Misbehaving Children

[sapper1]

Gottcha - next time I see a child running barefoot through the dining room, by our table where a glass was just shattered, I won't say a thing to the child, on the off chance he/she is one of yours. :eek:

That made me think of the time a few years ago when we were on an observation deck by the Grand Canyon. We were standing at the railing taking in the view when a boy of about eight ran down the stairs ahead of his parents, rushed over to the rail beside me, grabbed it and used it to help himself jump way up into the air. Without even thinking, I instinctively grabbed him by the shoulders and safely pushed him down. At that time, with my heart still in my throat, I turned to the mother and apologized for grabbing her son and told her he had scared me to death. The mother just gave me a withering look and took her son away. I guess she didn't like people speaking to her son even if he was in danger and too far away for her to grab onto.

[jhannah]

I guess she didn't like people speaking to her son even if he was in danger and too far away for her to grab onto.

And you can bet your sweet pattotie that if the unthinkable had happened to the kid, she would have found an attorney and sued you for negligence in not doing something to protect him. :rolleyes:

[sapper1]

And you can bet your sweet pattotie that if the unthinkable had happened to the kid, she would have found an attorney and sued you for negligence in not doing something to protect him. :rolleyes:

I never thought of that but you are quite right----unfortunately. :(

[the4ofusandallourfriends]

supercutie says:

 

so if you decide to talk to a child then you are taking the risk they have parents like me, that think it is extremely rude for you to be talking to them. Your an adult, you don't have an excuse for your behavior, being stranger talking to a child.

 

the4ofusandallourfriends says:

 

Also, Talk to my child...ask them questions about school and stuff. Interact with them. They won't bite.

 

Vince

 

The difference is that I am there sitting or standing nearby. I honestly don't think most people mind.

 

I also don't have a problem with someone saying something to my child, respectfully, if my child is doing something truly bad. I don't see why this is extremely rude. All children need reminders sometimes. I would prefer someone say something...like "Hey buddy....could you..." rather than get dirty looks and judgement from someone just because I have kids with me.

 

Again...I still don't understand where all the "bad" children are? I've seen drunk people (even though I avoid party cruiselines)some acting belligerent...but I've yet to see an out of control child on a cruise.

 

It seems like one person will come on with a bad experience that might have/might not have impacted their vacation and then everyone will jump on the bandwagon with experiences that are merely them observing spoiled ill mannered kids, or situations where a child might have gotten a rebuke or reminder from the parent but the poster didn't see that part played out.

 

The more people pigeon hole kids into thinking that they only belong on Disney and waterslide cruises, the less kids will be able to adapt to more formal settings and interact with older ones.

[supercutie]

Oh come on. You can't be serious! They don't know they are being rude. I don't think you are giving your child much credit then.

 

If the child knows what they are doing is rude, and they still continue to do it, they obviously don't care they are being rude, and you saying something to them isn't going to make a difference. It also depends on the age of the child, i think a child in a pool splashing someone in the face probably thinks they are playing a game. Children are smart, but they don't have the same judgment as adults, if they did then they wouldn't need parents at all. I think it should be obvious that politeness is something that is learned, all of you with polite children probably taught your children to be that way, like you should. I think it would be rare to find a child that was never taught manners but had them, I said rare, I'm sure there an exception.

[kruznkanuk]

I have read this thread in silence but feel inclined to add my 2 cents to the $4.65 already here!

Our DD has traveled with us on many a cruise, and we prefer HAL and Celebrity. We have never done Disney cruises (though loved our 5 or 6 times at Disneyland and Disney World) or Carnival--they simply don't appeal to us.

We are OLD parents. Nearly ANCIENT. And yes, we thoroughly enjoy sitting in the snow watching soccer games at the age of 55 or 62. One should not assume that older parents are older by choice. Sometimes you are blessed with children when you are young--or even too young-- and sometimes later. Lots of old parents are good ones. They have had their fun and have more patience and perspective about what is important in life. Some young parents are great, too, but some are still in the 'me first' stage of life or are so anxious to get away from their kids for a vacation that you won't see them travelling as a family on any cruise line.

 

For us, vacations are the time when we get uninterrupted, minimal deadline time with our child and we cherish that. She loved Club HAL or whatever, but we are always delighted to share her company. We both work and there is no way we would give up time with her when we travel.

As far as conflicting messages from parents, and whether you direct comments/requests at the child or the parent, I think the age and maturity of the child is the key.

There is little point talking directly to an out-of-control 3-year old. However, talking directly to a child of 10 or 12 in a respectful way, similar to what you would say to an adult (excuse me, but would you mind taking your cell phone calls more quietly? I would really appreciate that.... excuse me, but I don't believe cigars are allowed on this deck and your smoke is bothering me a lot... ) is a positive thing and helps children see people around them as real people with feelings.

Perhaps I am from a safer culture than supercutie, but I think it is really sad if a parent forbids their child from talking to other people. If a child is too young to be able to identify a threat and be safe, they should not be alone. If they are old enough to be alone, they should be able to speak to another human being in a public place. If children are taught that a person who says 'hello' or anything else is a terrible threat, society will be reduced to a collection of isolated self-serving individuals. And then the parents wonder why their teen is a loner and isolated... :confused:

Ooops... that was at least 5 cents worth.

[supercutie]

supercutie says:

 

so if you decide to talk to a child then you are taking the risk they have parents like me, that think it is extremely rude for you to be talking to them. Your an adult, you don't have an excuse for your behavior, being stranger talking to a child.

 

the4ofusandallourfriends says:

 

Also, Talk to my child...ask them questions about school and stuff. Interact with them. They won't bite.

 

 

How in the world would we know which parent we are dealing with if we see an absolutely out of control child? Here are two diametrically opposed views on dealing with children who are strangers.

 

I have no problem with children who are being children and are being annoying, but I do have a problem with parents who don't control their children who are out of control and don't attempt to correct the out of control behavior.

 

Now both of the posters above are obviously not the kind of parents that let their child create havoc in social situations, but unfortunately there are those the OP talked about who don't have a clue and could care less about others and therefore allow their child to create a less than enjoyable atmosphere. The problem and the solution is: Children learn by example, most often the example taught by their parents.

 

Believe me, if no parent is around (or seems not to be around), I will say something to the child to try and stop the behavior. If the parent then comes to me and tells me I am being rude to talk to their child then they will get an earful about their parenting skills loud enough for everyone to hear. They have NO EXCUSE either.

 

Vince

 

If there is no parent around, you run the risk. I'm talking from my experience with well behaved children. I have been in situations where someone told my child what to do in a situation where i don't think my child was being rude. One example, is my child had just gotten on a swing in a park, and a couple minute later another parent told my child they need to learn to share and to get off so that their child can have a turn. My opinion is my child was on the swing first, and that child can wait until my child was done. I told my child to stay on the swing and ignore the lady, especially because of the rude way she talked to him, I've been in a museum watching short video that had limited seating, and someone told my child it was rude to be sitting when there were adults that have to stand. My personal opinion is that the child is young, and had been standing all day. If someone was pregnant or had a cane or a similar situation, i would have had my child get up. If my child hadn't been around they would have heard it from me.

 

If the parents really don't care that their child is behaving that way, you need to complain to the staff. If the staff get enough complaints they will have no choice but to deal with the situation. Going around the parents and telling the children how to behave is most likely going to just make the situation worse.

 

I'm not defending that the child should be behaving that way. I don't defend that the parents who let their children behave badly. But i do defend their right to choose to parent their children the way they see is acceptable, and I understand why they would tell someone off for correcting their child. The cruise line makes the rules, and it is their place to enforce them, not yours. If they aren't breaking a "rule" then its really nobody but the parents place to say anything, they have the right to be rude just like you have the right to be polite.

 

sapper1, I don't know the situation, I'm sure the mother must have seen it differently then you did and has a side of the story too, but you shouldn't worry about it, because you helped the child not the parent and you should feel good about that.

 

Mary Ellen, One thing, not telling the kid about the glass would be punishing the kid not me, but my children wouldn't be running around the dining room without shoes, so feel safe in that situation knowing you wouldn't be helping me any.

Not wanting someone to parent your child does not make you a bad parent.

[supercutie]

 

There is little point talking directly to an out-of-control 3-year old. However, talking directly to a child of 10 or 12 in a respectful way, similar to what you would say to an adult (excuse me, but would you mind taking your cell phone calls more quietly? I would really appreciate that.... excuse me, but I don't believe cigars are allowed on this deck and your smoke is bothering me a lot... ) is a positive thing and helps children see people around them as real people with feelings.

Perhaps I am from a safer culture than supercutie, but I think it is really sad if a parent forbids their child from talking to other people. If a child is too young to be able to identify a threat and be safe, they should not be alone. If they are old enough to be alone, they should be able to speak to another human being in a public place. If children are taught that a person who says 'hello' or anything else is a terrible threat, society will be reduced to a collection of isolated self-serving individuals. And then the parents wonder why their teen is a loner and isolated... :confused:

Ooops... that was at least 5 cents worth.

 

I don't think kids will become loners because they weren't allowed to talk to adults they don't know when they were young. They talk to people that aren't strangers to them. Saying hello is one thing, but approaching a child to discuss their behavior is a whole different issue. Its really sad, but there are a lot of creepy people, and children don't have the best judgment of what is safe and what is isn't.

Older children, like a 12 year old that is talking on the phone loudly is a different situation. If you politely ask them to speak quietly, then I don't see a problem with that. If it is a three year old, then their parents should be around, and if they aren't around then the situation is finding the parents, not worrying about how the child is behaving. There shouldn't be a situation where a young child is alone, so there should always be a parent you can talk to first, if there isn't find the parent of the lost child.

[AlohaPride]

I do think HAL is a "kid friendly" line. When I was a kid and my parents would take me on vacation there were only a few things I needed to have fun - a pool, free choice of what food I wanted to eat, COLD A/C in the room, movies/tv, and MAYBE an arcade if there wasn't a pool. HAL has all of these things for kids and more! If my parents had taken my three sisters and me on a HAL cruise we would have had a BLAST!

 

Then again, my grandmother used to say, "Only stupid people get bored because they aren't smart enough to think of things to do with themselves." My sisters and I never wanted to be "stupid" so we ALWAYS found SOMETHING to do - games, reading, swimming, walking around, exploring, talking to new and interesting people. . . the list goes on. We were raised with manners, and my children will be raised with those same manners. So please, don't include US in the generalization that kids behave badly on HAL. :)

[AlohaPride]

If it is a three year old, then their parents should be around, and if they aren't around then the situation is finding the parents, not worrying about how the child is behaving. There shouldn't be a situation where a young child is alone, so there should always be a parent you can talk to first, if there isn't find the parent of the lost child.

 

If I were to ever see a young child alone, I would immediately get a crew member to page their parents for their lost child.

[babyher]

I do think HAL is a "kid friendly" line. When I was a kid and my parents would take me on vacation there were only a few things I needed to have fun - a pool, free choice of what food I wanted to eat, COLD A/C in the room, movies/tv, and MAYBE an arcade if there wasn't a pool. HAL has all of these things for kids and more! If my parents had taken my three sisters and me on a HAL cruise we would have had a BLAST!

 

Then again, my grandmother used to say, "Only stupid people get bored because they aren't smart enough to think of things to do with themselves." My sisters and I never wanted to be "stupid" so we ALWAYS found SOMETHING to do - games, reading, swimming, walking around, exploring, talking to new and interesting people. . . the list goes on. We were raised with manners, and my children will be raised with those same manners. So please, don't include US in the generalization that kids behave badly on HAL. :)

 

Mary, I was the same way as a kid . My parents took us everywhere as kids, mostly car trips from Maine to Florida and all points in between, and 2 big trips to Disney World. We stayed in a million hotels and Motels and like you, as long as they had a pool, I was a happy. (they didn't have video games when I was really young *LOL*)

 

I don't know what they recommend now, but when we had my DS soon to be 21. The doctor said "Make the baby adapt to your lifestyle" Of course tyeh child has certain needs that have to be taken in account. But if you like to hike, take him/her along, If you like swimming, take the child with you and get them started early.

 

I know people who the house is like a morgue by 6pm because the lights wake the baby up, the slightest sound wakes the baby up.

 

I am not saying have flood lights balreing and cranking up Heavy metal all night. But let the child get used to the sound of a TV in the other room, or a light on (or off) a baby is more adaptable than the parents than you think.

 

When you start right from the cradle as my mom says. It makes it a lot easier.

 

Just wanted to say , your little girl is adorable. :) I can still remember mine at that age . they were a handful, but they were a joy. And best of luck on the new baby :)

 

Enjoy them at this age , they really do grow up too fast. then they think they know everything and you want to kill 'em *LOL* :)

[AlohaPride]

Enjoy them at this age , they really do grow up too fast. then they think they know everything and you want to kill 'em *LOL* :)

 

Thank you so much for your post! That's exactly how we are trying to raise Hannah.

 

Are you telling me that the "think they know everything" stuff is supposed to come later? I don't think Hannah GOT that memo. She's REALLY independent. Sometimes it bothers me, but she's GOT to learn!

[babyher]

Thank you so much for your post! That's exactly how we are trying to raise Hannah.

 

Are you telling me that the "think they know everything" stuff is supposed to come later? I don't think Hannah GOT that memo. She's REALLY independent. Sometimes it bothers me, but she's GOT to learn!

 

*LOL*

 

Well right now you are probably going through the" NO NO NO" "I don't wanna " stage :(

 

Wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *LOL* It'll be come the "You don't know what you are talking about" "How do you know , You weren't there" stage *LOL*

[AlohaPride]

*LOL*

 

Well right now you are probably going through the" NO NO NO" "I don't wanna " stage :(

 

Wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *LOL* It'll be come the "You don't know what you are talking about" "How do you know , You weren't there" stage *LOL*

 

You are SO right! She hasn't given me "kisses" in four days because she doesn't wanna. lol

[GPoll189]

Rita ~ I am sorry that I have to disagree with you about what you think about HAL as not a Kid friendly line. However, I have to agree with AlohaPride when she states that HAL is kid friendly.

 

Take it from me, I started sailing with HAL on February 16, 1985, I was only 5 years old when I went on the Noordam. Since then I have over 145 days aboard HAL ships with over 15 cruises. Back then there was a very small youth program made up of passengers (usually teachers) who would take care of us young ones for repayment of their cruise fare. But as the years went on the youth program on HAL has gotten better and better to where it is now.

 

But this is not what we are talking about. What we are talking about is misbehaving children and when people say HAL is not kid friendly is looking at other cruise lines that have they water slides, skating rinks, rock climbing walls, etc. You look at these lines and they market themselves to the young crowd however, I would say that they do get this market but they get the parents and children who don't care what happens and let their children run around. I can say that if I went on one of these other lines I would use these venues but I would always return to my home on the seas - HAL.

 

If you gave me a chance to pick what line I would could go on as a child, each evenly priced and having what they have now I would always choose HAL. As Aholapride says, it is what you make of the cruise. With all of the things that other lines have over HAL people get bored with them. Don't disagree with me, how many times can you climb a wall, how many times can you skate on a ship, I can do that at an ice ring at home why go on a cruise for that. I go on a cruise to learn about the world around me, to explore and broaden my horizans. I did this when I was a child and plan on doing the same when I have kids of my own. Will I exlpore other lines like my parents have done over the years with me, sure, but will I come back home, always. Home is HAL and it will be for me. They can change but if all of you want them to survive they have to and this can be discussed at another post, I am sure I will get a discussion about that in the future. You know my Rants. LOL

 

Now about misbehaving children. This is caused by the parents leading examples for their children. Everything starts at home. It doesn't start on a cruise it starts long before. I have seen this when I was a teacher. Parents that care and lead good examples have well behaved children. Example me, always waited on line on the Lido, never cut, when I could open those heavy doors I would. However, you see the children who cut and look at those parents and they are the ones that are raising their voices at other passengers about seating problems (ie, lounge chairs) It is not the kids fault or the lines fault. They can only give each other what they can. But parents are the ones that wear off on their children and like what people say you are what your parents are. You learn those behaviors and it carries on to the younger generations.

 

Geoffrey

[kryos]

Rita ~ I am sorry that I have to disagree with you about what you think about HAL as not a Kid friendly line. However, I have to agree with AlohaPride when she states that HAL is kid friendly.

I hear what you are all saying about your vacations as kids and how it didn't take much to keep you happy. I was the same way ... but then, they didn't have all of the options when we were kids that you have today.

 

I'm not saying that HAL is not a "kid friendly" line in and of itself. Yes, they have a children's program, pools, etc. ... and in our day, we would have been in heaven. All I am saying is that HAL does not have anywhere near the variety of kid-friendly options that many of the other lines do, and given a generally equal price, I think most parents would be better off taking the kids on one of those lines than on HAL. There is simply much more for the kids to do there than they have available to them on HAL.

 

Of course, there will be some children that are exceptions and will actually prefer the HAL experience. But I think the vast majority would prefer having all the "physical" diversions that are available on some of those other ships. I know when I was a child, I would have.

 

Also, you have different kinds of parents, and this plays into the selection of a ship for a school vacation cruise. Sometimes the parents want to be able to relax and have a lot of "me time" while on vacation. To a certain extent, there is nothing wrong with this. But, when you take your active kid on a HAL cruise where the kid isn't gonna have that much to occupy him, then you as a parent are going to have to be willing to do a lot more "parenting" on that HAL cruise. You're gonna have to be willing to include the kids in just about all your activities. You're gonna have to be willing to forego some things in order to spend time together as a family. In other words, instead of having those leisurely few drinks in a lounge or bar after dinner, you might have to sit in the Explorations Cafe with the kids playing a board or card game instead. Maybe you'll have to go back to the room with them and watch DVDs. Otherwise, what will the kids do after dinner?

 

That's the only assertion I am making as regards kids and HAL. When we were young, these things wouldn't have been an issue because no other ship would have had the diversions that some of the cruise lines have. You and I would have been absolutely thrilled to be on a HAL ship because the whole idea of being on a ship would have been a thrill. Give us a pool and a "mock tail" and we would have been in heaven.

 

I'm just saying here that a lot of parents choose HAL for their family cruise over Christmas break because the parents want to sail HAL. They do not take into consideration the needs of their kids. They will get on the ship and then immediately go off to do their thing and it won't take too long for the kids to become bored. Put together several dozen families like this, where the kids are being shuttled off to the kids program and then left on the own in the other hours, and you have the recipe for disaster. Those kids will find things to do because kids are creative. If the parents are not parenting properly, then those kids are likely to get into mischief in short order on a HAL cruise, where they likely would be fine on one of the other, more "kid friendly" lines.

 

That's just my opinion, but I certainly respect yours.

 

Blue skies ...

 

--rita

[Robin7]

I'm not saying that HAL is not a "kid friendly" line in and of itself. Yes, they have a children's program, pools, etc. ... and in our day, we would have been in heaven. All I am saying is that HAL does not have anywhere near the variety of kid-friendly options that many of the other lines do, and given a generally equal price, I think most parents would be better off taking the kids on one of those lines than on HAL. There is simply much more for the kids to do there than they have available to them on HAL.

 

 

Wow, Rita, very well said! I know some children would enjoy the HAL experience. I know mine would not. We take our kids on three or four trips a year--camping, hiking, boating, waterskiing--all very active vacations. We are also HUGE gamers. So when we're not out getting sunburned, we're playing games like Killer Bunnies, Settlers of Catan, Agricola, Ticket to Ride (and too many others to name).

 

Our cruises heretofore have been parents only (Mom's time off!). When we take them on their first cruise, we will not be going on HAL or Princess. We will be on a line with more active things to do. Other parents may make other choices. I think it boils down to knowing your children and doing what is best for them. If that's HAL, great. In my own case, it's definitely not HAL. (But, boy, am I looking forward to using the future cruise credits we bought in November!)

 

Robin

[ekerr19]

The "unruly children" question comes up here, often especially after holiday/spring break cruises.

 

I also think the term "unruly" is very subjective.

 

I am not onboard with it being okay to discipline or interfere with anyone else's children. I think that is more rude than the behavior that prompts it. I really hate to see fellow passengers yelling or speaking sharply to someone else's children - regardless of what the child has done.

 

I don't condone misbehavior, but also don't feel it is anywhere close to being my place to call someone on it unless it is something that could be or potentially be harmful to the child and to others.

 

I've witnessed behavior by adults that would be unacceptable to me as a parent and far less than I would expect from my teens, so in my mind the street runs two ways.

 

A word to parents - supervise your kids onboard. It's not a free for all and the staff are not your babysitters. Yes, I know it's your vacation too - and even if you'd rather be in the slot tournament or at the spa, they ARE your children and your responsibility. It's as simple as that.

 

We did it, you can too. :)

[babyher]

Not that I claim I was super parent , but I was just always so aware of what my kids were getting into and running to.

 

Too many years as an EMT and saw too many cases where in one second bad bad stuff can happen.

 

I have had way too many parents screaming crying, begging , praying tell me "I just went into the other room for a second" "she just wanted to go downstairs to do this or that"

[notree]

I have been ran down and run over by people in motorized chairs more than by kids.

[babyher]

I have been ran down and run over by people in motorized chairs more than by kids.

 

 

 

I have been on a few of those calls too *LOL*

[AlohaPride]

 

Too many years as an EMT and saw too many cases where in one second bad bad stuff can happen.

 

 

I think this is what happened to me. I never let Hannah out of my sight unless Keaka (or another adult/young adult I trust completely) is there. Maybe its because I was a lifeguard since I was 14 through college. I don't know.

 

I think this all boils down to the massive difference in parenting styles. When we decided to have children, we realized that never again will we have just "me/we" time. Even when they are grown! :eek: :cool:

 

I suppose it is possible to parent a different way, where you are able to disconnect from your kids for a cruise. I could never just leave my children with my parents or sisters while I went on a cruise. I chose to have them, they are my responsibility, and even IF I did leave them behind there would be no way to enjoy the trip due to all the worrying about how they are (even IF I knew they were alright. lol) ;)

[ekerr19]

A few days ago, DH had a craving for a HAL burger & fries in the Lido pool area, and we managed to grab a table right by the hot tubs.

 

There were two young girls sitting next to us, about 7-8 years old. Both had plates piled high with french fries. They were giggling and laughing and having a great time. The more they laughed, the sillier they got and their antics started to include flinging french fries at each other. More and more fries started to fly - onto the deck, which was wet and all over. I know they didn't mean any harm - were simply having fun and didn't realize they'd gotten so carried away.

 

I looked over and said nicely to them, "I know you guys would feel really bad if someone slipped and fell on one of those wet french fries, wouldn't you?" and you could just see the light go on - and both were like "oh my gosh!" and they went around and picked them all up and wiped down their mess. I was very impressed and told them so - they giggled and ran off. :)

[RuthC]

A few days ago, DH had a craving for a HAL burger & fries in the Lido pool area, and we managed to grab a table right by the hot tubs.

 

There were two young girls sitting next to us, about 7-8 years old. Both had plates piled high with french fries. They were giggling and laughing and having a great time. The more they laughed, the sillier they got and their antics started to include flinging french fries at each other. More and more fries started to fly - onto the deck, which was wet and all over. I know they didn't mean any harm - were simply having fun and didn't realize they'd gotten so carried away.

 

I looked over and said nicely to them, "I know you guys would feel really bad if someone slipped and fell on one of those wet french fries, wouldn't you?" and you could just see the light go on - and both were like "oh my gosh!" and they went around and picked them all up and wiped down their mess. I was very impressed and told them so - they giggled and ran off. :)

And speaking to them was the right thing to do. Yet others on this thread would find fault that you had dared take it up with the kids, and not gone looking for the parents. :rolleyes:

You spoke to them nicely and appealed to their better nature, and thank God, they had one.

[babyher]

I think this is what happened to me. I never let Hannah out of my sight unless Keaka (or another adult/young adult I trust completely) is there. Maybe its because I was a lifeguard since I was 14 through college. I don't know.

 

I think this all boils down to the massive difference in parenting styles. When we decided to have children, we realized that never again will we have just "me/we" time. Even when they are grown! :eek: :cool:

 

I suppose it is possible to parent a different way, where you are able to disconnect from your kids for a cruise. I could never just leave my children with my parents or sisters while I went on a cruise. I chose to have them, they are my responsibility, and even IF I did leave them behind there would be no way to enjoy the trip due to all the worrying about how they are (even IF I knew they were alright. lol) ;)

 

 

 

Trust me you will get some me/we time eventually :)

 

 

A few times we left the kids with grandparents/aunts people with kids who we knew they would be safe with. and the kids actually wanted to go , that was there fun time. (you would not know it from the years I lived with her, but my mom is supposedly cool and fun *LOL*)

 

I think it is very commendable the way you and DH chose to raise your children. Enjoy every minute you have both ways , with your kids and the times you have alone with your DH.

 

Little by little the kids will get older and get a little more indepedent and it will be a little more off of you. They can stay home without a sitter, They can cook for themsleves , They can drive themselves. little by little you and DH will get more and more time together . Make the most out of it.