teenage daughter or mother-in-law???

[barbaraanne]

Hmm..we have a choice of mother in law or fifteen year old daughter who currently hates being seen with us and does not relish a trip with her parents and younger brother. Mother in law is in her 70's, would be nice to take her, but she hates "fancy meals" and I have the feeling would create a "you or me" game with who gets her son's affection for the cruise. However, we've been married 20 years, it isn't likely to cause a split, should we take momma or force our teenage daugther to go? Which is the least of two evils? Teenage daughter or mother in law???? Also, we have a thirteen year old son who is very much looking forward to the cruise, and not having to be alone, but he is a very social spirit.

 

Any thoughts? Have you ever taken your mother in law?????

[Cruising89143]

After reading your post I wonder why you would want to take either one. Sounds like it would put a damper on your overall experience. I vote to leave them both at home.

[kajsb]

Leave your DD home with your MIL! :D

[kajsb]

Great minds think alike Gordon! ;)

[bethm214]

leave them both...take me....i am 43, able to take care of myself, don't mind being seen with hardly anyone and love fancy meals.

When do we leave?

[barbaraanne]

Geez, I agree, but we have two rooms paid for and can't get a refund. So someone has to go in that second room with my thirteen year old son!!!

 

HelP

 

and thanks!!

 

barb

[taszmom]

I hope this question is a joke! If you have to ask strangers to help you decide that question...then...?

[kajsb]

Think of the money you will save on the S/S card and shore tours, etc. Just let your son occupy the room by himself. Or does he have a close friend that might want to come with?

[barbaraanne]

Men--your mom or your thirteen year old daughter?? Who would be a better cruise companion? Now, remember your wife and thirteen year old son are going.

 

Seriously. I really believe the score might be equal. Hormones or mom???hmm...both sound bad to me~!!

 

b.

[dbarry]

Has your daughter or mother-in-law ever cruised before? I just recently returned from a cruise that I shared with my 15 year old granddaughter. It was such an awesome trip! My granddaughter is a typical 15 year old. We rarely see much of her, you know she is just so busy! She too, would rather not "hang out" with her parents let alone her extremely young and active grandma. Seriously, I was only 34 years old when she was born. She had never even seen a cruise ship before stepping aboard RCCL Enchantment of the Seas. She was just so awe struck that she could barely speak. We had a wonderful trip together. We used to spend time together every week when she was younger and less "cool". It was wonderful to be able to spend time together again. Without her peers there was no one to impress. She got to be who she really is and I really think that she saw me in a new light as well. We shared so many different experiences together on this cruise, experiences that we could not have if we had just stayed home. We climbed a waterfall! We held stingrays together! And we were both terribly upset when we realized just how good we have it at home when we encountered the young children begging for dollars in Jamaica. Guess you know who my vote goes too!

 

Darlene

[GoinCruisin]

Has your family ever cruised together before? If not, it is a no-brainer... your daughter. Although she does not want to be seen with her parents (which is common ;) ), she would have such a great time and it could turn out to be a really nice family vacation... Then again, has your MIL ever cruised before? i can see where that would also be very special since she may not get another chance and it might be special for your hubby... I just personally think that if you guys don't do too many family vacatons or never cruised as a family, it would be nice for DD to go along (once she is on the ship, I am sure she will be glad she is there)... good luck, not a dilemma I want to ever have!!!

[barbaraanne]

Wow, Darlene, thanks for the thoughtful reply. But yes, right after my husband finished treatment for stage three oropharyngeal (tonsil) cancer, we went on our first cruise in 2001, not knowing if he would make it to full remission or not. He has since enterered full remission and is in much better shape for a cruise now. (he was only 41 when the cancer began.) Our teenage kids went, including our oldest daughter, who is now 20 and not going this time.) My husband's mom might really enjoy it, but it would give our son no one to hang out with as a teenager to not have his sister, who seems so contradictory and difficult at this time? Any further thoughts?

 

Barb

[jncissel]

I went on my first cruise with my mom, dad and older brother when i was about 15..i felt the same way as your daughter and looking back i'm so thankful that i was able to go. I would take your daughter, hands down. Good luck with your decision!

[barbaraanne]

I'm with all of you who say, hey this is your daughter's opportunity to go on a cruise, however, she went on one when her dad (my husband) had just finished treatment for stage three cancer. Now she says go yourselves! We have a 20 year old older sis to leave her with; she's fifteen (there's no divorce etc). Any objections? Also mom in law can be pretty tight with her own son...the one who had stage three cancer...so I figure a little tightness isn't all that bad...but you must read between the lines there. He's 45 now.

 

barb

[Knights on the Beach]

Geez, I agree, but we have two rooms paid for and can't get a refund. So someone has to go in that second room with my thirteen year old son!!!

How did you book and pay for the second room with no name on it (besides your son's)? Or did you book it in your daughter's name who now doesn't want to go? If it were my daughter and she didn't want to go, I sure wouldn't waste the money taking her. My sons are now 20 (tomorrow) and 12 and they have been cruising with us since they were 12 and 5 -- they ALWAYS want to go, but if they didn't, I'd have no problem leaving them at home. My MIL most always goes with us on cruises. She pretty much does her own thing. On the Glory a couple months ago, there were two or three days that we only saw her at breakfast and dinner.

[betsyrossapk]

I vote for bringing a friend for your son. We always bring a friend of my daughters' along w/us on vacation. She gets to share some wonderful times w/someone close & they always love to recall some of their favorite moments they shared.

[BigDoug]

From a man's point of view, this is a perfect opportunity for some quality time with your DD. Not knowing anything about your family situation, these rebellious times are really about growing up. Perhaps it is time to do some "grown-up" things with your DD. Have you taken her to the spa? Give her some leeway in picking out her formal wear. Let your kids each pick out an excursion to go on or even better do a boy's only and girl's only excursion and then a father/daughter & mom/son excursion. These are just some thoughts. They worked pretty well with my step-daughters and my DW on our first two cruises. Hope this helps.

[jerseygirl3]

I say bring the daughter. If you are taking a family vacation, everyone should be included, whether your daughter wants to go or not. There are some things that kids need to be made to do. Except when my boys had football/baseball/track practice, they were expected to sit down to dinner together. There were times they didn't feel like going some place with us, but I made them. That's the only way to teach family cohesiveness and how important family time is. I don't want it to sound like I was a dictator with my kids, but I think it rubbed off on them. It seems as young adults now, they actually like spending time with the immediate, as well as extended, family.

[Laurab23]

Take your daughter. My first cruise was with my daughter who turned 16 on the ship. The two of us went alone,but they seated us with another mother with 2 teenage girls so my daughter ended up with having someone her own age. Plus she met lots of other teenagers. She had such a good time,she has been on numerous cruises and now that she has graduated from college and has been a teacher the last few years, she goes every year with her friends. She says the best thing I ever did was introduce her to cruising.

Laura

[Cotton]

Bless your heart. You're between the proverbial rock and hard place.:rolleyes:

 

Just my thoughts, but......I would NOT want either with me. A rebellious 15-yr.old DD, who could make your vacation miserable - or a over-protective MIL who obviously would dote on your DH the entire cruise, and probably not join y'all for dinner or insist on all of you having meals on Lido? Not a favorable image. *shudder*

 

No question in my mind....This is a no-brainer......Get a friend of your son's to go! He would love having a friend to share his adventures.:) (Give the kid a break. Why should he be stuck in a cabin with either the sister or granny?)

 

I'll be interested in seeing what you decide to do.

[tjohn159d]

By my calculations your DD was 12 when she went on the first crusie. That would have put her at the high end of Camp Carnival and she may not have had that good of a time, so that may the reason she doesn't want to go. (you may get the same reaction from your son after this time, since he will be at the high end.) She is now 3 years older and her view point has changed. She may only remember not having that good of a time. You need to ask her why she doesn't want to go and find out if this is the reason. You should explan to her that since she is older her onboard rules would be a little more relaxed than when she was 12. You could get on line with her and look at the excursions and see if there is anything she might like to do. You didn't say where you were going, but when I took my 16 yo DD with me, last year, we checked out the ones in Cozumel and she immediately picked the highspeed power boats. We had a blast and she wants to go again. In 5 or 10 years she will be more likely to remember this cruise than the other one. As for taking MIL, if she makes you uncomfortable and trys to get all of the attention of your DH, then you won't have a good cruise either. JMHO

[PPaul]

I can't believe you would conceder this thought. She is 15 years old and your daughter. It's a no brainier she goes. If she wants to sit in her cabin all day, let her. Do you ask her if she wants to go to school today. Be a parent, she will have a blast talking with all the other 15 year olds saying how bad there parents are.

[imsulin]

Hey...take my BIL! He's worse than your DD or MIL combined! PLEASE...take him away from us for a week! You will have my eternal gratitude!!

[bethm214]

When my older son was 16 he didn't want to go on a cruise with us - not because he didn't love the cruise experience...but because he didn't want to leave his friends at home (primarily girlfriend). I let him stay home. If I had it to do over again......he would have gone.

And to address the 'take a friend for the son' idea.....we tried to do this for our son this year....3 families told us no - they do not want their children that far away for that long. so, we gave up and just the 3 of us are going.

[INCHARGE]

Children nowadays do not know how blessed they are. Heck, to go to a carnival when we were young was like going to Disney World! To be able to cruise!! Boy, I hope your son is able to find a friend, because at least it will be 2 kids appreciating the cruise! If he can't find anyone, then I also say that daughter should go. She will have fun.