Dementia mom cruising, yes or no

[Kaboochi]

We are cruising in feb on The brilliance and are contemplating bringing my mom, with an aide. Mom currently lives in a nursing home as she has dementia but is alert in the moment and loves cruises. She will be in a wheel chair and needs total care. My question is, will this cruise I want to take her on be too much for her with her state of mind and lack of physical control, even with an aide?

Thank you for your help.

[callmewhatever]

How long is the cruise for?

[brmoqueen]

My fil has dementia and I cannot imagine taking him on a cruise. Part of the dementia is they have a great fear of things they dont understand. I would think there would be a lot of things like that on a cruise. Good luck if y.ou take her!! I hope it works out! You have a good heart to want to try!!!

[Kaboochi]

My fil has dementia and I cannot imagine taking him on a cruise. Part of the dementia is they have a great fear of things they dont understand. I would think there would be a lot of things like that on a cruise. Good luck if y.ou take her!! I hope it works out! You have a good heart to want to try!!!

 

Thank you for the advice. I think I am doing this more for me than my mom and probably displacing her from her surroundings would be a bad idea.

[brmoqueen]

Have you read the book 36 hours??? Its a great book to inform you about dementia... Really informative. I wish we had read it one year earlier than we did--- it would have saved a lot of anger ...

[brmoqueen]

I just look at it like they live the movie groundhog day... Every day is a new day ( and sometimes every hour is a new hour!!!)

[setsail]

What does your moms doctor say?

[Kaboochi]

Have you read the book 36 hours??? Its a great book to inform you about dementia... Really informative. I wish we had read it one year earlier than we did--- it would have saved a lot of anger ...

 

Thank you for your reply, I have not read the book but I wil download fit. I appreciate your help.

[Kaboochi]

What does your moms doctor say?

 

Mom is in a nursing home, doc visits once a week. From reading replies, I am not going to bring her.

[callmewhatever]

I work in a dementia ward......I wouldn't recomend taking her. Maybe go somewhere special for a day trip.

[royalcruz]

I'm a licensed clinical social worker and my masters degree is in social work with the elderly. I would not recommend taking someone with dementia on a cruise unless the symptoms are very mild or just beginning. It is just too disorienting and may cause distress to the patient and family.

[zaknzoey]

We are cruising in feb on The brilliance and are contemplating bringing my mom, with an aide. Mom currently lives in a nursing home as she has dementia but is alert in the moment and loves cruises. She will be in a wheel chair and needs total care. My question is, will this cruise I want to take her on be too much for her with her state of mind and lack of physical control, even with an aide?

Thank you for your help.

 

 

I have I think what maybe a unique perspective, in that, I have cruised with my mom who had dementia. and though I cannot say to you, bring her, I'm so glad I did! I wouldn't have traded that experience for anything!

 

We took her on a cruise for her birthday one year in November. and she passed away the next February.

 

Like you mentioned, my mom loved cruising too. and while we were on the cruise, you could see it in her face, that she loved it. The staff were more than helpful. At dinner, the assistant cut her food into bite sized pieces for her, even though we did not ask her to do it.

 

One (funny?) thing that happened one night, though....

I awoke in the night to see light from the hall coming into our room. I looked up at the door, which was wide open. :eek: I got up to see that mom was not in the room! :eek: So, I looked down the hall and saw her walking. I ran down, got her and brought her back to the room.

 

Not sure if they had any child lock or something for the cabin door (didn't ask about it) but every night after that, we just pushed a heavy table in front of the door and had no further problems with that.

 

I have tons of pictures from that cruise and memories that are now literally priceless and I'm SO thankful we took her on that cruise.

 

Sure, it might have been some extra "work" to do so, but it was worth it.

 

Just my 2 cents............

[sailinglisa]

As a nurse who has worked with dementia patients for almost 30 years my opinion on this is do not bring your mother with you.

 

As you say, she is in a nursing home and she has a set routine. The absolute worst thing you can do to someone with dementia is take them out of their routine. It confuses them even more and can make them angry, agitated and aggressive, or the opposite can happen. They can become more withdrawn, refuse to eat and fail to thrive. You are essentially ripping them out of their "comfort zone" and totally upending their life. And once you return them to their routine, it can take literally months for them to return to what is their "normal".

 

I'm sorry to seem harsh, but you would be doing this for you, not her. Please, think of her first.

[micmacmissy]

This isn't a question for Cruise Critic... it's a question for the doctor and nursing staff at your mother's nursing home.

 

Only they know your mother's case and whether it would work for her.

[Markanddonna]

My dad had "just dementia" (forgetfulness) and he would have enjoyed the cruise but he needed no extra help. If it is more like the emotional states of Alzheimer's, I would say a big no. Since you are considering bringing a private aide, it sounds like your mom is in a pretty advanced stage and the whirlwind of a cruise may have a really negative impact. I remember taking my mom out for just a calm, hour trip on a boat and she had major fears and delusions for hours after that. That taught us that new adventures aren't usually a good idea.

 

Bless you for wanting to do this though!

[LoneStarJeffe]

I recognize this is a both an individual decision and a painful one. What I say is based upon my experience with my father-in-law who lived in our home for over two years with dementia.

 

You need a vacation where you can relax and your mother needs familiar surroundings to not be stressed. I do not think either of you will achieve those goals if you take your mother on your cruise. Even with an aide, you will not relax.

 

I say this respectfully. If you cannot relax on vacation without her, then do not go on a cruise.

 

I really ache for you. This is not an easy decision. But care giving can be hard and I think you need time off away from the worry. That may mean you cannot take sufficient time off to take a cruise. You may only feel comfortable taking a night off or a weekend. But the answer is not to bring your mother along. You need to find a vacation you can take that will allow you to relax. Good luck with your decision.

[bfree32]

As a physician, I feel the need to respond to this thread. There are many stages of dementia. From simple, seemingly innocent, forgetfulness in the beginning to the unfortunate end stage where a person needs assistance with everything.

 

The responses above all relate back to those peoples' personal experiences with dementia. Many of them may be recalling their loved one at a time when they were closer to the end than the beginnng.

 

Micmacmissy is right....this question is for your family physician and you to decide. IF the disease is mild and the worst thing that will happen is that your Mom will ask which island we are at multiple times, I would suggest you go. The reason for this is that YOU will enjoy one last vacation with your Mom. She might not remember, but you will have the memories.

However, if her disease has progressed, then you very well may have problems with disorientation, etc. You would then have to deal with all the stress of caring for her and it obviously would not be an enjoyable experience for either of you.

[MaryAnn&Don]

I agree with the medical professionals and those with experience that have responded. I cared for my father for 4 years with Parkinson's dementia and Alzheimer's. It all depends on what stage she is at but if she needs an aid and total care, that tells me this would be a very very bad idea. At the least, she will advance the progression of the disease and at worst could die on the cruise!

 

Like you said, this is more for you than for your mother. The last 3 years of my dad's life I got considerable counseling on how to react to his mental problem. Everything you have been advised here is true. Changes in environment and routine can be traumatic and often irreversible.

 

I am with you that you need the vacation. I know I did and was advised by the doctors to get on with my life. They know this is more taxing on the care giver than the one with the disease. But, a word of advice on how to depart. Do not discuss with your mother your plans. On the last day just say, "I'll see you tomorrow, mom," like you normally do. When you return in a week you can come in like it was the next day and if she says where have you been? Just tell her you are very sorry but missed coming in yesterday due to some problems at work. That will probably be the end of that discussion.

 

Another thought on the aide you plan to bring. Assume that person is not an experienced cruiser with knowledge on doing their job on a cruise ship. They may be mesmerized by the idea of a paid vacation cruise and as professional as you think they are, they are indeed human and will need time off to experience the trip too. At the nursing home they have 24 hour staff of several that take care of your mother. My father needed two aids to take care of his baths and other needs. Now you would reduce that staff to one? It would not be fare to the aide.

[xxoocruiser]

We are cruising in feb on The brilliance and are contemplating bringing my mom, with an aide. Mom currently lives in a nursing home as she has dementia but is alert in the moment and loves cruises. She will be in a wheel chair and needs total care. My question is, will this cruise I want to take her on be too much for her with her state of mind and lack of physical control, even with an aide?

Thank you for your help.

 

 

There's a thread over on the Disabled Forum that you might find helpfull. Here's the link http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1635744&highlight=dementia

[deserttraveler]

Even though the OP has made what seems like a sound decision, this is a worthwhile discussion. One of the issues in traveling with a person with dementia, in a way similar to traveling with a child on the autusm spectrum, is not knowing exactly when they are going to panic about something.

 

On an international flight I took last year, a young woman was traveling with her elderly aunt in some stage of dementia. They got through heavy security (London Heathrow), including the interview at the gate (American Airlines). We were all seated in the plane ready for takeoff when it turned out that the woman balked/panicked at the prospect of putting on her seatbelt. Nothing would calm her, and finally the crew made a decision that she could not fly. This meant offloading ALL the luggage in order to retrieve theirs, and an ontime departure turned into a 2 and a half hour delay, causing many people to miss connections in Dallas.

 

Not only was the woman with dementia put in a terrifying situation, the rest of the passengers were also seriously inconvenienced.

[Desertbelle]

Absolutely the stage of dementia is vital to consider. My sister and I took our parents on a cruise a few years ago when my father was in the first stages of Alzheimer's and he did wonderful. He and my now deceased mother had a wonderful time and the memories are precious. But now, as he is progressing fast into end stage dementia there would be no possible advantage to taking him on a cruise. He wouldn't enjoy it and the stress of taking care of his needs would certainly hamper the enjoyment of the vacation for everyone else involved.

 

BTW the book is called "The 36 Hour Day" and it is a good book.

[cruzprins]

I have been a member of Cruise Critic for a long time but have never posted to the boards, but I had to respond to this message. I took my mother on a cruise not knowing that she was already having problems related to final diagnosis of Lewy Body Demetia. It was the most stressful "vacation" of my life and I know now, my mother's. She was totally confused and stressed the entire trip and I will never forget the night I decided I needed to check on her, went to her cabin, and found her gone. She, too, had wandered out of her cabin and I had to call security who finally found her wandering on a different deck with no shoes on and her clothes on backwards. This was a defining moment for me and I had to move into her cabin for the remaining 4 nights of the cruise because she could not be left alone. She had to enter a nursing home 6 months later. I too, thought that I was doing something nice for her as she always loved cruising. However, I wish that I had the memories of all of our past cruises together instead of the ones I am left with from that trip.

[teddie]

I have been a member of Cruise Critic for a long time but have never posted to the boards, but I had to respond to this message. I took my mother on a cruise not knowing that she was already having problems related to final diagnosis of Lewy Body Demetia. It was the most stressful "vacation" of my life and I know now, my mother's. She was totally confused and stressed the entire trip and I will never forget the night I decided I needed to check on her, went to her cabin, and found her gone. She, too, had wandered out of her cabin and I had to call security who finally found her wandering on a different deck with no shoes on and her clothes on backwards. This was a defining moment for me and I had to move into her cabin for the remaining 4 nights of the cruise because she could not be left alone. She had to enter a nursing home 6 months later. I too, thought that I was doing something nice for her as she always loved cruising. However, I wish that I had the memories of all of our past cruises together instead of the ones I am left with from that trip.

 

I am so sorry for the experience you and your mother had, but much more sorry about her diagnosis.(wearing my RN cap right now). Sometimes, it's hard to objectively see the deficits in some early dementia patients until you take them out of their environment and change the routine. You had the best of intentions, clearly. I wish you happier cruise memories for the future!

 

Teddie

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited November 22, 2012 by teddie

[lori450]

Ok, one more psych professional's opinion. 1. Talk to her doctor 2. Talk to the people at the nursing home who care for her every day 3. Usually when someone asks a question like this they already know the answer, don't like the answer, and will ask others in hope that they will give them the answer they want. I hope all these answers have given you the acceptance to make the decision you know is right for you and your mom. I'm so sorry for your loss of your "old mom". It's always so sad. We want things to go back to the way they were, even for a brief time. It's a great idea if your mom's caregivers agree. Good luck. Please let us know what you decide.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

[yogimax]

What does your moms doctor say?

 

Precisely!

 

The definitive answer!