How to make sure reluctant spouse has a good time

[Happy ks]

It only took me the first 10 years to figure out that I could not make my husband have a good time if he didn't want to. We've been together almost 25 years now and since I let go of the idea, we actually have a much better time together. If we want the same thing, we'll go together, otherwise, I feel absolutely no guilt going my own way. He's a big boy, he can handle himself. While it's lovely to spend special time with your spouse, it's also absolutely OK to spend a few hours apart. It gives you more to talk about later on.

 

The only time we spend all our time together on a cruise is when we travel as a couple, without the kids or others along. Then, we have an absolutely marvelous time.

 

I'll agree with what several people here have already stated, don't plan group time with your group, it will drive everyone crazy. I've witnessed I don't know how many times, groups arguing over what to do and with whom, then when and where to meet afterward. They generally do it standing six abreast across the deck and don't allow anyone else to pass through. Then, there is the fact that there is always someone who keeps everyone waiting, or you have to constantly stop for someone to go to the bathroom.

 

We have found that it is best to not try to organize anything with more than 4 people involved at a time. It's absolutely fine that more people want to go, just don't try to keep more than 4 together at one time. The exception is an elderly relative that everyone should take turns escorting.

 

The beauty of a cruise is that there is so much to do that everyone can find something to interest them. Or, they can do absolutely nothing at all, it's up to them.

[NAS-KARR]

This'll be alittle hard-nosed so don't go any further if u kant take it.

I suggest u leave him alone and let him simply sulk around,hopefully he'll notice others having a great time with life because it's to precious to most of us. You keep babying these guys like u gals do so you're stuck for LIFE w/this dud who all he wants to do is watch sports on TV.

And you think sex is a guarantee ? 24 hrs later he's back to his "feel sorry for me" attitude and "what's on channel 9" tonite ?

I don't have any tollerence for husbands who only want what they want, they're not open to anything else.I feel sorry for the wives who are stuck with the mamn-b-pam-b's.

My wife and I have mucho fun planning, researching and ultimately going on a cruise WE'VE picked out together.

I also say don't push him or nag him about cruising and the cruise itself. IMHO that'll turn him off more so.I fell big time for cruising after my wife introduced me to it.So much so that we'll take one big one each year now, we've even got 07 booked and are researching 08 as I write.

Anyway, good luck and I do hope your cruise goes well,

 

CIAO,

[Mekamax]

Here's a new idea. If you want to guarantee he will go again make sure you bring a video camera. Everytime I put a cruise video in my hubby stopps thinking about money and just says "book one!". Also it could be the perfect thing for him to be in control of. He might have a lot of fun with it and maybe get some great shots of the family - make him want to be part of things. My hubby loves to cruise - wasn't too sure till I dragged him on the third one and that hooked him - it was a 7 night.

 

If you plan on the fact you might be separate bring some walkie talkies.

 

I also learned after the third crusie - no more shows - he is not into it. We do go sometimes if it is something we both like like comedians or magicians.... I do not make him dress up - if he wants to we do if not we eat elsewhere. As long as it is his choice we always dress up - mainly because the capitains night is dressup night and they have free drinks at the captains party he does not want to miss that!!! :) :)

 

Also he wears jeans in the dining room and i do not say anything - has for 19 cruises. Granted they are black or white and hard to even tell unless you stare but I found not to argue over small stuff, that can ruin a cruise.

 

Have a great time - he will once he is on board - all reluctant spouses I have heard of end up loving it! :D Debbie

[WooKeef]

This'll be alittle hard-nosed so don't go any further if u kant take it.

I suggest u leave him alone and let him simply sulk around,hopefully he'll notice others having a great time with life because it's to precious to most of us. You keep babying these guys like u gals do so you're stuck for LIFE w/this dud who all he wants to do is watch sports on TV.

And you think sex is a guarantee ? 24 hrs later he's back to his "feel sorry for me" attitude and "what's on channel 9" tonite ?

I don't have any tollerence for husbands who only want what they want, they're not open to anything else.I feel sorry for the wives who are stuck with the mamn-b-pam-b's.

My wife and I have mucho fun planning, researching and ultimately going on a cruise WE'VE picked out together.

I also say don't push him or nag him about cruising and the cruise itself. IMHO that'll turn him off more so.I fell big time for cruising after my wife introduced me to it.So much so that we'll take one big one each year now, we've even got 07 booked and are researching 08 as I write.

Anyway, good luck and I do hope your cruise goes well,

 

CIAO,

 

I am not sure who you are addressing. But, I assume it is the group. My husband and I did plan our cruise together and I NEVER baby him. I do want to make him happy just like he does for me. This is probably the reason he wanted to go on a cruise anyway. I had been bugging him for years and was getting ready to go without him when he suggested we go for our annual vacation. Now, he is suddenly at odds over the dress code for the dining room. I am not eating at the buffet every night, so he will just have to dress a little.

Anyway, I do know you meant no harm with your posting and I am not offended. I am sure we will have a good time on our trip and he will forget it all when we are eating delicious food with a wonderful bottle of wine.

later!

[Steve13]

My wife and I are fortunate that we both enjoy cruising, but more importantly we both enjoy and understand we are both independent people. We do what we want as individuals, which makes it a lot more easier to do things together. I can't imagine cruising with (or even being married to) someone who was reluctant and didn't enjoy themselves. Life is too short. I think one of the reasons we enjoy our cruises so much is trust each other, we treat each other like adults and with respect. If my wife wants to do something by herself (whether onboard or at home) she does it and doesn't need permission from me. I take 3 or 4 guys only trips each year and she does the same with the girls. We never worry about asking each other if it's OK because we know it is. All we do is check to make sure that the timing works for both our schedules.

 

To answer the OP's question though, I suggest that on the first day of the cruise, soon after boarding you give him something special that isn't related to the cruise but is important to him. If he's a golfer, give him a gift certificate to the club pro shop or a golf store. If he's a fisherman, give him something related to that.

 

About halfway through the cruise, regardless of the time he's having, ask him what he thinks and LISTEN. It might be that he enjoys the cruise, but wishes the family wasn't around (we all need time away). If thats how he feels, march him down to the future booking desk and book a cruise for just the two of you. If he hates the cruise, go to the internet cafe and book a land based trip for just the two of you!

[celle]

Like UT_FAN I was the reluctant cruiser when we first started cruising.

 

In 1968, I was an "assisted passage migrant" from England to New Zealand. In those days, ships were the way to go (air travel was too expensive), and I was placed in an inside (obviously) cabin below the water line, with 3 other people I had never met before. The cabin was arranged so that there were 2 sets of bunks on either side.

 

There was a communal bathroom down the corridor, and there was only room for one person at a time to stand on the floor between the bunks. We had to take turns to get dressed and our suitcases had to fit under the bunks. There was no cupboard space, no dressing table or drawers, and obviously not TV. Just 4 bunks with the floor space between them. Once a week we were allowed access to the room where our larger cases were stored.

 

We were not allowed access to our cabins during the day, but had to take what we thought we would require for the day in a day bag.

 

The ship was partly a passenger ship and partly a refrigerated cargo vessel. There were "classes" of passengers and we were in the lowest class.

 

The journey took 6 and a half weeks!

 

While I enjoyed the days in ports (where tours were arranged) and while I made good friends with my enforced cabin companions (it wasn't all bad!), my overwhelming impression of life at sea was of being confined on a vessel from which there was no escape from the people on board.

 

Consequently, I had many doubts about my first holiday cruise.

 

However, I thoroughly enjoyed my 12-day Mediterranean cruise on Brilliance of the Seas. It completely dispelled all my fears and prejudices and I am now a convert to cruising.

 

I am not a "joiner" and I did not participate in many organised activities on Brilliance, but I felt completely able to do what I wanted. My husband and I cruised with friends and we all felt free to do our own thing during the day. We met up for drinks at a pre-arranged time and place each evening, before dinner.

 

I think the answer to cruising with friends or family is to not feel that you have to spend every minute of every day together.

 

I agree with others who have posted that the OP's husband will probably feel much happier about cruising if he is given the option of lots of "free " time, to do what he wants. He will still have "family time". Maybe you could take turns at quality time with the children?

 

(Actually, looking on what I have written, I would do the 6 and a half weeks all over again! I was young then, and took it all in my stride. I was a "20-Pound Pom" and got the whole journey for twenty British pounds. All I had to do was work where I was placed in New Zealand for 2 years. I met and married a New Zealander and have lived here ever since. Where else could I have got 6+ weeks at sea for 20 Pounds?)

[cruzincurt]

Quote: "To answer the OP's question though, I suggest that on the first day of the cruise, soon after boarding you give him something special that isn't related to the cruise but is important to him. If he's a golfer, give him a gift certificate to the club pro shop or a golf store. If he's a fisherman, give him something related to that."

 

IMHO, if you have to give your spouse "rewards" you have a bigger problem than just going on a cruise together. My 32 marriage was never based on the "do this and I will reward you" concept.

 

Let him discover what he likes about being on a cruise and don't micro-manage his schedule. I would never insult my DW with a WT so I can keep tabs on her. Jeez, the ship is only so big, I won't lose her.

[cruisin'mama]

I went to Alaska in June on Mercury with my 3 sons and my husband was supposed to go too, but when it came time for the final payment , he backed out. We had a FABULOUS time and when we got back, I think he realized he missed out by not going. My husband HATES dressing up, and he lives in shorts year round, so in order to get him to agree to try a cruise, I booked an NCL cruise to Mexico and told him he didn't even have to bring a tie, but he would have to wear pants to dinner. It's not the cruise I would have picked for myself, but to get him to go with me, I was willing to do the Freestyle Dining and forego dressing up. He still is convinced that there will be nothing to interest him onboard and he will be bored. I made sure he was invloved in picking shore excursions and I will worry about things for him to do onboard when we get there.

[Fredr]

Hello,

 

While both my wife and I enjoy cruises (15 so far and a 16th - transatlantic coming up in October of 2006) my approach to a very reluctant first time cruiser would be to emphasize the romance aspects of cruising. Make absolutely sure that your husband knows that there will be much time for fun. And do not miss the formal nights because a cruise ship is magically transformed into a very fancy New Year's eve party with special food, music, and entertainment. And at the end of this magical evening and he has seen you all dressed up and having a wonderful time...

 

As for activities do not push it but he will discover that there are all kinds of things for him to do or try for the first time.

 

Hope that this helps,

 

Fred

[cmacf1]

I'm happy to say that my enthusiasm and anticipation of our upcoming cruise seems to have rubbed off on my formerly reluctant spouse! We even went and bought him a nice new dark suit for those formal evenings (his idea) and upgraded our cabin (also his idea) AND he has asked me which cruiselines might be best for us if we travel with just our immediate family. Wonderful progress! I do appreciate all the comments and suggestions and I'll be putting some of them to work, even if he's not reluctant anymore :D .

[rvrgirl]

Get him drunk;)

[srlafleur]

My husband is anything but reluctant to go on a cruise. He loves it.

Even though he's a pretty casual kind of guy, but gets dressed for formal nights because the festivity of it far surpasses his desire to be "comfortable". He'll also wear khakis instead of jeans and collared shirts instead of T's, because, really, what's the difference?

He also lets me schedule the shore excursions, since I make such an effort to find something we'll both enjoy (minimal shopping, for example). Actually, for our last cruise (Alaska), I narrowed it down to a few excursion choices in each port and then asked his opinion. He says I've never steered him wrong.

On the boat, we each do pretty much what we want. If I want to hit the art auction and he wants to nap, that's fine. We always eat together, and occasionally go to a show, but mostly shipboard time is down-time.

I'd have to say involving a reluctant participant in on the activity planning and not over scheduling every minute is probably key to success.

[Tmeister]

It's easy to focus too much onthe problem and not be open to solutions. I'm amazed and encouraged by the creativity shown by many of the posters. You know what sorts of things will trip your husband's trigger, whether you're at home or on vacation. Reluctance to cruise is usually because "it's not what I'm used to." Provide some of the creature comforts he enjoys, and things should go more smoothly. It didn't take my wife long to figure out that I can agree to do almost anything as long as I get a beer and a cigar sometime during the day. (It took me a little longer to figure out that cookies or ice cream will work on her.)

[Junicruiser]

My husband hates to travel, too! He is a real poop about going and he is getting worse. Once I get him away from home and we arrive at our destination, he relaxes and is OK as long as I don't make him walk all over the place and will let him relax and watch TV. Cruises are the best way to get him to go travel and I always get a balcony so he can sit out there and enjoy the view without dealing with crowds. We're going on our 25th anniversary to the Caribbean over the holidays and I am really nervous about the crowds and the flight during Xmas! We may not make it to our 26th Wedding Anniversary if this turns out to be awful! I'm glad I'm not the only one to suffer with a stick-in-the-mud husband. My 21 year old son went to the Mediterranean with me because hubby refused to go "across the pond." It was an awesome cruise--he missed a wonderful trip! His loss!!!:rolleyes:

[Island Annie]

I'm a firm believer in "Participation" is the key to a FUN cruise. Get him to participate in as many onboard activities as you possibly can. Poolside games, Trivia contests, Bingo, kareoke, Whatever activities are going on get involved. Who knows . . . He might even see himself on the video diary! How great would that be to take home with you to occassionally remind him of how much FUN he had on that cruise??!!

 

And if he didn't make it into the video, make one of your own. Be sure to take lots of pictures of him relaxing/ having fun/partying/whatever it is that he really likes to do to suttlely bring out occsassionally to remind him about your cruise.

 

If you happen to have a birthday or anniversary anytime during the month you're cruising, (even the month before or after) celebrate it while you're on the cruise. Most ships now have a supperclub that you could trat him to a special dinner one night. This can be about a 2 hour dinner, is very elegant, EXCELLENT food & service. well worth the surcharge. (Never met a man who wouldn't love to have a lobster dinner in the middle of the week:-)

 

Be sure to take lots of formal pictures by the ships photographers. Then buy 1 o2 (or 3) of your favorites to put into a frame when you get home. Everytime he looks at that picture it'll remind him of your cruise;-)

 

Last but not least:Get him excited about your upcoming cruise by throwing yourselves a little bonVoyage party shortly before your departure date.

 

Enjoy!

 

Island Annie

[Lesterbird]

You know, men are just unusual creatures. They don't like to be out of their comfort zone and most (well, mine anyway) don't like to be told what to do. And a cruise pretty much is a big floating agenda. Or at least, it can be that way. Only done two cruises so far and had a blast each time, but hubby was ... well, how shall we put it... less than enthralled ... even after the fact. He doesn't like the idea that he can't spread out in a big condo, can't cook his own fancyschmancy dinners (he's a gourmet chef), is stuck with crowds, blah, blah, blah.

 

Cruising is just not for him. But I kinda like it. Sorta. Once in a while. In a group. With much liquor. So we do a cruise every 3-4 years and then do a big land based vacation once a year, since that's what he really digs anyway.

 

Let him do his thing and go have your own fun.

[mom2tcdx2]

My boyfriend and I did our first cruise in January 2005 - I had always wanted to do one and he was extremely reluctant. I ended up finding a 5 day on Carnival that was affordable for us at the time and he agreed to go. He wasn't on the ship for 2 days and he was ready to go again.:) Not that someone even has to partcipate in all the activities to have a good time as sometimes that isn't someone's thing. I think everyone should do what they want and if others don't want to don't force someone to do something just because the group is. We have a our family of 8 going in November and 5 have never cruised before. My sisters DH isn't looking forward to it a lot, but we have told him if he doesn't want to do something the rest of us may want to do we aren't going to get mad and we are on vacation to have a good time and relax. They did their own shore excursions, my mother did one on her own, and she is also doing one with me, my kids, dad and step mother. We will also probably plan on dining together most nights - esp my parents with the grandkids - they can't stand the idea of not dining with the kids. :eek:

[KKB]

Our entire family is taking a holiday cruise this year and my DH, who has never cruised before, is going along, but doesn't seem all that excited. He thinks that he will be bored and that it'll be too crowded and he won't be in complete control of our itinerary and activities (partly due to the nature of a cruise and partly because we're going with many family members, including our two small children.) Since I love going on cruises, I'd like to be absolutely sure that he has the time of his life. Any suggestions for how I can get my curmudgeon DH to let loose and enjoy himself, enough so that he's hankering at the bit to go on another cruise after this one? This is my one chance! Thanks for any suggestions!

 

Same story as mine...reluctant cruiser was my hubby! But as soon as we got on the ship, he said "OMG it's like Vegas on a ship!' He is as hooked as me! NOW that being said, our next cruise was w/ kids & 26 family members....we both admit we would not be quite as excited about cruising if that was our first experience. Luckily the kids wanted to be w/ cousins...at kids club or pool. We also only did dinner as a whole group, but everything else was our own choosing, some together, some apart. It is VERY important that you all NOT try to do everything together, or EVERYONE will be miserable. And your husband will have to TRY to be bored on a cruise! The beauty of a cruise...you can everything or nothing at all (or a little bit of everything, and a little bit of nothing, as most of us do!) I have a father who complains about the $, the time for every trip they ever take, complains while on it, then raves about each one for years afterward! Be sure to consider your husband's personality, too.

Happy cruising!

Kris

[on board]

I have this problem EVERY cruise. DH enjoys the cruises, but does not want to participate in hardly any activities. He will participate in Trivia and enjoys the dinners, but other than that, he stays in the cabin and watches TV. He has never seen a show, never gone to the casino, will eat breakfast in the buffet, but won't go to the disco at night.

 

If the cost wasn't as much for one as for two, he would stay home. We both would have a better time.

 

I can't give you any advice. I have the same problems.

 

Ask another couple that has some in commen with the both of you! I have fun if it is just DH and I but we have cruised with friends and had such good times that we will NEVER forget and actually we both feel like it has made us much better friends! ;)

[on board]

Same story as mine...reluctant cruiser was my hubby! But as soon as we got on the ship, he said "OMG it's like Vegas on a ship!' He is as hooked as me! NOW that being said, our next cruise was w/ kids & 26 family members....we both admit we would not be quite as excited about cruising if that was our first experience. Luckily the kids wanted to be w/ cousins...at kids club or pool. We also only did dinner as a whole group, but everything else was our own choosing, some together, some apart. It is VERY important that you all NOT try to do everything together, or EVERYONE will be miserable. And your husband will have to TRY to be bored on a cruise! The beauty of a cruise...you can everything or nothing at all (or a little bit of everything, and a little bit of nothing, as most of us do!) I have a father who complains about the $, the time for every trip they ever take, complains while on it, then raves about each one for years afterward! Be sure to consider your husband's personality, too.

Happy cruising!

Kris

 

 

I could not have said it better! :o The most important thing is to make sure it is clear that there are somethings and some places you would rather go with just your DH. I dearly love all my Family, Friends and in-laws, but we do enjoy time alone also! I think the best thing I found traveling with others that on sea days I enjoy laying out in the sun and DH does not! I felt guilty not doing something that he enjoyed doing so I hardly got anytime in the sun on sea days! But the last cruisewe took, the men went their way and we women stayed out all day! :p We were all happy!

[cmacf1]

I'm happy to report that all my worries were unfounded. We had a truly wonderful time on our cruise with extended family! DH relaxed and didn't talk [much] about work or politics and joined in on all the festivities. He particularly liked our excursions. We basically only got together as a whole group at dinner and that turned out to be just fine.

 

So, thanks so much to all of you for all of your suggestions. I took many of them and if my DH knew about this thread, I'm sure he would thank you as well :D

 

Cathy

 

PS DH was so happy with the cruise that we're booked on Disney Magic next January. In fact, one year from today, we'll be cruising again!