Moving from having a "kid" to a "teen" - our experience!

[Onessa]

We recently took a cruise with our newly 12YO daughter. While I knew that cruising with a tween was going to be different than cruising with a younger child, I did not fully realize how different it was going to be until we experienced it. Here are our experiences (for those of you with kids at the "cusp" of the teen program).

 

DD turned 12 in late September and she is in sixth grade (US) and is very tall for her age (so some think she is older than she is) . We cruised over Thanksgiving holiday in late November in the Mediterranean with RCCI. RCCI groups the 12+ with the older kids. We were all accustomed to Adventure Ocean, and had paid little attention to how the teen program worked.

 

They kind of group the 12-14YOs together and then the 15+ together. The program is much less structured than AO. I was a bit concerned pre-cruise about the teen program, but quickly realized that my DD was ready for more self-directed activities and would have been bored with the AO program (which she has always LOVED before this).

 

We were fortunate that she met up with three other 12YO girls (all 7th graders) early on through the teen program. The four of them as a core group did everything together -- organized activities and stuff on their own. The girls were at a similar development level and thus did very well together. One of the girls was travelling with another 12YO friend who was 12YO going on 20YO -- I was glad not to be her mother because the daughter spent most of her time with older kids (very nice kids, but I still don't think a 12YO really belongs with a mixed gendered group of 15 and 16YOs! Too much opportunity for something to go wrong.)

 

The parents of the other girls our daughter hung out with were of a similar mind and we made rules for the group:

1) They could hang together in one of our cabins if they had permission from that girl's parents and if all other parents knew where they were. They watched TV/Movies/Music videos, played with their Nintendo DSs, and did a lot of giggling!

2) They could walk about the ship TOGETHER staying only in public areas appropriate to their age and again they had to let their parents know what they were up to. It was a relatively small ship so we could easily check up on them and make certain that they were not being loud or otherwise obnoxious. They never were. They swam (with adult supervision), played ping pong, ate, mini golfed, rock climbed (which at their age required a parent present), particpated in teen group activities, played board games, and giggled a lot. If someone needed to go back to their cabin, all of the girls accompanied that girl "home" and a parent would accompany the last girl "home".

3) They could go to the show (age appropriate) when at least one parent accompanied (we would usually sit in the row behind and pretend to be inconspicuous!)

4) They all had soda stickers, so they could get sodas -- otherwise charge NOTHING without permission.

 

They were all good girls, followed the rules (apart from the one that says they could not slide down the banisters occassionally), and had a blast! We used paper notes at the cabin to communicate where we were, but in the future, walkie-talkies might be a good investment.

 

It was very different, not having to sign her in and out of AO; and not always knowing exactly where she was (although knowing she was in "good hands" with the other parents and all the girls looking out for each other -- not to mention the other girls' siblings!) WIthin the rules and on the smaller ship, it was a good opportunity to give her a little bit of independence (and responsibility). She handled it well. Just a year or two ago, I never would have thought that she would be ready to hold her own in the teen program, but I realize that now she is (they grow up SO fast!)

[C cruzer]

I'll be cruising with my 11 y/o in Jan and I hope she has as much fun as your dd did! It sounds great. I just hope there are girls of the same age. I havent seen any on our roll-call yet, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed:) They do grow up fast, thats why we have to cruise often;)

[SweetAngel]

Hi Onessa,

 

That was a well-written and informative post. Thank you for sharing. My daughter is in sixth grade too, and she wants to grow up a little too fast sometimes. We are taking a cruise in January, and I think your rules will come in handy. Just like C Cruzer, I hope my daughter can find other girls her age. There are none on our roll call either.

 

:) :) :)

 

I also want to add, Onessa, how much I appreciate your last posts in the "So much for Honesty" thread. When you get both sides to agree with you (as you did), you know you have hit the nail on the head.

 

I'm thinking that in the real world we are all somewhere in between.

Be thoughtful in planning your trips and if you must travel during a time when your child must miss school, work with your child's teachers to make certain that you've done everything you can to help your child learn what he needs to and that you minimize any additional effort required by the teacher to accommodate your request -- be nice to the teachers and let them know you really appreciate their efforts.

 

And both sides say, "Thank you." Well done.

[CanadianTwosome]

That really was well written, I agree. Thanks for taking the time to post, Onessa!

 

Things sure have changed since I cruised when I was 12! We were on the Costa Federico 'C', and there was not a kid's club of any kind. There also was no climbing wall, no mini golf, no ping pong... and the pool was about 10 ft square! ha ha ha Mind you, we definitely weren't hard to find on such a small ship. Compared to what there is today, it was like a dinghy!! Of course, I don't think there were enough kids to warrant a club. On that particular cruise, I think there were less than a dozen kids and I'm pretty sure I was the youngest. That was at Christmas!! As I said, things are a LOT different now - and I'm very glad they are! :)

[nmcrzer]

Thank you for posting this!

[Onessa]

. . . My daughter is in sixth grade too, and she wants to grow up a little too fast sometimes.

 

I just bought my 12YO Grand-neice a t-shirt for Christmas at Steve & Barry's that says "Just be glad you're not MY parents!" -- because we all teas her that she is 12 going on 20YO!

 

. . . Just like C Cruzer, I hope my daughter can find other girls her age. There are none on our roll call either.

 

I specifically posted on our roll call looking for 12YO girls (ok, I just re-read that and it could sound bad :D -- amend that to asking to see if other tween-aged girls were going to be on the cruise!) I got only one reply -- and it turned out to be one of her "best" friends on the cruise -- so that was nice. There were about 7 or 8 12YO girls (this was on the Splendour of the Seas which is a relatively small ship) -- but this group of three of them "clicked" the first night and were inseparable.

 

I've noticed this on cruises before -- it seems to be critical that the kids meet up the first night of the cruise. When she was in the kid's clubs we'd ALWAYS go to the orientation and she'd attend the program the first night (even if she was a little tired). That first night seems to be when most of the shipboard friendships are formed.

 

I've also encountered kids (of a variety of ages) who are "bored" or whose parents complain that the kids are spending all day in the cabin watching TV, or whatever -- these also seem to be the kids who think that the kids clubs or teen club is "lame" -- upon cross-examination (:D yes, I can be a little pushy!), these kids will admit that they had never even gone to the programs.

 

My point is -- get the kids involved early on. Even if they don't end up necessarily liking the teen club, it is a good place to meet other tweens/teens on board. And it is that interaction with other kids that my DD likes the most (because even though she sometimes admits to liking her dad and me, we are still adults you know)

[mark3232]

Funny that you posted this as a friend of mine that is going to go with us on a cruise along with her 13 year old this month. She was asking some questions and you answered them.

 

I started going on cruises in the late 60's with my parents and they were very different than they are today. You pretty much had to hang out with your parents the whole time or go and play bingo and board games. Ships did not go all the neat places like they do today. During the 70's, especially the late 70's things started to change and the ships became more kid friendly but by then I was in my late teens.

 

I love to cruise and now with my three kids (7,10,12) are getting older, it makes for a great vacation for my wife and I. Kids have way more stuff to do and seem to have way more fun.

 

We tried the walkie talkie thing and it really dose not work that well as there are dead spots on the ship. Now we use wrist watches with alarms and have been very happy with that. This will also be the first cruise that our oldest will have some additional freedom and be able to check herself in and out.

 

Thanks for the post Onessa!

[SweetAngel]

Thanks for the advice on going to orientation and trying to meet up with other kids the first night. I can see how that would be important. My daughter is very shy, so I think it would really help to meet someone else her age right at the beginning. We'll have to make that a priority on the first night.

[KC_fn]

My DD's first cruise was at age 13, so not much older than yours. She also cruised with us last summer at age 15.

 

I noticed that your rules are similar to ours, and we found that DD behaved pretty well also. IMO kids who know what the rules are and believe they will be enforced tend to behave like civilized human beings, on land or at sea. The kids who run wild on cruiseships tend to have parents who think that good fun and good manners are mutually exclusive, and couldn't possibly impose discipline on the little darlings while on vacation.

 

BTW, we tried walkie-talkies on the first cruise and found them useless. The second cruise, we had check-ins every couple of hours instead (e.g., as we finished lunch, we'd set up a meeting someplace for 3:00) which worked well for us.

 

Another sneaky trick which I shamelessly used: I was surprised how often I'd spot my DD with her friends as I was wandering around the ship. If I was nearby, I'd stop and say Hello; if not, I'd casually mention it later. The point obviously was to make her at least wonder if, at any given moment, Mom might be watching. :D

[CanadianTwosome]

Thanks for the advice on going to orientation and trying to meet up with other kids the first night. I can see how that would be important. My daughter is very shy, so I think it would really help to meet someone else her age right at the beginning. We'll have to make that a priority on the first night.

 

SweetAngel - I discovered CC about one month prior to our last cruise. Up until then, there was one child on our roll call. That child just happened to be a little girl our daughter's age, and they became instant friends. Aside from the other girl experiencing a little seasickness on a couple of rough days, they were practically joined at the hip. Don't give up on your roll call, you never know who might pop in at the last minute. I'm finding the same thing on ours at the moment, but even if none do show up, the likelihood of not finding any at orientation is probably pretty slim. We were on the Dream, which is a very small ship these days, and I am absolutely certain that every child on the cruise was at orientation. Onessa is absolutely right; that first night really is important, not only to get comfortable in the program and with the counsellors, but to meet the other kids. Once they meet new friends, they might not even go back and the opportunity is lost...

 

I wouldn't worry about your daughter being shy. The counsellors have had lots of shy kids go through their programs and they're well equipped to help her enjoy herself. Being on the cruise also gives her something in common with every other kid she meets - discovering the ship and being excited about the trip!! My sister and I, who had nothing at all in common and never got along at home, always got along fine on trips - because it was finally something we both enjoyed and shared an interest in. 'Isn't this a cool ship?' is a great ice breaker! :)

[quincytoo]

>>>Another sneaky trick which I shamelessly used: I was surprised how often I'd spot my DD with her friends as I was wandering around the ship. If I was nearby, I'd stop and say Hello; if not, I'd casually mention it later. The point obviously was to make her at least wonder if, at any given moment, Mom might be watching. :D<<<<

 

We did the same thing last year aboard the Diamond Princess with our 15 year old son!!! What a hoot!! It was great fun and we knew that HE knew that our eyes were indeed on him ;) What fun his father and I had...who knew???

 

Also we made sure that the staff at the TC (slang for Teen Center) knew us and knew that we were hands on parents, that we were going to be checking in a few times in the day and night and that no we didn't think our little boy was above being a normal 15 year old boy and that YES if he misbehaved we would be punishing him .!!!

 

Thanks about the tip about the walkie Talkies we were going to take them on the next crusie (Carribbean Princess next Oct) but maybe now not??

[CanadianTwosome]

We're going to take ours along on our upcoming cruise. I've read posts where people have had no problems at all and they've worked like a charm, and I've read posts where they've been useless. Ours travel in a nice, self contained case that will easily fit into one of our suitcases, and I'd rather take them and find out they don't work than not have them and wonder if they would have. :)

[abitaturbodog]

Thanks for the post! I've got two tween boys that are a year apart. It great when crusing because they are eachother's best friends -- so I don't worry too much about them finding other kids.

 

As for the walkie-talkies, we've used them and they work most of the time. Unfortunately, one of my sons always loses one. THey've shown up at the purser's desk each time, but put your last name and cabin number on them so you can get them back quicker!

[Rachel4daughters]

Thanks for posting! I'm cruising w/my 4 girls and extended family in July. My older dd's will be 12.5 and 14 (nearly 15) My oldest is very reserved and my 2nd dd is outgoing. I'm hoping that combo will work well for them and keep them out of trouble. We might try the walkie talkies (which my dd's are already complaining about :rolleyes: ) and will definitely have RULES, stickie notes, check-in's, etc.

[MrsPete]

IMO kids who know what the rules are and believe they will be enforced tend to behave like civilized human beings, on land or at sea. The kids who run wild on cruiseships tend to have parents who think that good fun and good manners are mutually exclusive, and couldn't possibly impose discipline on the little darlings while on vacation.

I was going to say something very simliar. Before our cruise, we set down rules -- and the kids know they are iron clad. My girls were superbly well-behaved on the cruise, but they also knew we were watching!

[CanadianTwosome]

Thanks for the post! I've got two tween boys that are a year apart. It great when crusing because they are eachother's best friends -- so I don't worry too much about them finding other kids.

 

As for the walkie-talkies, we've used them and they work most of the time. Unfortunately, one of my sons always loses one. THey've shown up at the purser's desk each time, but put your last name and cabin number on them so you can get them back quicker!

 

Thanks for the tip!! I'm compiling a list as I pick up more and more here. I'll get them labelled before we leave.

 

I agree about a child needing to believe that rules will be enforced. Nothing is more useless than setting consequences and not following through. It's not just on a cruise, mind you, but I've found that there are some opportunities for consequences on cruises that you might not have at home... 'no ice cream' just doesn't have the same ring to it as 'no chocoholic buffet'! :p

[Cruisin Kay D]

DH & I are taking 4 grandkids (2 girls 15 & 13, 2 boys 14 & 10) & going Sunday on RC Radiance for 6 nts. Ports are Key West, Cozumel, Grand Cayman, and Montego Bay with last full day being day at sea. 1st cruise for all kids; our 1st time to take any kids!! Plan to take them to meet Adventure Ocean/Teen program on Sunday afternoon. We have early dining & plan to go to shows. We have connecting balcony cabins. Kids want to do rock climbing, minigolf, etc.

Among the group only the oldest & youngest are siblings -- other 2 are cousins. The 2 girls look same age with the younger being alot taller. The 14 yr old boy looks 18.

We have 3 walkie-talkies....

Any problems I can anticipate??? Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

Can they go to karoke with us?

[CanadianTwosome]

Wow, lucky kids!! I hope they appreciate their grandparents!! :)

 

My suggestion is to ask their parents if they think there's anything you should be aware of before you sail. I don't know anything about the kids besides their ages, so I really can't speculate about any potential problems. Also, I really have no insight whatsoever into boys, but I have a teenage neice (and I was a teenage girl myself about a million years ago), and I would take some time before the cruise to sit down with the girls, with or without their parents, and talk to them about potential dangers - don't accept drinks from people, don't go in anyone's cabin, that kind of thing. Certainly there can be dangers for boys as well, and their parents will probably have some ideas there.

 

As usual with any kids, I would try to meet any new friends and keep track of their activities. They may or may not be able to accompany you to karaoke. Some ships have 'family karaoke'.

 

Have fun spoiling your grandkids!! :)

[nmcrzer]

On our Enchantment cruise, there was an open, family Karaoke two nights on the ship. One night, it was just labeled "karaoke" and one night it said "adult" karaoke. I think it depends on the ship and that particular sailing.

 

My daughter went with us to all the karaoke sessions except the "adult" one. She is 10. The first non-family night, I did have to explain to her that it was a bit different and she could not raise her hand to volunteer for stuff like other kids did during the family one the night before.

 

Kay, I would go the first night and gauge it. If there are a bunch of kids there, then it should be fine. If it is all adults, then I would say that the kids should find something else to do.

[LandLockedNV]

My DD is just 16. Can anyone share what rules they laid down for their similarly-aged daughter? Thanks for the advice!

 

(Leaving next Thursday for Xmas and NY's Australia-NZ cruise!)

[KC_fn]

My DD is just 16. Can anyone share what rules they laid down for their similarly-aged daughter? Thanks for the advice!

 

Here are some that I had for DD almost-16.

 

1. When not in our cabin, you must be with someone from our party at all times. (We were travelling with a group of teen girls, so she had lots of safe options here.) No wandering the ship with new friends you just met, unless someone from our party is also with you. No wandering around by yourself.

 

2. You may not enter the cabin of any "new friend". You may not accompany them to their cabin and wait in the hallway outside.

 

3. You may not invite a "new friend" into our cabin unless I'm there.

 

3. You must stay in well-populated public areas. (On the first day, we scouted the ship for the areas that were OK and not-OK.)

 

4. You must physically check in with me at pre-arranged times/places (about every 2-3 hours). You must let me know what your general plans are until the next check-in.

 

5. You must strictly observe curfew.

 

6. When in our cabin alone, do not open the door for anyone, including friends or ship's crew.

 

7. You may invoke me as the bad guy in order to get out of any situation that's uncomfortable or unpleasant. ("Omigosh, I gotta meet my mom in 3 minutes! Gotta go!")

 

8. You may not ride the elevator for recreation.

 

9. You have a daily budget of $___, which you may spend however you please. It is your responsiblity to make sure you don't exceed it. (I checked our account daily, to be sure.)

 

10. You must use sunscreen whenever you're in the sun, liberally and frequently.

 

11. You are responsible for controlling your clutter in the cabin.

[CanadianTwosome]

Here are some that I had for DD almost-16.

 

1. When not in our cabin, you must be with someone from our party at all times. (We were travelling with a group of teen girls, so she had lots of safe options here.) No wandering the ship with new friends you just met, unless someone from our party is also with you. No wandering around by yourself.

 

2. You may not enter the cabin of any "new friend". You may not accompany them to their cabin and wait in the hallway outside.

 

3. You may not invite a "new friend" into our cabin unless I'm there.

 

3. You must stay in well-populated public areas. (On the first day, we scouted the ship for the areas that were OK and not-OK.)

 

4. You must physically check in with me at pre-arranged times/places (about every 2-3 hours). You must let me know what your general plans are until the next check-in.

 

5. You must strictly observe curfew.

 

6. When in our cabin alone, do not open the door for anyone, including friends or ship's crew.

 

7. You may invoke me as the bad guy in order to get out of any situation that's uncomfortable or unpleasant. ("Omigosh, I gotta meet my mom in 3 minutes! Gotta go!")

 

8. You may not ride the elevator for recreation.

 

9. You have a daily budget of $___, which you may spend however you please. It is your responsiblity to make sure you don't exceed it. (I checked our account daily, to be sure.)

 

10. You must use sunscreen whenever you're in the sun, liberally and frequently.

 

11. You are responsible for controlling your clutter in the cabin.

 

That is an excellent set of rules!! Well thought out. I especially love the 'invoking me as the bad guy' rule - I've told people that exact thing about specific circumstances but I don't think I would have thought to make it an 'all purpose' rule. Thanks for all the great tips!!!

[KC_fn]

You're very welcome. I've had 16 years of practice at thinking about rules and discipline for this one; she's strong-willed and always looking for loopholes, so I've learned to be as specific and exhaustive as possible.

 

I forgot to mention the most important part: consequences. I told her if she violated any of the safety-related rules, she'd be sticking with *ME* for the next 24 hours (oh the horror! :eek:). She knew I meant it too, and fortunately decided not to test the boundaries.

[CanadianTwosome]

You're very welcome. I've had 16 years of practice at thinking about rules and discipline for this one; she's strong-willed and always looking for loopholes, so I've learned to be as specific and exhaustive as possible.

 

I forgot to mention the most important part: consequences. I told her if she violated any of the safety-related rules, she'd be sticking with *ME* for the next 24 hours (oh the horror! :eek:). She knew I meant it too, and fortunately decided not to test the boundaries.

 

Oooh, that is an excellent consequence for a cruise - and it might be even worse for my child... I sing karaoke!!! :eek: (which might not sound so bad, but apparently I don't sing 'good' songs...)

[Rachel4daughters]

Thanks for your list, I'm going to save it for my cruise file. We sail next July :)

 

I think my 2nd dd's worst consequence would be that she had to come dancing with me :rolleyes: :) I'm not 'allowed' by her to dance even in the same state :) :) I have no idea what's wrong with my dancing...:confused: