Can i register my honeymoon cruise as wedding gifts?

[seawyllow]

Asking you how the price of admission is determined is a personal attack? I have never been to a wedding where I had to show a good return on investment as a guest in order to attend.

 

For what it's worth, by that calculation, in view of the kinds of wedding gifts I have given over the years, people owe me a lot of shrimp cocktails and glasses of champagne. Good thing I don't keep score!

 

Apparently you have. Lot of anger there? I like the way you twist it around to be the "price of admission" instead of the guide I said it was. And of course, you could tell people to stay away from NY & NJ, and then tell them to come on down for a wedding by the keg, and no boots or shorts allowed. Gifts could be flowers for the tire in the front yard, or maybe a carton of ciggs.....fuggetaboutit!

 

So nice of you to disrespect anothers way of doing things. You just go on picking and grinning......

[RachieLnnn]

Let me be clear as a soon-to-be-bride that having people "pay for their plate" is NOT my expectation. I don't "keep score." I would love thoughtfully chosen or hand-made gifts.

 

It's not the bride and groom who "enforce" the pay-for-your-plate guideline!!! In my experience, it is the GUEST who chooses (or not) to follow the "guideline" so that they know what they feel is an appropriate gift.

 

So please stop with the "bride and groom making people pay admission" to the wedding comments. That is not the case. We are merely stating what guests tend to do at weddings in our area(s).

 

Most of us have already stated that putting "cash requested" on the invites is unbelievably tacky. You're assuming that just because guests give cash, the bride and groom requested it. Unbelievable.

[seawyllow]

Let me be clear as a soon-to-be-bride that having people "pay for their plate" is NOT my expectation. I don't "keep score." I would love thoughtfully chosen or hand-made gifts.

 

It's not the bride and groom who "enforce" the pay-for-your-plate guideline!!! In my experience, it is the GUEST who chooses (or not) to follow the "guideline" so that they know what they feel is an appropriate gift.

 

So please stop with the "bride and groom making people pay admission" to the wedding comments. That is not the case. We are merely stating what guests tend to do at weddings in our area(s).

 

Most of us have already stated that putting "cash requested" on the invites is unbelievably tacky. You're assuming that just because guests give cash, the bride and groom requested it. Unbelievable.

 

Thank you!

[linda_22003]

And of course, you could tell people to stay away from NY & NJ, and then tell them to come on down for a wedding by the keg, and no boots or shorts allowed. Gifts could be flowers for the tire in the front yard, or maybe a carton of ciggs.....fuggetaboutit!

 

So nice of you to disrespect anothers way of doing things. You just go on picking and grinning......

 

Who's angry? My, my. I can't speak for others in the region, but this is where I had the redneck hoe-down that was my wedding. :)

 

http://www.hayadams.com/washington-dc-hotel-gallery.php

[GRBlizz]

After reading this whole thread, I'm sort of left scratching my head. Why exactly am I bothering to teach my son that it's not the gift itself that's important, it's the thought behind the gift??

 

Apparently it's not enough any more to give a thoughtful gift that you took the time and trouble to pick out. The wedding couple will probably revile you because you didn't give cash or finance their honeymoon or give the equivalent of what it cost to host you at the wedding!

 

I'm from the South and have been invited to weddings in the Northeast. No one ever made me aware of any minimum amount I had to pay in order to be appreciated as a guest, or told me to give cash instead of a thoughtfully chosen unique gift.

 

There are two important messages that I hope people will take away from this thread:

 

1) While asking for money (or contributions to part of the wedding) is acceptable and even charming to some, it will create a bad impression on others. Just look at where this thread is heading! Remembering that a lot of the guests at any wedding will be relative strangers to either the bride or the groom and may be from all over, do you really want to take the risk of starting off a lifetime bond to a family on the wrong foot?

 

2) Picking an appropriate wedding gift for an "established" couple is more challenging, but it can be done. It doesn't have to be a toaster or "another vase." There are a lot of creative ideas short of passing the collection plate for parts of the wedding (ie, the honeymoon).

 

This whole discussion has opened up my eyes to the idea of giving an "experience" gift, especially when there is not much left on the registry. In the future, I will ask about sending something to enhance the honeymoon trip, or a voucher for concert tickets or a couples massage in their town, or something like that. Thanks to the OP for giving me that idea. One of my nieces or nieces-in-law-to-be will thank you for it!

[cb at sea]

Ok--does that answer the original poster's question??????

[DanJ]

I hope there aren't too many injuries from posters on this thread, what with all the "jumping" to conclusions about what they (mistakenly) think the OP asked, and I hope that several of you didn't pull any muscles reaching around to pat yourselves on the back on how high class you think you are.

[RetireeWannabee]

I hope there aren't too many injuries from posters on this thread, what with all the "jumping" to conclusions about what they (mistakenly) think the OP asked, and I hope that several of you didn't pull any muscles reaching around to pat yourselves on the back on how high class you think you are.

 

wow, that was snarky! :confused:

[romy]

wow, that was snarky! :confused:

 

I must agree Retiree. I finally got so sick to death of this thread I finally unsubbed it. Oops, I guess by responding to it I'm subscribed again:eek:;) .

 

Happy Sails!!!

Romy:)

[blindrid]

Again, reiterating my position is I don't have a problem with it. I am just thinking of my son's wedding and the wedding planner had a website set up for them with different registries (whether it was their place settings or Target - whatever). That way people that were from out of town (most of my side) that could not make it just went there, selected what they wanted to send and everything was sent directly to their home.

 

That way, it was convenient and didn't scream "send me a gift and / or cash". It worked out pretty well and the one's I thanked on my side were happy with the convenience and worked well for them.

 

There are many local customs that have offended some here when it comes to kidnapping the bride, paying to dance with her, auctioning the shoe etc. My take is do what the locals do and don't worry about it. There are too many people in this world that get too worried about small things.

 

Again, I would be more than happy to send $$'s for someone's honeymoon. Obviously there are many that disagree. Good luck and I hope you enjoy your honeymoon.

[megnsamsgracie]

Had to add my 2 cents. My husband and I got married when we were 20 and 21 (in 96)... totally clueless and did the whole thing in 3months time, all the while I was very sick with morning sickness.

 

Anyway, since hubby had his own apartment, we didnt need anything for the house. I got a few house type things (believe it or not we are still using the blender and the knives!!)

 

I never thought to register and my mom never said a word about it. I was the first to get married of my friends so none of them had a clue either.

 

At my wedding, the reception hall had a wishing well for cards but we didnt know a thing about that until the end! We ended up getting all money and one present. We made out very well that day, it paid for the entire wedding (we took a loan to pay for it upfront). I didnt expect that. Actually, I had no expectations on money! Thats how clueless I was.

 

But I think that is the norm here. All of the wedding I have been to since, no one registered anywhere... and we just gave cash. Now, if they had signed up for a honeymoon registry, I would have given to that as it was their choice.

[kitty9]

Dear Friends,

 

I'm getting married. Again. Yep, hubby number 7. I'm gonna catch that Liz Taylor and all her husbands before I reach age 60. You're invited to my wedding, but as with all things, I need help. So in order to have the biggest darn wedding possible, we're doing things a little different than normal.

 

1. We are selling tables of 8 or 10 for the reception. Tables of 8 require a gift of $50 per person, while tables for 10 will cost $40 pp. For those who don't wish to purchase a full table, individual seats go for $70 pp. Standing room, for those who only want to drink at the reception is a mere $20 pp. If you want more than the basic chicken dinner, your cost is extra and you will receive a check at the end of dinner. Master Card and Visa will be accepted. Gratuities are at your discretion. BTW, Cash bar only.

 

2. We will have Krispy Kreme donuts available for dessert instead of the traditional wedding cake. The gifting for that is $4 a dozen.

 

2.5. If you wish to dance, you will be able to purchase dance tickets at $3 a pop. There is no difference whether you purchase slow or fast dances. The Chicken Dance, of course, will be free for everyone as will two renditions of Proud Mary.

 

3. Photos of the wedding party will be available for purchase. If you wish to have your picture taken with the bride and groom, the gifting for that is $10 per photo.

 

4. We will only accept donations to our honeymoon vacation fund. You have the choice of paying for our first class flights, pre and post cruise hotel stay at the Four Seasons, or for our PH suite on Crystal Cruise Line for our chosen 25 day cruise in Australia/New Zealand. You may also contribute towards our shore excursion costs, spa visits, bottles of Cristal champagne, or visits to the on board jewelry store. Joe, my intended, would love to play golf at all the ports of call, so please remember him in your gifting.

 

 

 

This whole thing was meant to be funny and put things in perspective. But in all honesty, I see this as something that will probably happen in time. Outright asking for wedding guests to pay for a honeymoon, something that has always been taken care of by the groom, is inherently tacky. Actually, asking for any gift, no matter how it's done, is wrong. I'm increasingly receiving shower and wedding invitations asking for specific things---yes, the bride/groom actually write on the invitation what you're expected to give.

 

 

And so what if you get 4 toasters and 10 towel sets. Brides have been handling that for decades, so what's the problem? At least you have people who've cared enough to even send something. At my sister's wedding, we had the Grand Ballroom and the Ante Chamber outside where we set up pre-dinner munchies that cost $25pp. I found guests from the two other weddings in the smaller rooms coming out and taking the food for her guests. Now, that was tacky. Never knew we needed security guards for such things.

[RachieLnnn]

Ok, that post was funny. I really don't think things will ever get that far, though! Give people a little credit... putting "monetary gifts" required is horrible, don't get me wrong, but I would hope that people will never ever actually get to the point where they put the amount requested on there. That takes it another whole step in the horrible direction!!! It's outwardly tacky, whereas I feel people who put "monetary requests" on there may just be hopelessly clueless (at least, I hope so). But I'm sure a few that are just greedy.

 

BTW, I disagree with you regarding the shower invitations. The bride and groom don't give the shower or send out the invites (or if they do, that is tacky!) because gifts are expected at showers and to throw one for yourself would be literally asking people to shower you with gifts. :eek: Having the bridesmaids put registry cards in there is not a problem and actually helps guests out. Since a gift is expected at a shower occasion, it is a guide in the right direction for them.

 

(Note, never put registry cards in the wedding invite).

 

Actually, asking for any gift, no matter how it's done, is wrong. I'm increasingly receiving shower and wedding invitations asking for specific things---yes, the bride/groom actually write on the invitation what you're expected to give.

 

I also think expecting the groom to pay for the honeymoon is a little outdated. Don't get me wrong, if he does that is an incredibly romantic gesture, but it shouldn't be expected, and neither should people assume the bride's parents pay for the wedding.

 

Perhaps that is how it worked back when there were dowrys and the such, but it just not how things work today for many people I know.

 

We're splitting costs for our Hawaii honeymoon... if we didn't, we wouldn't be able to go for nearly as long, or get a balcony room, etc. etc... I would rather help contribute and have the honeymoon of our dreams.

[RachieLnnn]

Regarding registry cards in shower invites:

 

http://www.petitefours.net/WeddingEtiquette.html

 

http://www.brides.com/planning/registry/qa/33/detail/720

 

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071002142533AAz1qWV

 

http://www.thebigday.com/Etiquette.asp

[JolieMadam]

OMG! How in the world did this tradition so rampant in NY and NJ start? I'm just curious...I spent my youth and early adult years in Michigan and attended many weddings there but never heard of giving cash to match what the wedding meal was valued at. It's amazing what transpires on these boards. Haven't these people ever gifted the bride and groom with an actual present that involved some special thoughts for that particular couple. That leaves me absolutely cold.

[seawyllow]

OMG! How in the world did this tradition so rampant in NY and NJ start? I'm just curious...I spent my youth and early adult years in Michigan and attended many weddings there but never heard of giving cash to match what the wedding meal was valued at. It's amazing what transpires on these boards. Haven't these people ever gifted the bride and groom with an actual present that involved some special thoughts for that particular couple. That leaves me absolutely cold.

 

It has always been that way for as long as I can remember and I am 45. Maybe it's the cost of living, or maybe people just don't have the time to shop for every gift for every function they attend. Gifts are for the showers, and money is for the wedding. I attend at least half a dozen weddings in May and June and honestly, between those, communions, grads, and all the other happenings, I just don't have the time to spend shopping in malls. I don't know too many people who do. We all work long hours and free time is precious. Money fits, it is the right color, and matches the decor. I also know this is not just an East coast thing, as others have stated in Chicago, and other areas. Such is the price of being busy.

[wraithe]

Haven't been here in a while, but came back to see what was going on. I keep expecting Rod Serling to step out from behind a post and say, things aren't exactly what they appear. The OP got the answer to her question long ago, yes, she can register her cruise in various locales to get gifts for the cruise vice the "traditional" gifts of household goods that she doesn't need. As with any invitation, no one is obligated to give anything! If you want to send a set of $3.00 gift towels, go for it, if the bride knows that is the best you can do, she will still love you and the fact that you were willing to help her start a new life. If you routinely brag about your expenditures, and then send a $3.00 set of towels because you're "offended", then the bride will still love you but realize that you resemble the Northern end of a South bound mule. Whether you like it or not, and I'm not a big fan of change, it still happens, I've had to learn to deal with it as a Southerner living in Pittsburgh. Here are some examples for you to ponder, I for one, would have been very offended if my Mother had chosen to check the bed sheets the morning after as some traditions require, or my FIL had decided he needed to be present for the consummation. How about the tradition that all a man needs to do is state "I divorce thee" three times to send his wife packing? Personally I like fixed dining and formal wear, but good heavens, that will stir up a cr*p storm around here faster than about anything. Genteel Southern Belles and fine young Northern ladies all have gift registries now, and there are many local rules and traditions that you may not have heard of. You never can tell, you might find one here that you like. Happy sails to you all.

[RachieLnnn]

OMG! How in the world did this tradition so rampant in NY and NJ start? I'm just curious...I spent my youth and early adult years in Michigan and attended many weddings there but never heard of giving cash to match what the wedding meal was valued at. It's amazing what transpires on these boards. Haven't these people ever gifted the bride and groom with an actual present that involved some special thoughts for that particular couple. That leaves me absolutely cold.

 

I have given both cash and gifts at weddings. Actual gifts for close college friends and cousins, cash for people I don't know very well. I don't understand why you feel giving cash in lieu of an "actual present" is cold.

 

I think cash can be a very "thoughtful" gift if you don't know the people very well, and you want to wish them well and tell them to pick out something they would like with it. It's better than giving them something they may not need or even like, that they have to take the time to take back to the store - if people are even "thoughful" enough to give a gift receipt, that is. ;)

 

Cash can also be thoughtful if you know the couple is saving for a down payment on a house, and you want to contribute to that fund.

 

These are just a few examples why cash is appropriate as a gift. Remember, just because we are saying that people give cash, DOESN'T mean that the bride and groom "demanded" it.

[cruizecrazygramma]

Wouldnt you rather give someone a gift that you know they'll enjoy rather than another serving dish that sits in the cupboard and never gets used. I don't think "asking" for money is necessarily appropriate but if you can register your trip then its perfectly fine and people can choose to make their gift towards your trip or buy a gift. Most of the time guest are calling asking what the couple needs before buying a gift anyone. Its really no different that a stag that raises money for the groom. I personally think its a great idea and your family and friends will love that they've helped to give you the honeymoon of your dreams.