Why is size an issue?

[Bibi]

Question for you all.....what do you think about all the posts on this Board from people who criticize and belittle overweight people. I am a large woman and frankly it upsets me to think that when I am on my cruise I am being laughed at and criticized simply because of my size. I wear decent clothes, I don't wear a bikini, I do wear shorts and a one piece bathing suit (it is the Caribbean after all) and sundresses. I have dignity and respect for others and believe that one cannot judge a book by it's cover. I also have a favorite quote by Eleanor Roosevelt ;"Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent", however, I take it to heart when I know someone is laughing or pointing at me. What about the rest of you weight challenged people? Does this bother you, or can you let it roll off your back? Thanks.

[Gathina]

I don't think I've ever read a post on any of these boards belittling overweight people. I've read about people poking fun at themselves, but never outright criticize someone on how they look because they are big.

 

People sometimes say their physician criticizes them for being overweight, but to me it's a good doctor who does that. Hundreds of medical issues are due to people not taking responsiblity for their weight and overall health. You can be overweight and have low cholesterol, but you can't tell me that your knees aren't suffering or your hip isn't degenerating from hauling around extra weight.

 

You are right you can't judge a book by its cover. But the reality of life if, everyone judges. You judge the thin person the same way a person might judge you because you are big. On a job interview people are judged by how they dressed. Is it right? no, but it's reality.

 

If you are truly happy with who you are then you shouldn't care if any one is judging you, IMO.

 

 

Question for you all.....what do you think about all the posts on this Board from people who criticize and belittle overweight people. I am a large woman and frankly it upsets me to think that when I am on my cruise I am being laughed at and criticized simply because of my size. I wear decent clothes, I don't wear a bikini, I do wear shorts and a one piece bathing suit (it is the Caribbean after all) and sundresses. I have dignity and respect for others and believe that one cannot judge a book by it's cover. I also have a favorite quote by Eleanor Roosevelt ;"Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent", however, I take it to heart when I know someone is laughing or pointing at me. What about the rest of you weight challenged people? Does this bother you, or can you let it roll off your back? Thanks.

[Bibi]

Gathina,

You obviously have not read many posts. Why, you yourself just criticized me by stating that you already know that I have have bad knees or degenerating hips (which I do not.) My original post was directed to other people who have challenges with their weight and I believe it was clearly meant as such. You obviously are not one of those people so why on earth would you feel it necessary to respond? You just proved my original point. Also, no, not everyone judges others. Some people do believe in "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone". I truly hope that no one ever judges you for "the cover" they see. Happy Cruising!

[Gathina]

Somehow I knew you were giong to rip everything I said out of context.

 

I was not referring to you specifically having a knee problem. I don't know if you do. But I could show you hundred of patients on the rehab unit I work with that do have those problems because of weight.

 

My whole point was, that size is an issue for many reasons. Sorry if you misunderstood, my intent was not to offend.

 

Gathina,

You obviously have not read many posts. Why, you yourself just criticized me by stating that you already know that I have have bad knees or degenerating hips (which I do not.) My original post was directed to other people who have challenges with their weight and I believe it was clearly meant as such. You obviously are not one of those people so why on earth would you feel it necessary to respond? You just proved my original point. Also, no, not everyone judges others. Some people do believe in "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone". I truly hope that no one ever judges you for "the cover" they see. Happy Cruising!

[happysinglemom]

My original post was directed to other people who have challenges with their weight and I believe it was clearly meant as such. You obviously are not one of those people so why on earth would you feel it necessary to respond?

 

Your post was:

 

Question for you all.....what do you think about all the posts on this Board from people who criticize and belittle overweight people.

 

Geeesh. :rolleyes:

 

It's a rare post here that "belittles overweight people" - in fact I don't think I've really read one that does that. And if you think people are laughing at you (they aren't, and no one here has said that), then do something about it. I really don't think your post makes much sense, frankly.

[WeirdEyes]

It's a rare post here that "belittles overweight people" - in fact I don't think I've really read one that does that. And if you think people are laughing at you (they aren't, and no one here has said that), then do something about it. I really don't think your post makes much sense, frankly.

We are a VERY supportive group on this board. I have never seen anyone be criticized or belittled on here for being overweight...and I've been posting here for years. We come here to support each other.

 

Bibi ~ I would like for you to point us to any posts on Lose Before You Cruise that belittles anyone who is overweight. I'm glad to hear that you're healthy. That's what really matters....your health, not weight. I applaud your confidence and self-esteem.

[smoothdancer]

I can understand you looking for women in your weight bracket to share your feelings with, seek advise on how to handle situations. But I am afriad you went about it in the wrong way and your post was immediately offensive to me..... someone who chats on the "loose before you cruise" threads often and would never even think of making fun or laughing at someone that is overweight..... I think I am in the majority and thus explaining the response you received so far.

 

Your last sentence asks others how they deal with it, perhaps should of been your first sentence. I dont often see threads of people making fun of overweight people. There are some comments on why some women who carry extra weight or past the age wear bikini's, but they are far and few between and I would simply ignore them.

 

If you are in need some support relative to your issues, I would try a revised post.

[bobandkelly]

I agree with the others that the lose before you cruise board is not judgemental. But I have seen posts on the Carnival board that have gotten pretty cruel. I always think that those people who say stuff are insecure in their own lives. It's easy for them to be mean when they are "invisible" on a board.

Bibi, read through some of the threads here, pick one and jump in or start your own. I'm sure you'll find some very nice people who are working towards being healthy and will encourage you to.

Kelly

[Gathina]

Good post, Smooth. I have never seen anyone on these boards belittle or criticize someone for how they look, etc.

 

Back to the original post, size does matter. If you think it doesn't matter you are kidding yourself. If you are truly happy the way you look and feel , and are healthy, then it doens't matter. I think a lot of women, no matter how much they have to lose, would like to feel more confident in their clothes and about their appearance. To me, whether someone is 10, 30, or 200 lbs overweight doesn't matter. All of us know what it's like to struggle, be frustrated, upset, or even feel insecure because of weight. That's the commmon bond everyone shares on these boards, I think. And everybody has good advice, I know I learn alot.

 

I can understand you looking for women in your weight bracket to share your feelings with, seek advise on how to handle situations. But I am afriad you went about it in the wrong way and your post was immediately offensive to me..... someone who chats on the "loose before you cruise" threads often and would never even think of making fun or laughing at someone that is overweight..... I think I am in the majority and thus explaining the response you received so far.

 

Your last sentence asks others how they deal with it, perhaps should of been your first sentence. I dont often see threads of people making fun of overweight people. There are some comments on why some women who carry extra weight or past the age wear bikini's, but they are far and few between and I would simply ignore them.

 

If you are in need some support relative to your issues, I would try a revised post.

[Jan_In_Maine]

Like Sheila (Weird Eyes) I have been on this particular board for many years (since 2003 anyway). I have also been many different weights during that same time period.

 

I haven't found anyone that has treated me without respect, or has made fun of my weight. I have made some wonderful friends who have supported my struggle to become healthy over the years. I will always be grateful for their help and encouragement. Jan

[NanaOfBKM]

I totally agree. I'd like to know which posts you are referring to that belittle people who are overweight. I have found great support from others who are overweight and with their support I am successfully losing weight. I felt like people were looking at me when I put my bathing suit on, but it was my own insecurity, not necessarily that people were talking about me. Why lose weight? I didn't feel good about myself. I didn't feel good period. I have posted what I didn't like about being overweight but that's all part of my incentive to do something about it. I want to be healthy - I want to feel good - I want to feel confident - I want to mentally feel more positive about myself. I want my husband to look at me like he use to. I checked my BMI (body mass index) and it said "obese". My goal is to get in the "healthy" zone. I have about 12 lbs more to go to get there. And yes, my doctor told me I needed to lose weight. I use to avoid the doctor even when sick as I didn't want to get on the scales. I want to do everything possible to see my grandkids grow old. But that's me, that's my goal. Again, never seen anyone on Lose Before You Cruise being judgemental about anyone else, just themselves. Without Lose Before You Cruise board, I would still be on "obese". Thank you to all those who are so supportive on the Lose Before You Cruise boards.

[Bibi]

First of all, let me apologize for posting on this board. I know the posters on Lose before you cruise are very supportive and didnt realize this is where I was posting the thread, so my apologies. That being said, on other boards, I have read many times, derogatory statements about people who criticize others due to their weight. If I knew how to link to them I would do so, but I am relatively new to this so I don't unfortunately. I can think of a couple of examples though that I know were on the Floataway lounge board, such as the guy who overheard his table mate say to his girlfriend that "there is the guy who needs to go to a fat farm" and another one on the same board in which the poster refers to "2 REALLY LARGE ladies in what looked like bridesmaid dresses who literally filled the corridor they walked down. On another board, (it escapes me which one) there was reference to the "extremely fat woman" in the loungechair who they couldnt help but stare at. Or the reference to the person who was going to get into the whirlpool, but the guy didnt want that "fat chick" in there with him. I have also seen comments about formal nights and "why do fat people even bother? They aren't going to look good anyway". So yes, unfortunately, there are a lot of comments about weight on these boards. My mistake was posting my question on the wrong board which led people to think that I was referring to Lose before you cruise. I apologize again for that.

[bobandkelly]

No hard feelings here. We were all newbies here at one time.

I hope you'll hang around here more often. People are nicer here.

 

The remarks on the other boards are just mean. Like I said before, I think those are very insecure people who make themselves feel better by belittling others. (I am sure belittling is spelled wrong, what is wrong with that?)

Kelly

[Gathina]

The way I see it, the guy that makes the comment about the "fat chick in the hot tub" is also the guy who probably goes home and beats his wife at night if she doens't bring him his budweiser. The man that said the lady should go to the fat farm is probalby the loser who is also a crack head. You have to consider the source from which it comes. You can't believe anything an idiot like that would say.

 

I am an avid gym person. I have deliberately made it a POINT to sometimes encourage the newbie on the treadmill that you can tell is trying so hard to exercise and you can tell their weight makes it cumbersome. I have more respect for that than the gym bimbo who is trying to impress everyone with her skimpy work out wear.

[Jan_In_Maine]

Bibi ... Please stay ---- you will find friends here. Jan

[happysinglemom]

First of all, let me apologize for posting on this board. I know the posters on Lose before you cruise are very supportive and didnt realize this is where I was posting the thread, so my apologies. That being said, on other boards, I have read many times, derogatory statements about people who criticize others due to their weight. If I knew how to link to them I would do so, but I am relatively new to this so I don't unfortunately. I can think of a couple of examples though that I know were on the Floataway lounge board, such as the guy who overheard his table mate say to his girlfriend that "there is the guy who needs to go to a fat farm" and another one on the same board in which the poster refers to "2 REALLY LARGE ladies in what looked like bridesmaid dresses who literally filled the corridor they walked down. On another board, (it escapes me which one) there was reference to the "extremely fat woman" in the loungechair who they couldnt help but stare at. Or the reference to the person who was going to get into the whirlpool, but the guy didnt want that "fat chick" in there with him. I have also seen comments about formal nights and "why do fat people even bother? They aren't going to look good anyway". So yes, unfortunately, there are a lot of comments about weight on these boards. My mistake was posting my question on the wrong board which led people to think that I was referring to Lose before you cruise. I apologize again for that.

 

You will always ALWAYS find people that make remarks like this, in any kind of a public forum, and certainly in life as well. You certainly can't let those sort of silly generic comments bother you...if you do, gosh some of us might never leave the house! :p

 

This is a very helpful and friendly place, and everyone here does their best to support anyone that needs it. You'll never be able to control the actions of others, only the actions of yourself. ;) Welcome.

[Bibi]

Thank you to all. Your encouragement is greatly appreciated and your kind words make a difference. Thanks again.

[dare2dream]

Bibi this is an interesting discussion you have started. I would like to offer the thought that the demographics of cruisers on a particular cruise line may influence the number of comments you speak of.

 

Let me begin by saying I am a morbidly obese woman and am VERY VERY self conscious about not being 'normal'. All the negative comments you stated do apply to me.

 

I am turning 50 in April and dreamed all year of spending my birthday at Half Moon Cay. I reasoned I would book the cruise if I lost some weight. I have only lost 30 pounds and am still uncomfortable with my appearance. I still want to cruise but was concerned about the reaction I would receive on the beach as a large woman. I posted my concern on the HAL board http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=903820.

 

The 59 responses I received absolutely amazed me and restored my faith in humanity. Every single posted said 'go for it'. They insisted that everyone will be too busy enjoying the beautiful beach to pay me any nevermind. They offered encouragement and suggestions to make my birthday fabulous.

 

If I was interested in cruising another line would I have gotten such a positive response? I think not. Another reason I will stick with HAL.

 

Now the question is will I have have enough success in the next month to prove to DH that I should get that cruise for my birthday? Time will tell, but I am ready to book and enjoy paradise.

 

Brenda

[smoothdancer]

Brenda

Just recently I was watching a show on the discovery channel about medical treatment for morbid obese individuals, which by the way was defined as anyone 100 pounds over the "charts" weight. Anyway I forget the % of obese people in the populations but it was quite high. So sure in a crowd maybe of 2000 you might be an exception, but I dont know that you are "not normal." or that many in that crowd of 2000 are going to give you a second thought. Many others are in your weight category.

 

It would be interesting to know if you posted this question on another board what your response would be. I can tell you that I have never sailed on HAL and would have had the same response as the ones you received. I am glad however that you found a cruise line that you are comfortable with.

[dare2dream]

smoothdancer,

 

As I read your response it occurred to me that the positive response on my post was from loyal Cruise Critic members. Maybe other cruisers would react differently.

 

It is possible that such a post on other cruise line forums here would also get the same type of responses because we all know Cruise Critic members are generally great. The ones with major attitude problems just come on and gripe about things and then generally disappear. I think most members here at CC are avid cruise lovers and tolerant people that just want everyone to enjoy the adventure of cruising.

[ScottsSweetie]

I am an avid gym person. I have deliberately made it a POINT to sometimes encourage the newbie on the treadmill that you can tell is trying so hard to exercise and you can tell their weight makes it cumbersome. I have more respect for that than the gym bimbo who is trying to impress everyone with her skimpy work out wear.

 

AMEN, Sister!

[sisu1974]

This is one of those interesting issues that has too sides. I am a formerly morbidly obese person. Now I am "normal". I can honestly say I have received more comments and looks since I lost the weight. I am confident enough to just let it slide off now.

 

My opinion is that it is important that we treat all people with respect.

[Gathina]

Congratulations..how did you do it! Now you can inspire others.

 

The sad thing is, size is an issue whether we want to agree with it or not. It's an issue if you can't sit in an airline seat. I heard a statistic from the airlines recently about how much more fuel jets use when there are lugging more weight..not luggage weight..they were talking about because people in general are so much heavier now. Insurance rates are affected by weight. Many medical problems could be avoided by healthy diet and weight. Having to spend more on clothes is due to weight (more cloth, so I'm told).

 

People will look at you different when you are overweight. They shouldn't, but they do. So you either have to decide to do something about it or be ok with people looking at you.

 

It seems that when people focus on getting healthy instead of dieting then they lose. I've had many diabetic and stroke patients that saved their lives alone by losing weight. The doctor told them they had to do it or they would die and that was that. They changed their mindset and got healthy. Maybe if more doctors had the courage to tell their patients they are fat and need to lose weight and die, people would do it. I don't think that's being cruel at all. It's the truth.

 

This is one of those interesting issues that has too sides. I am a formerly morbidly obese person. Now I am "normal". I can honestly say I have received more comments and looks since I lost the weight. I am confident enough to just let it slide off now.

 

My opinion is that it is important that we treat all people with respect.

[mrblack]

Interesting discussion. My husband and I have discussed the issue of people's response to obese people and we concluded it is sort of the last frontier of discrimination. In hiring practices people would not think of discriminating based on race or gender but in terms of physical appearance, whether they are aware of it or not, people frequently choose a thin person over a grossly overweight person for a job. Before anyone goes crazy that's not the way we think it should be it is just an observation we've made.

[Gathina]

Are you kidding..people discriminate on race and gender on jobs all the time! It's only because of affirmative action that keeps some of these people in check. A lot of them go unchecked.

 

 

Interesting discussion. My husband and I have discussed the issue of people's response to obese people and we concluded it is sort of the last frontier of discrimination. In hiring practices people would not think of discriminating based on race or gender but in terms of physical appearance, whether they are aware of it or not, people frequently choose a thin person over a grossly overweight person for a job. Before anyone goes crazy that's not the way we think it should be it is just an observation we've made.