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My Conquest Experience 8/10-8/17

jensing317

By jensing317,
in Carnival Cruise Lines

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rme3

rme3

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We were a group of 12, all from the same town. Four couples, one daughter and 3 sons. Rather than rehash what Jensing has already posted, I’ll just add a few observations and opinions to the thread.

Embarcation/Day 1

Thanks to info from here, I used EZCruise parking and couldn’t have been happier. Lighthouse parking also seemed to have their act together and had a lot of vans in circulation. Ditto on the return.

In my next life, my son and I will not have the same first name. It confused the lady at the terminal. I boarded the ship with a vague sensation that all was not right with our S & S cards. I stopped at the Purser’s desk to check, but the system was down. Everything was fine until I stopped at the Sky Bar and ordered a drink. The bar was packed. The bartender brought me my drink and took my card. He returned it shaking his head. He said I couldn’t buy a beer because I am only 16.

Now, I should point out that I am, in fact 57 years old. I understand his confusion, since I don’t look a day over 56. In any event, the rest of the patrons at the bar thought my plight was hilarious. I argued my case, and got a bunch of head-shaking in return. He took my card, and swiped it through the reader again. He came back and loudly proclaimed “No. You only 16. I no can do.” With that, he snatched up the beer and left me to the howls of the other barflies.

I guess I could have hunted down my son and had him buy me a beer. Wonder how that would have worked? The Purser’s desk was great about fixing that little problem.

Dinner was early seating upstairs in the Monet. We were divided into 2 tables, with the boys at their own. We met our waiters for the week, Nyoman and Gusti. We asked if they could open the window covering so we could look out. Nyoman said they were supposed to leave it closed, but we prevailed. For the rest of the cruise, that drape was open when we arrived.

My wife and I have, in the past, used Anytime Dining. We knew we were missing out on the reported fun of having the same waiters serve us, but we balanced that against the fact that we met truly interesting people by sharing tables with strangers every night. Having now done Traditional Dining, I’m not so sure which is better. Both have their advantages.

We skipped the show in favor of watching the ship’s wake tail off to the horizon from the railing on deck 10 aft.

Day 2

We finished settling into our cabin, an interior very far forward on Deck 7, and prepared to have breakfast in the dining room. We ate in the dining room as opposed to the buffet for a number of reasons. First, we like to be served. Second, because they make Eggs Benedict in the dining room, and Third, because I can’t control myself when confronted with acres of delightful looking food. I hate that penguin-like sensation that the buffet gives me.

Then back to the room (which was approximately 2.5 light years from the dining room - good exercise) to prepare for a busy day of…

Doing nothing. And, that is exactly what I wanted to do.

Wifey wanted something out of the safe, where I had placed everything the night before. The safes are operated by swiping a card with a magnetic strip on it. Any card. Sunday night, having stuck all of our credit cards, ID’s, wallets, cash, etc. in the safe, I used the only card I had left to lock the safe. My S & S card. Imagine my horror when I saw the dire warning that using the ship’s card in the safe would deactivate the card, lock the safe, sound alarms, and render the ship motionless. Faced with this dilemma, I did what all married men would do. I told my wife she was on her own, and went in search of a place to sit and read.

She was the keeper of the safe from then on.

The men in the group established a beach head on Deck 10 aft, port side. An ideal location, with lounge chairs in the shade, in close proximity to Sur Mer, the juice and coffee bars in the upstairs buffet, restrooms, and the bar. It was perfection. Almost.

About noon, the captain came on the PA system with a general update about our position, sea conditions, distance to go, and the weather. It was a very pleasant announcement, and not at all intrusive. A few minutes later the speaker over our heads went “Bing, Bing, Bong”. Expecting another easy to listen to announcement, we were horrified to hear a sound somewhere between ripping canvas, stepping on a cat, or something gone horribly wrong with a dentist’s drill. And it was loud. Painfully, dangerously loud.

This was Jen, our Cruise Director. Apparently, she has watched the movie “Spinal Tap”, as she has mastered turning the volume up to 11. Then she yelled into the microphone. It was so loud, you could literally hear her tongue move. Lest you think I’m exaggerating, people around us had their fingers in their ears. No kidding.

These announcements were done about every 45 minutes, and were to let us know about such vital activities as the art auctions, the Bingo, the special of the hour in the Spa, etc., etc. Every day. By Saturday, our last day at sea, one of our group had to be restrained from taking the life ring and jumping, just to get away from it.

It hurts just to remember.

At 3:00, I slid downstairs to the Sky Bar for the Meet and Greet. I looked for the bartender from yesterday, but he wasn’t there. Pity, as I was going to explain rapid aging to him. I met some very nice folks at the M&G, and continued to bump into them for the rest of the cruise.

First formal night. Or Cruise Elegant, or whatever it’s called. I thought people were very good about getting into the spirit of things. A few tuxes, lots of suits. It was nice.

After dinner, the Maitre’d came by to tell us that he had noticed our sons sitting apart from us. He offered to redo the grown-up table so they could sit with us, if we wanted. I thought this was very observant and very kind of him. It certainly made the boys feel more a part of the group.

We did make the show Monday night. The Capers are at home, so I don’t recall exactly which one of the Conquest Dancers shows this one was, but I can guarantee it featured big headdresses and thongs. Not that there’s anything wrong with that….

Day 3

Much like Day 2. The men went to deer camp up on 10 to carry on with very important reading activities. On the third “Bing, Bing, Bong”, a passer-by, unaware of the danger, turned to face the PA speaker, and neglected to put his fingers in his ears. By the time Jen said “Bingo”, his face had melted like a **** scientist in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Did I mention that it was loud?

Other highlight for the day was the late Motown show. The singer was OK, but the audience made the show. The singer pulled people from the audience, then started a song. He’d walk up to one of the people he had on stage and put the microphone in front of them so they could sing and embarrass themselves. And most of them did. Then, he held the mic in front of a tall, bald guy. And that guy could sing. The singer just stood there and let him go. He was great.

Later, he handed the mic to another of his “volunteers”. This guy strode purposefully to the front of the stage, and launched into a great routine that ended with a leap into the air, dropping into the splits, and popping back up again. The professional entertainer was outdone by his audience. And, I'm sure the Conquest Dancers were there, too.

More to follow…..

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jensing317

jensing317

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I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your jewelry. What a bummer. I would hate to have my room searched like you did. I can't believe they did that.

 

We are also doing the Dolphin swim at Chanakaab in November. I hope we have a better experience. I'm wondering about the time change between the ship and Cozumel since I'm booking the dolphin swim independently. Do you know the time difference?

 

 

They told us on the ship to stay with ship's time (which is the time of the home port) make sure and get there early. We were scheduled for 1:00 and we arrived around noon and had plenty of time. I think they called our group around 10 til 1.

 

Have fun. It really is a neat experience. WEAR WATER SHOES though. The boardwalk to get to the dolphin area is scalding and the grate that you stand on hurts after a few minutes...especially on burned feet.

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nanuak

nanuak

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We were a group of 12, all from the same town. Four couples, one daughter and 3 sons. Rather than rehash what Jensing has already posted, I’ll just add a few observations and opinions to the thread.

Thank you, thank you, thank you; for such a hilarious review, you have made my morning! Please write more :D

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rme3

rme3

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I apologize for the length of my previous post. I had no idea it was quite so long. People get halfway through it, and fall asleep. Then they wake up and have to start over. It’s like Groundhog Day on the Internet. I’ll split the remainder into bite size chunks.

Day 4, Montego Bay

After 2 ½ days on the boat, I had no interest in piling into a van for a 2 hour trek across Jamaica. We’ve already done Dunn’s River, the Martha Brae, etc., so, on the recommendation of the Cruise Critics, I opted to go to Sunset Beach. Most of the others in the group came also. After a typically Jamaican registration procedure (Soon come, mon), we traded $40.00 devalued US dollars each for pretty red armbands. These gave us the run of the place, including drinks and a buffet lunch. We opted to make camp in the central covered breezeway, where it was quiet and there were comfortable chairs.

Or, so we thought.

Just as we got settled in, the music started. Right behind us. Not soothing steel drums or lilting Caribbean melodies. No, this was that indescribable sound that comes out of the kid’s cars now. The thumping, banging noises you can hear inside your house when they drive by. My son, who has a wide appreciation for music, just kind of summed it up when I asked him what the kids call that sort of music. He said “Dad, we’d call that noise”.

Our decision to move was cemented when Jen’s Jamaican sister took the microphone and tried to whip the crowd into some sort of dancing frenzy. Suddenly, exploring the beach became a priority. Off we went.

The beach that I remember from Jamaica was soft sand. Possibly due to recent weather or some other influence, the sand had been swapped out with rocks. It wasn’t bad a couple yards off shore, but getting there was tough.

Lunch at the buffet was excellent. There was everything from hamburgers grilled to order to Jamaican specialties. Fruits and vegetables galore. And then there were the desserts. Nothing short of perfection.

Then back to the beach for a while. We felt right at home there, since every lounge chair had a Carnival towel on it. A few of our group decided to snorkel around in the clear water and greatly enjoyed it. Long about 2:00, my son and I set off in search of the legendary MoBay Margaritaville. Our taxi driver assured us that on any other day, the trip would only take a few minutes. This as we sat in gridlock that would do LA proud. The driver explained that this was due to all 3,000 cruise passengers making their way to Margaritaville.

So, we were quite surprised to arrive and find the place largely empty. Despite that, it took forever to be served. In fact, I had to go hunt down a waiter. Paying out and leaving was a similar ordeal. One pricey taxi ride later, we were back at the marine terminal, shopping for t-shirts for #1 son. Do you know how hard it is to find a t-shirt in Jamaica that doesn’t feature either a giant marijuana plant, or a psychedelic image of a dreadlocked Bob Marley? No, son, you can’t wear that to school. He settled for a backpack.

Dinner was great as we all told each other of our adventures. Of course, that didn’t take long, since most of us were together all day. Then it was time for the show. I think this night was the Conquest Dancers present Deja. This was an illusionist who tried to perform despite the dancers being in the way.

I should probably take a minute here to explain something. This was a wonderful cruise, and we all had a great time. If there was one shortcoming, we unanimously agreed it was the entertainment. Carnival has a troupe of dancers on the Conquest, and they seem to try to use them to fill the majority of the onboard entertainment. I believe they appeared every night. It's a wonder they didn't make them serve food, too.

Conquest has a main theatre that is state of the art in lighting and sound. They also have a very underutilized show lounge in the aft, called the Degas lounge. Where other ships would have 2 different acts appearing each night, Conquest had only one that was performed twice each night. If you missed the juggler one night, well, too bad. The smaller show lounge could be used as an alternative to the main show each night, which would provide some variety and choice of entertainment. It is rare that half the audience didn’t leave during the shows. They just didn’t hold your attention.

OK, off the soapbox.

Day 5. Grand Cayman

Many of our group scuba, and this was to be their big excursion. Dragging huge bags stuffed with rubber and neoprene stuff, they left the safety of the shore to go do battle with the forces of Neptune. Or, whatever it is that divers do.

Part of their pre-dive briefing was an introduction to what they might see. Among the things they were warned about is a giant Moray eel. The guides explained that this eel has been there for a long time, and that he is old and has cataracts. He seldom bothers the divers, but he seems curious, and has a whole mouth full of teeth. Of of the group asked what they should do if the eel approached them. The guide thought about it for a moment, and gave them this bit of advice: “Try not to look like food”.

And you wonder why I stayed on shore.

We shopped a bit, and settled into the Margaritaville. This one was much better. There’s something about hearing Jimmy Buffet’s music played in the Caribbean. It didn’t hurt that the place was full of Parrot Heads who knew all the songs. Of course, it all comes at a price. Two beers, 1 mixed drink, Buffalo wing appetizer, Conch soup and a piece of cheesecake came to a princely $61.00 US. Plus tip. Not even Buffet can afford to be “Wastin’ away in Margaritaville”. Well, maybe Warren Buffet could.

Like Jensing said, tonight’s show was Point and Click, which had been described here as being fantastic. Well, I have to admit, despite my familiarity by now with the Conquest Dancers, I didn’t get it either. Mercifully, the dancers took off most of their clothes, so the show wasn’t a complete dud. (I was later told that the plot was explained on tv screens either side of the stage. Those screens were not visible from the balcony where I was sitting. I’m not sure about a dance number that needs subtitles, but…)

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rme3

rme3

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Day 6. Cozumel

This was one of the days I had actually plotted and planned for, and I knew exactly what we were going to do. Or so I thought. I tortured many electrons in the search for the perfect beach on the west side of Cozumel. My exhaustive research told me that Nachi Cocum was the place for us. So, we wound our way through the terminal/arcade/shopping mall that serves as an entrance to Cozumel. Just as the end of this interminable maze comes into sight, my wife ducks into a shop, and decides she just has to have a new bathing suit. Arghhhh!

#1 son and I wonder out of the store, leaving my charming bride to her own devices, and happen upon a kiosk with a big map of Cozumel. As we are studying the map, a very pleasant girl asks if we need any help. I say no, thanks. She asks where we are headed, and I said “I think we’ll head to Nachi Cocum”. She patiently explains to me that, if we haven’t already signed up for Nachi, we aren’t going. It’s strictly by reservation now, and limited to 100 guests per day. She reviews the alternate choices with me, and we settle on Carlos & Charlie’s beach. I don’t like Carlos & Charlie’s restaurants, so I’m a little apprehensive.

We trade more devalued plastic dollars for yet another bathing suit and hop in a taxi. It’s maybe 15 minutes south, and the price is exactly what it should have been ($14.00). Carlos & Charlie’s is actually pretty nice. A covered palapa with tables, freely circulating waiters, lots of beach umbrellas and chairs or loungers. Pretty nice beach, with jet-skis to rent, banana boat rides, all the good stuff.

Did I mention it was free? No charge to get in. No charge for anything but food and drink. Really nice people work there. It was lots of fun.

All good things must end, so we gathered up to head back and finish our duty free shopping. Usually in Mexico, the taxi fares from the resort to town are posted at the resort, so there’s no negotiating. And, they are pretty reasonable. But, all bets are off when it’s time to go from town to the resort. The fares start out double, and the negotiating begins until both you and the driver are equally unhappy. Then, he takes you where you want to go. Expecting a similar routine, I ask the driver how much from C & C’s to the Punta Langosta terminal. Knock me over with a feather, he says $14.00.

I like Cozumel.

At the show that night, Jen filled in for the MIA juggler. She organized a little comedy routine using guests from the audience. Must have been the dancer’s night off. The comedy routine was pretty good, as was his R rated version at midnight.

I didn’t find my way to bed much before 1:00 am any night of the cruise. We generally hung out up top, watching the world go by and solving its many problems. Sometimes, we just watched the water. The secret deck forward on 7 was a great place to watch the world go by.

Occasionally, we’d adjourn to one of the many bars on the ship and sample their wares until early in the morning. In celebration of our upcoming last day at sea, my buddy and I sat for a while in Alfred’s, where we enjoyed the experience of smoking fine Cuban cigars, and sipping Remy-Martin. Ahhh, life is good.

Day 6. Fun day at sea.

Back to our usual spot for more solving of the world’s ills. After trying coffee, apple juice, and other concoctions, I discovered that a Pilsner Urquell contained just the right ingredients to finally stop the experience of smoking fine Cuban cigars.

Today, we were running with the wind, so there was no breeze. It was hot. Being the problem solvers we are, we attacked this problem head-on. The antidote to heat is…buckets of beer.

Speaking of running, today was the On Deck for the Cure walk. The track on Conquest is 10 laps to the mile. Did you ever see that game where they spin someone around in a circle and then have them try to walk a straight line? That’s about what the walkers looked like. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

I did go to the debarkation presentation. It was pretty straightforward. What was not straightforward was the talk Jen gave about how we should fill out our satisfaction surveys. Not, mind you, that we should fill them out, but she told us what our answers should be. Pretty much negates the purpose of the survey. Also a bit off in my mind was her insistence that additional tips for the waiters and stewards were “Usual, customary, and expected”. Her words.

The show tonight is the passenger talent show. ‘Nuf said.

Day last. Debark

Debark. Odd word. Anyway, that’s what we had in store. We’ve done self-assist before, and it’s usually a carnival. So, we opted to go the old-fashioned way and let the ship deal with our luggage. After a leisurely breakfast, we adjourned to the show lounge where the Carnival Dancers were….Oops, force of habit. Actually, CNN was on the big screens and we watched in relative comfort. Pretty soon, they called our number, we rode the elevator down to the lobby, and walked off the ship. It was organized and painless.

Once in the terminal, I remembered about the porters being able to bypass the line that went from Immigration approximately back up to the Lido deck. I stood in the porter line until it was my turn, and we loaded up his cart. Zooming around all the other folks, we went straight to the short line, where there were only 2 carts ahead of us. We completed the formalities and went out to the EZCruise shuttle.

Note to those of you who bought those Drinks of the Day in the Coconuts. Your coconuts looked really cute stacked up on the shelf behind the Immigration officers, having been confiscated. No fruits or vegetables, remember?

Anybody have any idea how bad a cup of coffee can smell, having been locked inside a steaming Suburban for a week in Galveston? Anybody know how to get rid of that smell?

Hope you enjoyed reading this. It was fun to write. See you on the next cruise.

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PYB2008

PYB2008

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rmw3-

 

thanks for the great synopsis...

 

Am wondering, you mentioned at Sunset Beach that

A few of our group decided to snorkel around in the clear water and greatly enjoyed it.

 

Did the snorkel gear come with the price of admission or did your people have to rent it? How much?

 

Thanks!

:D

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dickens56

dickens56

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Looking forward to you posting your photos. I am going on the Conquest for Thanksgiving. Sorry to hear about your jewelry. That has always been a worry for me. I usually cruise RCCL. You put in your own code to work the safes. I don't like the credit card idea. Evidently, you didn't suspect your cabin person. Or did it happen when someone could have taken over for him. I usually keep jewelry, passport, and travel checks in the safe. I am worried now.

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rme3

rme3

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Am wondering, you mentioned at Sunset Beach that

 

Did the snorkel gear come with the price of admission or did your people have to rent it? How much?

 

Thanks!

:D

 

They brought their own, being intrepid scuba sorts. I don't know if Sunset has snorkles. Their website doesn"t mention it. You might e-mail them and ask, as snorkles are pretty common at this type of resort.

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nanuak

nanuak

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Posted

 

Anybody have any idea how bad a cup of coffee can smell, having been locked inside a steaming Suburban for a week in Galveston? Anybody know how to get rid of that smell?

 

You can get one of those car air-freshener's from Yankee Candle. It took the cigarette smoke smell our of my car, so I think it would work for rancid coffee smells too.

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Cadie

Cadie

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Enjoyed both reviews very much, thanks for the giggles rme3 - you are one talented writer, I could practically hear the CD's "announcements" hehe. I read somewhere "wee jimmy" will be the CD on the Conquest as of ... soon :o . I guess that means we won't have Jen for our cruise ... too bad :D

 

Gisele

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rme3

rme3

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Sorry, I haven't been paying attention to this thread! My e-mail is DMatthews33@cox.net. Our flight home was a mess because they canceled it because they canceled the first one :eek:! Ah, but we did finally get home!

 

Huh?? They cancelled your return, because they had cancelled your outbound flight? They forgot they made other arrangements? Or, did I misunderstand?

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nanuak

nanuak

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Huh?? They cancelled your return, because they had cancelled your outbound flight? They forgot they made other arrangements? Or, did I misunderstand?

 

rme3,

 

As I read your posts out loud, my husband is convinced that you must be a professional author or writer. He laughed as much as I did over your cruise synopsis. Again, thanks for such an enjoyable reenactment of your cruise.

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rme3

rme3

Posted
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rme3,

 

As I read your posts out loud, my husband is convinced that you must be a professional author or writer. He laughed as much as I did over your cruise synopsis. Again, thanks for such an enjoyable reenactment of your cruise.

 

Thank you very much, but the truth is much worse than you might think:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmYDgncMhXw

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rme3

rme3

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Electrical, but transistors were hi tech when I was in school. I am the plant engineering manager so I get to dabble in all the disciplines.

 

I know, off topic. But it does pay for the cruises.

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rme3

rme3

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Because they canceled our outbound flight, they didn't have a record of our inbound flight, so we had to spend about 30 minutes getting back on the plane. It was ridiculous!

 

Not meaning to be indelicate, but was this trip just ill-starred, or does this stuff happen to you often? You've already described about 4 or 5 trips worth of misfortunes, and we're only up to Grand Cayman.

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