maybe someday we'll bring her along on a Europe cruise...

 

Tiffany, that is awful that someone would refuse to pay you for the time you spent watching their kids, even if it was during a trip. Sometimes I read about how people treat their nannies (or other employees) and it makes me wonder about the state of humanity. :( Our neighbor runs an in-home daycare/preschool that sounds just like yours, which is where our oldest goes right now (he starts K in the fall) and she is by far the best thing that has ever happened to our son. She works so hard--if I had to chase 8 preschoolers around all day like she does, I'd end up in a mental institution! Anyway, I just wanted to say I have tons of respect for your profession, and give you huge kudos for taking the time to learn more about working with kids with disabilities. There is a HUGE need for qualified people in that field!

 

OK, this has gotten insanely long...but any further tips or thoughts are welcomed!

[calikak]

Also, thanks to the people who suggested maybe giving her some time off before/after the trip. That helps me in my decision about whether we include her in the Disneyland portion of the trip pre/post cruise--if we don't bring her to that part, then she'll have time off/away from us after the trip, so I think that's probably the best option.

[PennyAgain]

Make sure that your nanny has a passport and whatever other papers are needed for travel.

 

Is she is not a US Citizen, you may have other issues.

 

Make sure you have the correct medical release to allow your child/children to receive emergency medical care if the nanny and children stay on the ship and you go off on a tour.

 

Have everything worked out in writing including who pays for what and what wages will be owed and paid.

[calikak]

Make sure that your nanny has a passport and whatever other papers are needed for travel.

 

Is she is not a US Citizen, you may have other issues.

 

Make sure you have the correct medical release to allow your child/children to receive emergency medical care if the nanny and children stay on the ship and you go off on a tour.

 

Have everything worked out in writing including who pays for what and what wages will be owed and paid.

 

Excellent tips, thanks! (She is a US citizen, and taught English in Korea for 2 years, so she has a passport...but if it needs renewing, I think I'll offer to pay the fee...)

 

Where does one find such medical release forms? Do I need to contact the cruise line, or are there model ones online that I could use?

[justdoit31]

I was a nanny during undergrad (worked 25 hours a week for the family) and I did a couple of land based vacations for them.

 

We didn't do a schedule before the whole trip but did discuss it the night before. I was blessed in that the parents rarely left me with all 4 kids on vacation opting to take one or two at a time for quality time based on age/likes. I did do most nap times but they made sure that every day I had "me time" for tanning, jet skiing, etc. They paid me the same that I would make if it was at the house. Plus they covered meals (which wasn't anything unusual as even when I was at their house they would often bring me food or leave me money for delivery if I had come from class).

 

I think a lot of how it works will depend on attitude. For me I was basically part of the family (to the point I still facetime the kids weekly even though I live across the country for grad school and I stay with them when I vacation back to my undergrad). For some nannies really are employees so I would just keep the line clear.

 

Also, just a thought- is it really needed for a nanny to be there? I'm looking at a cruise next Feb with my best friend and her 18 month old (at that time). My friends mom and possibly her dad would also come and they are good about giving us time away from the baby and we would pick a ship with a nursery. Is there any specific reason why we would pick a nanny over just doing it ourselves?

[Geldhart]

Excellent tips, thanks! (She is a US citizen, and taught English in Korea for 2 years, so she has a passport...but if it needs renewing, I think I'll offer to pay the fee...)

 

Where does one find such medical release forms? Do I need to contact the cruise line, or are there model ones online that I could use?

 

Medical releases can be DIY. I think there are some samples on the boards you can use, but since she is an employee, it may make sense to have your lawyer or paralegal write one up and get notarized.

 

When we leave our kids with grandparents, we just use a DIY one:

 

 

We (OUR NAMES)

Parents of (KIDS NAMES)

 

Give permission for (CAREGIVER NAMES) to provide and authorize any and all medical treatment for (KIDS NAMES) during the period of (DATES, with end date padded a bit in case we are delayed returning) during our absence.

 

(SIGNATURES)

 

That said, IANAL, this one hasn't been tested yet, and we are Canadian.

[galimeyer]

I was a nanny during undergrad (worked 25 hours a week for the family) and I did a couple of land based vacations for them.

 

We didn't do a schedule before the whole trip but did discuss it the night before. I was blessed in that the parents rarely left me with all 4 kids on vacation opting to take one or two at a time for quality time based on age/likes. I did do most nap times but they made sure that every day I had "me time" for tanning, jet skiing, etc. They paid me the same that I would make if it was at the house. Plus they covered meals (which wasn't anything unusual as even when I was at their house they would often bring me food or leave me money for delivery if I had come from class).

 

I think a lot of how it works will depend on attitude. For me I was basically part of the family (to the point I still facetime the kids weekly even though I live across the country for grad school and I stay with them when I vacation back to my undergrad). For some nannies really are employees so I would just keep the line clear.

 

Also, just a thought- is it really needed for a nanny to be there? I'm looking at a cruise next Feb with my best friend and her 18 month old (at that time). My friends mom and possibly her dad would also come and they are good about giving us time away from the baby and we would pick a ship with a nursery. Is there any specific reason why we would pick a nanny over just doing it ourselves?

 

I'm not aware of any ships that have a nursery.

 

I think people that perfer nannies to vacation with them may not have the option of grandparents to bring with them.

[cantw8togo]

Also, thanks to the people who suggested maybe giving her some time off before/after the trip. That helps me in my decision about whether we include her in the Disneyland portion of the trip pre/post cruise--if we don't bring her to that part, then she'll have time off/away from us after the trip, so I think that's probably the best option.

 

Perhaps you could offer her the option of going to Disneyland "off the clock," (since the expense would be minimal for you.) She could either tag along or do her own thing at Disneyland, but she might appreciate being able to go. Then again, maybe by that point she would rather just sit by the pool. :D

[justdoit31]

I'm not aware of any ships that have a nursery.

 

I think people that perfer nannies to vacation with them may not have the option of grandparents to bring with them.

 

Disney Cruises all offer a nursery which is a per hour fee and so does a bunch of the newer/refurbished RCI ships. We are leaning towards doing either Oasis, Allure, or Freedom... but haven't totally ruled out Disney.