Cruising with a nanny

[calikak]

Now that we have two kids, we've hired a nanny to do child care for them. (Turns out it was cheaper than regular daycare for an infant in this town, who knew?) She is fantastic and we love her, so we've decided to bring her along on our cruise next year as a treat for her and as a help for us. We've booked her into an inside cabin across the hall from our minisuite. She's excited to go on her first cruise and we're excited to have someone to help us out with the kids.

 

This not be our first cruise with kids, but it will be our first with a nanny. Those who have cruised with a nanny before, do you have any tips about helping her and us have a good time on the cruise? What kinds of expectations did you set for your nanny? How much time did you spend with the nanny vs. time on their own vs. time where they're watching the kids and you're off on your own? Did the nanny do shore excursions with you? Did you do shore excursions just as adults while the nanny watched the kids? Were there any sources of conflict between you and the nanny that we should avoid? How did you handle pay/salary during the cruise? I'm less worried about maturity issues (she's mid-20's and got better grades in college than I did, so responsibility isn't a problem!) and more about making sure we all still like each other after this is over. :)

 

What I'm thinking right now is, nanny will have free time most of the day, and we'll have her watch the kids while we have a nice leisurely dinner in the dining room and take in a show or go to the casino in the evenings. I'd also have her helping with the kids while one of us is at our spa appointment (DH is getting a massage; I'm getting a pedicure).

 

Anyway, thoughts? Thanks in advance for any advice you have!

[rebeccalouiseagain]

Its really important to explain exactly what your expectations are of your Nanny.

 

I did bring a Nanny. The additional expense was considerable. It was $1400 for the cruise and airfare plus her onboard expenses which were minamal ($100).

 

This was a family vacation with a group of 11 including our Nanny. It did work fine. She did the early seating dinner by herself (with other singles at her table). And she babysat for us from 8-11 each night.

 

During the day, I let her sleep in as long as she wanted and she was responsible for staying with the baby (usually it was nap time) from 12-3. On port days she did go on a couple tours in the AM with the rest of my family while I stayed onboard with the baby. When we all got off the ship- she was with us as a helper but we took turns with the baby- giving the adults a chance to swim in the ocean, etc.

 

It worked out fine and I took her again years later. I viewed it as a "thank you" for being such a good sitter. And I made sure that she was able to have free time and fun on her own.

[calikak]

Rebecca, thank you, that is helpful.

 

Between cruise fare and airfare and post-cruise hotel, it's looking to be about that amount in added expense to bring her along. We booked her with one of the kids, so we didn't have to pay a single supplement, and we're sailing from LA--airfare from SEA to LA isn't too pricey. The cost is totally worth it to me to have dinner in the dining room instead of the buffet (no way am I trying to juggle a 5-year-old and a toddler in the main dining room) and to just have an extra pair of hands when we need them. Also she's awesome and I think she's totally earned a vacation!

 

I like the idea of mornings for sure being her own time so she can sleep in or sight-see if she wants. That's something I'll definitely propose to her. I'm also planning to let her know she's welcome to use our balcony anytime we're not using it.

 

I mostly figured that when we're in port, we'll let her have free time too, since we'll be doing a lot of kid-friendly excursions (it's a California Coastal cruise, so we'll be going to Legoland in San Diego, etc.). Post-cruise, we're staying in Disneyland for a couple days (DH works for Disney so we have free park passes) and I haven't decided whether we'll have her stay for the post-cruise part, and if so, how we'd work having her with us at Disney. It would be cool to have her take the wee one in the afternoon for nap time, so we can do more thrill rides with the bigger kid (my oldest is a roller coaster fiend, his favorite ride at Disneyland is the Matterhorn, go figure!) but I need to think through like her meal expenses and free time for her, stuff like that. Alas, Disneyland's meal plan kinda stinks, especially compared to WDW.

 

Anyway, thanks for the advice!

[rebeccalouiseagain]

I LOVED Legoland! I really did. It was the most relaxing amusement park I've ever been too. Great choice.

 

I did Disneyland too in LA and we greatly enjoyed our day. I wouldn't bother taking her and just switch off on the thrill rides. It won't be vital to your fun at Disney and the added park expenses, hotel and meal plans aren't really worth it for a day or two at Disney.

[calikak]

I LOVED Legoland! I really did. It was the most relaxing amusement park I've ever been too. Great choice.

 

I did Disneyland too in LA and we greatly enjoyed our day. I wouldn't bother taking her and just switch off on the thrill rides. It won't be vital to your fun at Disney and the added park expenses, hotel and meal plans aren't really worth it for a day or two at Disney.

 

These are good tips, thank you! I am totally stoked for Legoland, DH and DS are absolute Lego nuts. :D I also hear it's good for the under-2 crowd because a lot of the rides are toddler-friendly? Our youngest will turn 18 months during the cruise.

 

I'm kind of at a loss what to do in Santa Barbara...wondering if maybe the nanny could stay with the kids while we do a wine tour? I am marginally paranoid about leaving the kids on the ship while we go ashore, though. In San Francisco, we have friends to see, and can you go wrong with a cable car ride and some ice cream at Ghirardelli Square? And of course a ride on the carousel at Fisherman's Wharf, right? Lots of kid-friendly stuff to do in SF. We also have a whole day in Ensenada, have not even begun to think that out because I thought it was just a quick service call there.

 

Since we don't have to pay for park tickets (LOVE that DH works for them!), Disney doesn't seem as expensive to me, but the whole "do we really need her there" part makes me wonder if it's worth it. Partly because, DH hates roller coasters, so he can watch the wee one while DS and I ride. But I'm sure the nanny would love going to Disney, so the whole "we are rewarding her with a trip" part makes me think we should bring her to that part too. I guess I need to think through the expenses to see if it's worth it.

[rebeccalouiseagain]

By all means do the wine tour! Between your Nanny and a fleet of crew members and ship's doctor on hand... your children will be in good hands. That excursion will be a wonderful day for you and your hubby! I'm sure your sitter would agree. In San Fran, your plan sounds fun and sensible and with the sitter along it will be no problem.

 

As for the sitter- by the end of the cruise, she might be so ready to get home.

[calikak]

 

As for the sitter- by the end of the cruise, she might be so ready to get home.

 

Fair point--I mean, I like to think I'm a good boss, but still, spending a whole week with your employers and their two children might be plenty. :D

 

You are right, I'm sure they'll be fine with the nanny and all the other support staff onboard. I have 100% trust in the nanny and the kids adore her. I am always paranoid about getting left behind in port, but I suppose if we booked a tour through the ship, I wouldn't have to worry.

[rebeccalouiseagain]

Yes book the tour through the ship for piece of mind. I did a 9 hour tour with my Dad one day and my son stayed onboard with my step-mother. It worked out fine and I knew the ship wouldn't leave without us.

 

My Dad, 70 at the time, really enjoyed that tour with me and I'm glad I didn't take my son because I would have been focused on him the whole time. My Dad still talks about that excursion and how wonderful it was. I wonder how wonderful it would have been with a bored 6 year old?

 

My Dad is 75 now and he probably won't ever do another trip with us. He has health problems- so sometimes the things that seem "selfish" like leaving your child onboard... in fact are quite the opposite.

[calikak]

Yes book the tour through the ship for piece of mind. I did a 9 hour tour with my Dad one day and my son stayed onboard with my step-mother. It worked out fine and I knew the ship wouldn't leave without us.

 

My Dad, 70 at the time, really enjoyed that tour with me and I'm glad I didn't take my son because I would have been focused on him the whole time. My Dad still talks about that excursion and how wonderful it was. I wonder how wonderful it would have been with a bored 6 year old?

 

My Dad is 75 now and he probably won't ever do another trip with us. He has health problems- so sometimes the things that seem "selfish" like leaving your child onboard... in fact are quite the opposite.

 

Really good point, quality time of different types is important too. I'm sorry to hear about your dad's health problems. I always think of a cruise as a good way for folks with health issues to travel because of how many older folks go on cruises, but a trip is never as simple for people with health problems as it is for the rest of us.

[rebeccalouiseagain]

My father has his own health problems but his wife has dementia and he is her caregiver. After many years of travel. He is content to stay close to home and keep her in her usual routine. In other words- don't put off to tomorrow what you can do today. I'm so glad that i have traveled with my Dad while he was able.

 

And I probably will get my Dad to do a family vacation but it will be closer to home. He worries because his wife has outbursts and she gets easily confused, etc. With his own health problems, it is just too much for him anymore. But the two of them have done MANY trips.

[calikak]

My father has his own health problems but his wife has dementia and he is her caregiver. After many years of travel. He is content to stay close to home and keep her in her usual routine. In other words- don't put off to tomorrow what you can do today. I'm so glad that i have traveled with my Dad while he was able.

 

And I probably will get my Dad to do a family vacation but it will be closer to home. He worries because his wife has outbursts and she gets easily confused, etc. With his own health problems, it is just too much for him anymore. But the two of them have done MANY trips.

 

That is very similar to how my grandparents were. They traveled a lot when they were able, and also lived on their sailboat for 5 months of the year for about 20 years, until my grandmother's dementia made it impossible. That was also about the time that it became just too hard for my grandfather to take care of her himself, so they went to live with my aunt, and stayed close to home for the most part (although, because my aunt was also care-giving, my grandfather still got to go sailing a couple weeks every summer). When she got sick, I was glad they'd had so many great years together. It made watching her go downhill marginally less painful, knowing she'd really lived life to its fullest when she had the chance. After she died, my grandfather said they had 60 wonderful years together and a just a couple of bad ones at the end.

[rebeccalouiseagain]

Yep- do it while you can. I joke that when I'm older, I'll sit back in my recliner- pop in a DVD (or whatever space age technology they have) and look at all the places I went. I'm sure I'll be content to just watch my great-grandchildren play and have my memories.

 

But right now I LOVE traveling.

[notentirelynormal]

Santa Barbara has a great zoo for the kids. It is within a mile or two of the cruise ship tender area. We live in greater LA and drive up there for the zoo all the time. My grandkids prefer it to the LA zoo. It is big enough for variety and small enough that the kids will be done and back on board long before you are done with your wine tasting.

 

As for Disney, California Adventure has more things designed for the young ones and there is plenty for them to do. Also, we eat at the Grand California hotel (Whitewater by the pool) and it's very relaxing and a nice break from the day. You can sit inside (or on the patio) and it is not the usual hustle and bustle.

[c4alymom]

While I think it is wonderful that you are taking your nanny on this trip, please remember several things in approaching the decisions you make in regards to pay/time spent watching kids etc…

 

1. While you say it is a vacation for the nanny, it really isn’t. You are taking her to help and watch your kids. I am not saying this in a bad way, just stating the reason she is going along. Yes, she will get to benefit from the amenities on the cruise, but she is there as more of a business trip. Therefore, you really cannot count the costs of the trip against her pay. Think of business expenses when someone takes a business trip in a different position. For instance, my husband has to travel every now and then. His trip costs the company $. They pay the costs. He still gets to enjoy his normal salary for the time he is away, but they still have to pay travel costs including all meals and such for the duration he is gone. He even gets a little “play” money if he is gone for more than a certain number of days.

 

2. She should get her normal pay/salary only if she is working the normal hours she would have worked before. If there will be fewer hours, cover this with her BEFORE the trip so that she is aware.

 

3. If she is going to go on an excursion and is to watch a child, the cost of the excursion should come from you, not her. However, if she is off duty, then she is free to book her own.

 

Most importantly, have it clear PRIOR to the cruise what the expectations are. Try to have set hours. One thing I have found is that taking a nanny is sometimes the best or worst thing that can happen on vacation. Just because a family “pays” for the nanny to go does not mean she is there for 24 hour service.

 

On the other hand, don’t feel bad about making sure your priorities are met. You are paying for a service. You should be able to sit down and say “Ok, Day 1- I would like you from 9-11, 3-4:30, and 8-11. Day 2- I would like you to keep Jr from 5 to midnight. Day 3- I would like you to be available if needed from 8-12 and from 7-midnight” and so on. This would give the nanny a very clear vision of what you expect and would also give you both the hours you need to know in order to work out a fair pay schedule.

 

Sorry so long, just thought I would give an opinion of someone who spent summers in high school as a nanny. Now I have my own kids and we just like to take Grandma! Just kidding!!!!! :D

 

 

AND BEFORE I GET FLAMED..

 

Yes, I did read that the OP said that the nanny would have most of day free but it just didn't sound like there was much clarity in what the expectations were. I was merely suggesting to have those things extremely clear before the cruise in order to prevent the problems she mentioned. IF it worked out that the nanny was simply used for an hour each evening, GREAT! Vacation time for nanny! BUT, if she ended up working 4 hours a day, this is more of a normal work day... (part time, perhaps) but not so much of a vacation...

 

AND ALL THAT BEING SAID... I will go along as the nanny just to get on a ship!!! :D

[6rugrats]

 

AND BEFORE I GET FLAMED..

 

Yes, I did read that the OP said that the nanny would have most of day free but it just didn't sound like there was much clarity in what the expectations were. I was merely suggesting to have those things extremely clear before the cruise in order to prevent the problems she mentioned. IF it worked out that the nanny was simply used for an hour each evening, GREAT! Vacation time for nanny! BUT, if she ended up working 4 hours a day, this is more of a normal work day... (part time, perhaps) but not so much of a vacation...

 

Why would you be flamed for your excellent suggestions? Having been there, I agree. This is not usually a vacation for the nanny and it's important to have everyone's expectations on the same page, unless you want to come home from your trip and find your nanny is quitting.

[Zoedokey]

I agree that the nanny needs to be paid her regular salary on top of the cost of her cruise. If it is a 7 day cruise, if she exceeds her regular weekly hours, she should be compensated for that as well.

 

Can you write up a contract specifically for the vacation?

[rebeccalouiseagain]

I agree if this is your regular nanny who is salaried obviously you aren't going to not pay them as well.

 

In my case, I brought along one of our sitters. At home I paid her $10.00 per hour to babysit occasionally in the evenings. She would also clean my house- just because she liked doing it! What a gal.

 

When this cruise came up- my Dad invited us. I wondered how I would manage with a baby. So I asked my sitter if she wanted to come on the cruise for free and help with the baby. We discussed the hours ahead of time and for us it worked out great.

 

She came with us three years later and she also came with us to Florida. But keep in mind- I never abused her. She got a "free" trip and still asks me if she can go on vacation with me!! I made it fun for her and she had the late night to party (like young people do) and then got to sleep in- had her own cabin the first time, went on a cool excursion with my family while I stayed onboard with the baby.

 

The only difficult thing for her (at first) was that she didn't have dinner with the rest of the group. She ate with strangers at the early seating. But she ended up realizing that it gave her a break from the family.

[c4alymom]

Why would you be flamed for your excellent suggestions? Having been there, I agree. This is not usually a vacation for the nanny and it's important to have everyone's expectations on the same page, unless you want to come home from your trip and find your nanny is quitting.

 

 

I literally was in this position. I went on a vacation with a family and didn't have any of this cleared with the family prior. I was under the impression my pay was on schedule as usual. However, when we returned and I went to get my check, I was told "We just took you on vacation to California for the week. That was your pay!" I quit immediately. Could not believe that I babysat (way more than my normal weekly hours I might add) and they expected me to think that my few hours off a day (without my own transportation to go anywhere) were good enough to count as "worth it". What was sad is that they really thought that it was a good thing they were doing; paying for my flight and room (with one of the kids) and food. Yes, I had fun with them (I loved the family and especially the kids), but it was not a vacation for me, I was working.

 

It's kind of like what people think about what I do now for a living. I run a daycare out of my home. I "play" all day with toddlers and babies according to most people. However, I work 12-13 hours a day (and that is the amount of hours I have extra kids in the house). Lesson plans, coordinating art projects, meals, diaper changes (yuck), teaching (I do teach preschool to them), all while managing the business aspect of it and running my own household of four. Not to mention playing counselor to the parents when they pick up their little ones. (And did I mention I am in school full time to finish my degree to focus on special ed behavior therapy in preschoolers???) Thank God I have a part time assistant. I don't "play" all day.

 

My point is that these "nannies" (the good ones) work hard. So while they are along for the ride of the vacation, even using them for a few hours is work. They still deserve pay for their services on top of the cost of the trip. I am glad that in OP's post, she was asking how to go about figuring that. I am obviously very passionate about this (maybe too much). Maybe it's just because of what I do and I know what goes into it...?

 

OP- I hope your trip goes well. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your nanny and that you really appreciate her and what she does for your family! That is great!!!! The more she knows that, the happier she will be. Appreciation goes a LONG way for someone who takes care of your kids. All of us moms know how taxing it can be to be with kids all day long, right? :D Just talk this trip through with her and be upfront about your (and her) expectations and everything will be fine.

[c4alymom]

"In my case, I brought along one of our sitters. At home I paid her $10.00 per hour to babysit occasionally in the evenings. She would also clean my house- just because she liked doing it! What a gal.

 

When this cruise came up- my Dad invited us. I wondered how I would manage with a baby. So I asked my sitter if she wanted to come on the cruise for free and help with the baby. We discussed the hours ahead of time and for us it worked out great."

 

 

 

This is a little different of a situation and I can agree that this can work as well! About six years ago we did something similar with my cousin when my family went to WDW. We asked my cousin who was 19 at the time if she wanted to come along for free. I told her we wanted someone to stay with our 4 yr old every now and then when we took our 6 yr old on rides with us. We didn't expect her to keep our kids while we went out or anything and didn't want her to "babysit", we just wanted to experience some of our DS' first rides with both DH and me. She was totally fine with it and she never went out on her own anyway. We all stayed together except for one afternoon when she decided to take a nap instead of going to the pool with us! We paid for the trip, all her expenses and gave her all of her spending money. As it ended up, there was only one ride my daughter couldn't ride!

[rebeccalouiseagain]

Tiffany I feel for you. I have two kids and I know running a daycare must be tough!

 

I also think it was good that someone pointed out that you can't really call it a 'free" vacation because you aren't on equal footing with the family. You are coming as their "help".

 

In my case, there was a big argument prior to the cruise. I asked my sister if she would mind sharing a cabin with my sitter so that I didn't have to pay extra for her own cabin. Looking back I can see why my sister didn't want to do this. She said no to the idea and that was that. I probably shouldn't have even went there because my sister told our other sister what I had done and my brother-in-law gave me a huge lecture about "Its' your help- you pay for her"

 

Well my brother-in-law decided to invite his son, daughter-in-law and their 9 month old baby to come on this family cruise. This couple kept asking my "help" if she would watch both babies at night. I told my "help" absolutely not! Malina didn't want to watch two babies for any amount of money! So my brother-in-law was right. She was MY "help".

[rebeccalouiseagain]

I also want to add something to this discussion....

 

I personally know a sitter who has raised 4 children from infancy for a couple in NYC. She made a decent salary and had weekends off.

 

However, if they were to take her on a cruise or any other vacation- they would pay her for the extra time (weekends) and everything would be paid for. However, she would be at their whim and she would be with the 4 kids the entire time. I'm sure the couple would interact with them but she would do all the heavy lifting so to speak.

 

So in the case of someone's nanny coming along as a treat. I think that the OP wasn't planning to make her the sole care-giver but a helper and that may change the pay scale and dynamic. I think it is important to discuss this in advance though. Hours and expectations.

[c4alymom]

I also want to add something to this discussion....

 

I personally know a sitter who has raised 4 children from infancy for a couple in NYC. She made a decent salary and had weekends off.

 

However, if they were to take her on a cruise or any other vacation- they would pay her for the extra time (weekends) and everything would be paid for. However, she would be at their whim and she would be with the 4 kids the entire time. I'm sure the couple would interact with them but she would do all the heavy lifting so to speak.

 

So in the case of someone's nanny coming along as a treat. I think that the OP wasn't planning to make her the sole care-giver but a helper and that may change the pay scale and dynamic. I think it is important to discuss this in advance though. Hours and expectations.

 

 

This exactly. If the OP really just wants her to cover dinner time and the occasional excursion, go over this with her now. Then, yes, it is probably going to be a nice "treat" for the nanny, but she still deserves pay on top on top of the cruise. I know people just like the couple/nanny you describe in NYC above. My cousin (one who is a professional nanny) is one of those. She basically raises the kids she watches. And she "vacations" with them all the time. Then SHE needs a vacation :D.

 

And thanks for saying you "feel" for me!;) Some days I do too! Just kidding! I LOVE what I do! I get a lot of joy from my kiddos that I care for and their families! But it is a hard job!!! The hardest part is when they leave for Kindergarten...:(

[Showtune]

I agree with the recommendation to get the expectations set in writing prior to the cruise. This should help you to avoid conflict while on vacation.

 

In our case, we chose to bring along a friend on our last cruise to provide babysitting for our 2.5 year old. We paid for her cruise (no airfare, since we are diving distance to the port) and booked adjacent rooms. Technically, one of us was booked into her room, but in reality she had the room to herself and our son stayed with us in our room. This meant we had to pay full fare for the toddler, but that was cheaper than a single supplement and a 3rd passenger fare. She was responsible for all of her expenses. We came up with a schedule prior to the trip that detailed her baby sitting responsibilities (1-3 most afternoons during naptime and 7:30-10:30 pm every night). We gave her the option of joining us on our adventures in port, and she chose to go with us, but again that was as a friend not as a caregiver.

 

Because our expectations were clear up front, we all had a lovely trip, and our friendship remains strong. Our friend was able to take her first cruise, which isn't something she would have felt comfortable doing alone.

[sandytoes03]

OP, this does not sounds like a treat for the nanny, since you want to bring her along to watch your children. I guess you all have to figure out if this is a treat, or if she is working. It sounds like she will be working. How much do you want her to be there for you guys, and how much do you want her to have free time. If you really want to treat her, why not give her a nice bonus, and use the kids club on board for your kids? You will have to cover the coast of the trip and all her expenses, and her of course pay her. You say you might want coverage at night. Is this okay with her? Lots of the nightlife and fun activities of a ship go on during the night and she would be missing all this. Also, you say mornings she can do as she pleases, but how late will you be out at night? She might need mornings to sleep in. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with bringing a nanny on vacation, just don't think that it's for her, it honestly sounds a little condescending. As well as saying she can use your balcony as long as you are not using it. :confused:

[rebeccalouiseagain]

Wow SandyToes! that was harsh.

 

It is so important to have the discussion about pay. Tiffany pointed out that she was insulted when her family said that she wasn't being paid her regular salary. That is probably true of the OP's nanny and an important discussion to have in advance.