Need Tips for Keeping Track of Teen

[evolutiondob]

I will be on Freedom of the Seas this year for a Thanksgiving cruise. I have a 17 year old son and a 12 year old daughter who will also be going. For my daughter, the rule will be that she is not allowed to leave the supervised programs unless I or her brother comes to pick her up. But, the issue is with my 17 year old son. He's a good kid but he definitely suffers from the "I know it all and can handle it all" syndrome that affects many teens at that age. I don’t want to spend my entire cruise worrying about his safety and I think that going from the morning until dinner time without hearing from him is far too long.

What I would like to know is how best to keep track of his whereabouts while on a cruise without totally ruining the experience for him. I’m not sure if having him carry a walkie talkie around is really practical. He has a set time that he has to be in the cabin at night. Outside of that, does anyone have tips for how to have a sense of where there teen is or can make suggestions on how to have periods during the day where the teen checks in?

[reallyitsmema]

We were just on the Mariner in June with DS who is 16. Here is what we did, first he didn't want to carry a walkie talkie and we decided he didn't have to. We usually had breakfast together and discussed our day. He would tell us what he thought he was going to do. He was usually in Fuel, the Living Room, the baskerball court or Cafe Promenade. If he wasn't going to be at any of these places, he would leave a post-it note on the TV screen in the cabin with the time he was in the cabin and where he was going to be. We also did the same thing for him so he knew where we were and if we changed our plans, we had to go to cabin and leave a note. It worked well for us, everytime we checked up on him, which we did frequently, he was always where he said he was going to be. The other option is leaving voice mail messages and calling your phone from anywhere on the ship. We preferred the post-it option because if we were hanging out on the balcony, we would see him.

 

He is a good kid but he is also only 16 so we gave him space but just checked on him.

[evolutiondob]

That sounds like a good idea - I think that would work very well.

 

I've already told them both that we will have breakfast and dinner together as a family. The other rule is that if I get off the ship while in port, everyone has to come along.

[whitman]

First cruise I tried the walkie talkie, didn't work. they found it a hassle to carry around and "forgot it in the cabin." Next cruise I had them check in every couple of hours during the day on the ship and at night they had to let me know where they were at all times. check in could be a post it note on my cabin door or a room phone message from the many phones around the ship. If they didn't check in, they spent the rest of the day hanging with us. Only took 1 infraction, and they learned we meant business. Didn't have a problem the rest of the cruise. In port, we didn't let them stray too far from us. For your own peace of mind, you can get a room key for their cabin to make sure they're safely tucked in at night after their curfew.

[uksimonusa]

we get our dd to text us where she is and where she is going, on our text plans with cingular it was free, a great way to keep in touch

[Vicariously Cruising]

Just a couple of other ideas. You would have to decide if it would work for your situation.

 

Don't let your kids charge on their seapass. That way they have to come to you as often as necessary.

Cell Phones - doesn't your 17 y.o. have one? Have a rule that he must answe when called or at least call you right back if he can't. Call him when you wonder where or what.

 

Hope This Helps.

[reallyitsmema]

Just a couple of other ideas. You would have to decide if it would work for your situation.

 

Don't let your kids charge on their seapass. That way they have to come to you as often as necessary.

Cell Phones - doesn't your 17 y.o. have one? Have a rule that he must answe when called or at least call you right back if he can't. Call him when you wonder where or what.

 

Hope This Helps.

Allowing a child to charge on their sea pass teaches responsibility. Our DS was allowed to charge certain things on his pass, anything above that, he knew he was responsible for paying out of his own money. Cell phones can be very expensive on ships. Verizon is $2.49 per minute, too expensive IMO.

[evolutiondob]

Just a couple of other ideas. You would have to decide if it would work for your situation.

 

Don't let your kids charge on their seapass. That way they have to come to you as often as necessary.

Cell Phones - doesn't your 17 y.o. have one? Have a rule that he must answe when called or at least call you right back if he can't. Call him when you wonder where or what.

 

Hope This Helps.

 

I'm not sure if the cell phone will work on the ship and I certainly don't want that to be an excuse. Plus, it's too easy to leave cell phones in the cabin.

 

I like the idea of using the ship phones because there is no excuse for not keeping in touch. I also like the idea of having to stay with me for a day if the rules are broken - definitely provides an incentive to keep on top of things.

[bplazo]

My daughter has given me problems on several cruises so I am just going to bring a 10 foot leash on our next cruise!

[Happy ks]

What I do with my teens is we have a discussion about what is expected of them before we ever leave the house. We also meet up for lunch on sea days, chances are they are with us anyway.

 

I'm not crazy for them to wander around the ship alone and they know it, especially my daughter. But, my kids are extremely quiet individuals and aren't into the teen clubs or anything.

 

I think I'd warn them to stay in public areas at all times and only walk in the corridors when coming or going to the cabin.

[Happy ks]

Just a couple of other ideas. You would have to decide if it would work for your situation.

 

Don't let your kids charge on their seapass. That way they have to come to you as often as necessary.

Cell Phones - doesn't your 17 y.o. have one? Have a rule that he must answe when called or at least call you right back if he can't. Call him when you wonder where or what.

 

Hope This Helps.

 

Yikes, those cell phone calls can sure add up! I'm not sure of the rate, I think it is $2.95 per minute of use. So, leave your cell phones at home, only take one along for emergencies and keep it turned off.

[It'sRC4ME]

If you are afraid of him leaving his cabin at night after "lights out", just be there at the time you set the curfew, and once the door is shut put a little piece of tape between the door and the doorframe. It won't hold the door shut in an emergency, but if he sneaks out, there's no way he'll be able to replace the tape when he sneaks back in.

[Trainman-2]

If you have raised him right, then trust him and cut him loose!

 

We just went through this with our 17 year old who is smarter than everyone and believes that "the rules" don't apply to him. Unfortunately for us he looks more like he is in his early 20's than 17.

 

We survived it!

 

He was all over the ship but we got a lot of complements on his behavior.

 

He won $900 on a slot machine in the Casino and got an adult to cash him out.

 

He met some US Marines and allowed them to buy him a beer.

 

The world did not end!

 

He shipped out last week to USMC Boot Camp on Parris Island, SC. He is a Marine recruit now! I suspect the Marines will teach him that the "rules" do apply to him. :D

[80 Wolfpacker]

On the Mariner last week, we rented one ship phone for $25. My husband carried it in his pocket. Each time my 13 year-old son changed locations, he had to call and let us know where he was. There are ship phones everywhere for his use. We often checked at the locations to make sure he was really there. He knew we were checking and if we could not find him, he would be in trouble. It has been the best plan so far. He could reach us during the shows or during dinner when he was busy doing the teen stuff. We have tried walkie-talkies and he did not like that. Having one phone was really nice. My husband and I could always find each other when we were in different locations too.

[pediatric-rnp]

We have found that the post it notes and leaving a message on the cabin's phone work well for all of us....not just the kids. Our kids are now 19 & 21, but they know it is an expected courtesy to let us know where they will be, just as we let them know where they can find us. We work it the same way that we do at home when they are home from college......it's just a common courtesy and expected. (We have learned from experience, unfortunately. Twice in the past 5 yrs we have been notified of sudden unexpected deaths in our immediate family, and had to locate our kids quickly. In both instances one of them had left his cell phone in his car, but because we knew where he was, we were able to contact him right away.)

[evolutiondob]

Thank you for all of your suggestions.

 

My concern is more so that my son is pretty sheltered and far too trusting, and unfortuately, there are people out there that can take advantage of that. I'm not afraid that he's going to necessarily get into anything because he's seeking trouble, but I'm concerned that he will naively make a choice that can put him in harm's way. Going into someone else cabin seems harmless enough unless the other person's intention is to hurt you. I have told him before that he is not stronger than everyone and, even at 17 years old, if someone wanted to overpower him they could. Having someone you don't know hold your soda may seem unimportant unless that person thinks its funny to slip something in your drink to see how it affects you. Get my drift? So, my thing is that going for several hours without any contact with a minor child, even on a cruise ship, does not seem like a good idea. The check-ins are more so that I know he's safe than for any other reason.

[Little Elm]

 

He shipped out last week to USMC Boot Camp on Parris Island, SC. He is a Marine recruit now! I suspect the Marines will teach him that the "rules" do apply to him. :D

 

From a daughter of a man who spent 22 years in the Air Force, please thank your son for choosing a career that will protect us all.

[sajeffc]

We did the walkie talkies with an eighteen year old and two twelve year olds. We had to straighten them out on the first day because they didn't take it with them, etc., but it worked pretty well. For the older teens, the scheduled activities weren't that interesting. Just have meetings scheduled around meal times and I think you'll find it relatively easy to keep in touch.

 

The hardest part was keeping track of my wife! She would radio me to meet her up on the pool deck by the shuffleboard or something like that and by the time I got there, she had decided to go somewhere else - or got sidetracked in the photo area or stores or watching the volleyball! She couldn't get the hang of "forward and aft and port and starboard", so I finally gave up on her, found a nice chair, got the adult beverage of the day and read a good book. We all had a blast!

[evolutiondob]

We did the walkie talkies with an eighteen year old and two twelve year olds. We had to straighten them out on the first day because they didn't take it with them, etc., but it worked pretty well. For the older teens, the scheduled activities weren't that interesting. Just have meetings scheduled around meal times and I think you'll find it relatively easy to keep in touch.

 

The hardest part was keeping track of my wife! She would radio me to meet her up on the pool deck by the shuffleboard or something like that and by the time I got there, she had decided to go somewhere else - or got sidetracked in the photo area or stores or watching the volleyball! She couldn't get the hang of "forward and aft and port and starboard", so I finally gave up on her, found a nice chair, got the adult beverage of the day and read a good book. We all had a blast!

 

LOL - too funny!!

[Trainman-2]

The check-ins are more so that I know he's safe than for any other reason.

 

It is clear that you are a dedicated MOM and concerned about his welfare.

 

But you are approaching the time when you have to trust him to make the right decisions.

 

Go ahead with you "check in" plans but consider loosening up day by day if his conduct and behavior is OK.

[Trainman-2]

From a daughter of a man who spent 22 years in the Air Force, please thank your son for choosing a career that will protect us all.

 

We are very proud of him. He spent four years in the USMC Junior ROTC in High School and joining the Corps is what he wanted to do more than anything else. :)

[Marina222]

IMHO 17 is old enough to walk around the ship alone. Next year is college or the military or another career choice. My Son will be 16 in two weeks and let me tell you its a lot harder letting him drive around town with his friends than its ever been to let him loose on a cruise ship. I'm very lucky to have raised such a responsible son.

 

My siblings on vacation ---well that's another story! LOL

 

I just give the annual lecture about a ship being a dangerous place. If you fall overboard you pretty much die. Then there's the foriegn country talk. Tell the story about how we saw people hauled off to Mexican jail for taking all their clothes off in a bar. And the time we saw people running up the pier after the ship had left. But that's the talk my brothers get.

 

We make my son check in at mealtimes and give him a curfew.

 

Also, on the ship there are tons of security cameras. All those people adjusting clothes in the elevators----

Personally I think high school is probably more dangerous. They have metal detectors at the homecoming dance for pete's sake.

[jallison8378]

If you have raised him right, then trust him and cut him loose!

 

We just went through this with our 17 year old who is smarter than everyone and believes that "the rules" don't apply to him. Unfortunately for us he looks more like he is in his early 20's than 17.

 

We survived it!

 

He was all over the ship but we got a lot of complements on his behavior.

 

He won $900 on a slot machine in the Casino and got an adult to cash him out.

 

He met some US Marines and allowed them to buy him a beer.

 

The world did not end!

 

He shipped out last week to USMC Boot Camp on Parris Island, SC. He is a Marine recruit now! I suspect the Marines will teach him that the "rules" do apply to him. :D

 

I cruised several times w/ my family when my brother and I were teens. This sounds JUST like him when he was 16 and I was 18. My parents always trusted us and gave us a lot of space when we were growing up. He managed to drink a couple beers throughout the cruise and take home some money from the ship casino, but he always told my parents about it and they got a good laugh. No harm done. He was a good judge of character and trusted his instincts, so my parents never worried about his safety.

 

For evolutiondob~ my parents found it sufficient to set one meetback or check-in time between breakfast and dinner on all at-sea days. We'd arrange to call them in the cabin at a certain time on some days, or to meet them at a designated spot. (My parents would tell us at breakfast, or leave a note for us if we slept in and they had breakfast without us.) When on shore we were always together.

[nellydean]

difficult times these teen years. we left our son at home when he was 16 (nearly 17) to go on our first cruise in the Med because we had had to postpone from the August to September - when he was back in high school - due to a family bereavement, and he was perfectly fine - except that he rang us up on the ship to ask how to turn the grill on! :D

 

our daughter, however, I would never have contemplated leaving at that age, I felt she was more vulnerable, plus, she was even less capable of looking after herself ( at 21, she obviously can now, which is why we left her in charge of our elderly dog and home to go on the Liberty last week - I came back to find that all my garden plants had nearly died of thirst, the house was a tip and the dog had a look on her face that said she had never once stepped over the threshold to go walkies)

 

we took our 13-year-old son with us and thought about renting one of these ship's phones, but decided against it in case he lost it. I saw a boy just a bit older who had one, it was quite big and he said it didnt work very well, so that was a good decision on our part (although I'm sure lots of families will have found them useful). Unlike our eldest, our youngest son has led a more sheltered life because he has matured more slowly and is still a bit young for his age and inclined to act first, think later, although he has come on leaps and bounds this past year. Which is why we decided to let him have some freedom on the ship and go off to the teens club and arcade etc. He was fine on all occasions, but he never once came back at the time he should have, and we invariably ended up looking for him which, on a ship the size of the Liberty, was no mean task. Most of the time he was in the arcade, but he did go off to his friend's cabin once without telling us which I was not happy about (the kid was the same age and they hung around together).

 

Trying to strike a balance is hard but, at the end of the day, you know your own children best, so need to follow your instincts on this one. Most cruise ships are very safe and, as the poster above has said, a 17-year-old is almost an adult

[pediatric-rnp]

But you are approaching the time when you have to trust him to make the right decisions.

 

 

I so totally agree. I also know that it's certainly not an easy thing to do. Our younger DS (now 19) has always been on the naive side and not very "street smart". It has always been a concern to us, especially when he was younger. But, we realized we had to start letting him be on his own more and make more of his own decisions (within reason, of course) in his mid-teens, as we wanted him to make his "misjudgements" while he was still home, and not wait until he was away at college. At 17, your son is quickly coming to the age of leaving home for college or the military, and IMO the greatest gift you can give him is preparation for being on his own.