Acceptable Behavior

[madhouseinc]

This is interesting because the discussion is now leaning toward how we (the good people) react to the bad people. Of course, it depends on the situation. The power of a situation cannot be understated. It seems some of the options are

Kill them with kindness

Turn the other cheek/love your enemy

Do nothing, say nothing/let them reap what they sow

Smile and be cordial (this may be required to keep one’s job)

Physically walk away or get away

Say something tactful about their behavior (may escalate)

Say something blunt about their behavior (usually escalates)

Report them

Teach them a lesson and beat the s**t out of them (usually a bad idea)

 

Feel free to add any more. Also mentioned were the children. Yes, it is very sad as they are the malleable victims of this. IMO this is a reflection of the critical problems in the world. But I digress, this is about cruising So lets go on a cruise and hope for no bad people! :cool:

Cheers, peace and love ya‘ll , help ever hurt never, don’t let the bastards get you down…..

Mark…

 

I worked for 25 years at a court, both at the front counter and on the switchboard. People on the phones tend to be very abusive when they are mad - a couple times people called me that had warrants for their arrest and felt they felt it was my fault or else so what are you going to do about it b..... Loved it when they had given me their names - called down to our warrant unit and had the officers go out and arrest them - sometimes with a hello from me.:rolleyes:

[PRINSENDAM]

I just heard this one. Seems like it would fit in here.

 

 

 

 

Paddy was in court and the judge was reading out the charges.

 

"You are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner..."

 

Before the judge could continue, Murphy jumped up and shouted, "You basta*d!"

 

The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your daaughter to death with a spanner..."

 

Again Murphy jumped up and shouted, "You dirty, rotten, evil basta*d!"

 

The judge stopped and called Murphey to his feet. "Murphy. One more outburst like that and I'll find you in contempt. What is your problem?"

 

Murphy says, "Judge, I've known Paddy for fifteen years. Whenever I asked him if I could borrow a spanner, he told me he didn't have one. Th ebasta*d!"

 

 

Stephen

[Desdemona01]

this thread covers exactly what I've been thinking. We just returned from the Volendam with some friends and we found, by far, some of the rudest people we've ever encountered aboard a ship. Throwing absolute tantrums because the omelet wasn't *dry* enough! Another one demanding that the omelet chef stop and make a sub sandwich while fixing omelets for other pax (it was breakfast time, not lunch). Insulting the staff like they were incapable of understanding the insults. Accusing winners of trivia contests of cheating, and not in a joking manner. I got a deliberate elbow in the side and almost knocked down by a woman who came out of nowhere while I was in line for a map for the port talk. We chatted with several pax who immediately asked us if we were finding more rude people than usual on this cruise, so we know it was not just our experience. We found ourselves apologizing to staff members who we talked to for the treatment they were receiving. We also noted on our comment cards that we were concerned that the staff would be penalized because some people would give them low marks just because they didn't get their specialized, completely outrageous demands.

It was a wonderful cruise and we had a great time but we were disappointed in some of our fellow passengers and their behavior toward the staff. I am amazed at how many people don't even bother with "please", "thank you", and "excuse me" anymore. We found that we always received a huge smile when thanking a staffer for something as simple as refilling the water glass. Yes, it's their job but there's nothing wrong with showing gratitude and consideration.

[hammybee]

Treading lightly here... could it be that because HAL caters to an older demographic, the pax are a little more... crabby? But then, so does Cunard. But then again, the QE2 less so than the QM2, I would think./QUOTE]

 

In my experience, the crabsters tend to be those new to cruising and tend to fall into the babyboom demographic. It seems they really buy into the marketing hype and expect not to lift a finger. Cruising is becoming so affordable that there are many, many people who maybe should not be cruising, but they are onboard, especially on shorter sails.

 

I have to admit I have an almost fondness for watching the crabsters get worked up about the silliest things and it seems that nothing will appease them.

[RevNeal]

One embarkation day I was standing in a fairly short line at the Front Office, patiently waiting my turn. Just as it was to be my turn, an irate older man (I won't call him a "Gentleman") come busting into line, pushing in front of me to begin blasting the lady at the Desk for some problem or other ... I never got straight what the issue was. He was yelling at the top of his lungs, gesturing with his hands, totally incoherent with rage and making a horrible scene.

 

After almost a minute of listening to his tirade, and as he stopped for a breath, I said from behind him: "Sir, perhaps it would be best if you would back away from the counter and take a few moments to calm down?"

 

The man threw over his shoulder: "Shut the filth up!" (Only, he didn't say "filth" ... he said a different "f" word, combined with a descriptive term that applies to a portion of my anatomy to be found in the relative vicinity of my posterior.)

 

With my own voice under control, I quietly said: "I beg your pardon?"

 

He spun around and reached out a finger to plant it on my chest ... only to stop mid-motion when he saw two things: (1) the stern, disapproving look in my eyes [so it was described to me by the Purser!], and (2) my clerical collar. He sputtered for a moment, dropped his hand, and said "I'm sorry Father."

 

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to. You owe this nice young lady an apology; I suggest you offer it now."

 

He did, at about which time someone else came out and took the man aside and they began to deal with his problem on a more reasonable basis.

 

Sometimes one must call others on their inappropriate behavior. Oh, sure, usually the best response one can give to banshee-like behavior is to just "heap the burning coals of kindness on their heads." But, for some people that kind of approach does nothing to curb their sophomoric tirades. On such occasions, and if conditions are otherwise right, one must take a more proactive stance. Since public flogging is no longer an option in civilized society, I suggest assuming the persona of the most stern Principle you ever had in school :D

[SnorkelBear]

As usual, the Hammy is correct. Some people expect the trip of a lifetime, old time super deluxe, can't do enough for you, cruise. Luxe accommodations, gourmet food, personal servants.... all for the wonderful bargain basement price of $499. When expectations are not met, some people can become very evil. Some people are just evil all the time.

 

I think those dog shock collars would do the trick. Step out of line and get a good zap. I think they are cruel for dogs, but might be just about right for humans.:rolleyes:

[hammybee]

 

I think those dog shock collars would do the trick. Step out of line and get a good zap. I think they are cruel for dogs, but might be just about right for humans.:rolleyes:

 

A dog or two ago, we had a snarly yow barker and eventually got one of those zapper collars. It was of no use for this dog as he enjoyed being zapped but that is another story for another time.

 

Perhaps one of these collars is what you had in mind. It's so sensitive that the second it senses a certain timber it will zap the wearer. (Yeah, I tested it on myself before trying it out on the barking dog.) While I could coo softly, the second I raised my voice, I got zapped. Sometimes my DH suggests I wear it for the evening :) Silly man.

[RevNeal]

I think those dog shock collars would do the trick. Step out of line and get a good zap. I think they are cruel for dogs, but might be just about right for humans.:rolleyes:

 

Absolutely. Humans should know better than to behave worse than the most feral of our canine friends. Or, to put it conversely, most dogs know how to behave better than some humans! :D

[u4ea]

Those are some bad experiences some have shared. Interesting Rev Neal, you busted that guy, (sort of speak), but that respect for authority I think is often vain. (you’d appreciate Ecclesiastes 8:9);)

As far as the social demographics, sure there may be more bad people in or another, but ubiquitous nonetheless.

Snorkelbear, you been watching those old Star Trek episodes with the shock collars?;)

PRINSENDAM, since I’m going on the Noordam again soon, I’m thinking of bringing a blue magic marker and drawing a crown and anchor on the funnels of your paintings. (see, I can be one of them too):eek::D

Mark….

[Copper10-8]

Good rev, Rev!!:) Outstanding job! I'm just still trying to figure out that second puzzle part having to do with your posterior but I'm getting there! Did it have to do with a male donkey maybe?;)

[bdcbbq]

I was in Sam's Club Saturday patiently waiting for the highlighter lady to allow me to exit the store. This guy saunters to the head of the line and hands his reciept to her, like he was next in line, while saying thank you to me for letting him cut in. :(

 

One of the reasons I have always tipped well, is to make up for the folks who just don't know any better.

[dakrewser]

Absolutely. Humans should know better than to behave worse than the most feral of our canine friends. Or, to put it conversely, most dogs know how to behave better than some humans! :D

 

One type of dog collar or another, eh Greg? :rolleyes:

[RevNeal]

Those are some bad experiences some have shared. Interesting Rev Neal, you busted that guy, (sort of speak), but that respect for authority I think is often vain. (you’d appreciate Ecclesiastes 8:9);)

 

Absolutely. It is, indeed, often in vain. While I had no idea how this guy would respond, I also must admit that I didn't really realize that I was wearing clerics at the time. I was just tired of hearing this rude guy blow up at someone who, I'm not so sure, even knew why he was blowing up her her.

[Seago2]

I work in the local Family Court as a child's attorney, specializing in custody and visitation matters. Do you think I get much grief at all? Do you know how many times I've been threatened, abused, yelled at- and that's just by the local judiciary??? People going through divorce are not exactly polite or rational. People charged with child abuse and neglect usually bring along helpful Grandmas and other indignant posse members to harangue, argue, follow around, plead, and insult everyone who they believe is in on the decision making, regardless of what they are told 900 times or what the charges are. Ever seen a juvenile brought in after a few days in a detention center? Nice ride up in the elevator with them while they simultaneously put their belts on and rant and rave about being "locked up," "no judge is gonna tell me nothin," etc.

 

DH is a cop, 22 years on the force, 3 with the DEA breaking doors down and dragging people back in through windows. His days include "rational discussions" with DWI suspects, nice rides to the hospital with agitated schizophrenics, dealing with people who expect him to find their lost dog and are indignant when he has to leave, massive budget cuts and cuts in manpower, ETCETERA.........

 

My point: maybe I'm just immune to bad behavior. We also have 8 kids, 5 of them teenagers.

[u4ea]

Wow, and 8 kids!? Carla, you need more than a cruise to get away……or at least a cruise utopia. (another words a private yacht);)

Mark…

[Oceanwench]

A lot of us deal with verbal abuse from the general public on the job.

 

I may come to *expect* bad behavior in certain circumstances if I worked in the public sector -- say, in law enforcement or in municipal government. People love to rant about their tax dollars or complain that their street wasn't plowed, etc. etc.

 

Even though I am not working in the public sector, I still have to deal with the public, and I see bad behavior every day.

 

However, the point of this thread is about bad behavior on cruise ships -- the pax toward the staff or toward fellow pax.

 

I have seen some terrible verbal abuse heaped on crew members by pax. Some people seem to think the crew members are stupid and treat them as such. It breaks my heart to see this happen, and I never know the right thing to do in such situations. I try to be appreciative of all the crew's efforts, to remember to thank them for their service and their kindness.

 

On one cruise my sister and I decided to have breakfast in the dining room. We were seated with two women -- sisters. One was lovely and well-mannered. The other was caustic -- complained through the whole meal about the bad service on board, the poor quality of the food, etc. etc. She was so shrill to our server, it was embarrassing.

 

Both my daughters have worked in the service industry, and both have experienced verbal abuse from customers.

[ekerr19]

Oceanwench -

 

I couldn't agree more. :)

 

We avoid breakfast in the D/R these days as a similar experience happened to us on DH's first HAL cruise.

 

The other folks at the table could not have been more rude to the staff - the man was snapping his fingers and yelling "BOY, BOY" loudly and rudely to get the attention of the steward because his toast wasn't hot enough for his liking. He was throwing condiments and silverware on the table and cursing. We were appalled. We excused ourselves got up and left. The maitre d' followed and asked if there was a problem - we explained briefly and he offered to seat us elsewhere, but we'd pretty much been turned off by the whole thing and went to the Lido.

 

The comment I hear often and turns me off the most, "Speak English! I can't understand you!" I do know that there are times it may be difficult to understand some of the Indonesian staff - but listening instead of yelling will usually bridge the gap.

[u4ea]

I try to be appreciative of all the crew's efforts, to remember to thank them for their service and their kindness.

 

That a good reminder, as I found myself on my last cruise not to be proactive enough in speaking some kind words of appreciation. It’s true it takes such little effort to make someone’s day and offset the bad behavior of others. As Bob Marley once put it “Why not help one another along the way, makes it much easier”. :cool:

Ekerr19, wow, another bad story, you picked the “get away from them” option. I’ve been fortunate in that I can’t recall any bad behavior worth mentioning. That could partially be due to “cruise inebriation”;):D

Mark…..

[bdcbbq]

I have seen some terrible verbal abuse heaped on crew members by pax. Some people seem to think the crew members are stupid and treat them as such. It breaks my heart to see this happen, and I never know the right thing to do in such situations. I try to be appreciative of all the crew's efforts, to remember to thank them for their service and their kindness.

 

I always compliment the staff for the way they handled the jackasses and tell them that I appreciate their hard work. Frankly, if your right behind the jerks, and be nice you can sure get a great feeling by making the staff feel better.

[Blackleywindsor]

This has nothing to do with bad behavior- although I must admit I have seen some. You had mentioned seeing Dorothyl's note about Bernard in St Marten. My wife and I would be interested in doing that if we can get more info about Bernard. Sounds like a good deal. I also like the idea of a bus and ferry from St Thomas to St Johns for snorkeling.

 

Jim

[tinaparrotthead]

I've found a great way to throw the "miserable no matter what" people off balance is to respond with my biggest smile and a cheerful comment about something. It's even possible to get a smile back every now and then. Perhaps I'm a bit passive-aggressive in those situations, but I get a great deal of pleasure by surprising those people with kindness. Sometimes, they simply don't know what to do. I love it! :)

 

I like your style! During rush hour traffic to or from work, I see a lot of, shall we say, interesting one finger hand jesters, horns blowing, basic road rage from drivers to other drivers. I tend to keep my wits about me. When someone makes a really stupid move like riding behind me too close when I'm in the far right lane and then proceeds to almost rear ends me making a fast move around me and then makes that hand jester:mad: If given the opportunity, I get beside them and blow them a kiss.....the total shock is incredible!!! :):p They just don't know how to react to that and I hope it makes them stop and think...if only for a minute how riduculous and barbaric they are behaving.

[MBeamTX]

Last month on Noordam, my dad and I were at the front desk to pick up an extra immigration form and luggage tags. There were several people ahead of us in line and three staffers working the desk. One woman passenger was asking for a Canadian customs form. The woman at the desk said they didn't have those forms, only the U.S. ones and that she could get a customs form on her plane to Canada.

 

The passenger gets completely irate, saying she wasn't flying to Canada and that NCL had the forms on board, how she was going to be delayed for five hours at the border now, blah blah blah. The poor HAL rep was apologizing for not having the form, saying the U.S. form was all they had ever had. The passenger threw down the U.S. customs form and said, "I'm not filling this out! If I'm going to be delayed for hours, then I'm going to delay this entire ship!"

 

I'd had enough at that point and said, in a normal conversational tone, "Well, that's nice of you." She ignored me and kept ranting on. As I was called up to the counter by another HAL rep, I commented, "And I'd always heard Canadians were so polite!"

 

She stomped off soon after and I got a quick, grateful look from the HAL reps. Another woman who'd just picked up her forms said to me, "Did you just say what I thought you said!?" She enjoyed it because she'd seen this crankly woman being rude and demanding to everyone all week.

 

We agreed that as tough as it was to be around someone like her, the real punishment was having to be her. :rolleyes:

 

Happy cruising - despite the cranks and meanies,

Susan

[PRINSENDAM]

The passenger threw down the U.S. customs form and said, "I'm not filling this out! If I'm going to be delayed for hours, then I'm going to delay this entire ship!"

 

I'd had enough at that point and said, in a normal conversational tone, "Well, that's nice of you." She ignored me and kept ranting on. As I was called up to the counter by another HAL rep, I commented, "And I'd always heard Canadians were so polite!"

 

. :rolleyes:

 

Happy cruising - despite the cranks and meanies,

Susan

 

 

 

Susan... I'm just remined of an old joke.

 

On a very crowded London to Penzance train an American tourist steps into a 6-seat compartment loooking for a seat.

 

Four men are in the compartment and a fifth iseat is occuppied by a real pompous looking lady. Her large dog is sitting in the sixth seat.

 

The American, very politely, askes the lady if she would put her dog on the floor so he could have the seat. The lady suddenly launches into a verbal attack and refuses to move the dog. After a few minutes the American picks the dog up and throws it out of the window and takes the seat.

 

One of the English gentlemen says to the others, "The Americans are such stupid people. They drive on the wrong side of the road. They hold their fork in the wrong hand. They spell words incorrectly. And now this idiot has thrown the wrong bitch off the train!"

 

 

Stephen

[hammybee]

Susan... I'm just remined of an old joke.

 

Stephen

 

Made my day. Love it.

[MBeamTX]

Stephen,

Thanks for the laugh of the day! In my story and your joke, at least it wasn't the American being ugly for a change. :D

 

Happy cruising,

Susan