Please help me with my invite wording

[nklpikl]

Please take a look at the wording and help me out. We want to include my children in the invitation. They are 6,9, and 11. We like the opening saying. We like the play on embarking and voyage. But something is not right. Thanks for your help.

 

We are so happy that the man

who makes our mom's eyes sparkle,

who makes her laugh and sing,

who loves her and us very much

is joining our family!

 

Karyssa, Makenna

and Jocelyn XXXX

invite you to share their joy

as their mother

Nicole XXXXXXXX

and

John XXXXXXXXXXX

embark on life's greatest voyage together

joining their lives in marriage aboard

The Carnival Sensation

on Thursday, the nineteenth of June

Two thousand and eight

at ten o'clock in the morning

Port Canaveral, Florida

[crystalblue0610]

I think that sounds great:D congrats. I like the kids part at the beginning and the "embarking on life's greatest voyage" cute

[mara93]

What you have is excellent!!!

[PMO]

I agree, it's perfect!

[Fantasy_Bride]

It looks good to me as well.