Can i register my honeymoon cruise as wedding gifts?

[linda_22003]

I think it is perfectly fine to state "monetary gift preferred" or something along those lines on your wedding invitations. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. :)

 

Oh, yes, there is. The wedding invitation says you would be honored to have the people to whom it is sent be with you for this event, where it's being held, and what time.

 

It should never specify the type of tribute the guest should offer as the price of admission.

 

I have never received an invitation that was so crass as to say "give us money" in so many words, and my response to something like that doesn't bear thinking about. My mother's reaction if I had even thought of attempting such a thing REALLY does not bear thinking about.

[iamgolden]

Tacky-most people give money anyways, at least I do.

[GRBlizz]

Tacky-most people give money anyways, at least I do.

 

Fine, but you don't ask for it. By the way, I've never given money nor did we receive it among the 100+ gifts we got at our wedding. Must be a cultural thing.

[lovesublime]

Please don't assume that every couple getting married has parents who can afford to pay for the wedding and honeymoon. Furthermore, I think it is rude to ask someone why their in-laws aren't paying for the honeymoon. Quite frankly, it's none of our business. I can tell you that if it has been my in-laws paying for our honeymoon there wouldn't have been one.

 

 

Oh, let me see. Neither the bride or groom wants to pay for the cruise. It seems the parents on both sides can't afford it or are unwilling. To be fair though, the OP has not stated that's the case. So, they come up with the idea of having invited guests pay for it.

 

Also, she did make it our business when she posted here.

[RetireeWannabee]

I was brought up that if you are invited to a big event (wedding/christening/etc) and you can't attend, you are still expected to send a gift. I know that for weddings, technically folks have a year to send a gift, but it's been surprising so far how few people do send anything at all.

 

Whoooaaaaa, hold on right there - this is simply incorrect. THERE IS NEVER AN OBLIGATION TO SEND A GIFT. Maybe in your family this expectation exists, but I am under no obligation to spend my hard-earned money, especially on people to whom I am simply not close, but a convenient target.

 

There is no deadline for a heartfelt offering, either. I received a handmade quilt well after that 'deadline' and it remains one of my most cherished possessions.

 

I have been invited to many a celebration where the clear intention was extortion: invite her and she'll give you something. Nope, I'm not that easy. If I attend, at the very least I will bring a card to convey my best wishes but sometimes, there is nothing in the card but those best wishes.

 

One of my cousins had 7 bridal showers. To me, that says GREEDY.

 

I can't even conceive of an engagement party + shower + reception money = $$ for cruise + furniture, etc.

 

wow. clearly I was not born into the right demographics...

[blindrid]

You can spin it all you want. This is just tacky.

 

I'm normally the one that is a PITA and for once it some of the other posters. I have no problem with this as I much prefer giving a gift that I know will be used instead of returned for cash anyway.

 

I view it as no differently than registering at Target.com or something like that.

[RachieLnnn]

One of my cousins had 7 bridal showers. To me, that says GREEDY.

 

Wow, there is just so much I want to respond to on this thread, but I'll start here! Typically, showers are thrown for the bride by close friends/bridesmaids SHE doesn't plan them, or at least, she shouldn't!!! :eek: (That IS tacky!) If your cousin had 7 bridal showers, no guest should have been repeatly invited unless they are sisters or in the bridal party. So, her friends may have done wrong inviting you that many times, but it might not have been the bride's fault.

 

Another thing, people are expected to bring gifts to showers. That is what a shower is for, believe it or not. You "shower" the bride with gifts. It's not just a party celebrating the couple's union or something like that. Typically the females in the family and friends are invited. If you don't want to give a gift, don't go, no problem. Since guests bring gifts there is no problem having the bridesmaids include registry cards in the invites. However, for a wedding invitation, registry cards should NEVER be included. It is a party you are giving to celebrate "yourselves", so you can't ask for gifts. That is the difference. Showers are thrown for you.

 

As for the OP, I don't see anything wrong registering for "experiences" rather than gifts you will not use. I too am the type of person who would rather collect memories than useless items. I wouldn't put it on invites but would have the info in case people ask. IMO, people who ask are generally the thoughtful type, so most likely they won't be offended. People who are not so thoughtful and want to give you a gift they think you need will ignore your registries anyway, whether you are registered at Crate and Barrel or a TA. So don't worry about them, because likely they will not ask for the info anyway! :)

 

Just for the record, I do think it would be wrong to ask for CASH to pay for a honeymoon, but for the "extras" it is perfectly fine to me.

 

(BTW to all you people who assume bride's family pays for the wedding and groom's for the honeymoon - are you for real? I don't think I know anyone getting married recently for which this was true! FI and I are paying for everything, with one exception - my parents bought my gown. They wanted to and I accepted the gift. Because a gift is what it should be - not an expectation. But I would never expect them to pay for everything!!! If they do, it should be looked upon as a gift.

 

Also, no honeymoon registries for us. We have planned financially for the trip of our dreams - together, I wouldn't expect him to foot the bill! He already bought the diamond, LOL! Anyway, we do not live together yet and wanted to register for traditional items. But I don't see anything wrong with registering for fun stuff too - we put some board games on there to entertain us during rainy days that we will enjoy for years to come.)

[SunniLicious]

I think it is perfectly fine to state "monetary gift preferred" or something along those lines on your wedding invitations. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

 

:eek: :eek: :eek:

 

Oh, please, can we bring back the days of Emily Post? I'd like to pretend for just a little bit longer that weddings are about love and commitment and wedding invitations about hoping for the company of dear friends and relatives - not advertisements for what loot the "happy couple" hopes the whole thing will net them.

[34TigerLily]

 

Somehow the idea of respect for others is just lost. Guests do deserve respect and appreciation. A wedding is not about gifts...it is about a celebration and wanting to share that celebration with those you care about and care about you...not about what you get get out of it.

 

Amen!

[34TigerLily]

I still feel it is not any different than registering at a major department store.

 

Maybe it is an East Coast thing, but when I am invited to a wedding, the gifts are 1- bridal shower gift, and if it is a second wedding, we usually do the girls night out thing at a club. 2- Wedding gift that is equal to at least the cost of our dinners at the reception. For a couple, that is usually a minimum of $150 so we pay one way or the other. Why not put it on their cruise versus their bank account? Either you determine how it is spent (honeymoon) or they determine how it is spent (however they want)

 

Go ahead and register. It is after all, YOUR wedding :eek:

Excuse me, but what you spend on a gift is determined by the guest's financial situation, not the cost of your dinner.

[mom23guys]

Maybe there are so many different responses because of the various traditions in different areas of the country or the world. As Jerseygirl3 stated earlier, and someone else seconded, living here in NJ we always give cash as wedding gifts. Even 35+ years ago about 95% of our wedding gifts were cash. Gifts for setting up our home were at the bridal shower. I know very few people who give actually "gifts" for the wedding. We too usually try to give a monetary gift approximately equal to what our dinners would cost. (on average, if we're invited to a NY affair that is $200-$400 a person we don't) So that's a minimum of $150 but usually $200, more for close family members. I've never been asked for cash, I doubt it has even occurred to any of the brides whose weddings we have attended to do so.

I think the Honeymoon registry thing is tacky. In fact my engaged son said someone he worked with did this and asked what I thought. I said NO!!! I'd be mortified to send this to any of my family and friends. Besides which we were already planning to pay for their honeymoon. Most people will just give them cash anyway which they can use to save for a down payment on a house.

[LPast50]

afford to pay for your own cruise....stay home. It's kinda crude to ask other people to pay for your cruise

[Chexmix]

I think a LOT of people here misunderstood the OP. She was not asking for anyone to pay for her honeymoon. She was asking if we thought registering with a TA would be ok.

 

She didn't want people to pay for her cruise but maybe purchase a bottle of wine, a gift basket, an onboard credit or any of the other things that can be prepaid to make the trip more enjoyable. Just like purchasing something off of a registery from any type "brick & mortar" store.

 

I am sure some of you have purchased things for your cruise through the cruise ship. Like prepaid drinks, decorations, or an onboard credit. That is what she is/was thinking about when she posted this.

 

Should the TA/registery information be put in the shower invitation? That would be up to the person throwing the shower (bridesmaid/friend/family member). Should it be put in the wedding invatation? Absolutly NOT. Most people that bring a gift to the wedding will bring a card and cash 95% of the time. Those can be easily carried when they leave the reception and other gifts can wait till they come back home.

Should someone ask for cash? NO way. It doesn't matter what the reason is.

 

The ultimate choice for doing any type registry would be up to the couple. To give that information out would be up to family/close friends/bridal party. The bride and groom to be should only tell someone if they are asked for the information.

 

Every one has thier own traditions about weddings. The bride and groom should follow thiers. It is thier wedding.

 

Also if someone does purchase a gift for the couple to be delivered once on board there should be some kind of confirmation that tells them who it is from. This would give them the information needed to send thank you cards.

 

No matter what you decide to do, have fun planning your wedding and lots a great wishes for a long and blissful life together.

[chasetf]

Tacky-most people give money anyways, at least I do.

I agree.... it is fine.... plus it is so easy to shop for and you know it will fit. ;)

[linda_22003]

:eek: :eek: :eek:

 

Oh, please, can we bring back the days of Emily Post? I'd like to pretend for just a little bit longer that weddings are about love and commitment and wedding invitations about hoping for the company of dear friends and relatives - not advertisements for what loot the "happy couple" hopes the whole thing will net them.

 

Oh, you innocent romantic, you. :p

[seawyllow]

Excuse me, but what you spend on a gift is determined by the guest's financial situation, not the cost of your dinner.

 

Of course it is determined by what you can afford, but what I was saying is the norm here, in this part of the country, for every wedding I have attended, the cost of the dinner is the guideline for the gift. That may not be how it is done where you live, but that is how it is done here. (NY & NJ)

 

That being said, I think it is totally WRONG to ask for money for a gift. That is greedy and tasteless. Again, being from here, money is the automatic gift for the wedding so maybe it is just not necessary here. We give gifts at the showers, including gift certificates, etc. This is where the registry comes into play. Usually people ask the wedding party members if there are any special gifts for the bride and groom and if there is, that is how they find out about honeymoon registries.

 

OK, I think this horse is dead. It certainly has been beat enough :eek:

[linda_22003]

for every wedding I have attended, the cost of the dinner is the guideline for the gift. That may not be how it is done where you live, but that is how it is done here. (NY & NJ)

 

This is absolutely news to me. How do you determine this - do you ask the mother of the bride how much the dinner is? Can you save money on the gift by having the chicken instead of the prime rib?

[sunsurf]

OK, I think this horse is dead. It certainly has been beat enough :eek:

 

Seawyllow...

I agree with you're sentence above.!!!

 

 

To all, I think its safe to say everyone can agree to disagree. Happy cruising:D

[seawyllow]

This is absolutely news to me. How do you determine this - do you ask the mother of the bride how much the dinner is? Can you save money on the gift by having the chicken instead of the prime rib?

 

What's with the personal attack?? And the smart remark? I said that is what my experience has been. That is the norm among the people I know. It was also stated by another poster who is from this area.

 

If you want, we can get personal, but I thought this board was for sharing info and opinions, not flaming responses. But go ahead, you can pick, and I will grin.....

[RachieLnnn]

My family here in Chicago will often base their gift off of what the dinner costs, too. My uncle will even go as far as to call the country club/reception hall/etc. and ask what the cost is per plate so he knows how much to give. :eek:

 

It may sound weird to some folks, but that is how it works in some parts of the country. People seem like they want to give a gift in proportion to the amount the bride & groom spent.

 

And no, you wouldn't "save" by ordering chicken, LOL. It's more of a guideline... say $50 per person compared to $100 per person gift. If someone had a wedding at a local hall and a buffet, they would most likely get a smaller gift than someone having their wedding at a fancy country club with plated meals. (BTW I've been to both types of weddings and had just as much fun at both ;) )

 

It's like people want to make sure the couple "gets their money back" on the cost of the wedding. They know weddings are expensive, and they know that the more the couple spent on the wedding, the less they now have to spend on a house, etc.

 

WRONG as this might be (I don't necessarily agree with it), it is a standard from where I am from, too.

 

I just thought I would try to explain it a little more. Please don't flame. :)

[sunsurf]

What's with the personal attack?? And the smart remark? I said that is what my experience has been. That is the norm among the people I know. It was also stated by another poster who is from this area.

 

 

Have to agree with you again. Its the norm in and around my area too. That's just how its been done for as long as I can remember. We typically give alot more money to closer friends and relatives. Before anybody jumps in and says something about this...its our choice to do it that way. Plain and simple.

 

Linda 223000, people pretty much know a ball park figure of the cost per plate at certain venues.

 

Rachilynn..I couldn't have said it better. :)

[cruisemom42]

After reading this whole thread, I'm sort of left scratching my head. Why exactly am I bothering to teach my son that it's not the gift itself that's important, it's the thought behind the gift??

 

Apparently it's not enough any more to give a thoughtful gift that you took the time and trouble to pick out. The wedding couple will probably revile you because you didn't give cash or finance their honeymoon or give the equivalent of what it cost to host you at the wedding!

 

I'm from the South and have been invited to weddings in the Northeast. No one ever made me aware of any minimum amount I had to pay in order to be appreciated as a guest, or told me to give cash instead of a thoughtfully chosen unique gift.

[RetireeWannabee]

There is a LOT wrong with that. The wedding invitation conveys the information of who is getting married, and where, and when, and that they would like you to come and be their guest.

 

Period.

 

Using a wedding invitation to specify the tribute to be paid is unconscionable.

 

YES. Unconscionable. Why not just spell out the 'admission price' right there??? "Guests are expected to pay $150/head at the door." Seriously bad etiquette (sp?).

 

"Please come share our special day" is to be the spirit of the invite, not "Bring a wad of cash for me!" Clearly, weddings are no longer the solemn event signifying a special uniting of souls witnessed by those they love, blah blah. Fundraising. Sad trend.

 

I will agree that where and when you were raised plays into it. A couple years ago I had never heard the "cover your plate cost" thing that is popular in the East. NO WAY. For one, I would never dream of calculating "my share of the dinner". For another, I cannot keep up with the Joneses and will not try. I will pick out something I think you will like. If you don't, well, sorry, I tried.

 

I remember who gave me what and most of those items were hand made or hand-picked, not stuff from a department store list. Each time I use the items, I remember the people. That is worth a lot to me.

 

If you cannot afford the honeymoon of your dreams, have the honeymoon you can afford. That's how we wound up at a cheesy Econolodge in Hannibal, MO.

[linda_22003]

What's with the personal attack?? And the smart remark? I said that is what my experience has been. That is the norm among the people I know. It was also stated by another poster who is from this area.

 

If you want, we can get personal, but I thought this board was for sharing info and opinions, not flaming responses. But go ahead, you can pick, and I will grin.....

 

Asking you how the price of admission is determined is a personal attack? I have never been to a wedding where I had to show a good return on investment as a guest in order to attend.

 

For what it's worth, by that calculation, in view of the kinds of wedding gifts I have given over the years, people owe me a lot of shrimp cocktails and glasses of champagne. Good thing I don't keep score!

[linda_22003]

I'm from the South and have been invited to weddings in the Northeast. No one ever made me aware of any minimum amount I had to pay in order to be appreciated as a guest, or told me to give cash instead of a thoughtfully chosen unique gift.

 

I think you're okay if you stay away from New York and New Jersey. ;)