Inappropriate Behavior from Gem Crew Member

[DocJohnB]

The mother writes:

 

I heard the one we had seen previously say "She's staying here with me". the other adult with us made a comment to him and then said she is not going near him again. I said OK, because I hadn't appreciated the comment.

 

It wasn't until a few days ago that I found out that what actually happened while i was paying attention to my transaction. What took place is that the guy who made a comment in the gift shop was behind my daughter, reached his arm around her, grabbed her wrist, and pulled her into him while making the verbal comment.

 

You write:

 

Picture in your mind what actually happened (according to the OP)....she was signing paperwork at the register.... and the mother-in-law was behind her, and presumably said to the girl "let's go"....and the clerk (and I also know who he is... he's very identifiable, from the description) said in a joking voice (the tone you would use with a young nephew or niece) "no, she's staying here with me", while loosely encircling her waist with his arm.

 

.

 

Quite a spin you put on the OP's version, don't you think?

[Zzannahk]

The only thing I would suggest to anyone travelling with young women and girls is to assert themselves. This young girl should have said something immediately and should have felt safe to do so.

Tell your daughters that if someone grabs them, especially with you in the same room, to make some type of comment, to jump away and state loudly "Do not touch me."

I know it might be embarrassing for them to do so, but really if someone, anyone is uncomfortable with the situation they should not "take it" and complain later.

[heatherandfred]

Actually there is a mention of the daughter being uncomftable and the MIL did witness something that struck her as being inappropriate at the time - this is a quote from one of sick of snows posts-

 

 

What he did made her very uncomfortable, it made my mother in law uncomfortable watching the interaction and it made me uncomfortable hearing it. That goes beyond fun flirting in my opinion.

 

What I dont understand is if the MIL was so uncomftable watching the interaction why the heck didnt she do something about it? why wait until they get home to mention the fact? I just cant get my head around it!

 

You make a lot of sense!! If it was me, I would have pulled my child out of there and made a complaint WHILE onboard. Don't wait until you get off the ship, for all you know the young man could be off on another ship!

[DocJohnB]

Too bad?!?! :confused: Her grandaughter was assaulted by a young man who touched her in an innapropriate way - and the fact that the MIL said nothing is 'too bad'?!?! My gosh I cant quite believe what Im reading!

 

Door slamming - warrants a complaint

 

Food order took 15mins - warrants a complaint

 

Rude staff at various times during the cruise - warrants a complaint

 

But a physical assault on a grandchild doesnt even warrant a mention until 11 days AFTER the cruise?!

 

And you call that too bad?! :eek:

 

 

If I was sick of snow I would be furious with my MIL and would never allow her to be alone with the child again - she obviously isnt responsible enough to be in a position of trust with the girl if she doesnt think that inappropriate touching is worthy of a complaint the moment it happens.

 

Gixer,

 

In your condemnation of the OP, you seemed to have missed the point of my post.

 

I sincerely believe that if Sick of Snow knew of the incident when it happened, she would have been all over the young man . . . . at the time it happened.

 

The "too bad" was in reference to the fact that because she wasn't told by MIL at the time, that she came on this board to discuss it and has paid the price for doing so, i.e. lies and innuendo's.

 

As to the MIL . . . I cannot and will not defend her actions. If she thought it serious enough to warrant an explanation a week and a half later and yet did nothing at the time . . . . well, short of senility, there are no excuses. Who knows, maybe Grandma didn't think it was that big a thing. But even that makes no never mind. Sick of Snow does think it a big enough thing that she wrote the company and this forum.

 

I have said it before and I will repeat it again. What the young man did was wrong . . . . plain and simple. However, it is now up to NCL to deal with him. If they find his actions to be inappropriate according to their guidelines, he needs to be punished according to their guidelines even it it means dismissal. Sorry, bobstheboy, if he is dismissed, without references, it should be a life altering event for him. He is the one who was the catalyst for whatever action is taken.

[sjbdtz]

The mother writes:

 

 

 

You write:

 

 

 

Quite a spin you put on the OP's version, don't you think?

 

 

 

Yeah...quite a spin. I changed an "r" to an "a". The only concept different in what she said & what I said was "wrist" to "waist"

[AFT_LOVER]

as I watch on The Inside, Access Hollywood, ET, etc. Stars which hoard of teens running after them, humping & grabbing areas they shouldn't. One guys wife was following him watching the show. She got between them dumping water all over them.

 

So times have changed, as a retired policewoman I have seen the latest in schools of cell phones loaded with naked teens to send to their friends. What are the parents not doing? I would have never been able to do that. My mom knew everything I did, I brought stars home to spend the night & let them try to get in my bedroom & she had them! Limos in the street, I laugh about it now. When she died they all come!

 

But all the stories on cruise employees that take advantage of young teens. I haven't seen one yet and they better not let me see them. Same for for the kids getting their rocks off on the crew members.

[ZoneHPH]

Ohh my....please tell me you dont really think that is what's behind all this? Why would anybody be so cruel as to ruin a young mans life in order to get a free cruise?!

 

I certainly hope that isnt the case - please tell me it isnt! :(

 

Read these boards enough and you'll be amazed at what people complain about. In fact, this is my "re-enactment" (for those keeping score...yes...aka an assumption) of the conversation at home.

 

OP: so you didn't like the way he touched you did you?

13: well it wasn't like that.....(gets interrupted)

OP: no...you DIDN'T LIKE the way he touched you right?

13: but mom...it wasn't...(again interrupted)

OP: i knew it...he touched you and you didn't like it. i'm complaining.

 

 

now here's what should have happened:

 

OP: i can't believe you didn't tell me about this on the ship

MIL: dear, it looked harmless. the kids were having fun.

OP (to husband): YOUR MOTHER IS IMPOSSIBLE. i'm writing a letter.

 

Damn these flames are hard to put out today!!!

 

[sjbdtz]

Gixer,

 

In your condemnation of the OP, you seemed to have missed the point of my post.

 

I sincerely believe that if Sick of Snow knew of the incident when it happened, she would have been all over the young man . . . . at the time it happened.

 

The "too bad" was in reference to the fact that because she wasn't told by MIL at the time, that she came on this board to discuss it and has paid the price for doing so, i.e. lies and innuendo's.

 

As to the MIL . . . I cannot and will not defend her actions. If she thought it serious enough to warrant an explanation a week and a half later and yet did nothing at the time . . . . well, short of senility, there are no excuses. Who knows, maybe Grandma didn't think it was that big a thing. But even that makes no never mind. Sick of Snow does think it a big enough thing that she wrote the company and this forum.

 

I have said it before and I will repeat it again. What the young man did was wrong . . . . plain and simple. However, it is now up to NCL to deal with him. If they find his actions to be inappropriate according to their guidelines, he needs to be punished according to their guidelines even it it means dismissal. Sorry, bobstheboy, if he is dismissed, without references, it should be a life altering event for him. He is the one who was the catalyst for whatever action is taken.

 

Welcome to Ahab's Abode of Absurdity. Someone makes a joke, and you think they should be punished every day for the rest of their lives. The only thing "I" hope now....is that YOU are the accused.You have JUDGED that what was done was "wrong, pure and simple", even though you weren't there and have no idea what happened.Well done.I wasn't there either...but I know how to read between the lines. And the writing between the lines says:"We tried everything we could to get a free cruise, without success. So we've determined that the easiest way is to blow out-of-proportion an interaction which was so innocuous at the time, that neither my daughter, my mother-in-law, nor any other bystanders thought it worth mentioning.".There are no actions to defend for the MIL....she acted appropriately, probably smiled at the joke, laughed along with the grand-daughter.You're "spinning" this as much, or more than I am.

[sjbdtz]

Read these boards enough and you'll be amazed at what people complain about. In fact, this is my "re-enactment" (for those keeping score...yes...aka an assumption) of the conversation at home.

 

OP: so you didn't like the way he touched you did you?

13: well it wasn't like that.....(gets interrupted)

OP: no...you DIDN'T LIKE the way he touched you right?

13: but mom...it wasn't...(again interrupted)

OP: i knew it...he touched you and you didn't like it. i'm complaining.

 

 

now here's what should have happened:

 

OP: i can't believe you didn't tell me about this on the ship

MIL: dear, it looked harmless. the kids were having fun.

OP (to husband): YOUR MOTHER IS IMPOSSIBLE. i'm writing a letter.

 

Damn these flames are hard to put out today!!!

 

 

Hear hear.

[hamrag]

Actually there is a mention of the daughter being uncomftable and the MIL did witness something that struck her as being inappropriate at the time - this is a quote from one of sick of snows posts-

 

 

What he did made her very uncomfortable, it made my mother in law uncomfortable watching the interaction and it made me uncomfortable hearing it. That goes beyond fun flirting in my opinion.

 

What I dont understand is if the MIL was so uncomftable watching the interaction why the heck didnt she do something about it? why wait until they get home to mention the fact? I just cant get my head around it!

 

If Sick of Snow was uncomfortable "hearing it" as clearly stated in her post, why did she not deal with it there and then? No need to drag the MIL into this, it is the parents responsibility. Some seem to believe that she was oblivious to what went on, but clearly heard it and was "uncomfortable" so why did she not explore with MIL precisely what had happened there and then! Remember she had previously been uncomfortable with this guy previously about an alleged rude remark in the shop.

 

It still doesn't add up for me!

[DocJohnB]

Welcome to Ahab's Abode of Absurdity. Someone makes a joke, and you think they should be punished every day for the rest of their lives.

 

What I do find absurd is that people, like yourself, can even think that an employee who reaches his arm around her, grabbed her wrist, and pulled her into him (or even as you flippantly describe it - said in a joking voice (the tone you would use with a young nephew or niece) "no, she's staying here with me", while loosely encircling her waist with his arm) is making a joke. Unless the girl is a willing participant, it is not a joke.

 

If you had a 13 year old daughter and this exact thing happened to her, only it happened in a Mall in Toronto or a Wal-Mart in Timbuktu, I would think you would be over the store management and the employee like white on rice. At least I would hope you would be.

[cruizinwithkids]

Just wondering, does either side think they are going to convince the other?:rolleyes:

[ZoneHPH]

a Wal-Mart in Timbuktu...

 

i sure hope it's a Super Wal-Mart! one stop shopping at its finest!

 

and here i thought the Hot Dog thread was doing well.

[sjbdtz]

Unless the girl is a willing participant, it is not a joke.

 

 

I'd bet $5 that she was indeed a willing participant.

[Jimmys Chippy]

What I do find absurd is that people, like yourself, can even think that an employee who reaches his arm around her, grabbed her wrist, and pulled her into him (or even as you flippantly describe it - said in a joking voice (the tone you would use with a young nephew or niece) "no, she's staying here with me", while loosely encircling her waist with his arm) is making a joke. Unless the girl is a willing participant, it is not a joke.

 

If you had a 13 year old daughter and this exact thing happened to her, only it happened in a Mall in Toronto or a Wal-Mart in Timbuktu, I would think you would be over the store management and the employee like white on rice. At least I would hope you would be.

 

I agree with that (not sure about the "white on rice" as I've no idea what that means). What the hell a jewellery shop assistant is doing with his arms around the waist of anyone, let alone a 13 year old, is beyond me. I don't care what context it was done in he's clearly out of line and out of touch.

[Jimmys Chippy]

I'd bet $5 that she was indeed a willing participant.

 

 

Does that make it OK?

[fin]

OK, I read the initial comment, and the last page of comments only.

 

My initial reaction is that it could quite likely be a simple cultural difference in play. Everyone knows that ships hire crew from many different countries with different mores and interpersonal practices.

 

That which is perfectly acceptable behavior in some countries invokes the death penalty in other places.

[Gixer]

and here i thought the Hot Dog thread was doing well.

 

LMAO Totally :D :D :D

[Jimmys Chippy]

 

 

My initial reaction is that it could quite likely be a simple cultural difference in play. Everyone knows that ships hire crew from many different countries with different mores and interpersonal practices.

 

That which is perfectly acceptable behavior in some countries invokes the death penalty in other places.

 

Surely the cruise line should brief all staff on how to act with guests. I hope that in the Italian restaurant the waiters don't feel they have the right to pinch my wife's arse because "that's what they do" (although my wife may not get all THAT upset);) .

[mbisson]

Just wondering, does either side think they are going to convince the other?:rolleyes:

 

There we go thinking alike again!

 

 

and here i thought the Hot Dog thread was doing well.

 

There's a hot dog thread? All beef?

[Urban trekker]

"and here I thought the Hot Dog thread was doing well'

 

It is - only it's a different kind of beef.

 

Cheers

 

Dennis

[ZoneHPH]

*pats self on back*

 

ahhh...the flames have subsided. Fireman ZoneHPH to the rescue!

[mbisson]

*pats self on back*

 

ahhh...the flames have subsided. Fireman ZoneHPH to the rescue!

 

I wouldn't be so sure yet! It's still early.

 

And if you put out the fires, how will I roast my hot dog?

[ZoneHPH]

I wouldn't be so sure yet! It's still early.

 

And if you put out the fires, how will I roast my hot dog?

 

true...true.

[DocJohnB]

I'd bet $5 that she was indeed a willing participant.

 

 

Ahhhhhhh, got you now. Blame the "victim". C'mon, for crying out loud, she is 13. You may think she she is capable of being a willing participant and she may even think she is cabable. She isn't . . . . . legally, morally, ethically or any word you choose.

 

I wanted to bust my own knuckles with the "willing participant" entry I made, unfortunately when I went back and was able to read it, I was unable to edit my comments. Shame on me for even thinking it. What I should have said is that if she is and adult and is a willing partner, perhaps it could be thought of as a joke. . . . but I don't really thinks so.