Review -- Golden Princess to Alaska, July 14-21, 2012

[SJSU Dale]

I hope your wife wasn't going to use that same toothbrush to brush her teeth AFTER you scrubbed the grout!

 

Hmmm... you think maybe I should've mentioned that to her?

[jmcross]

Hmmm... you think maybe I should've mentioned that to her?

 

Easily something my DH would do to me. ;-)

LOL

 

Ewwwwww!

[TracieABD]

Wickedly funny...

:cool:

[SJSU Dale]

…98. I will not discuss my wife’s bathroom habits on Cruise Critic. 99. I will not discuss my wife’s bathroom habits on Cruise Critic. 100. I will not discuss my wife’s bathroom habits on Cruise Critic. Whew!

 

Sorry for the delay in continuing my lengthy review of our recent cruise to Alaska on the Golden Princess. I have been on computer restriction and have been tasked with telling you right up front that there was nothing abnormal about any alleged excrement discussed in a previous posting in this forum and that I, quote, “always exaggerate things in an effort to go for the ‘cheap laugh,’” end quote.

 

Tuesday found us already docked in Skagway. This was a long day in a small town – some 14 hours in all. I woke early as is my ilk and went upstairs for a tasty breakfast in the Horizon Court and then jogged downstairs to get a mocha from the coffee bar by the IC. I wouldn’t have had to jog but, when I stepped onto the elevator on Deck 14 I noticed that all of the buttons had been pushed for every single deck. That certainly explained the giggling boys who had exited the elevator as I had stepped on. There were more kids on this cruise that we had previously experienced – I think Cruise Director Frank Castiglione (the one time he actually communicated some useful information) said there were in excess of 300 kids on this cruise. I wouldn’t have minded stopping at every floor on the way down – what I couldn’t handle would be the accusatory stares from everyone who got on between 14 and 5 – so certain would they be that I had, in fact, pushed all the buttons. Well… those who had met me would think so, anyway. I was now working on using up the final of my three old coffee cards and had planned out the entire cruise so I would use my last punch on our final day. I never had any problem using the old coffee cards during the cruise and did, in fact, use up the card while on the cruise!

 

On previous trips to Skagway we had done our own thing around town one time, and took the trip on the White Pass and Yukon Route Railway another time, so this time we decided to do a combination of things. We had scheduled the “Ghosts and Goodtime Girls” walking tour shore excursion through Princess because my DW is interested in Ghosts and I am interested in… oops, almost got in trouble again! Before that, however, we hiked the mile or so from the farthest ship dock into town and walked around, shopping in the shops and taking pictures of the historic buildings in the downtown core. At the appointed time we returned to the dock area (yeah, another one-mile hike back to the ship. How on earth were my clothes getting tighter with every passing day?) and met our tour guide. She was dressed in period clothing from the 1890’s and introduced herself as “Madame Dee Flowers.” Think about it. There was another guide taking another group and she was introduced as “Madame Ophelia Johnson.” You get the idea. Deflowers kept referring to us as “streetwalkers” and, in the course of our two-hour tour, utilized more sexual innuendo and double entendres that I had ever heard in my life. Okay, I am a pretty earthy guy myself and that might be a bit of an exaggeration. But it was all great fun! We bussed into town (good thing because this fat boy wasn’t up to another one-mile hike so soon) and walked around town while the Madame pointed out the sights and told the stories of numerous hauntings and Gold Rush whore houses. The tour ended with a glass of (really bad) sparkling wine and a tour of the upstairs of the Red Onion – one of the more notorious of houses of ill-repute during the Yukon Gold Rush era. Of course the whore on duty (is that wrong?) asked my young-looking wife for her ID. My DW turned 30 just this week but is cursed with looking 18 years old (I must be doing something right, eh?) and it irritates the heck outta her whenever she gets carded. At the end of the tour Madame Flowers (who lives in California and has come up to Skagway every summer for the past seven years to play her role) tactfully invited tips and I bravely asked my DW for a fiver. (Driver is married and carries no cash.) Ms Flowers gingerly pulled out her bra and I slipped the five in between her heaving and pendulous… I mean, I put the bill down her top. Well, I guess my hands were shaking a bit and I *might* have touched something I wasn’t supposed to. When Dee noticed it was a five, however, all was forgiven, I was released, and we slogged our way back to the shopping district.

 

To make up for my minor indiscretion with the Madame, I bought my DW some chocolates at the Alaska Fudge Company in Skagway and two necklaces from the Alaska Glass Art Company in Skagway. We have previously purchased fudge from the Alaska Fudge Company in Skagway and also, on another trip to town, purchased a nice necklace from the Alaska Art Glass Company in Skagway. Let me assure you that I have in no way been compensated for my mention of the Alaska Fudge Company in Skagway or the Alaska Art Glass Company in Skagway. Seriously, though, nice people, tasty fudge, pretty jewelry – tell ‘em Dale sent you! While shopping we had a rather weird experience. This old dude comes up to my DW while we were in one of the shops, looks her up and down, and says “Hey, do you work for the Xxxxxxxxxx School District in Xxxxxxxxxx, Washington?” She stated that she did, and he proceeded to tell her that he was a bus driver for the district and recognized her from school. Seems that he had come to town overland with a couple of buddies on a motorcycle riding trip and thought she looked familiar. Seeing the Alaska coupon book in our hand, he asked if we had the coupon for a free hat at a neighboring store. We checked the page and the coupon was indeed there and we, having no intention of availing ourselves of the free hat, tore it out and gave it to him. Away he went with his motorcycle buddies, exclaiming that he would “see her in September” (sounds like a song, doesn’t it?) What a bizarre thing. Oh well, she is kind of a weirdo magnet – just look at who she married!

 

It was getting on toward 5:00 or so and we had scheduled a “Balcony Dining Experience” for 6:30 that evening, so we slogged the mile-plus back to the ship to get ready. I will pick up the review at that point tomorrow, as long as the Missus doesn’t find anything in this chapter too offensive!

[LoveThisCruisingThing]

>>>After our lunch, we went back to the cabin to find the rest of our luggage in the hall. I made a quick trip to the purser’s desk to remove the autotips (hit me with your best shot – I work customer service at Walmart and I’ve heard it all.) I was concerned about getting a guilt trip from the desk personnel, so I affected a British accent and all went well!<<<

 

Why the need to don a fake persona to take off the auto tips? Embarrassment? Worried about getting a cheap-skate reputation? Why take off the auto tips in the first place? Don't you know that by removing the removing the auto tips, no one gets a tip at all? Also, if you did give your steward a tip in person, he has to turn it into a general pool to be divided.

[jmcross]

>>>After our lunch, we went back to the cabin to find the rest of our luggage in the hall. I made a quick trip to the purser’s desk to remove the autotips (hit me with your best shot – I work customer service at Walmart and I’ve heard it all.) I was concerned about getting a guilt trip from the desk personnel, so I affected a British accent and all went well!<<<

 

Why the need to don a fake persona to take off the auto tips? Embarrassment? Worried about getting a cheap-skate reputation? Why take off the auto tips in the first place? Don't you know that by removing the removing the auto tips, no one gets a tip at all? Also, if you did give your steward a tip in person, he has to turn it into a general pool to be divided.

 

He is joking.

 

It took me a while to figure out Dale is joking, too. He is hysterical. This morning reading the latest post I had tears running down my face because I was laughing so hard.

[LoveThisCruisingThing]

He is joking.

 

It took me a while to figure out Dale is joking, too. He is hysterical. This morning reading the latest post I had tears running down my face because I was laughing so hard.

 

Yea someone who makes fun of other ethnicities and of those in wheelchairs is always hilarious.

[hydrodriver831]

Thanks Dale. This review is very refreshing. Sometimes these boards get a little on the stuffy side, so thanks for opening the balcony door and letting some fresh air in. :D

[Eyeore2007]

Thanks Dale, this was hilarious. I'm from one of those different ethnic backgrounds and I didn't find any of it offensive at all. Feel totally free to continue!! Question for your wife....is he this funny in person??

[SJSU Dale]

>>>After our lunch, we went back to the cabin to find the rest of our luggage in the hall. I made a quick trip to the purser’s desk to remove the autotips (hit me with your best shot – I work customer service at Walmart and I’ve heard it all.) I was concerned about getting a guilt trip from the desk personnel, so I affected a British accent and all went well!<<<

 

Why the need to don a fake persona to take off the auto tips? Embarrassment? Worried about getting a cheap-skate reputation? Why take off the auto tips in the first place? Don't you know that by removing the removing the auto tips, no one gets a tip at all? Also, if you did give your steward a tip in person, he has to turn it into a general pool to be divided.

 

Well... that's certainly a turd in the punch bowl, isn't it? Do you really want to engage me in this manner -- slinging insults while shielded by the relative anonymity of the internet? How brave of you. I suppose it's my fault for pimping for comments like I did but I really thought if someone didn't care for my sense of humor (or have one of their own) they would simply click on the next post. I had forgotten the occasional (ha!) snarky comment by certain curmudgeons on this forum. My bad.

 

OK, for the humor-challenged among you, here we go:

 

The Brits and Aussies often post about how they remove the auto-tips (or want to) and are immediately flamed so I thought I would employ satire to pay a twisted sort of homage to that interplay by saying I affected a British accent and did so myself, etc. In a similar vein, I guess I need to point out that I did not, indeed, use my wife's toothbrush to clean tile grout. I included this nugget because a thread had started regarding dirty grout on another ship. Likewise my mention of two used condoms plugging my toilet contemporaneous with the "two used condoms under the bed" thread.

 

They say if you have to explain a joke, it just didn't work. For one person I guess that was the case.

[HydroAngel831]

Thanks Dale, this was hilarious. I'm from one of those different ethnic backgrounds and I didn't find any of it offensive at all. Feel totally free to continue!! Question for your wife....is he this funny in person??

 

As Dale's DW he really is that funny in person! He makes everyday a joy even when my day is not going so well.

[pacwind3]

Well... that's certainly a turd in the punch bowl, isn't it? Do you really want to engage me in this manner -- slinging insults while shielded by the relative anonymity of the internet? How brave of you. I suppose it's my fault for pimping for comments like I did but I really thought if someone didn't care for my sense of humor (or have one of their own) they would simply click on the next post. I had forgotten the occasional (ha!) snarky comment by certain curmudgeons on this forum. My bad.

 

OK, for the humor-challenged among you, here we go:

 

The Brits and Aussies often post about how they remove the auto-tips (or want to) and are immediately flamed so I thought I would employ satire to pay a twisted sort of homage to that interplay by saying I affected a British accent and did so myself, etc. In a similar vein, I guess I need to point out that I did not, indeed, use my wife's toothbrush to clean tile grout. I included this nugget because a thread had started regarding dirty grout on another ship. Likewise my mention of two used condoms plugging my toilet contemporaneous with the "two used condoms under the bed" thread.

 

They say if you have to explain a joke, it just didn't work. For one person I guess that was the case.

 

Don't sweat it Dale, keep the story going.

[IECalCruiser]

Well... that's certainly a turd in the punch bowl, isn't it? Do you really want to engage me in this manner -- slinging insults while shielded by the relative anonymity of the internet? How brave of you. I suppose it's my fault for pimping for comments like I did but I really thought if someone didn't care for my sense of humor (or have one of their own) they would simply click on the next post. I had forgotten the occasional (ha!) snarky comment by certain curmudgeons on this forum. My bad.

 

OK, for the humor-challenged among you, here we go:

 

The Brits and Aussies often post about how they remove the auto-tips (or want to) and are immediately flamed so I thought I would employ satire to pay a twisted sort of homage to that interplay by saying I affected a British accent and did so myself, etc. In a similar vein, I guess I need to point out that I did not, indeed, use my wife's toothbrush to clean tile grout. I included this nugget because a thread had started regarding dirty grout on another ship. Likewise my mention of two used condoms plugging my toilet contemporaneous with the "two used condoms under the bed" thread.

 

They say if you have to explain a joke, it just didn't work. For one person I guess that was the case.

It took a couple of your posts to realize what you were doing in many of your comments. Those who read many threads understand you satire and inside jokes. You were quite current with your condom comment.

[SJSU Dale]

Back when we were planning our cruise on the Golden Princess we posted to Cruise Critic to get people’s thoughts on doing the Ultimate Balcony Dining (UBD) experience versus dining at the Crown Grill. We had eaten at the Crown Grill on our previous cruises and had REALLY enjoyed it, so it would be a tough sell for me to trade it for dining in our room (which is the reality of most “balcony” dinners on the Alaska itinerary) no matter how nice said experience would be. People overwhelmingly replied that the UBD was special and not to be missed so, after boarding the ship on Saturday, I called the dine line and set up our UBD for 6:30PM on Tuesday, July 17 figuring we would be eating dessert by sail away time. My FIL and MIL had gifted us $100 cruise credit as an Anniversary gift and we was gonna spend it in high style. For the unitiated, the UBD includes a cocktail each, a split of French Champagne (fairly good stuff – not the rot gut sparkling wine they pour for mini-suite sailaways,) a free picture, free flowers and a beautiful dinner served personally by your own waiter and assistant. We ordered the Surf and Turf (Lobster tails and steak) from the menu provided in our room and added several items we knew we wanted. They encouraged us to keep in touch and let them know about any other tweaks we wanted to make to the menu. In short, they were eager to do just about anything to make our experience special.

 

As mentioned before, we hurried back from Skagway to get ready for our special meal. We had picked this night for a couple of reasons: we wanted to still be eating during our sail away and the Italian night menu in the MDR was the one that interested us the least. As luck would have it, our side of the ship faced the cliff at Skagway. If you’ve ever been there you no doubt recall the hundred-plus graffiti works on the rocks, chronicling various ships, captains and dates they visited Skagway. Marvelous. However, as luck would also have it, we were docked furthest out from Skagway which meant that our room faced the wooded section of the cliff with a decent view of the water as well. Certainly more romantic than “Graffiti Row.” We still entertained thoughts of actually having dinner on the balcony, but the wind picked up about 5:30 and we decided to set up just inside the sliding glass door. We got all dolled up (strictly for the free photograph – I hate wearing a monkey suit when I don’t have to) and by 6:00 our waiters had stopped by to set up our table and go over final details. Just about then, one of the ship’s photographers showed up to take our hot and sexy photos out on the balcony. Like always, we ended up buying one of the pictures in addition to our complimentary shot.

 

For our cocktails, my DW had a mojito and I had the first rum and coke aboard ship that was not mixed by my own hand. We were allowed to set the pace for our dinner and we chose “leisurely” as our default. Canapés came with the cocktails – I ate most of them since my beloved doesn’t really do caviar or shrimp. Editorial note: we really are the perfect couple. She eats few things and very little of that. I eat most everything and generally finish hers, too. She’s lucky to get around half an entrée while I usually eat an entree and a half. Hey… I just realized why I keep gaining weight! After the canapés we enjoyed a couple Caesar salads. We took a little break to finish our really most excellent champagne and start in on a Kendall Jackson Sauvignon Blanc that we had brought aboard. We were into our lobsters and steaks by the time we sailed out of Skagway. We finished up with the four-chocolate mousse (white, milk, dark and Swiss) topped with a chocolate curl and raspberries. Yum! I cannot say enough about our waiter, Anna Marie and her assistant, Fernando. Anna Marie is from Romania and she shared some insightful discussion of that country in the post-Ceausescu era. Aside from her keen political acumen, this dame gave some excellent customer service! She was never further away than my voice! We kept the door “deadbolt out” during our meal so she and her helper could come and go as they (and we) pleased and every time I called her, she popped in and took care of bidness (as Larry the Cable Guy would say.) After serving dessert they left us, telling us to call room service when we wanted everything picked up. We gave them each a sizable tip (take THAT!) and thanked them effusively for the wonderful meal and experience. This was certainly something we would do again!

 

In fact, we would do something similar the very next morning, as we had also booked the Champagne Balcony Breakfast for our morning trip up Tracy Arm Fjord. We had breakfast booked for 9:30 the next morning and I was worried. My DW had not awakened that early since school let out in early June (she’s a teacher) and there was a real chance I would be swilling fine bubbly and snacking on breakfast pastries by myself the next morn’. Because of our scheduled breakfast we left the table and chairs in our cabin overnight. I had shucked my suit jacket after the photo shoot and now we changed into casual wear, I mixed two of my ____ & Diet Cokes suitable for traveling, and headed down to make our nightly casino donations. We got to the Vista Lounge shortly thereafter to secure two back-row seats for Princess’s production show Motor City, a tribute to Motown. The wife swears we saw part of this show before and walked out part-way through. If this is true it had to be due to her seasickness or something, because I am a big Motown fan and enjoyed the show immensely. These kids can dance up a storm and the girl singers were very good. The guy singers weren’t quite as good but sang tolerably well. Think: local community musical theater. Only gay. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

 

Speaking of average singers, on our way back to our cabin we came across Pete Thompson at the piano in the Promenade Lounge. Pete plays a hell of a piano but has the unique ability to make “Sea Cruise” sound like “Sweet Caroline” sound like “Margaritaville” sound like “Mack the Knife.” You get the idea. He was immensely popular, however, and was surrounded every night with throngs of adoring fans hanging on his every word and singing along. Maybe he was like red wine – an acquired taste as it were. I decided to give him another listen on a night when I wasn’t soused to the gills and stumbled off to bed.

[JWJs]

Your review is wonderful. Your wife is a fortunate woman. :)

[Bluejay11]

I have never been on a cruise and I am going on my first next month to Alaska on the Golden.I have enjoyed your review most of the 7 hundred something I have read since Jan.....thankyou.....I know it will be fun

[SJSU Dale]

We awoke on the morning of the 18th (Wednesday) to the practically non-stop narration of our trip up Tracy Arm Fjord by Naturalist Michael Modzelewski. (Yes, the Patter really did capitalize the word “Naturalist.”) I don’t know about you, but when I see the word “Naturalist” I’m usually thinking nudity. But maybe that’s just me. Speaking of nudity, I pointed out Naturalist Michael Monotoneski to my BIL one day while walking through the ship and he made the comment that the guy resembled a 1970’s porn star. First thought in my head – why is my 20-year-old BIL watching 1970’s porn? Second thought in my head – I think he may be right! He definitely has the 1970’s porn star hair thing going on. Seriously! Google “John Holmes” (be sure to have your child-safe internet filter engaged or you might get a bit of a shock) and check out the late “star’s” hairdo. Now go to Michaelmodzelewski dot com. Your honor, I rest my case.

 

But I digress… The Patter that morning said “Due to local regulations, only limited intermittent live commentary is allowed in this pristine Alaskan area on the open decks.” “Intermittent” must have meant that Monotoneski would stop commenting long enough to breathe and – maybe – take a potty break. That guy yakked all the way up Tracy Arm, chatting about how he has kayaked this very route and just look at that seal resting on the ice floe and how he has stayed as a guest at the million dollar house we are now passing on our left and so on and so on. He continued as the Captain spun the ship several times in front of beautiful Sawyer Glacier, adding his usual “we are so lucky to be this close – the Captain has gotten us closer than any other ship this year” bit as we rotated. Finally, Michael said he was going to take a break (with a dramatic pause here) to give us a few minutes to take in all the beauty of the glacier. It wasn’t three minutes before he was back, telling all of us unlucky enough to be on the non-glacier side of the ship about the glacier calving we were missing on the other.

 

During all of this, we were enjoying our Balcony Champagne Breakfast. Included in our $32 per couple price was another split of the good French Champagne, a tray of pastries, bagels, cream cheese, smoked salmon, juice, coffee, an assortment of teas and a crabmeat quiche that my DW is still raving about! I also tailored the feast with some eggs and breakfast meats (‘cause that’s how I roll) all served just inside the balcony door on the table we had kept from the night before. It was just too chilly to do it outside! We were pretty much finished with our breakfast by 11:00 and it’s a good thing because we had to get up to Calypso Cove (Deck 14 Midship) for the Taste of Alaska Buffet at 11:30! Sadly, there were no crab legs or claws. But there was a mountain of shrimp to be peeled, dipped in cocktail sauce, and eaten along with every variety of salmon, sushi and sashimi. I just love buffets like these on Princess ships, mainly because they don’t close down the buffet or tell you you’ve had enough just because you happen to come back and fill your plate repeatedly. Not that this happens to me very often. Well, maybe at Golden Corral and Old Country Buffet. And a couple others…

 

We decided to skip the ScholarShip@Sea lecture on Glaciers, Eskimos and Polar Bears with our Host, Michael and instead moseyed down to the Vista Lounge for Bingo. The bingo crowd had grown with every session and this was the point of the trip where bingo started to be a very fast affair. A regular Bingo went in six or seven numbers and it was shared (one diagonal line including free space and one with the four corners), the two-line Bingo game went in about 15 numbers and even the crazy kite game (usually a 15-minute affair by itself) was over in less than ten. Sigh… I am at the point in my cruising life where I realize I will likely never again Bingo twice in one session but I really expect to get an hour’s worth of fun for my $60 investment. Luckily, some poor soul committed the unpardonable sin of shouting Bingo! way too early during the blackout game. The hapless soul thought she was playing a single-line game and called Bingo after just ten or twelve numbers. The punishment exacted by the cruise staff for claiming a Bingo incorrectly is to make the poor soul dance the chicken dance and dance she did! This large white woman was shaking her tail feathers in atonement for her Bingo faux pas and giving me my money’s worth for yet another losing session of Bingo. Bwah-hah-hah! Is that wrong?

 

We left Bingo and hit up the IC for a dollop of delicious shrimp salad and chicken salad then headed to our cabin to get ready for dinner. Casual photos were going to be taken tonight throughout the Atrium before, during and after the dinner hour and we had hopes of getting ready early enough to pose for these photos pre-dinner. Such was not the case. We showed up about 5:15 to pose for casual photos against the white backdrop (I tend to look less fat against white – I don’t know the physics of it but it’s true) and there was only one other couple ahead of us. The young British photographer was posing this very attractive young couple in pose after pose. After pose. He had the guy crouch on one knee and then hugged up against him to show the young lady how she should pose. Then he had the guy lay down on the white material and lay next to him with one leg cocked over his back to show the young lady how he wanted her. Then he had the guy stand with one hand in his pocket and he (the photographer) leaned back against him to show the young lady how seductively he wanted her to look. Maybe it’s the many years I spent in California but it was obvious to me that the photographer was playing– for lack of a better term – both offense and defense. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. When he had the guy sit spread-legged on the floor and backed up into the guy to show his date how she should pose, I declared us done waiting and we headed off to our 5:30 traditional dinner sitting.

 

I’m nothing if not wordy, eh? More to follow…

[Caribensun]

Thank you for the review, looking forward to being on the Golden.

[nwwinelady]

This is how comedians make their living- poking fun at situations; yes, some comedians are rather tasteless and single out groups of people wheter it is an ethnic group, political group, age group, etc. you get it.

Oh,yes, and what about those successful late night talk show hosts?????

I get to choose to watch them or not.

OP has a great sense of humor for poking fun at a "situation", not certain individuals. So much has been posted about the Brits and their culture of tipping. I thought it was pretty funny that he had to rush over first thing and remove the auto tip.

As far as disabled people needing assistance, we have all had that experience of seeing able bodied people waltzing ahead of everyone else in a situation.

As someone who has been on the Golden twice and been to Alaska twice; I am really enjoying this review! What a fun twist and accurate way to elaborate on this trip! I.E. if you have been to Skagway, you will recall the rocks of grafitti.

OK- Thanks Dale so much!!!

[SJSU Dale]

With the exception of our Balcony Dining night in Skagway, we ate dinner in the Donatello Dining Room every evening during the 5:30 “Traditional Enhanced Dining.” Wednesday night the 18th was no different – it was simply a wonderful, relaxed, well-timed and evenly-paced meal! My DW had the goat cheese soufflé but didn’t care for it (what is wrong with her, anyway?) so I eagerly scarfed it down! This was the night they offered the delicious off-menu French onion “Black and Blue” soup and I ate every succulent drop. You know that sick, sucking noise Anthony Hopkins’ Hannibal Lecter character made in Silence of the Lambs when he discussed eating something with fava beans and a nice Chianti? That was me after the Black and Blue Soup. My sweetie had the scallops and I had some fish dish. We left about 7:30 and walked past the hoards waiting for Donatello to switch over to anytime dining. Since we were dressed fashionably chic that evening in anticipation of the casual photos, we went back to the casual photo area (white backdrop, of course) and this time there was no wait.

 

As discussed earlier, there was a young man with an English accent taking the pictures. We approached and told him we wanted some pictures taken. He dove right into my DW’s personal bubble; his face mere inches from hers and exclaimed “Oh my God – it’s you! Those eyes… I know those eyes.” I was internally computing the possible penalties for thrashing this limey (physical restraint, time in the brig, assault charges, and – worst of all -- being put off the ship in Ketchikan) as he continued, “I was developing the photos from the formal night solo shots when I was captured by this one picture. This girl had the most incredible eyes… And it’s you! You are the girl in that picture!” Jeeze – what a line. I’m not sure if he was aiming at seducing her (it didn’t work) or trying to get us to buy her formal solo shot (this worked – we *did* buy the picture and she *does* have incredible eyes) but I quickly drew her away from the little cockney #!@(&*%^ and we proceeded to have our poses done as I pointedly worked the word “wife” at least twice into every sentence. Having observed him earlier I knew the drill: I crouched on one knee while he sat on me, I laid on the floor while he snuggled with me, I posed with hand in pocket while he seductively ground up against me but I drew the line at having him scoot back into my crotch. Mainly because I wasn’t sure I could get back up once I was on the floor like that. The pictures turned out pretty darned good and we ended up buying one or two of these as well. We are consumers.

 

We left the photo shoot and walked the promenade deck during the only really stunning sunset of the trip. It has been our experience that there are usually a couple of these per cruise in Alaska but this was the only one we noticed on this trip. The sky and the water were fantastic hues of pinks, reds and purples – really awe-inspiring. The sunset eventually faded and we hit the casino to make our obligatory nightly donation. I think this was the non-smoking night in the casino so I had great fun puffing my electronic cigarette while the non-smokers around me did double takes or silently fumed. We passed through the Promenade Bar en route to the photo gallery (I had to see the picture of my DW that had almost gotten camera boy an @$$-kicking) and paused to listen again to Pete Thompson playing the grand piano and singing. I was right the first time – great piano player but his vocal tone was kinda similar no matter what he was singing. The best way I can describe his voice is like a non-New York Barry Manilow with a cold. Oh well. We headed down to the Princess Theater to take in the illusionist Alexander’s show. We arrived dangerously late to the show, about 30 minutes before show time when most of the seats are occupied by bodies or coats. I started at the back row and worked my way up the aisle, loudly asking everyone with an empty seat next to them “Is that seat taken? Is that seat taken?” I got about 20 affirmative replies but finally found a couple with one seat on each side of them who admitted that those seats were indeed not spoken for. I inquired as to whether they could both move one left or right so we could sit down and they agreed. In the words of George W. Bush: Mission Accomplished. Alexander was pretty entertaining. He walked through a mirror, he read a girl’s mind, and he made his lovely assistant disappear from a box after stabbing it repeatedly with swords – pretty standard fare. I would’ve been amazed but my DW kept whispering in my ear (why was she speaking in a British accent now?) telling me how Alexander was doing each illusion. I’ll be damned – she seemed to be right. That curtain did move imperceptibly when the lovely assistant slipped out the back of the box. Thanks for ruining that for me, sweetie! We retired for the evening and I can’t be sure but it seems the last thing I remember is my beloved humming “God Save the Queen.” Go figure.

 

The next morning would be Ketchikan, Alaska but we did not plan to leave the ship. On this itinerary Ketchikan is only a six-hour stop from 6:00AM until noon. I knew my DW would barely be out of bed by noon and I had done Ketchikan twice before so I did not anticipate us getting off the ship. More to follow…

[SJSU Dale]

I have never been on a cruise and I am going on my first next month to Alaska on the Golden.I have enjoyed your review most of the 7 hundred something I have read since Jan.....thankyou.....I know it will be fun

 

Thanks so much for the kind words. You will have a great time on the Golden -- we sure did!

[SJSU Dale]

We did, indeed, sleep through the Ketchikan stop! I awoke long enough to snap some pictures of fishing boats and seaplanes off the balcony but it was almost noon before we were up and functional that Thursday, July 19. It was raining in Ketchikan (imagine that) and, as I said before, we had “been there, done that” several times before so decided to catch up on sleep that morning. Somewhere around noon we made contact with the FIL, MIL and BIL and decided to meet them in the Donatello Dining Room for lunch. The IL’s had eaten breakfast in the MDR earlier that day and, as luck would have it, I had missed the Eggs Benedict that morning. Dang! I love Eggs Benedict (who doesn’t?) and was bummed out until I glanced at the lunch menu and realized that it was also an option for lunch! My MIL had ordered it for breakfast and when I asked her how it was, she said the ham slice was a little on the thin side and there could’ve been more Hollandaise sauce. So… I ordered it for lunch, but told my waiter that I wanted “double ham and extra Hollandaise.” Guess what? Yup – perfect Eggs Benedict!

 

We checked the Patter to find something to do that afternoon. There were a number of events put on by Miller/Coors, including the Miller Lite Sailaway (special offers and games, Tradewinds Bar from noon til 3:00) and the Miller/Coors Beer and Food Pairing (Explorer’s Lounge, Deck 7 at 4:30 P.M.) Really, Princess? Miller and Coors? I could see these brands being featured on a Carnival Funship but they just never seemed to make sense on my Princess. It would’ve made sense to feature Alaskan Brewing Co. or some upscale brewer but Coors and Miller? We opted to skip the beer events and went to the Princess Grapevine Wine Tasting in the Canaletto Dining room instead. For $9.50 each, we were able to sample five different wines – one white, three reds and a dessert wine. Our Sommelier was this nice gentleman from Cuba. Or was it Chile? Either way, he spoke with a very strong accent and had the irritating habit of speaking with the microphone resting on his lips so the modulation was such that you couldn’t quite understand what he was saying. We started with a white wine – a Blauvinon Glanc, which we enjoyed a lot. This was followed by three reds – a Berloe, a Labernet, and a Jiraz, I think he called them. He kept talking about the subtle hints of berry and oak. I was tasting vinegar and mold. I think we’re more white wine kind of folks… We finished up with a late harvest something-or-other that was kinda tasty! The latter was served in a Princess shot glass which we got to keep as a souvenir. Sweet! There were upwards of one-hundred people present at the wine tasting and we made friends with the very nice people at our table. It was rather awkward when we ran into some of them later at the Friends of Dr. Bob and Bill W. meeting up on Deck 15. Like they say, “Keep coming back – it works!”

 

It was back to our cabin to suit up for the final formal night. I got dressed as slowly as I could but to no avail – we still had time to go pose for formal pictures. And pose we did. We posed in front of the Northern Lights backdrop. We posed in front of the Golden Princess backdrop. We even posed in front of the Titanic Staircase backdrop, although this always seems like bad juju to me. We probably would’ve posed in front of all seven backdrops but it was time for formal night lobster dinner. I broke my long-standing tradition by only ordering a single lobster entrée this time. But I started a new tradition by doubling up with a Beef Wellington to go with my lobster. The Wellington was so tasty I had another later that night up in the Horizon Court! I paired my entrees with a delightful bottle of Charles Shaw ($2.50 at Trader Joe’s) that I brought to dinner. Our waiters, Alfredo and Carlos, took one look at my wine choice and waived the $15 corkage fee out of pity, I think. We finished dinner in time to all go pose some more in front of even more backdrops! I had set a firm limit this cruise that we would only buy eight photos total. My DW must’ve thought that meant eight photos each. We are consumers.

 

We returned to our room so I could change out of my suit and then headed out for the evening. We briefly toyed with the idea of hitting up the second heat of the Princess Pop Star competition, as I was interested in who my competition would be for the final the following day. During the first heat earlier in the week, three singers had been chosen for the finals – myself, a 92-year-old sweetheart named Georgie who sang “I Left My Heart in San Francisco,” and a rowdy young lady from New Jersey named Jenna who sang some 90’s pop song that I had never heard before. Snooki, I mean Jenna, was traveling with a group of a dozen or so (all from Jersey) who probably thought they were booking a Carnival cruise when they signed up for this one because every time she got the microphone in her hand she led her posse in a chant that went like this: “Where are we from? Joisey! What do we want? Beer!” I could only imagine who would qualify in heat number two, but decided to wait for the finals the next day so we could attend the British Invasion show in the Princess Theater. British Invasion was a new show for us and we really enjoyed it. Maybe it was the fact that it was finally a different Princess production show but I found the energy to be high, the sets to be professional and the singers and dancers to be fun and talented. I always thought the “British Invasion” era encompassed the 1960’s and 1970’s but this show included acts all the way up to Amy Winehouse. We followed the show with a quick trip up to Skywalker’s where I actually got my boogie on for a dance or two and then we called it a night. Tomorrow would be Victoria and the last day of our Alaska cruise.

[SJSU Dale]

This is how comedians make their living- poking fun at situations; yes, some comedians are rather tasteless and single out groups of people wheter it is an ethnic group, political group, age group, etc. you get it.

Oh,yes, and what about those successful late night talk show hosts?????

I get to choose to watch them or not.

OP has a great sense of humor for poking fun at a "situation", not certain individuals. So much has been posted about the Brits and their culture of tipping. I thought it was pretty funny that he had to rush over first thing and remove the auto tip.

As far as disabled people needing assistance, we have all had that experience of seeing able bodied people waltzing ahead of everyone else in a situation.

As someone who has been on the Golden twice and been to Alaska twice; I am really enjoying this review! What a fun twist and accurate way to elaborate on this trip! I.E. if you have been to Skagway, you will recall the rocks of grafitti.

OK- Thanks Dale so much!!!

 

nwwinelady, I think you get me! Maybe we can share some wine on a future cruise! Thanks for your kind words.

[nwwinelady]

Hey Dale... I appreciate that! My DH and I would love to share a bottle of wine with you and DW. The Charles Shaw Sirah is actually quite impressive. The Trader Joe's boxed red is actually the same thing (per Trader Joe's employee) and a great way to take on a cruise!

[SJSU Dale]

We awoke on Friday, July 20 (the last full day of our cruise) at the crack of noon. Ahhh -- I love cruising… We really had nothing much planned for this day, so we moseyed down to the IC and munched some sweet, unhealthy goodies for breakfast/lunch. I must say a word about the chocolate chip cookies on this cruise. Every previous Princess Cruise we have enjoyed the soft, chewy chocolate chip cookies from the IC. Until this one. I don’t know if they have changed their ingredients, or increased their baking time, or even stopped sifting the flour. All I know is the cookies on this cruise were crunchy. Even the warm ones barely out of the oven – imagine that? Not that there’s anything wrong with that – I’m just a soft and chewy guy. After getting all sugared up (and using another punch from my final old coffee card) I went out on the Promenade Deck and walked in the Susan G. Komen “On Deck for the Cure” walk. Just kidding! That morning’s Patter had spelled it “Susan G. Kommen,” which I found mildly amusing. But seriously, the idea of waddling around the Promenade deck umpteen times on the last day of my vacation just didn’t “float my boat” if you know what I mean. I have the utmost admiration for those who did choose to support the search for a cure for cancer in this manner – both of them.

 

We opted to miss the final session of Bingo where the $1800 Grand Snowball Prize was guaranteed to be awarded and instead headed off to the Final Champagne Mimosa Art Auction in the Explorer’s Lounge. Not to bid on or even buy art, mind you. We were there for the free mimosas! Life lesson learned: crappy sparkling wine + orange juice = crappy mimosas! Oh well. There was a special pre-auction drawing for a free piece of artwork guaranteed to be “valued at $500!” So I filled out an entry form for me and one for the wife. And another one for the wife. And another one for the wife! Hey – they had a whole pad of entry forms and nowhere did it say “limit one per person.” All it said was that you had to be present to win. So I filled out another form! We sat through the auction as the auctioneer described piece after piece and as some very hard-working little guys took paintings down and put paintings up. Occasionally someone would bid (and almost immediately win since no one else was bidding) as the auctioneer solicited input from the audience as to what pieces we wanted to see next. It was all great fun for a lazy afternoon. The auction wound down as I drained my third (fourth?) crappy mimosa and people started drifting away. At which point my eyes drifted over to the metal spittoon-looking thing filled with the entry forms for the “special pre-auction drawing.” I asked the auctioneer what happened to the drawing and he smacked himself in the forehead, held up the spittoon and told me to reach in and draw one out. I felt around for one of the single-folded entry forms with one corner turned outward that would betray itself as one of my special entries, grabbed what I thought to be a good candidate, and brought it out of the spittoon. Damn – someone else had single-folded with corner turned. Foiled again! The auctioneer called out a name and cabin number as everyone looked around for the winner. No go. Must be present to win! He had me reach in and grab another entry form and… my DW is now the proud owner of a serigraph of some rather festive-looking, highly stylized cats riding in a Cadillac! Valued, of course, at $500 (nudge, nudge, wink, wink.)

 

We cruised by the casino to make our final twenty dollar donation of the trip and then to our cabin to get ready for the finals of the Princess Pop Star competition. I had agonized all week over what to sing in the finals. I could stick with Joe Cocker’s “You Are So Beautiful” – the song that had put me into the finals. After all, you should dance with the girl that brought you, right? But I kinda thought folks might appreciate something a little more up tempo. I have to confess here that I used to run a Karaoke show many years ago and had also done duos and sung lead with a country band way back in the day. I knew I could get people clapping and singing along with an up-tempo oldie so I opted for “Great Balls of Fire” by Jerry Lee Lewis. We got to the Finale and I was slated to sing fifth out of six singers. Not bad placement. One guy sang a really sweet country tune called “Almost Home.” Another guy who sounded like the lead singer of Creed sang something that sounded like it might’ve been done by Creed (imagine that), a rather off-key guy did a Garth Brooks song, 92-year-old Georgie sang “I Left My Heart in San Francisco” again, I sang the hell out of the Jerry Lee Lewis song (to huge applause) and Snooki – I mean Jenna – sang something by Celine Dion. I thought I had sung the best although I would’ve voted for my favorite – Georgie – because let’s face it: she had my vote when she stepped onto the stage. She’s 92 years old and still up on stage singing! But it was Snooki who got a standing ovation. From her posse of twelve friends/family members/etc. who tonight were all seated at separate tables. Uh oh. The rules of judging stated that each table got a vote for the best overall entertainer and Snooki, in true New Jersey fashion, had done her homework and ensured electoral success. No sour grapes here – I had a great time and won yet another nice Princess Tote Bag filled with the standard goodies and prizes as a runner up. The cruise staff told me the vote was close and I was in second place and that was good enough for me!

 

Me and my posse all headed down to the MDR for a quick dinner. My DW and I skipped dessert so we could disembark and go on our Princess shore excursion to the Butchart Gardens. The Golden docked at about 7:00PM and we were scheduled to be back onboard by 11:30 so it was a short stop. We had been up in Victoria much earlier in the summer for a few days and had visited the Butchart Gardens but that was before much of it was in bloom. As the kids say: OMG! That place is crazy beautiful. I’m sure the Missus took 500 pictures or more and we walked so much that I was really glad I had skipped dessert. The excursion was just the right length of time and the sun stayed high enough in the sky for most of the tour that we got to see everything we wanted to see in daylight and then finished up in the sunken garden as the light gently faded in the sky. It was the perfect end to the perfectly relaxing final day of the perfect Alaskan cruise. We turned in as soon as we got back to the ship as we knew that we had to be up early the next morning to disembark. We awoke to the familiar sight of Seattle and packed up our hand luggage before heading down to final breakfast in the MDR. Sonny the Limousine guy was on the phone numerous times all through breakfast hounding my FIL to get off the ship since he was already there waiting for us. Nevertheless, we finished our slightly rushed breakfast and disembarked at our appointed time. The official dockside stuff was a breeze and we were outside in no time with Sonny feverishly throwing our army of luggage into the large black SUV and gunning it out of the passenger loading zone. Some 35 minutes later we were home (40+ miles away) with Sonny tearing out of our cul-de-sac, leaving the pile of luggage still in the street. I’m thinking maybe we won’t be using Sonny again.

 

We had a great time. The IL’s had a great time. Even “Tony” had a great time. We’re thinking maybe two 7-day cruises B2B next year out of Vancouver – 7 days north and 7 days south. We’ll have to see how the finances line up. Just think – if it takes me a month to write a review of a one-week cruise, who knows how long I can stretch out writing the story of 14 days of cruising! In the words of the country song: That’s My Story and I’m Stickin’ to It.