Review of Mediterranean Cruise and Tour -- Celebrity Galaxy (July, 2006)

[LrdNorman]

Here is Chapter Eight...

 

Chapter Eight

The excursion Ashley and I decided to go on before the start of the cruise was a compromise. She really wanted to go to the Isle of Capri and I really wanted to go to Pompeii. Neither one of us had any desire to go to the other’s destination, so we took the Capri / Sorrento / Pompeii tour. We would both end up disappointed (but not as disappointed as when we saw the nudist beach in Nice).

Because our excursion started early (7:00), Ashley wanted to use as much time to prepare for the day as was humanly possible. I didn’t care what I looked like on the excursion, so I went off to breakfast. Besides, since it was going to be a long day of walking and traveling to three places in the heat, I wanted as much energy as I could get.

Our hot water situation had cleared up (at least the letter under our door told us), so after our $3.00 Wal-Mart alarm clock woke us up at 5:30, Ashley bounced up and quickly went into the shower while I slammed my hand on it, knocking it off the side table. Ashley has always been an early bird, functioning better in the morning than late at night. I could do either, but I do better at night, if given the choice. While my heavy partying days are over (not that I ever had any, but I’d like to think I did), I can still stay up for the late night buffet, but then I crash right after that.

Again, just like the lunch buffet the day before, the Oasis Café was a bountiful feast of meats, cheeses, pastries, juices, teas, sausages, fruits, and many other delicacies. The smell of the food was incredible. The people down there (and there were quite a few), all seemed to grab quick things and eat rather fast, no doubt so that they could catch on some sleep from the night before.

I ate my hearty breakfast and made a plate for Ashley to eat while she was getting ready. I guess I could have ordered room service, but I wanted to experience the Oasis Café with my eyes as well as the other senses. I would have ordered room service for our lunch as well, but lunch was provided on the excursion.

Ashley took a few bites of her omelet, sausage and fruit while I packed my backpack with cold bottled water (that I put in the fridge from the night before), extra batteries, some snacks from the café, and a change of clothes. My mother always told me to be prepared. Then I put my money and passport in my belt underneath my pants and we headed off to the Celebrity Theatre where we were to meet our excursion leaders.

I never realized how many people take the excursions from the boat. Celebrity Cruises really has a nice system going of making sure everyone gets on the right excursion and makes it on time. The man in charge of the excursions was already ordering people to come up to the stage if they are going on the Capri / Sorrento / Pompeii excursion when we entered the theatre. As we walked past more people trying to hawk us with tall bottles of cold water for $3.00 (don’t they know that it will be hot by the time that we need it?), we found a seat and waited for our excursion tour number on our ticket to be called.

Not too long after we sat down, our number was called, I walked up and got both of our tickets and then we walked out of the gangplank onto the large pier where we were docked. There was a nice girl handing out maps and brochures of Capri, Sorrento, and Pompeii with the name Aloschi Bros. stamped on it. We were then told to go to the Italian man in the bad suit at the end of the pier to get our headphones for the tour. I must have been trained well because I immediately wondered if we would see Henry on this tour.

A frail, Italian gentleman in obvious Mediterranean fashion (not sure how to describe it except think Caribbean without pastels) made a quick count, introduced himself in unintelligible language, and set out to lead us on the Godfather tour.

To say that this man was hard to understand is the understatement of the year. As I stated earlier, I am usually the person closest to the tour guide so that I can soak up as much information as possible (I told you I had a problem), but even with headphones, this guy was useless.

We got funneled onto a hydro-foil that would take us to the Isle of Capri. The only way I knew that we had to get onto the hydro-foil was because everyone else was getting on and I recognized our tour number on a sticker on their chest. I would have been lost without these stickers.

In case you were wondering, a hydro-foil is a very fast boat that appears to barely even touch water. It might even fly for all I know. It is the only transportation to the isle and in no time, we were already there, told to put our headphones on to listen to The Godfather (Mumble Man) for further instructions. It was like a training session for the Mafia hitmen. I fully expected to swim with the fishes if I didn’t follow direct instructions.

Ashley ripped off my headphones as we got off of the boat. “Kevin, can you understand a word he is saying?”

“Yes, he said that we will get our next information from Lefty or Babyface. Either that, or he needs to stop and see his Mom for homemade pasta.”

“Be serious. Can you understand anything he says? He is horrible. I’m getting a headache. I can’t listen to him anymore. Wait…what did he say?”

Fortunately, I caught a little portion of what he said and saw others look around in confusion, but head off in the same direction. “I think he said that we have to take the cable car and wait at the top for him, but don’t quote me on that.”

“I’m glad you can understand him because I would be lost. He’s horrible.”

I, in fact, did figure it out and was proud of myself for deciphering his code. I felt like James Bond. We got in one of the cable cars that would take us to the top and struck up a conversation with the young family across from us. Actually, we only got into the conversation because Ashley had a question for them.

“Kevin, ask them if they can understand this man.”

“You ask them. If you are so curious, you ask them.” So she did.

“Excuse me,” she called out to the young lady holding onto her ten-year-old son. “I hate to ask, but, can you understand anything our tour guide is saying? He’s giving me a headache.”

They must have had the same reaction because they started to laugh. “We were just saying the same thing,” the lady responded while glancing at her husband. “We can only catch bits and pieces. By the way, I love your accent. You sound like you are from our neck of the woods. Where are you from?”

Ashley smiled and explained to them that she was from North Florida, which is really the South and that she grew up outside of the Georgia line.

“Well, I’ll be. We’re from Georgia ourselves. This is our big trip for the year. What about ya’ll?”

Ashley found a kindred spirit. It’s always fun to watch her communicate with people who are from the South. She always seems more relaxed and enjoys herself. After they exchanged small talk, the young lady dropped a bombshell and I don’t think Ashley would ever get over it. It confirmed her worst fear.

“I saw you taking pictures on the ride up. What type of camera is that?” the lady asked.

“It’s a Kodak digital camera. I just love it. What about you?”

“Well, we borrowed this camera from my mom who is on the trip with us because we lost our camera with all of our trip on it.” I actually heard Ashley take a sharp breath.

Ashley nearly had a heart attack earlier in the trip with narrowly losing her camera and now she sat stunned and awestruck that people could move on without pictures from their trip. Pictures that they could never get back.

“You’re kidding me!” Ashley gasped. “That’s horrible! I don’t think I could go on without my camera. I would rather lose my luggage than my camera. You must be devastated.”

The young family was very upbeat and positive. “You know, fortunately, my mother-in-law took some wonderful pictures so we’ll probably just have them developed. Besides, it wasn’t like we lost our passports, our money or anything. If that’s the worst thing that happens to us, I’ll take that. After all, we still have our health and each other.”

I agreed with them, but Ashley still could not fathom how they could manage so well without their own camera. She instinctively held her camera tighter when we reached the top.

When we got to the top, we had to wait for the other members of our tour number (and there were three tour groups from Celebrity – 21, 22, and 23 – we were in tour number 22), so we moved to the railing for a photo opportunities while hardly anyone was there. We asked the young couple if they would take our picture and, amazingly, they got it to Ashley’s correct specifications on the first try.

The view of the Mediterranean from atop Capri is breathtaking. There are different shades of crystal blue water, gorgeous sailboats, and beautiful flowers in blooms of pinks, purples, reds, and yellows. The weather was perfect with no chance of rain and, while a little warm, this is definitely a place to get away from it all. It was very easy to see why Julius and Augustus Caesar built villas here. After a hard day’s work of killing and violence, one needs a place to relax.

On the Isle of Capri, there are four towns. Capri (pronounced KAH-pree) means “wild boar” and is abundant with olive groves, sheer cliffs and small garden terraces. Capri Town, where the hydrofoils arrive, is on the eastern side and Anacapri is another 1,000 feet above Capri Town. Our tour concentrated mainly on these two cities.

After about ten minutes, the rest of our tour arrived and The Godfather screamed out, “Andiamo!” at us and, like sheep, we dutifully followed. In seconds, he was a good thirty yards ahead of us with very few people right behind him. We were not one of those people.

“C’mon, Ashley. I don’t want to lose him.”

“You go right ahead; he’s walking way too fast. I don’t like that. I’m going to stay back here and take my pictures.”

“Well, what if we lose him?” I asked.

“You can’t get lost on an island. There’s only one way down. Besides, he’s talking way too fast and we can’t understand him anyway.” She had a very good point.

So we leisurely meandered through Capri Town, enjoying the small boutiques that were built for the tourists and a lush garden that was sprawled out on a cliff. The garden has a nice pathway and small statues adorned the walkways. Not sure how they watered the plants (or got water up here for that matter), but the plants were rich hues of pastels and the grass was a vibrant green without any leaves on it. Walt Disney World must own a villa up here.

We took our time admiring the views and watching fudge being made (you’ve got to sample some) eventually catching up with The Godfather and his entourage. One of the few things that I did catch from him was that we were to meet back at the cable car at 10:00 a.m., and when we arrived at 9:55 a.m., he was still sitting at the café by the car having an espresso (cappuccinos are evidently for non-Italians).

Ashley and I decided to see if we could get some postcards of Capri. Ashley likes to get some postcards first so that she can see what attractions and views are being photographed professionally and try to take them herself. If she cannot duplicate the photo, at least she has a professional photo of it for her scrapbook.

At 10:20, The Godfather screamed “Andiamo!” at us again and we got on the cable car and proceeded down the side of Capri. We were told to wait at the bottom for the tour. All I ever understood from The Godfather was the word “Andiamo!” (it means “Let’s Go!” or “Hurry up!” and he said it a lot) and where to wait for him. Other than that, we didn’t have a clue what Mumble-Mouth was saying.

It was at the bottom of Capri by the dinghies and sailboats that Ashley almost made the biggest mistake of her life. I will never forget that moment or any of the cataclysmic moments and events that haunted us throughout the rest of the cruise. Looking back, however, it did provide us with plenty of entertainment and, in the grand scheme of things, wasn’t all that bad, but it was almost a disaster.

It was not a what, but a who. Their names were Kay Ray and Sheila and they were the chattiest duo that we had ever encountered. However, they were the single best sources for entertainment and by far the most memorable of the people that we met in Italy or Greece.

I think that they require a little introduction and description, although I’m sure you will discover them for yourself.

Both Sheila and Kay Ray were in education and in their mid-50’s. Kay Ray (she made it very clear that it was Kay Ray, not just Kay) was tall and slender with straight dark brown hair, wearing dark sunglasses and a floral print sundress that screamed adventurous and in search of a man.

Sheila looked like an English teacher (she was – like most occupations, you can usually spot them a mile away) with a small, blonde afro-style curly hairdo (excuse my terminology – I don’t know the terms of hairstyles), a white / pastel colored outfit and sensible shoes. She had very small sunglasses on. I’m not sure why I noticed what they were wearing at all, frankly.

It all started when Ashley saw them standing next to the ticket booth waiting for the tours to come down. At this point, Ashley had become so frustrated by The Godfather that she wanted to make sure that it wasn’t just her and I who had the problem. Since Sheila and Kay Ray were standing by themselves and had the same tour number (22) sticker on, Ashley convinced me to ask them if they could understand The Godfather.

“Why should I go over to them ask them?” I inquired. “If you are so concerned, you ask them.”

“Because you’re the man,” she responded as if that made any sense. “Besides, we’ve got to find out if this is where we are supposed to be. By the way, are you hungry? I’m starving.”

“I thought men don’t ask for directions. I wish you women would make up your mind. And we are not paying for anything – lunch is provided for on this excursion. You had your chance to eat.”

“I had to take a shower and do my hair. Go on and ask them if they can understand a word he’s saying…” and with that I headed over to the ladies to get Ashley off my back.

“Excuse me,” I said. “My wife and I cannot understand a word our tour leader is saying. Do you know if this is where we are supposed to wait for him?”

Kay Ray spoke first with bold abandonment. “I’m hearing-impaired so I had to take out a hearing aid out in order to listen. Now I just stand close enough to lip-read.”

Sheila spoke next with earnestness in her response and sizing me up. “I think so, but I’m not sure. We cannot understand him either, but everyone else is standing around here. We just follow everyone else.” I’m not sure if she sized me up to see if I was dangerous or if I was a good catch for her. In those few seconds, I think it could have gone either way.

Ashley must have sensed their impending pounce as well (only because I have a Y chromosome, I can assure you) and proceeded to step up to meet them as well. Without even taking a breath, Kay Ray launched into her background and told us her life story (“I am jobless, homeless, and manless”), how she and Sheila met, “She called me over to her apartment to get a roach out of her bra”) and what their intent was (“Are you sitting with anyone? We are looking for new tablemates”) to which Ashley quickly threateningly whispered into my ear, “You had better not volunteer us.”

If you’ve ever seen the magicians Penn and Teller, Kay Ray was Penn and Sheila was Teller (or, Kay Ray was Costello in Bud Abbott’s body if that helps). She always told the entertaining story and Sheila would nod in approval or sigh because she could not believe that Kay Ray just said that.

While we waited, we all introduced ourselves. “My name’s Kevin and this is my wife, Ashley.”

“My name’s Kay Ray and this is my friend Sheila. Where are you all from?” Kay Ray asked.

“We’re from Florida, how about you?” Ashley responded. Neither one of us realized how big a question that would turn out to be.

“Really? So are we! What part of Florida?” Kay Ray countered, no doubt winding herself up.

“Cocoa Beach, where Kennedy Space Center is. And what about you?” Ashley said, completely unaware of Kay Ray’s typical responses.

“We are both from St. Pete. I’m jobless, homeless and manless,” Sheila said emphatically, as if this was her trump card. She had more one liners in her hand. “I sold my house, quit my job as a schoolteacher and administrator, and I am currently looking for a man. I’ve been in Europe for four weeks and I am still looking.”

“Oh, really?” I said. I think I was just shocked and the words came out as a reaction to her story. She always reached out and touched my arm or shoulder, leaned in when she talked and spoke in a wild and crazy (but non-threatening) way. She had lots of energy, enthusiasm and never at a loss for words.

“You betcha. I was an administrator at a middle school for thirteen years. Let me tell you something – if you do middle school lunch everyday for thirteen years, you’re going to Heaven. They do everything with their food except eat it.”

You know, she’s right. I teach in a school with grades 7-12 and those middle school kids aren’t right. God must have taken a break and let his minions wire them up at that age. These people are depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. I’ve seen them at lunch.

Kay Ray then went on and described some of the things she saw as an administrator, which made Ashley’s hair stand on end. Seeing that she had our attention, Kay Ray then held court. She rattled off stories about her life, why she was in Europe, some of the things that happened to her while she was here, etc. I can’t remember them all and didn’t have enough time to write them down.

“So,” Ashley started, “how did you two meet?” Sheila gave a quick sigh, no doubt nervous that Kay Ray was going to spill the embarrassing story. She was right.

Kay Ray was onstage and she relished every moment. “Well, we met in St. Petersburg and she had just moved into the apartment next to me. While she was moving stuff in, she came over to my apartment in a frantic state of mind. I asked her what was wrong and she said, ‘Could you please help me get this roach out of my bra?!’”

“Oh my word!” Ashley uttered in shock, but Kay Ray took this reaction as sympathy for Sheila.

“Oh, yeah! A roach in her bra!” she said louder. “So after knowing her for only an hour, I had to dig in there and grab this roach from her bra.”

“So, do you feel lonely going through Europe alone?” I asked to change the subject.

“Sure do,” she responded. “It’s hard to tour by myself. It’s much more fun when you are with somebody else. Besides, I know all my stories.”

“Andiamo!” The Godfather yelled and like cattle, we followed him to the hydrofoil. We could be told we would be taken off to slaughter, he takes off to slaughter, and no one would have known any different. We were zombies and just following orders.

“So, do you guys like your tablemates?” Sheila asked. Ashley and I both glanced at each other because we were at a table for two and, since it was still early in the trip, we still liked dinner with each other.

“Yes,” I said. “We are at a table for two. We had requested that when we booked the cruise. Why? You don’t like yours?”

“No way,” Sheila said. “We are looking for new dinner partners. The other couple we are paired up with are celebrating their 25th anniversary.” She then leaned in and lowered her voice as if she was going to tell us a secret. “And, she’s like one of those Stepford Wives.”

“What’s wrong with that?” I half-joked and you would have thought that Sheila and Kay Ray were shot with a stun gun. Their mouths went agape and then, when they saw me smile, they laughed.

How do you recover from something like that? While the thought of having them at our table would be a laugh riot, I could see that the humor could only last so long. Ashley again shot me a look that said, “If you volunteer us for their table, they will never find your body in the Mediterranean Sea.”

We arrived at the pier where we were to load on the hydrofoil and I was beginning to think that Sheila was a mute. The whole time we were waiting for The Godfather, she hadn’t spoken a word. We got onto the hydrofoil and managed to find two seats that didn’t have any availability around us, giving us a reprieve from Abbott and Costello.

We caught our breath and enjoyed the short ride over to the mainland, landing in Sorrento. After exiting the hydrofoil, we got on a charter bus and sat behind Momma and Big Poppa from Broward County, Florida (“I’m Santana from Havana and I don’t eat bananas” he continually uttered) who always said the same thing when he introduced himself and his wife.

Big Poppa and Momma were from Cuba and every time they talked, you could tell they were full of life. They had decided to spend their retirement money on a lavish trip and were living it up in Italy. They both were very nice – everyone on the trip knew them by name during the course of the cruise – and they went by the name of Momma and Big Poppa. She called him Poppa and he called her Momma.

Whenever anyone talked to them, it was evident that they loved their family and life, not necessarily in that order, though. They looked exactly like you would expect them to – She was a short 5’ 1” fireball and he was a 6’ 2” big, lovable teddy bear. He walked with a slight limp and she was always by his side. They became an inspiration for everyone on lasting relationships. They said they had been married for over forty years and enjoyed every moment together.

After Big Poppa led everyone in a chorus of “My name is Santana from Havana and I don’t eat bananas,” we arrived at our restaurant in Sorrento. It should have been a clue that there was no one around. I’m not sure if they cleared out the restaurant for us or if we came before everyone else, but it was dead. It looked like the servers were excited that people showed up because they were eager to sit us down and cater to us. It also looked like there were two servers for about 100 people.

Because lunch took awhile (remember that Italians are not the type to rush meals), we sat down at a table for four and had a chance to talk to Mr. and Mrs. Nerd from upstate New York for a good long while. They had done many cruises before, including Celebrity, and had just flown in yesterday for the cruise. He was an engineer of some sort (computer, maybe, or was it electrical?) with a few pens in his front pocket.

I kid you not.

They talked about cruising the entire time (“Did you know that in Hawaii, the cruise ship must be mostly an American staff and built entirely in America? I find that fascinating”) and how three days earlier he had just missed a huge rainstorm and flooding in order to get home safely.

This lunch was the best acting job of my life. If there was an Academy Award for “The Best Faking of Interest in a Conversation,” I would have won hands down. I really have no clue what we talked about, except it had to do with cruises and his Great Escape from The Flood. Other than that, I’ve got nothing.

The lunch was okay – stuffed manicotti with vegetables, a salad, and lots of wine. I drank more wine that day, probably as a result of avoiding Mr. Nerd’s harrowing tales of Mrs. Nerd’s adventures at sea. Lunch could not finish fast enough.

After lunch, we headed over to a pre-arranged shop that showed us how veneer is applied to furniture. Afterward, you can purchase furniture or pieces that have this veneer on it. Interesting, especially since it seems it’s the only thing to do in town.

Sorrento itself is boring. Legend has it that Sorrento is where the Sirens attempted to lure Ulysses into the rocks, either because he was the only entertainment in town or because they wanted to leave, too. We spent an extra hour there to shop. I just laid on the grass and stared at the sky.

“Andiamo!” The Godfather yelled as the charter bus came back and we boarded it headed to Pompeii. Arriving in Pompeii, you would expect it to be a tourist trap. Up ahead is Herculaneum, which looking back, would have been more interesting. Actually, any other tour guide than The Godfather would have been more interesting.

Herculaneum is the same as Pompeii, except it was spared from Mt. Vesuvius’ volcano and thus not destroyed, but preserved. Interestingly, there was a TV show which tested to see if the people of Pompeii could possibly have enough time to escape the impending doom. They found out that it was extremely possible for the citizens of Pompeii to get away. Therefore, I’m not sure what all of the fuss was in seeing mummified remains of people. They must have been planted there.

There were two fascinating things about Pompeii. One was the brothel. Inside one of the buildings (one of many that had brothels I am told) were frescoes that were painted above the room which indicated what type of, uh, work was conducted in there. The rooms were only about twenty-five or thirty square feet, so either the paintings were not drawn to scale or people were much shorter then than now. One of the other tour guides (I snuck into a different one so I could understand what I was looking at) told his tour group that the pictures above the door of the room indicated the specific sexual act in that room. My guess is that if you wanted something different in the middle, you would have to switch rooms. I was going to ask, but thought better of it.

The other fascinating thing about Pompeii was the fight. Outside of the gift shop, there is a small kiosk where they sell snacks and drinks. This is where my wife fell in love with the Italian granita. A granita is a sugary-lemon drink, similar to 7-11’s version of a Slurpee. It is delicious and addicting. The kiosk had a small basket with the largest lemons I had ever seen. They were bigger than grapefruits! This kiosk had granitas, snacks, fruits and most importantly for everyone out there, water. Since it was blazing hot out there and very little shade, the kiosk was packed with tourists ordering water at €3.00 at a time.

While the tour was waiting there, a middle-aged man who was very angry approached the kiosk and began yelling at the attendants behind the sales counter.

“Don’t buy from them! They are ripping you off!” he yelled with a timid looking woman in tow. She was young enough to be his daughter, but was probably was his wife. “You all charged me €2.00 for this same water this morning. Why is it €3.00 now? Is it because it’s hotter in the afternoon?!”

Everyone stood around, at first confused about what was going on, and then interested. The man’s booming voice echoed throughout the area and even made the lemons in the basket sway.

The attendants just shrugged and before they could utter a word in defense, he continued. “You have ripped people off for the last time! Why did you raise your prices you thieves?! Don’t buy from them! They’ll rip you off!” and then he started walking with a purpose toward the main street running through Pompeii.

Everyone started looking at each other in amazement. Glances were being made over toward the salesmen, but they did not look fazed. Either they were guilty (probably), didn’t speak English (unlikely), or have seen it all the time (unsure). They kept churning out the granitas with furious speed, including Ashley’s third one.

We were all gathered and waiting on the charter bus when the man came back with two policemen in tow. He was pleading at them (yelling more like) about the highway robbery those salesmen were committing. They policemen did not look excited to be doing this and probably got roped into it. My question was, why didn’t they just pretend they didn’t speak English?

“You need to do something,” the protestor yelled. “They can’t get away with this. They charged me €2.00 this morning, and now they raised the prices to €3.00 not a few hours later? That’s absurd! They are ripping people off and it’s got to stop. Who knows how many others they ripped off! There they are! This is against the law!” and he marched past the line and began yelling at the salesmen.

“You overcharged me and probably everyone else here!” he yelled, waving his arm at the now huge gathering surrounding him. He then turned to the policemen. “You’ve got to do something.”

The one of the stunned policemen said something in Italian to the two salesmen, glancing and nodding his head toward the protestor. They then made a glance at the woman who was with the man, nodded their heads in acknowledgement, and began to chuckle. The woman bowed her head shyly while the policemen nodded their head toward her. They then looked back at the man and chuckled some more. That’s never a good sign.

“Don’t tell me you believe them?” the man said. “This is a corrupt government! You are allowing them to rip people off!” He looked over to all of us for help, but no one was willing to step forward. After all, I was used to being ripped off for water.

It’s awfully hard to win your case when you yell at the police.

“This is ridiculous! C’mon, honey! These corrupt policemen are no help. They’re probably getting a cut. If you all want to be ripped off, go ahead!” and he stormed off with the woman in tow, who no doubt was embarrassed and willing to do anything to get out of there.

Shortly, our charter bus arrived and we all eagerly got on the bus, still chirping about the man’s tirade and how we wished he had secretly won as our waters would have been cheaper. Nonetheless, once the bus got moving, everyone was soon silent as we were all whipped from being rushed through what seemed like all of Italy in a day.

Overall, Celebrity’s Capri/Sorrento/Pompeii tour was too heavy. I think we could have done it ourselves without having to wait for everyone to make it back to the waiting area. The entire tour had a “hurry up and wait” feel to it. The Godfather pushed us hard and then we had to wait another thirty minutes to an hour for him to finish his drink and get started again. The entire tour lasts ten hours and you feel every second of it when you hit the ship.

We were exhausted. When we got back on the boat, Ashley took a little nap before dinner while I visited the Oasis Grill by the pool. Again, every chair had either a towel on it or a very pale-skinned person who was now burnt in sections of their body. I decided on some ice cream and I sat down by the pool in the shade to write in my journal and listen to the Caribbean music playing in the Mediterranean. I’m not sure why that bothered me, but it was nothing compared to the music I heard that night. After all, tonight was our first midnight buffet and I wanted to enjoy myself.

I headed back to the cabin around 7:00 p.m. to get some rest before our dinner at 8:45 p.m. and Ashley was still asleep. It was hard to wake her up, but despite her pleadings and then name-calling, I managed to rouse her up in time for her to take a shower and get ready for Informal Night.

At dinner, Ashley and I arrived a few minutes early and easily found our table. We figured that the first night was always chaotic and things would slow down a little bit. We used the hand sanitizer provided (we did that every night) and our assistant waiter came right over and brought our menus, bread and water right away. We both ordered iced tea and that was the last time we did as he always had it ready for us every night thereafter.

We both looked around while waiting for Telma’s suggestions when we both discovered everyone around us. We noticed them from last night; however, they were more noticeable tonight. Ashley pointed out that everyone seemed to be bright red from the harsh Italian sun. She was correct! There were more sleeveless dresses on tonight and many of the men’s faces were bright red. No doubt the jackets many were wearing were probably uncomfortable from the sunburn.

Ashley sat facing the window with her back to the center of the cruise ship while I faced the interior. The people that we noticed tonight were all different. To Ashley’s right (and my left), we had an Englishman with his son and his son’s friend. The boys were not red at all, but the Englishman was burnt – almost lobster color. We would soon find out that the boys hardly ever left the ship or even get out into the sun by the pool. They must have been vampires. I ordered dishes with lots of garlic just in case.

He was a very affable chap (I’m trying the Queen’s English) and he seemed to enjoy his son’s company, but sadly his son seemed to be a greedy snot. I think he loved his dad, don’t get me wrong; however, I think he loved his dad better with money than without.

From our conversations with the Englishman, we gathered that he must have been divorced, that he traveled around the world on business and did very well for himself financially. Every night, he always ordered an expensive bottle of wine (according to the sommelier) and told us about his gambling losses on the cruise ship and his art purchases. It was sad to watch, really. He would look over at his son as if he wanted to discuss the day’s highlights with him only to see the top of the boy’s head as it was wolfing down the steak and French fries.

Behind me sat two families who had not known each other before the cruise but got along smashingly during dinner. One couple had a little rotund boy around ten years old who was full of life, enjoying himself and was a perfect gentleman. He looked like Big Poppa from earlier in the day, only a smaller version. We referred to him as Chunky Monkey the entire cruise because he was squirming in his seat like a monkey (plus, it’s fun to say). Also at the table was another couple about the same age as Chunky Monkey’s parents (young 40’s) who had a little girl who was about six and she sat as still as a church mouse. The girl sat quietly without talking to anyone, even when addresses and Chunky Monkey would talk to everyone and anyone who addressed him. He was the life of the party, but when no one asked him anything, we sat perfectly quiet and ate his meal.

We didn’t have a name for the girl, although she dressed like Cinderella every night.

In front of the Englishman and behind his son sat a very rowdy group of ten or twelve people. This group all knew each other and were always laughing and telling stories. Their waiters and assistant waiters must have been trained to deal with these type of groups because they just served and got out of the way. There was no chit chat or friendly banter – just serve the drinks, get the food to them and move on to the next course. I think this table finished their meals on the first and second nights in about thirty-five minutes. They then left their boisterous table and headed off into the night, cackling and laughing, leaving the rest of us to enjoy our meals.

Lastly, to my right and Ashley’s left sat the Glamorous Family. Papa Hollywood and Mama Moneybags and their two daughters, Paris and Nikki, sat down and barely touched any of their food. Granted, the only time that we saw all four of them at the same time was the first and last nights. Throughout the cruise, one, two or all of them were absent and often leaving the food untouched or even with just a bite taken from it. They must have willpower out the wazoo (whatever a wazoo is) because the food was delicious and I could never eat just a bite. Sometimes I had thirds.

Telma came over and gave us her suggestions (“You cannot go wrong with the roast sirloin or the garlic-marinated lamb”) and we feasted that night, complete with me having an additional appetizer (how can you pass up the shrimp cocktail?) and a second helping of tiramisu. So much for saving myself for the Fruit and Sherbet Midnight Buffet.

Ashley was dog-tired and so I put her to bed and trotted off to catch the evening’s performance, internationally-acclaimed instrumentalist Hannah Starosta. She was a violist who was very good and played with the Celebrity orchestra. The show was a little over an hour and after the show, she was hawking her CDs in the lobby. I thought she was good, but not enough to plunk down $20.00 for a CD. Others were buying them and she signed them, which was nice.

It was now around midnight and I headed up to see the buffet spread. The rhythms of music were already greeting me before I even got to the Resort Deck. I walked around the displays with Ashley’s camera (you never know what will happen) and took pictures of all of the fruit carvings. They were amazing! I saw monkeys, ducks, lovebirds, swans, flowers and everything else imaginable carved out of fruits and vegetables. I must have looked like an idiot taking pictures of everything, dodging people with skewers who were stabbing at cut up fruit and very upset that I got between their plate and their fruit.

After my Glamour Shots session, I grabbed some fruit myself and headed up to the Sky Deck overlooking the party happening down below me. People who should have no business dancing were getting down with the band who crucified “Mambo #5” and “All Night Long” by Lionel Richie. The band was horrible, but nobody cared. I saw teens who were dancing with their new summer crushes, wallflowers who had not gotten enough nerve to join in (but had enough nerve to have ten large bowls of fruit and bread) and carefree adults who clearly had no problem showing off their new dance skills that they learned at Seinfeld’s Elaine Benes Dance Academy.

I sat on one of the lounge chairs and watched through the railing all of the fun going on downstairs. I thought about going back to the room and putting one of our towels on the seat to screw up someone’s “claim,” but thought better of it.

As I sat there with my journal and fruit watching everyone else have a great time, I began to notice that oftentimes, I am too busy doing something instead of enjoying the moment. I don’t spend time with myself; I watch others, take notes, or make sure Ashley is having a great time. I can’t remember the last time that I did what I wanted to do, not what needed to be done. If I wanted to just sit there in a vegetative state, I could do that.

While the lead singer of the foreign band was screeching “Livin’ La Vida Loca” (“her shkin is colla mocha; she’s liva la weeda looka”) in an accent that was impossible to figure out or understand, that I made a decision. I was going to enjoy myself for the rest of the trip, no matter the consequences. If I wanted to just sit around and read or play games or visit a lecture, I was going to do that. I was going to be myself for the rest of the trip.

The band began murdering “Dancing Queen” and screwing the lyrics up (“she can dance, she can cry, having the time of your wife”) and I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed some fruit to go and walked toward our cabin with a new-found attitude on life.

I would need the energy anyway because on a sea day, I would need all the energy I could get to deal with all of those different personalities.

[lambs2]

Thanks so much for another wonderful installment of your travelogue! Love reading about your wonderful vacation and all your adventures. Even though I guess it was not the "perfect" day or excusion, I wish Holland America had a tour that combined Capri, Pompeii and Sorrento like yours did. DH and I like to get the maximum amount seen when we are in new place, and that tour seemed to do THAT, at least! Must have been exhausting, but on our ship Capri is only offered all by itself as a full day tour and we really want to see Pompeii, so will probably just take the train there by ourselves and then see what else we can fit in our day. Looks like Capri will be out for us, though. :(

[Linda-B]

Love reading your journal. I just found it today on the Celebrety board and had to go back to start from post 1. (What an enjoyable afternoon I've had)

My husband and I do lots of traveling (both land and cruise) and have had many similar interactions and adventures that you and Ashley have had. I love reading and hearing about people who really enjoy experiencing travel.

Keep the journal coming. It is fun, entertaining and informative.

Thanks

I would love to be able to travel with a roll aboard bag--it would solve lots of problems

[travelingmcmahans]

Thanks for the latest installment- greatpost-work reading:)

[Missabby]

Great stuff! More! More!

[SheilaNC]

From Chapel Hill, NC....enjoying every word and already looking forward to returning to Italy, maybe next year. Your sense of humor and way with words continue to intrigue me. Happy reading before bedtime and after work...always leave a smile on my face. Thanks :)

[bunnyette]

Thank you so much for your vivid description of the ship's tour...6 years ago we did a Celebrity cruise on the Century. We hired a taxi and went to Pompeii on our own. Had a great time poking around - our fellow cruisers were jealous - they were forced to stand in the hot sun listening to a guide similar to yours then forced into a cameo factory.

 

We're going again this summer and looking forward to another cruise in the Med. Anyway, this has convinced me to do Capri on our own and avoid Sorrento.

 

Write a book this is hilarious!

[LrdNorman]

Bunny -- Definitely avoid Sorrento. BORING. Capri is beautiful and easy to do on your own.

 

I will post some more when I am done with my show this weekend (I am directing the Mystery of Edwin Drood at the school that I teach in).

[Patti K]

You mention skipping Sorrento, what about the Amalfi coast? We've been to Capri & Pompeii already so we were thinking about the Amalfi coast this time.

[LrdNorman]

Amalfi Coast is beautiful. The sights are gorgeous and there are some wonderful stops along the way. We didn't go to Amalfi Coast, but I heard other passengers at breakfast talk about the excursion. Interestingly, I only heard people talk about their personal tours instead of the ship's excursions.

 

When we lined up to get our tickets for the Capri / Sorrento / Pompeii excursion, there were very few people that registered for the Amalfi Coast tour.

 

Hope this helps!

[Fuzzy55]

Really enjoying each installment. Can't wait for the next one.

 

Going on our first trip abroad in November on the Voyager. Would you go back to the ruins? Trying to decide on 2 private tours of the Amalfi coast and one includes 2 hours at Pompeii.

 

Bev

[SheilaNC]

IMHO, you should definitely see Pompeii. I'm not sure if 2 hours is worth the admission price though (unless included in your tour). We spent about 4 hours there and would have enjoyed more time to just wander and contemplate - felt somewhat rushed. It's quite remarkable.

[LrdNorman]

Spengle, I agree. Two hours is not enough, however, a guided tour is essential, in my opinion. I would go there, although I've also heard great things about Herculaneum (sp?). It is essential Pompeii, but spared from the volcano.

 

I would go back, but Ashley thought it was neat for the first 20 minutes and then got bored. She couldn't see any photo opportunities...

[SheilaNC]

LrdNorman,

You can tell Ashley for me...I'm a committed photographer also...that if she couldn't find photo ops in Pompeii, she didn't stay long enough :). Some of my best pictures were taken there, especially of the interiors of rooms in 'regular' houses with magnificent frescos painted on them and one of a moss covered stairway, seemingly to nowhere.

 

While I agree that a guide is ideal, we bought a wonderful picture guidebook in the store at the entrance (they had a variety at all price points) and followed the well done map inside. We were a group of 7 and managed quite well on our own. Different strokes, I guess.

[Fuzzy55]

Thank you for the input. We will definitely do the tour with Pompeii included. I liked the idea about the picture guidebook. I plan to read up a lot about it before we go and then pick up one of the guidebooks there. Chuck and I like to go at our own pace. It shouldn't be too crowded in mid-November. Getting very excited about our first European tour.

 

Going to take a private tour in Rome rather than the cruise tours.Thinking about the cruise tour to Cinque Terra a at Livorno, though Can't wait to get more ideas from Lordman in the coming installments.

 

Bev

[kiwisdocruise]

Thank you so much for these great stories. We are on the Galaxy 21 May from Cittavecchie and have time in Venice, Florence and Rome before the cruise. I am really enjoying reading about your travels and picking up plenty of helpful hints for our trip. I hope you will have time to write more soon. You are very entertaining to read.

[krennen]

LordNorman where are you. We need another chapter in your saga!! Hope you'll post soon.

[calberry]

LordNorman where are you. We need another chapter in your saga!! Hope you'll post soon.

 

Amen! We are going through withdrawal!!!

 

Steve

[Cruisin Oma]

Surprise, AZ can't wait for more installments!

[LrdNorman]

Sorry it took so long -- too many hectic things going on. Hopefully things are calming down a little...

 

Enjoy!

 

"We Have a 7:00 Excursion Tomorrow Morning!" -- Excited Mom

"Oh, No!" -- Chorus of Upset Kids

 

Chapter Nine

Before I had gone to bed, I checked the Celebrity Today brochure to see if there was anything good going on for our first Sea Day. Since there was nothing happening early (and because we need some serious R & R), Ashley and I both slept in late. For us, nine o’clock is late.

Neither one of us were interested in anything going on early in the day, so we were looking forward to just lounging around and doing, well, nothing. We hadn’t had a “Do Nothing Day” in a long time, so we wanted take full advantage of doing nothing.

I awoke first and headed down to the Oasis Café for breakfast without waking Ashley up. I walked past all of the pool deck chairs with their towels proudly displayed and not a soul in them. I grabbed my breakfast and sat down to people talking about their excursions from yesterday. I didn’t recognize anyone from our previous tour (and I was on the lookout for Kay Ray and Sheila) and I sat at a table by myself, lounging over the Celebrity Today and watching the sea go by without any land in sight. It was very soothing.

The café was pretty packed and lots of people looked like they had just gotten up, complete with pajamas, robes and slippers. These people really make themselves at home! Also, there were lots of people who were bright red; obviously they forgot to pack their sunscreen. Some of them had a hard time moving around and getting their own breakfast.

I finished my plate and right away, one of the busboys was right there to clean up after me. I wasn’t sure if they wanted the table or not because it was pretty busy, but he was at my beck and call.

One thing I can say is that the service on Celebrity is impeccable. There are hard workers everywhere, always smiling and making sure that you have what you want, when you want it, and that everything is clean. I noticed the hand sanitizers in the breakfast line as well. If I had wanted another drink, they probably would have gotten it for me. These guys (I didn’t see any women) held trays for kids and older folks, helping them get to a good table without spilling a drink or dumping food everywhere. Plus, they were always happy to do it. It seemed like they really enjoyed what they did and several of the staff called some of the tourists by name. I guess they remembered them from previous cruises.

I headed back to the room to find Ashley still asleep. I brought her back some breakfast (they were starting to close up some of the lines for lunch) and she ate and then hopped into the shower. Since one of the only things we really wanted to do was to go to the Art Auction that Tiny Tim had invited us to, we got prepared for a full day of relaxing. The Art Auction, complete with the champagne that was advertised so heavily, didn’t start until 1:30 and we wanted to make sure we were there to claim our free $100 artwork.

We headed out, Ashley to the Fresh Floral Demonstration and me to just walk around the ship. We made plans to meet around 12:30, grab some lunch and then head to the Rendezvous Lounge on Deck Six for the Art Auction.

I sat down by the pool, threw off a towel that was lying with no owner in one of the deck chairs in the shade (I had no interest in sitting in the sun any more than I had to) and wrote in my journal and just enjoyed myself. I watched others by the pool swimming, playing water basketball, reading and some were snoring loudly. We are talking an embarrassing snore – I was afraid some of the water would be sucked up from the ocean and drown the person because she was inhaling so much air. I just sat stunned that it was a woman – my wife always told me that women don’t snore and I have always believed, knowing full well that there are some women who can out snore big men right under the table. I’m not sure what that means, but you catch my drift.

I then went down to the Excursions Desk to complain about the Capri / Sorrento / Pompeii tour from yesterday. I wasn’t expecting anything, but I wanted Celebrity to know how we didn’t enjoy the excursion at all due to The Godfather’s mumbling and uncaring attitude. The nice lady said she would file the report and the Head Excursion Guy would be contacting me in the next few days. I thanked her and walked away knowing the report was going in the Circular File.

It was nearing 12:30 and I had not gotten assaulted for claiming a chair, so I headed off to find Ashley and grab some lunch.

Over lunch in the Oasis Café, she told me all about the class and that she didn’t really learn anything new since she had taken flower arranging classes back home. However, one of the coolest things she did learn was how they get the flowers for all of the arrangements onboard. The florist calls whatever port the ship is going to next and they deliver those native flowers and plants to the ship when it arrives. The arrangements that are on the ship are changed out two or three times, depending on how long the cruise is.

I do need to say something about Celebrity’s lunch – they have the best sweet tea outside of North Carolina and Georgia. It as if the person in charge of drinks is from the South. I can’t say as I was expecting that good a sweet tea, and I couldn’t tell you what we had for lunch, but that tea was damn good.

We got over to the Rendezvous Lounge about five minutes early and Tiny Tim and his lovely assistant were still setting up the gallery. There was artwork everywhere! Paintings were stacked up against each other on the floor, hanging on the walls, and from the ceiling. They were all shapes and sizes – it was like a museum or an art gallery, which I guess was the idea.

I was immediately met with champagne and stern instructions to not buy anything from Ashley. It brought back my mom’s strict instructions that when we went to auctions, I was not allowed to scratch my head, nudge my parents, tap on my knees or do anything that would even attract attention to myself. For a six-year-old, that is nearly impossible. However, to this day, I can still remember my mom giving me the eye that said everything she wanted to say without uttering a sound. I was always afraid of that eye.

I assured her I had no intention on getting anything and when we gave the sign-up desk our information, she gave us each an envelope with an artist’s name on it and we sat down in the second row toward the side for a quick getaway if we needed to. Besides, Ashley wanted to go to the Lecture seminar with one of Celebrity’s Lecture Series professionals.

I was looking forward to that as well before we left as Ashley and I are both into learning something new. I believe it was George Bernard Shaw who once said, “Education is wasted on the young,” and being in the education field, he was right. Many more adults are interested in learning new things than the youth. Since the lecturer was a college professor and we were in the lands of history, we eagerly wanted to hear some background history of what we were touring. Besides, the other lecturer was someone who could play the Spanish guitar and I had no interest in that field.

Tiny Tim got up to the front of the podium and his booming voice immediately got the audience’s attention. Being 6’7’ and 300 pounds didn’t hurt matters either.

“Okay,” Tiny said with his thick, English accent over everyone’s conversations, “we will get started in a few minutes because there are still quite a few people showing up late. I understand that it’s a hell of a commute from Deck Eleven.”

The crowd chuckled and he began to survey the audience like a master speaker. He must have taken Zig Zigler’s or Tony Robbins’ seminars.

“Make sure that you have signed up for your free artwork worth $100,” he continued. “You can see my lovely assistant over there to my left for your number. In the meantime, we have plenty of seats up front here. Don’t let my size or name intimidate you.”

Ashley and I found seats over to his right, still nervous about being in front of him and mistaken for actually bidding on a piece. Suddenly, Tiny’s arm shoots out over toward me and I feel as if I have been caught doing something wrong.

“You don’t have any champagne,” he yelled at me. “Louise, get this man some champagne.” She rushed right over to me and handed me a crystal glass of sparkling champagne, which was pretty amazing considering the very high heels she wore. No sooner did she hand me my glass, Tiny was barking at her again. “Make sure everyone has champagne. Keep it flowing!”

Ashley had already looked in the envelope that we were given when we registered for the auction and noticed how small it was. “If this is worth $100, I wonder what yours looks like. Probably the size of a postcard.”

“We are going to get started,” Tiny continued. “Raise your hands if you have ever been to an auction before?” Just about everyone raised their hands. “Excellent!” he said. “How many of you have gotten your free champagne?” Everyone raised their hands.

“Great! How many of you have received your beautiful $100 artwork absolutely free?” Everyone raised their hands again.

Tiny Tim was a master seller. I recognized his tactics right away, especially since my dad was a salesman. He was able to manipulate the room, adding humor with quick sales and everyone’s eyes were glued to him. He controlled the room, and everyone was putty in his hands. “We will get started in just a few minutes and make sure you stay around for my Camilla Parker Bowles impersonation. I guarantee it sounds just like her.” I love a good English accent.

“Why is he asking so many questions?” Ashley asked. “I wish he would just hurry up. I don’t want to miss the lecture on the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World.”

“Did you notice that all of his questions are geared toward you answering yes? He is warming up the crowd to get them used to raising their hands. Then, you will feel more comfortable bidding on something if you’ve been raising your hands quite a few times.”

Ashley didn’t look impressed. “Well, he won’t get me to raise my hand because we are broke.”

We looked around the room and it was pretty packed. There weren’t many seats left open in the bar where we were sitting. Interestingly, there were eight seats directly in front of Tiny in the front row. Evidently, we all were too intimidated to sit in front of him.

A man with two glasses of champagne (one in each hand) walked past us and sat down right in front of Tiny. “I’ll be brave,” he said to Tiny and Tiny quickly stopped his conversation with the lovely assistant to acknowledge the man.

“Louise,” he barked, “I’d say get this man some champagne but he looks full already. Sir, because you are adventurous and decided to sit right in front, you can have any piece of artwork you would like. Stop by during my hours and we will show you the choices. You can choose between Rembrandts, Picassos, Monets and other famous artists. I like a man who’s adventurous, although not quite in that way.” The audience laughed and all of us secretly wished we had taken the leap and sat down in front of Tiny. Oh, well. It would have been harder to sneak out.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we will go ahead and start. My name is Tim, but everyone calls me Tiny. I’m not sure why, though.” The crowd was getting warmed up with laughter.

“For those of you who have never been, here’s how an auction works. Jobert, would you please come over here a minute?” Jobert, one of Tiny’s staff who helped carry some artwork to the front to be auctioned, reacted surprised to hear his name being called and walked gingerly over to Tiny.

“Who will give $20 for Jobert here?” Tiny asked to the chuckles of the crowd. A few hands shot up. “$20.00, eh? What about $100?” All of the hands went down.

“C’mon!” Tiny said. “He serves drinks, he cleans, and he does laundry, which is probably more than I can say for your husbands!” The crowd laughed at that one and Tiny smiled because the crowd was now his. He was quite the master and I sat back admiring his work.

“Anyway, you get the idea. A nice, warm round of applause for Jobert!” and the audience erupted in applause. Jobert went back to his rightful place to the side and he got ready to bring up the first piece of artwork.

Tiny worked the crowd, selling a few things for a bargain, a steal, and it’s a shame that the art went for that low a price (all his words). “The artist would cry if he knew it went that cheap!”

We stayed a little while, watching small pieces of art go for triple what large pieces went for. Like the old adage says, beauty is all in the eye of the beholder. There were pieces that he said would sell for thousands on the open market that I wouldn’t use it for a placemat. Some art I don’t get and some I thought were really nice. However, through the art auctions we sat through, I discovered that I like art which paints a picture or scene instead of abstract art. Just my personal taste. Either way, I can’t draw a straight line with a ruler so what do I know?

We left in the middle of the auction without buying anything and headed for the lecture in the Celebrity Theatre. We were both looking forward to learning more about The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, which conveniently, was the topic that the Enrichment Lecturer was talking about that day.

We both headed and it wasn’t long before the history professor had us bored to tears. Don’t get me wrong – he knew his stuff. I just didn’t feel like taking a quiz afterward. I was looking for good stories of gladiators, debauchery, sex, violence, women, and everything that makes a good story. The professor didn’t provide any of those. Instead, he brought a slide projector, maps, and handouts. On the positive side, the lecture was a cur for anyone with insomnia.

Ashley decided to stick around and see if it got any better. I decided to leave and get ice cream.

On my way to get a snack, I stopped by the bathroom and immediately noticed two things: an extremely clean bathroom complete with hand towels (real cloth, not paper) and signs everywhere telling me to wash my hands. I was glad to see that they took cleanliness seriously. I am very scared of norovirus and use hand sanitizer any chance I get.

The bathroom was immaculate. Marble tables, warm cloths for washing your hands and gilded mirrors were all positives. I can’t say that I’ve been in a better bathroom that had great ventilation. I was also very pleased to not see any writing material on the walls. As a matter of fact, I saw the staff cleaning everywhere I went, which gives Celebrity an A+ for cleanliness.

After I got my mid-afternoon snack (outstanding, no matter what flavor I tried), I went back to the room to find Ashley taking a nap to CNN. I don’t know about other cruise lines, but one thing about Celebrity’s Galaxy that I liked was their satellite channels. They got several channels (ten actually, but in the middle of the ocean, that’s several) and CNN was one of them. There was also a British Channel with the world news, but I find those boring. Two of their channels were dedicated to re-runs of the shopping talks given earlier that day (and the day before) and a movie channel that was pretty good when it worked. As I said, I liked their satellite channels. It helped me take a nap.

It was formal night, so we woke up in time to get ready. After our 1 ½ hour prep (it would have been 2 ½ but I hurried Ashley along), we headed down to the Orion restaurant and we found our table with iced tea already set. Telma gave us her selections and they were outstanding as usual.

Next to us, the Englishman and the two boys were already seated. He was choosing a bottle of wine and the boys were sipping on their Coke (with no ice, I noticed). When their waiter came by, they ordered the fried chicken and fries. There was no Fried Chicken item on the menu and it didn’t matter what they ordered, fries were coming with it.

As we got our soup, the boys’ fried chicken and fries came – no salad or appetizer. The son turned to the waiter and asked in his thick, British accent, “Excuse me, do you have any barbecue or brown sauce?”

“Brown? Sauce? Bar..becue? Sauce?” the waiter asked. Being from the Philippines, it was hard to k now if he had either not understood the boy or he had never heard of brown or barbecue sauce. My guess is the latter.

“Yes,” the boy persisted as if talking in a foreign language. “Brown sauce. You know, it’s…brown.”

There was a hesitation of sound. You could have heard a pin drop and I could have sworn that the surrounding tables all stopped their conversations and eating in order to find out what would happen next.

After what seemed like an eternity, the waiter responded. “No sir, we don’t have a brown sauce.” The boy hung his head in defeat as the waiter walked away. You would think the waiter took away his puppy. The other tables resumed eating and talking again.

“They must not have understood me,” the boy said to his friend and proceeded to pick at his chicken and douse his fries with mounds of ketchup.

After our delicious meal, Ashley went back up to the room to go back to sleep and I wanted to check out the nighttime entertainment. Tonight, the entertainment would be Broadway Express which featured the Celebrity dancers and singers. The show was alright. The costumes were wonderful but the energy of the performers was average at best. I just didn’t seem like I was being entertained. They tried hard – don’t get me wrong. But I wasn’t wowed like I wanted to be.

The most entertaining moment of the night was while I sat in an aisle seat, a lady was walking down the aisle next to me, tripping on the steps and doing a faceplant into the carpet. Obviously embarrassed, people were right there to help her up. I guess she didn’t see the bright lights on the steps warning everyone that there were steps there.

After the show, I headed off to bed so I could get ready for the big day in Mykonos. Having trouble sleeping, I turned on the TV. Thank heavens for the BBC World News – it was the cure for the insomniac.

[globalnomads]

So glad you're back from the theater gig... I've done my time doing costumes for several "period" productions so I can appreciate the time involved. Hope it got rave reviews!

 

Thanks for the insight on your cruise! At sea days sound like those all over the world.

[Cruisin Oma]

I was so happy to hear you were back. I was going to savior the new post over the weekend, but it was like chocolate calling my name. I couldn't resist. I became weak and had to sneak a peak.

[Coolcruise02]

Welcome back! I am sitting here alone laughing at the computer. I'm usually the one doing the "faceplant". :)

[SheilaNC]

LrdNorman,

Already looking forward to the next installment...you have a knack for making me feel like I was there with you....good work...don't wait so long for the next one, pleeeeeze!

[DameAtSeaII]

Can't express how very much I enjoy your writing style...it makes me :D ! I love reading about places I have been (last year) and places I will see for the first time (NEXT year).

 

As for that faceplant.......oh yeah.......been there/done that, too! :eek: I was on the train on the landtour in Alaska. I forgot I was standing up on a platform, turned to walk in the other direction in the car and SPLAT! My dignity was shattered....and I thought the same of my kneecap. Alas, ice and anti-inflammatories did the trick and I didn't miss a beat. Well, I missed out on a longer trail when in Mt. McKinley.

 

Keep it coming.......this is a great travelogue!