Fritzie Posted August 25, 2007 #1 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Here's one to chew on-- My sister's MIL is paying for entire family to go on cruise. (Nice! She's including airfare, but any onboard expenses/extras not included.) Meanwhile, my sister's family just got a foreign exchange student for the year. So she called her MIL asking about the cruise/flight, etc, as she (my sister) wanted to pay for the foreign exchange student's part of the trip. She doesn't expect her MIL to pay, and I say that seems fair. However, her MIL has informed her that the exchange student is not welcome. This cruise is for family (all 37 of them!) only. Even when sister said MIL wouldn't have to pay a dime, MIL said no. I'm not sure sis's MIL has ever been on a cruise. There will be a lot more people than her 37 family members there! And the family will probably only see each other at dinner. Besides which, seems to me it's a public ship. (Well, sorta.) And MIL can't really call the shots, especially not if someone else is paying! My sister is letting her husband handle this. Just curious as to what anyone else thought about this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nasvhillecruise Posted August 25, 2007 #2 Share Posted August 25, 2007 How can MIL stop your sis from taking exchange student? Sounds like a not very nice person to me. What's the student supposed to do, stay at host home by him/herself? I guess it takes all kinds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fritzie Posted August 25, 2007 Author #3 Share Posted August 25, 2007 That's exactly it--what would an 18 year old from Holland do here by herself? And the exchange student will be a part of their family for almost a whole year. Not very nice indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetskier Posted August 25, 2007 #4 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Isnt the reason for having an exchange student is so that they can experiance our culture and traditions in addition to the schooling? The exchange student should be considered part of the family. If this was a girlfriend/boyfriend of the family, would she be against them going also? I say bring the student, just make sure you have all the documentation. You would hate to get to the pier and the student not be allowed onboard. Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fritzie Posted August 25, 2007 Author #5 Share Posted August 25, 2007 If this was a girlfriend/boyfriend of the family, would she be against them going also? Actually, yes. No fiances allowed, either. Only blood and/or by marriage relatives. I guess you can call the shots when you're writing the check.:confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VikkiGarcia Posted August 25, 2007 #6 Share Posted August 25, 2007 When we had a student the "contract" or document we signed said that the student would be in our care the entire stay. We were not allowed to leave them overnight with anyone not approved before the exchange. Who will this person stay with while your on the ship? Plus we were not allowed to leave the country with the student. I think all cruises leave the country at some point. I think a cruise would have to be pre-approved. I would get all these details squared away before even dealing with MIL's attitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fritzie Posted August 25, 2007 Author #7 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Thanks for your input. My sis has contacted AFS and gotten everything approved through them. Which is really bad, 'cause exchange student already knows of the cruise. Which she is most definitely now not welcome on. Ya know, my sis has been looking for a reason not to go on the cruise. (She's seen "Titanic" a few too many times, but that's a different thread.) This may be the reason she's been looking for! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cntrydncr1 Posted August 25, 2007 #8 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Generally foreign exchange students are not permitted to travel great distances from the host family home. Your sister should check this out carefully if she does intend to take the student on the cruise. They are "family" for the time they spend with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumeof3 Posted August 25, 2007 #9 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Actually, yes. No fiances allowed, either. Only blood and/or by marriage relatives.I guess you can call the shots when you're writing the check.:confused: well if the fiances are paying for themselves what does she care...if this lady was related to me and she put me in this spot I would tell her NO Thank You and if we really wanted to go and could afford it I would tell her we booked a different cruise!!!!NO MIL allowed:cool: as for your sister and her husband I would not go.....they might have too pee when she says pee!!!:eek: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nybumpkin Posted August 25, 2007 #10 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Sounds like the wedding I was invited to some years ago when then-fiance DH was deliberately not invited. Only the bride's sister was allowed a "date." At the time I went for the sake of peace in the family (DH was just fine with not attending, anyway) - but in retrospect, I wish I'd stayed home. It wasn't a great reception, anyway:p . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lexxity Posted August 25, 2007 #11 Share Posted August 25, 2007 Well she sounds just delightful! I would be telling her exactly why my whole family wouldn't be travelling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luxuriate Posted August 26, 2007 #12 Share Posted August 26, 2007 I can tell you that as an exchange student I would have been really hurt by this. If I would have been given the opportunity I would have asked my parents (real parents) to help out and I would have been really insulted that I couldn't take part in my host-parent's real lives. That is the purpose for being an exchange student. I can understand them not wanting to "pay the way" of an exchange student" but to say he/she isn't welcome is plane mean. Cheryl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fritzie Posted August 26, 2007 Author #13 Share Posted August 26, 2007 Thank you for an exchange student's perspective. I totally agree and really cannot understand why sis's MIL is being so difficult and hurtful. I'm hoping my BIL stands up to him mom on this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pms4104 Posted August 27, 2007 #14 Share Posted August 27, 2007 Ah ... the power of the pen, particularly when it's used to sign a check on behalf of 37 people! In your sis's shoes, I wouldn't even have my husband try to work anything out with his mother other than a "Mom, no thank you." Then, if I really wanted to see/visit with/enjoy the rest of the family ... I'd book and pay my own air and cruise passage for my own family and for my exchange student. Surprise the old bat by showing up unannounced on my own nickel! Guessing the dear, ugly, cold MIL couldn't have the cruiseline throw them off the ship. Aren't families grand? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nasvhillecruise Posted August 29, 2007 #15 Share Posted August 29, 2007 I think Camp637 has the right idea, if sis wants to be on the ship with the remainder of the in laws. If not, they oughta "hijack" the people & go on a different cruise the same date. That'd definitely take the wind out of MIL. But it's hard not to take that free cruise, I know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eh2zed Posted August 29, 2007 #16 Share Posted August 29, 2007 IMO the husband is the key in this situation. He will have to be firm with his mother and insist the student comes or else he and his family can't go due to the binding obligation to take care of the student. The student doesn't have to be in the family photo after all and with 37 won't exactly be dominating the scene. I don't think you should get bought on this one but a big pill to swallow not just to miss the cruise but ongoing tensions if mommy calls sonnys bluff. I assume there is no FIL or else you might have the husband try the mommy/daddy routine.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare angelsfort Posted August 30, 2007 #17 Share Posted August 30, 2007 I agree with Camp637... I think she should tell her MIL "no thank you" and then book her own passage (and that of her family / exchange student) on that same cruise. She'd still get the benefit of spending time with the family... and she could "stick it" to the MIL all at the same time! OR - just tell MIL that she isn't going... let MIL pay for the rest of her family (husband, children etc) and then she could pay for just herself and the foreign exchange student. (saves a little money that way) That is... if the FES is allowed to go out of the country... there's a rather LARGE chance that it won't be allowed anyways... that would certainly solve the whole dilemna... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgttami Posted August 30, 2007 #18 Share Posted August 30, 2007 But it also sounds like my mother who would attempt to pull that kind of s$it!! Hopefully, it all works out...I'd tell mom to stuff it if the student wasn't welcome! I'd pay for him/her if I had to but NOT being welcome is a different story!! Hmmmm..counting the times I had to tell my mother to stuff it!! Plenty! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luxuriate Posted August 30, 2007 #19 Share Posted August 30, 2007 This really bothers me since I was indeed an exchange student. I was very respectful of my host family and ALWAYS paid my way. What really bothers me is the part that says that the exchange student isn't welcome even if her/his way is paid for (not by the MIL). My opinion???? Major family problems in this family! Probably a deep history of family problems! I was young when I was an exchange student (maybe 19 years?). I would have been greatly insulted had I known anything about this when I was living in the household. That being said, now that I am older (37) I think I could easily just chalk it up as a crabby old mother-in-law that isn't worth thinking much about anyways. My opinion, Cheryl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onessa Posted August 30, 2007 #20 Share Posted August 30, 2007 My older sister is the 'bully' in our family. Mom and Dad and my family would give into her demands just to keep peace, but that was not a good idea in the long run. When Mom passed away and Dad needed care, she continued to insist to have HER way. It was doubly difficult for me to advocate for my Dad (who suffered from moderate dementia and a slow cancer) - because she was SO used to having her way (and she was overly concerned about HER inheritance). Your DH will have to fight some of these little battles so that when something BIG comes along, he will have laid enough foundations of expectations that the big issue doesn't get complicated by this woman's over controlling personality. DH does need to make it clear that your family has made a legally binding committment to the AFS student -- you cannot leave him/her so that if MIL wants your family to be a part of this event, the student will need to be included. Be ready to back this up -- do not attend if MIL does not relent. If MIL does relent, make darn sure she knows that rude behavior or comments toward the student by her will not be tolerated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islandchicklet Posted August 30, 2007 #21 Share Posted August 30, 2007 Here's one to chew on--My sister's MIL is paying for entire family to go on cruise. (Nice! She's including airfare, but any onboard expenses/extras not included.) Meanwhile, my sister's family just got a foreign exchange student for the year. So she called her MIL asking about the cruise/flight, etc, as she (my sister) wanted to pay for the foreign exchange student's part of the trip. She doesn't expect her MIL to pay, and I say that seems fair. However, her MIL has informed her that the exchange student is not welcome. This cruise is for family (all 37 of them!) only. Even when sister said MIL wouldn't have to pay a dime, MIL said no. I'm not sure sis's MIL has ever been on a cruise. There will be a lot more people than her 37 family members there! And the family will probably only see each other at dinner. Besides which, seems to me it's a public ship. (Well, sorta.) And MIL can't really call the shots, especially not if someone else is paying! My sister is letting her husband handle this. Just curious as to what anyone else thought about this... Well, if she is this controlling she also might expect that every waking moment is spent how she wants - YIKES:eek: ! I think that would be a cruise I would rather pay for myself and actually be able to enjoy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katier825 Posted August 31, 2007 #22 Share Posted August 31, 2007 That is the most unkind attitude I've heard about in a long time! :( No way could I cruise under those circumstances! I'd book my own cruise on a different ship and would most likely have a better time! MIL would probably be so domineering that everyone would be miserable! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilbratt17 Posted August 31, 2007 #23 Share Posted August 31, 2007 Sounds like something my MIL would pull. :mad: I totally understand what your Sister is going through. I agree with one of the other posts, tell your sister to tell the MIL not to book her cause she can't go. Then go and book her and the FES a ticket on the same cruise. I would do it out of spite!! Good luck to your sis on whatever she decides! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linda_22003 Posted August 31, 2007 #24 Share Posted August 31, 2007 Ya know, my sis has been looking for a reason not to go on the cruise. (She's seen "Titanic" a few too many times, but that's a different thread.) This may be the reason she's been looking for! I think that's a wise idea. I'd want to avoid the cruise simply not to be "beholden" to that Mother-in-law. My family and I would bow out of a deal like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cruisin' Chick Posted September 2, 2007 #25 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Sounds like your sister's MIL is a real control freak. I would wonder just how much fun anyone in that group will have if she gets to decide everything. She'll probably insist on everyone eating at the same time, doing the same activities, etc. Maybe your sister should just pass on the cruise at this time and plan a trip in the U.S. for her family and the student. Then they can book their own cruise -- away from the MIL -- with any members of the family that they want to go with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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