Bringing non-eating children to specialty restaurants

[*Wink*]

nevermind

[Tokaybean]

[quote name='iheartbda-']42 posts later and the OP hasn't shown up again.
Could it be that he/she was scared off after asking a simple question and getting all the unsolicited advice about how the child should be eating and what to do to make him eat?:rolleyes:[/QUOTE]

Or maybe she just wanted to get onboard and start a discussion!! lol Haven't we all just taken the ball up and played with it?
What I used to do (learned from my mother) with my kids was to make food a non-issue. They had to try something but were under no obligation whatsoever to eat it if they didn't like it. In which case they would get toast and jam. My daughter has taken up the tradition but has added peanut butter to the choice. Nobody has food issues in our family and I come from a LARGE family.

[Beachbum1944]

[quote name='JaiJaiW']The 6 year old child belongs to a friend, not her. Check her other posts.[/QUOTE]

I checked all of OP's posts and where does it say that a friend's 6 year old is the same one she talks about in this post? Just wondering.:confused:

[Almagetty]

[quote name='Beachbum1944']I checked all of OP's posts and where does it say that a friend's 6 year old is the same one she talks about in this post? Just wondering.:confused:[/QUOTE]

In her post on Oct. 31 in the roll call thread for the Dec. 13 sailing of the Gem.

[mkad1109]

[quote name='JaiJaiW']My pediatrician told me with my picky eater, "She will eat eventually and she won't starve herself to death. As long as there are no major medical problems, DO NOT provide special foods, she'll learn to try things and will get by just fine". This was 18 years ago and my daughter turned out just fine.[/quote]


You know it's funny, I don't think the medical community agrees on this one! Years ago (my picky eater is now a strapping 6'2'' 16 year old!), my pediatrician said not to worry so much and to let him eat what he wants to eat, the body will take care of it on his own. I thought his entire life would consist of yogurt, cheerios and american cheese sandwiches. Well, he eventually learned to eat everything-most of it happened as he aged--at school, at friends house (Pick me up off the floor when his friends mother told me how much she enjoyed watching him eat spaghetti with her sauce, SAUCE?? he only eats it with butter! NO actually he LOVED SAUCE, just never thought to let me know!).

The OP needs to parent as she wants to parent, she sounds like a concerned parent. My mother was constantly on my husband's and my backs for enabling my son. As I said it all worked out well in the end. I followed my pediatricians advice to not create stress and it worked.

[*Wink*]

[quote name='Beachbum1944']I checked all of OP's posts and where does it say that a friend's 6 year old is the same one she talks about in this post? Just wondering.:confused:[/QUOTE]

Here you go.

[quote name='Valen9']I just booked on this cruise, and I'm bringing my friend and her 6-year-old along. This will be my second cruise and their first! While I hope to meet you all... I do hope that the ship isn't full and things aren't so crowded.

Does NCL offer any Cruise Critic get-togethers? I read that Celebrity will arrange a party if enough folks sign up in advance... does NCL do this sort of thing?

Looking forward to it and to any advice I can get![/QUOTE]

[Valen9]

[quote name='iheartbda-']42 posts later and the OP hasn't shown up again.
Could it be that he/she was scared off after asking a simple question and getting all the unsolicited advice about how the child should be eating and what to do to make him eat?:rolleyes:[/quote]

Nope! She just got busy yesterday and hasn't had a chance to post yet.

Thank you all for your great advice. He's usually quite well-behaved in restaurants, and when he's NOT he's removed from the premises. (Which will be even easier on a cruise ship.)

It's our hope that a complete change of venue will encourage him to try new stuff and that this won't be a problem... but if you don't plan for contingencies then you're just asking for trouble.

Mostly I wanted some reassurance that if he's not going to be adventurous of an evening, we could still have a delicious meal without paying a cover charge for nothing. From what I can see here, that ought to be true everywhere except the Teppanyaki place.

And for those worrying about parenting skills: he's got a number of special needs which give us some challenges. It's part physical and part emotional, so anything coercive like "eat this or starve" is nearly certain to result in real starvation. And since part of this is physical (he has some real reactions to certain smells and textures) it needs to be something we work on over time. And some of the emotional issues make it possible that leaving him alone in the Kid Center might be more harmful to him than other options.

Thank you all for your help. We really want to expose him to new things and hopefully increase the number of things he'll eat. We also don't want to ruin the dining experience of others. I actually think he'll do well in places like Cagney's where it is calm and quiet, but there's stuff to look at if he chooses. He's more likely to have a tough time with chaotic place like the buffet... though minor meltdowns in there are more likely to go unnoticed!

[Valen9]

[quote name='Tokaybean']
What I used to do (learned from my mother) with my kids was to make food a non-issue. They had to try something but were under no obligation whatsoever to eat it if they didn't like it. In which case they would get toast and jam. My daughter has taken up the tradition but has added peanut butter to the choice. Nobody has food issues in our family and I come from a LARGE family.[/quote]

This is the general philosophy that my friend uses with him. Which means that nobody is certain what his eating situation is going to be until we all get there. We're definitely planning to offer tastes from our plates. And frankly, if he agrees to get his own plate of the entree, we'll be happy to pay the cover!

[mkad1109]

[quote name='Valen9']Nope! She just got busy yesterday and hasn't had a chance to post yet.

Thank you all for your great advice. He's usually quite well-behaved in restaurants, and when he's NOT he's removed from the premises. (Which will be even easier on a cruise ship.)

It's our hope that a complete change of venue will encourage him to try new stuff and that this won't be a problem... but if you don't plan for contingencies then you're just asking for trouble.

Mostly I wanted some reassurance that if he's not going to be adventurous of an evening, we could still have a delicious meal without paying a cover charge for nothing. From what I can see here, that ought to be true everywhere except the Teppanyaki place.

And for those worrying about parenting skills: he's got a number of special needs which give us some challenges. It's part physical and part emotional, so anything coercive like "eat this or starve" is nearly certain to result in real starvation. And since part of this is physical (he has some real reactions to certain smells and textures) it needs to be something we work on over time. And some of the emotional issues make it possible that leaving him alone in the Kid Center might be more harmful to him than other options.

Thank you all for your help. We really want to expose him to new things and hopefully increase the number of things he'll eat. We also don't want to ruin the dining experience of others. I actually think he'll do well in places like Cagney's where it is calm and quiet, but there's stuff to look at if he chooses. He's more likely to have a tough time with chaotic place like the buffet... though minor meltdowns in there are more likely to go unnoticed![/quote]


What's nice about Cagney's too is that you can ask for one of the "out of the way" tables so you can worry even less! I mean that nicely-I am a huge kids rights proponent having 4 of my own! Sometimes it was easier when they were little to ask for a table that wasn't in the main stream so if I DID have to take them out I could gain a modicum amount of control in private before doing so. Thank God it only happened twice and both with my youngest!

Le Bistro didn't seem to have those kinds of tables from what I remember on the Spirit and the Jewel.....

[Valen9]

[quote name='Almagetty']In her post on Oct. 31 in the roll call thread for the Dec. 13 sailing of the Gem.[/quote]

You guys are GOOD! Yes, this is [I]not [/I]my 6-year-old. I think my friend (his legal guardian) is doing an awesome job with him. One thing we're hoping will happen is that this will be a week where he is guaranteed [B]not [/B]to come in contact with his crazy parents, which will help him in a number of ways.

Best case scenario is if he decides to try lots of stuff, makes friends in the Kid Center and is willing to be there without us for periods of time. I'm trying to gather information so that we know what our options are in most contingencies.

I also want to hit a specialty restaurant the very first night (hopefully at half price), but I'm pretty sure that any "cruise effects" won't have had time to work yet. So I'm pretty sure we'll have at least one mealtime where he's not yet ready to try new foods but we will want to.

[*Wink*]

Valen ~ Thank you for your graciousness. I'm pretty sure I would not have been such after all the judgmental posts. Your friend is lucky to have you in their life, and so is that little boy. I hope you three have a really wonderful cruise. Please let us know how it went when you return.

[Valen9]

[quote name='mkad1109']What's nice about Cagney's too is that you can ask for one of the "out of the way" tables so you can worry even less! I mean that nicely-I am a huge kids rights proponent having 4 of my own! Sometimes it was easier when they were little to ask for a table that wasn't in the main stream so if I DID have to take them out I could gain a modicum amount of control in private before doing so. Thank God it only happened twice and both with my youngest!

Le Bistro didn't seem to have those kinds of tables from what I remember on the Spirit and the Jewel.....[/quote]

That's a really good idea. My current goal is to do Cagney's on embarkation day and I will ask them for a table out of the main flow, so we have a little buffer.

[Luckyroot]

I'm glad the OP could come back and ignore the rude posts and get the answers she was seeking.

To those who talked about enabling.......

I enabled my son by feeding him only the foods he would eat (a VERY limited menu), and today he's 6' 3" weighs about 200 lbs and his favorite cuisine is indian food (the hotter the better!).

As others have mentioned, stick to the topic and leave parenting to the parents.

[weltek]

Just to be clear, the peanut butter is really for you, right? You know your kid won't starve. You are bringing it to keep YOUR santity and avoid the argument. I have three picky nephews and that's exactly what it's about. When I babysit, I cave to keep my own sanity. I'll admit that. :-)

[bean24]

[quote name='pengu1n']As you didn't go into your background, hopefully people will overlook your incorrect advice. I am a speech pathologist who works with children with developmental delays, such as autism and down syndrome, and I have specialized training in feeding disorders. It is a myth that a child will not starve themselves to death. It scares me when I hear people talking about this. There are children who have starved to death and others who have had to have feeding tubes because they have not learned to eat.

While at this point, we're off-track from the info the OP requested, I just want to let some of you know, as you criticize this mother for what she allows her child to eat, you don't know the circumstances involved. If you have a child who only eats 3 foods & you mess with one of them, you may get a child who then only eats 2 foods. Maybe you've never seen a child who wants to eat the same cheese puffs his friends are eating, but the smell of them makes him gag everytime he gets it close to his mouth. Or kids like my co-worker's very typical 3 & 5 year olds who had reflux so bad that it somehow interferred with their ability to feel hunger (they will sit at the table & eat a wide variety of foods, but have to reminded to keep taking bites as they would just sit there without eating.)

If you have a child who eats a wide variety of foods from all the food groups, but just doesn't like, say, broccoli, yes you could probably force that child to try it and maybe one day they might like it. Are you going to do permanent damage? Probably not. But this method is not going to work for a child who only eats a handful of different foods. If you have a child who is very picky, you need to talk to your pediatrician or a dietitian and determine a course of action.

"stomp, stomp" (That's me, getting off my soapbox.:o) No offense meant garycarla or anyone else, just want to prevent any children being harmed through mis-advice.[/quote]

Thank you for posting this, I was going to post about the same thing. I used to feel the same way, but my knowledge has changed. My niece had really bad lead poisoning and as a result her sense of taste was severely affected. My sister and B-I-L were told by one [B]doctor [/B]tell her if she doesn't eat something else she will not get anything to eat. She went 3 days without eating and wound up in the hospital. When they changed doctors for obvious reasons, the new dr explained it is a physiological thing and how to make sure she gets the nutrients she needs. You should see the looks we get when we take out baked potato chips at all different restaurants for an 8 year old. Only you know what the situation is and no one should judge what another lets their kids eat.

Now I am off my soapbox.

[*Wink*]

[quote name='weltek']Just to be clear, the peanut butter is really for you, right? You know your kid won't starve. You are bringing it to keep YOUR santity and avoid the argument. I have three picky nephews and that's exactly what it's about. When I babysit, I cave to keep my own sanity. I'll admit that. :-)[/QUOTE]
Wow... I can't imagine jumping to such a conclusion as you have. It sickens me to know there are people out there that feel like you do.
Did you read the entire thread? There are at least 3 posts stating that some children will starve themselves. The child in this case has special needs. Did you miss that part?

[98Charlie]

Valen, I echo AWinkler's sentiments and wish the three of you a great cruise. Sounds to me you came here for advice, weathered the storm of rude, uneducated comments, and seem to have a great plan in hand as you face this cruise.

To paraphrase Luckyroot, stick to the topic and don't second guess those that know the situation.

Have a great cruise.

Dianne

[98Charlie]

[quote name='Luckyroot']I'm glad the OP could come back and ignore the rude posts and get the answers she was seeking.

To those who talked about enabling.......

I enabled my son by feeding him only the foods he would eat (a VERY limited menu), and today he's 6' 3" weighs about 200 lbs and his favorite cuisine is indian food (the hotter the better!).

As others have mentioned, stick to the topic and leave parenting to the parents.[/QUOTE]


Ruth, great to ``see'' you again. :)

Gwynn & I met up with Lois R for the first time in Seattle in Sept. Had dinner together and shared some good times on the Amtrak train to Vancouver.

Dianne

[terrymtex01]

[quote name='CanadianTwosome']This came up on the family board a while ago, and a really good point was made. Kids can be picky. Some kids can be pickier than others. Is a VACATION really the best place to start getting tough about it?

Personally, I think vacations are the times when kids can maybe have a few less restrictions, eat food because it's yummy instead of healthy, and HAVE FUN. Depriving a child of their favourite food in order to make a point isn't going to make anyone's vacation better.

Take the peanut butter. Better safe than sorry! You may be surprised, though. My daughter - who is a pretty good eater but still has her finicky moments - tries EVERYTHING when she's on a cruise. It's her mission, in fact!! ha ha ha My advice would be to make the peanut butter sandwich, but keep it hidden until he's had a chance to turn down everything else. The kid's menu is pretty generic and it's included everywhere on the ship. I believe that on some ships, the specialty menu is available in kid's portions, but the regular kid's menu should still be included. I agree about Teppanyaki, though. With their limited capacity, they may charge per seat as opposed to per meal. :)[/quote]



I agree totally. As an Uncle who openly spoiled his niece and nephews and now spoils their children, I think kids need a break from the pressure they are under. Yes I believe adults are not the only ones who feel pressure. And I think a vacation should be just that. For the children and the parents. I do think there are lessons to be learned by children while on vacation.. ie. to be exposed to other cultures and lifestyles, etc. But to try to change a core issue with a child while on vacation, I just can not see how that is good for anyone.

What is funny is.. those nieces and nephews that I spoiled now have a different slant on it when it comes to Uncle Terry spoiling their children. I still love the day when my niece (who is my favorite, can't help it), came up to Uncle Terry and told Uncle Terry he was not to give candy to her two boys and little girl because it made them "hyper", etc. and then was harder for her to deal with. I reminded her of when she was a little girl and how Uncle Terry ALWAYS gave her candy when she wanted it and bought her whatever toy she wanted and I would do the same for her children.. LOL..I told her it was time to pay the piper..LOL.. She smiled and hasn't said a word about it to me since. I must have done something right with them as my niece would not seriously date a guy until Uncle Terry had met him and approved.. LOL.

To the OP.. I am VERY sure people on here meant well and was not trying to highjack your thread by giving advise. You know what is best for your children and it is ok if people want to share their experiences, etc. But bottom line, you know what is best for your son. I hope you guys have a great cruise and have a memory to last a lifetime.

[Valen9]

[quote name='weltek']Just to be clear, the peanut butter is really for you, right? You know your kid won't starve. You are bringing it to keep YOUR santity and avoid the argument. I have three picky nephews and that's exactly what it's about. When I babysit, I cave to keep my own sanity. I'll admit that. :-)[/quote]

Not exactly. We want to be sure that in the worst case, he'll be getting enough of a balanced diet to stay healthy. He's picky about the peanut butter but not so much about the bread, so if we bring along a jar of it then we're sure we've got a protein that he'll eat. Many of his 'guarantee' foods are from Trader Joe's so we can't be certain we can obtain them en route.

My friend also gives him Ovaltine regularly, just to take care of any nutrients he might not be getting. We just call it chocolate milk... and we'll have a jar of that as well since I'm pretty sure I didn't see it on the menu on the Jewel. Between these two, we can be sure that he'll be reasonably well-fed even if he shuts down and won't try anything new.

I hate to make him sound more dysfunctional than he is! He'll eat pasta and very plain hot dogs and a lot of different kinds of fruit, and I do admit I'm probably over-worrying this a little. I just do know that [B]any [/B]approach where you try to force him into anything will just result in resistance. And I know that if he has something the he knows will be familiar, he can relax and maybe try more new stuff.

Of course, he'd probably be happy with a diet of M&M's, but nobody wants to peel him off the walls after THAT!

[98Charlie]

Valen9, I can understand why Ovaltine is important to the child. Ovaltine has its own unique flavor that can't be duplicated by any substitute. I grew of on Ovaltine and still love it to this day. It's filled with extra nutrients.

Happy to hear that there are still kids out there that love the flavor of Ovaltine.

Dianne

[CruisnGram]

Valen9,

First, I want to commend you on how gracious you are after reading some of these posts. I would have come back on raging most likely! :D

Second, it sounds like you definitely have a plan down that will work for all of you regarding this little guys food issues. Have a wonderful trip!

CG

[gsc500]

[quote name='Valen9']Not exactly. We want to be sure that in the worst case, he'll be getting enough of a balanced diet to stay healthy. He's picky about the peanut butter but not so much about the bread, so if we bring along a jar of it then we're sure we've got a protein that he'll eat. Many of his 'guarantee' foods are from Trader Joe's so we can't be certain we can obtain them en route.

My friend also gives him Ovaltine regularly, just to take care of any nutrients he might not be getting. We just call it chocolate milk... and we'll have a jar of that as well since I'm pretty sure I didn't see it on the menu on the Jewel. Between these two, we can be sure that he'll be reasonably well-fed even if he shuts down and won't try anything new.

I hate to make him sound more dysfunctional than he is! He'll eat pasta and very plain hot dogs and a lot of different kinds of fruit, and I do admit I'm probably over-worrying this a little. I just do know that [B]any [/B]approach where you try to force him into anything will just result in resistance. And I know that if he has something the he knows will be familiar, he can relax and maybe try more new stuff.

Of course, he'd probably be happy with a diet of M&M's, but nobody wants to peel him off the walls after THAT![/QUOTE]


I hope you all have a WONDERFUL cruise!!

Sounds like you are hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. The better prepared you are, the less likely you are to need the preparation. :D I wish for you all the best happening on your cruise.

[garycarla]

[I][SIZE=3][COLOR=Navy][B]Thanks to the OP for coming back and so nicely informing us of the situation. Well done and enjoy your cruise![/B] [/COLOR][/SIZE][/I]

Yes, there are children that have real "issues" that need to be dealt with. There are also way more children that have issues that are caused by their parents.

For example, I know of a family of three elementary children that go to daycare,usually only after school. But on those days when the kids are there all day, one of parents come at noon and take the kids out to the car to feed them "comfort food" because all three kids will not eat the same food that the other 50 kids are eating. One day, the daycare had pizza, but Dad brought Dominoes pizza instead.

[mkad1109]

[quote name='garycarla'][I][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy][B]Thanks to the OP for coming back and so nicely informing us of the situation. Well done and enjoy your cruise![/B] [/COLOR][/SIZE][/I]

Yes, there are children that have real "issues" that need to be dealt with. There are also way more children that have issues that are caused by their parents.

For example, I know of a family of three elementary children that go to daycare,usually only after school. But on those days when the kids are there all day, one of parents come at noon and take the kids out to the car to feed them "comfort food" because all three kids will not eat the same food that the other 50 kids are eating. One day, the daycare had pizza, but Dad brought Dominoes pizza instead.[/quote]

I am sorry to go off topic, and I don't mean to offend, but so what? I used to bring my children up lunch sometimes too and just Monday brought my 14 year old daughter Subway because she wanted it. If my kids wanted something everyday and I could do it without an excess cost of money and time I would. Why do you insist on being so judgmental as to what people do with their children. I forget the saying but it goes something like "Pride cometh before the fall". I do the best I can with my children, assume parental love is really more important than any specific child rearing practices and am very careful NOT to judge others who may do things differently. I truly hope if you have children they are happy and well adjusted, and then good for you. But please stop assuming you have found the recipe for child rearing. There is none!