PHOTO REVIEW: H turns GOLD on the Carnival Conquest (Fun Times, New Menus)

[ProfCruise]

Monday

 

 

 

 

[ProfCruise]

Tuesday

 

 

 

[ProfCruise]

Wednesday

 

MISSING AT SEA (just like mom's sports bra -- let this be a lesson, don't leave your unmentionables out on the balcony to "air out").

 

Does anyone from our sailing happen to have this day they can post for everyone?

[ProfCruise]

Thursday

 

 

 

 

 

[ProfCruise]

Friday

 

 

 

[ProfCruise]

Saturday

 

 

 

[ProfCruise]

Let's not talk about what happened on Sunday. :(

[SenatorsFan]

Happy Birthday, H! Thanks for that adorable video. :) Your cake looked yummy.

Heather

[ProfCruise]

Happy Birthday, H! Thanks for that adorable video. :) Your cake looked yummy.

Heather

 

Thanks, Heather! Best part of birthdays: CAKE! :D

[ELVISKL]

Let's not talk about what happened on Sunday. :(

 

ah come on, thats not fair lol. what happened?

[ProfCruise]

ah come on, thats not fair lol. what happened?

 

We disembarked. Don't worry, I made sure mom (and everyone else) knew how upset I was on the flight home. :eek:

[ProfCruise]

HIGH CRIMES (AND DELICIOUS BURGERS) AT SEA

Well that concludes the ship portion of the review. Any questions?

How about a burger and some fries, or even better, a burger TOPPED with fries (being from a certain steel town we put fries on everything) while you wait for the next section (ports) to begin?

That all sounds well and good, but first, a warning. Blasphemy, making your toddler take a nap on vacation, and ordering a veggie burger from Guy’s are all sins that shall not be forgiven.

There was a loud, collective gasp and several people made the sign of the cross in her direction when mom ordered this:

 

 

Luckily the counterfeit (veggie) patty is hidden under a bunch of legit Guy’s toppings. Still though, don’t look directly at it or your computer/phone/tablet might catch fire (oops should have warned you sooner – I’ll send over one of the fire trucks I got for Christmas).

Seriously though, in the impossible chance that one of you might be interested in ordering a veggie burger from Guy’s, it’s not on the menu, but they definitely have them. It takes about 10 minutes to cook (you can go get the rest of your food and come back).

For the rest of you, here are the real burger options:

 

 

Grandma enjoyed her Guy’s burgers very much and mom, having given up her soul long ago for a few hours of “her” time in the afternoon, devoured her veggie burger without regret.

Now, stay tuned for ports -- being at work today will suck even more when you see how much fun we had at the beach. Also, remember, the big prize is coming in just a few. more. minutes (or maybe a few days -- I have a lot of Christmas toys to play with).

[PurdueChefAmber]

Thanks H! I love your reviews! I leave on the Conquest on Sunday!

[ProfCruise]

Thanks H! I love your reviews! I leave on the Conquest on Sunday!

 

I'm free next week -- just sayin. :D Have a great cruise!!!

[pcvtmom]

H, your reviews always keep me in stitches!! Keep it coming, man!

[ProfCruise]

H, your reviews always keep me in stitches!! Keep it coming, man!

 

You looked at the veggie burger, didn't you? Sorry about that. :p Thanks for reading!

[SKosto]

Wednesday's Fun times

 

 

 

[ProfCruise]

Wednesday's Fun times

 

SKosto saves the day! Thank you!!!

[ProfCruise]

PORTS

 

 

As I mentioned earlier (if you don’t remember, you need to stop trying to get work done while reading cruise reviews…priorities, people…or, perhaps, it’s time for your kids to have the “talk” about mom/dad), we did this exact itinerary last year, so none of these ports were new to us (do you think anyone would notice if I just cut and pasted this section from my Freedom review?), however our experience of them was entirely different. Let’s begin in St. Maarten.

[ProfCruise]

ST. MAARTEN

 

By making our way to Great Bay Beach in Philipsburg. After waving goodbye to the big boat (“Bye, big boat”), walk through the port area, following the signs for “downtown.” You will exit the port area and take a left. Follow the sidewalk for about 10 minutes and you’ll end up in Philipsburg. There you’ll see signs to the beach.

Mom was hot and tired (you all know by now mom doesn’t do well with exercise and heat), so we cut directly down to the beach and mom ran toward the water like she was on fire (happened to be the same day she ordered that veggie burger from Guy’s), NOT stopping to rent a lounger like we did last year. We decided not to rent any loungers as we only used them for storage last time and the ground works perfectly well for that. So we plopped our stuff down on the sand in a large area between two loungers, taking advantage of the shade from one of the umbrellas and were no sooner asked to move. I guess you aren’t allowed to use the shade unless you pay for the chair. Huh? It’s not a vacation with mom unless she gets kicked out of somewhere (Have I mentioned there was a movie made about her? I think it’s called “Wedding Crashers.”), so we she didn’t argue and we moved over to an area at the end of the beach free of $15 shade. Good thing we didn’t pony up any cash too, because the clouds rolled in creating natural shade and our beach trip was short lived due to light rain. We had fun while it lasted though, building (and, more importantly, destroying) our first sandcastles of the trip.

Here I am at the beach.

 

Due to the rain, we did a bit more exploring around the shops in Philipsburg where mom broke my record for the number of “no’s” uttered in an hour. “Can I have that backpack that turns into a towel?” “No.” “Can I have a boozy umbrella drink?” “No.” “Couples massage on the beach?” “No.” And so on. I’d resigned myself to leaving Philipsburg empty handed, stone sober, and single (story of my life) when a man walked by, passing out flyers with one of the plush monkeys I’d had my eye on around his neck. “No.” I hadn’t even asked! I guess he recognized the look of defeat on my face, because he generously gave me that monkey! I think there’s a common expression that applies here: When one gets kicked out of the shade, you get a free monkey. Or something like that. Anyway, it was further proof that there are kind people all over the place in this world (just not mom).

Here’s a shot of the shops in Philipsburg.

 

And here’s my monkey. His arms and legs velcro together and you can push a button to hear him screech. The fellow passengers on our flight home really enjoyed 2 hours of that. Somehow he ended up in the Goodwill donation bag when we got home.

 

 

 

Speaking of free (because we’re always speaking of free when mom’s with us), mom needed to score some free internet to check her work e-mail and had no trouble doing so in Philipsburg. Several bars offered free wifi and she just sat on one of the public benches along the sidewalk and neglected her child to work.

So there you have it, Philipsburg for Free (mom should write a travel book, only anyone interested in the content would be too cheap to buy it).

[wmwmarmstrong]

Love, love, love your review! Two quick questions.

Does the Freedom have the same outside play area like your pictures on the Conquest?

And I truely want to know how good that veggie burger was??

[ProfCruise]

Love, love, love your review! Two quick questions.

Does the Freedom have the same outside play area like your pictures on the Conquest?

And I truely want to know how good that veggie burger was??

 

The Freedom does have an outdoor play area in the same location. However, it's a built-in playground. I included a photo of it and more description in my Freedom review (click on the link in my signature).

 

The veggie burger was excellent (tasted homemade -- not just a Boca burger) and I'd recommend it (if you're not worried about your eternal salvation). Thanks for reading!!! Enjoy the Freedom (maybe take me along?)!!!

[wmwmarmstrong]

Thanks so much for the quick reply.

I see your also an early bird!

[ProfCruise]

BLUE IGUANA CANTINA

If you’re craving a New Year’s Eve burrito, but are concerned about e-coli at your regular land-based joint, I have a solution for you: a Carnival cruise (In what kind of crazy world does one go on a cruise to avoid food borne illness? This one, apparently.). The Blue Iguana Cantina is a delicious, free, tex mex option located near the main Lido pool and is open for breakfast and lunch. Here are the menus:

Breakfast

 

 

 

Lunch

 

 

There’s also an extensive toppings bar with various hot sauces, salsas, crème fresh, cilantro, cheese, and…watermelon (little tip, take the rind off before you stuff it in your burrito…learned that one the hard way).

After approximately 1,273,073, wait I think it’s closer to 1,273,079, breakfast burritos and double that number of arepas on prior cruises, mom finally grew tired of them and only had them twice for breakfast on the Conquest. Give yourself the chance to get sick of them (I'm still working on it), they’re delicious.

If the line’s too long at Guy’s, the lunch burritos are pretty good too.

[ProfCruise]

FROM LAST TO FIRST: HOW STEVE JOBS TURNED AROUND ST. KITTS

Wait, that was something else entirely. Anyway, because we didn’t do much, St. Kitts was our least favorite port on the Freedom in 2014, but climbed 3 spots to number 1 this year (this gives me hope for my favorite movie of 2015: “Mall Cop 2”).

It’s still sort of a mystery how we ended up at the Marriott as we had no plans to go there, but let me try to retrace our steps.

First, we were surprised to be docked at Bird Rock Deepwater Port (used for cruise ship overflow), located east of downtown Basseterre, instead of Port Zante (which is right downtown). Two-year-olds are known for being flexible though, so I didn’t mind having to take a shuttle over to Port Zante.

Here’s what the port area looked like as we exited the ship:

 

Once at Port Zante we planned to head to the closest (read as cheapest taxi ride) public beach. The taxi area at Port Zante doesn’t have standard prices listed for common locations like some other ports in the Caribbean, so one is left to find a driver willing to take you where you want to go for a price you are prepared to pay. We were immediately approached by a driver who offered to take us to the beach for $16. Mom haggles over the price of a loaf of bread at Aldi’s, so you know she wasn’t paying any $16 for a taxi. She said “that’s too much” and we kept walking (mom says you always have to be willing to walk away…I guess that’s why we never have any bread). The driver approached us again with an offer of $12 and, of course, mom said “we’ll keep looking for something cheaper.” After approximately 16 hours of intense negotiation, mom and the driver finally agreed on $8 for the three of us and we hopped into his van with a nice couple headed to the Marriott (they paid $12 for two…suckas).

After the couple got out at the Marriott, our driver asked us which beach we wanted. Mom asked what he would recommend. A lovely employee at the Marriott overheard her and suggested that we could use the beach there. In true mom fashion, she asked: IS IT FREE?!?! The woman assured us we could use the beach for free, so mom paid our driver (despite being cheap as crap, she always tips very well, so the driver gave us his card if we wanted a return trip) and we were escorted through the hotel (“please ma’am, don’t touch anything…in fact, don’t even look directly at anything”) and out the back door to the grounds. From here we were given instructions on how to get to the beach.

We checked out the Marriott pool area (very nice – if you want to use all the amenities at the Marriott, a day pass is available for $35) and descended the steps to the beach.

 

WOW, we couldn’t believe our luck! It was beautiful and almost completely deserted. We plopped our Carnival towels (classy) down at least 10 feet away from any of the Marriott loungers so no one would think we were stealing shade (we still expected to get kicked out at any second, but no one ever approached us) and unpacked our beach toys (if you see a yellow shovel wash up on shore next time you’re there, it’s mine).

 

 

Now mom understands what heaven is like and really regrets ordering that veggie burger.