leaving kids for 1st time...any tips?

[MamaParrotHead]

Kids will be 5 and almost 2 when DH and I take our first cruise (for 7 days). They're staying with my mom, and they and "Nana" are really close. Problem is, this will be the longest time away from them (we've only done overnights previously, and less than a handful of those) and we're a rather close family. I am a professional child care provider, so the kids basically are with me 24/7, except once a week or so when DH and I hire a sitter for the evening.

 

Any tricks or tips, for me OR them, to make this smooth for everyone? I don't suppose my cell phone would work onboard, even with roaming charges, huh? and I read that pre-paid long distance cards are useless. are there even phones on the ship? how would my mom get a hold of us if we were at sea and there was (GOD FORBID) an emergency?

 

thanks!

[ute_fan]

You're a braver person than I am. My DH couldn't convince me to leave them, even overnight, until mine were about 14 & 11. They were 20 & 17 when we went on our 1st cruise last January.

 

Even then, the only reason I agreed to go was because I knew I could email from the ship. The $75 charge for the internet package was well worth it to me to be able to check in with them daily. Does your Mom have email capabilities? If so, that might be the best route to go, at least on a daily basis. Depending on which ports you are stopping at, you might be able to call once or twice, too.

 

By the way, it really doesn't get any easier. I worry about them just as much now they're young adults as I did when they were just little. The kinds of problems just take on a different scope -- now I have to worry about girlfriend/boyfriend issues, driving, etc. Good luck, and have a great cruise, and try not to think too much about them!

[Happy ks]

We did not leave our kids until they were 10 and 13, because we had no Nana or Grandpa, all the Aunts and Uncles work. If I could have, I would have. Your marriage deserves and needs a time away from the kids, you will all benefit from it. Plus, this is a big one to me, your children and their grandparents need a relationship without you interfering and overseeing. Their bonds will grow deeper and stronger and even more special without you present.

 

When we did finally leave our kids, we called them a couple of times. They were having too much fun to talk to us, thanks to their uncle and cousin. You will all survive the vacation, It's perfectly normal to have these feelings, especially the first time you go away.

 

Edit to add, you really should take along your cell phone, there may not be many times you can use it, but a couple of calls will help you get through this. Believe me when I say it will be harder for you than them. I did child day care for a couple of years a few years back, you know how the kids can put up a show when Mom or Dad drop them off? Then, the little darlings stop the instant they can't see their car anymore.

[dna1990]

Depending on Ports of Call and your Cell Carrier - coverage might actually be pretty good. In some cases, the islands find it cheaper to put up a few cell towers on the mountain peaks, vs running wire all around. I think I got better coverage off the coast of St. Thomas, than I do in my own house. Seriously.

 

eMail, as suggested, is what we do for our 4 yr old and Grandma. Ships rates can add up, decide now if your are going to get a weekly rate or not.

 

Your cruiseline will provide a full Emergency Contact method. Full featured phones are available on the ship and in your cabin (assuming all but the smaller exotic ships), they are often just very expensive.

 

Set a date and or time for the checkup calls - so nothing is wasted in terms of minutes or connection charges. If using cell, this can coorespond to port times...Do some research with your carrier on coverage and timezones. The caregiver will also know when to start prepping the child for your call. Changes happen, so each party should agree on when to followup, if a certain day's call can't be completed. You may still be snoozing at the pool, satelite goes down, etc.

 

But as others have stated - you have seen the kids in you class stop reacting as soon as the parent is away. Be assured this concern in mostly for you, the child will be fine and love the change in experience!

 

Practice. Not sure how soon the cruise is, but see if grandma can do a whole or long weekend. "Ease" into, as they say. If some rare reason, things turn difficult, you are there to go get them. (I would resist of course, you probably know better than I how kids make precendence out of your first reactions) This practice may provide just the thing to make all parties think of a few checklist items you might otherwise missed.....ie favorite blanket, food, habits, etc.

 

Even though related, leave a fully signed Permission for Care letter, so the grandparent has no trouble seeking medical or other official assistance. If the child goes to school, daycare, church, little league, etc - be sure all are notified in advance and in writing - that is ok for the grandparent to pick them up. Leave multiple copies.

 

Leave 'daily' presents. Nothing extravagant, but a small bag with a picture, toy, etc - to be opened by the child(ren) each day from Mom&Dad. Draw a map, and have the grandparent help "mark" off the trail of your ship/plane each day along the way, with your home as the last stop. Same goes for a simple calendar. Mark the names of islands or cities for each day. Passes time and provides a structure time each day to 're'connect to where Mom&Dad are.

 

Now Get Out to Sea!

[betsyrossapk]

We just left our 16yr old daughter w/friends while we went on our 20th anniv cruise. I left her w/the proper authorization forms & a medical card just in case. We purchased the internet pkg & promised her we would email her once a day. I also wanted to email her while we were in Cozumel because it is very cheap, but the internet was down while we were there. Check out the ports you will be visiting to see if they have internet kiosks. I gave my friends extra money to take her to her favorite restaurant. Also, there was a school play they took her to while we were gone. My point is, check out what is going on while you will be away. Trying to keep some of their favorite activities going may help things go better. I agree w/special little treats. I had bought her a magazine w/Johnny Depp on the cover & the Shrek 2 video as surprises. She loved them both!

[cgladin]

I have a 5 and 3 year old. I agree with one of the other posters who suggested you have some "test" stayovers.

 

However, in all honesty, you will probably miss them more than they will miss you! That's how it always is when I am traveling. I call home and they are having a blast with their Granny.

 

Take a journal or some cute cards with you and write short notes to them everyday. They will enjoy the cards when you get home and it will help you each day with a way to connect with them.

[808lady]

You could have them make a paper chain with 7 links in it. Each day when they wake up at Nana's tear off one link. When there are no more links you will be home! You could also try reading a favorite book or two on tape, so they can hear your voice. Enjoy your cruise. You deserve it. Every mom deserves it, but child care providers deserve it double!

[PiperMcB]

When my kids were little (they're 37 & 38 now!) they used to love to spend the night, week-end, or even a week with either set of grandparents. We couldn't afford to vacation, so we were not too far away--just at our own home. Then when they got a little older, they didn't have homesickness issues at scout camp, church camp, etc. If your little ones enjoy overnights at grandma's, try a weekend. I'm sure they will be fine.

[MamaParrotHead]

Some great ideas, and thanks for the support and helping to alleviate the admittedly unnecessary "mommy guilt".:)

[super_grover]

I couldn't agree more about the testing it out theory. My parents used to leave me with whoever wanted to take me in order to get me used to it, months at camp, etc. My brother tried a night at an aunts when he was 10 and freaked out. Totally depends on the kid. That being said, your parents were parents once also, they will know what to do and it will all work out. Have a great cruise!

[CaptData]

Hears another way to think about your children in Mom's care. she riased you with no problem. You turned out fine. Now you are going for one week camp out and so are the kids, just not at the same place. Enjoy.

 

As above do make sure the schools know who to call while you are gone and they have written prove of it. Also, I left a note at my normal doctor so that he knew who to contact and gave premission for anything that may come up.

 

For you, so you do not worry tomuch do make a journal telling the kids of your adventures. Then read it to them as a bed time story when you return.

[MrsPete]

You've already received some good advice.

 

Here's my best advice: This will be as big a deal as you allow it to be. If the kids see that you're anxious about leaving them, they'll pick up on it and they'll become worried too. If you talk about "you may miss mommy or cry at bedtime", you can be sure they will do those things.

 

On the other hand, if you gloss over where you're going and focus on what THEY will be doing, they'll probably take it better. Young kids will want to know where you're going, but they're not likely to care about the details -- being kids and self-centered, they probably care more about where THEY will be sleeping, who'll be preparing their meals, and whether they'll get to go to the pool. You can play this up by talking about how they'll probably eat that great spaghetti that grandma always makes, play with the cat every day -- build anticipation for the GREAT STAY they're about to experience.

 

Here's something my mom used to do for my children when they were very small (pre-reading stage): she'd make coloring books to help them prepare for events. For example, she took my oldest daughter on a weekend trip when she was four. Two weeks ahead, she presented her with a homemade coloring book that anticipated their trip. Page one was about packing her suitcase. Page two was about waving goodbye to Mommy and Daddy. Other pages had to do with eating in restaurants, sleeping in a hotel bed, swimming in a hotel pool, visiting specific places . . . and, of course, it ended with her returning home to Mommy and Daddy. Each page was hand-drawn and showed smiling people. We colored each picture and talked about the trip so that she was well prepared and excited.

 

She made similar books for trips to the dentist, etc. And today my daughter is especially artistic and likes to draw comic books. Think my mom had a lasting influence on her?

 

Be sure the kids take along their favorite blankets and toys. Sending a little note or a small present can be a good idea, but don't go overboard with it. Too much can send an "I feel guilty" message and can have a negative effect. I think an item per day is too much, but then I make an effort to give my kids experiences instead of material goods. Activity items such as coloring books, playdough, etc. are good choices -- they'll keep the kids busy.

[NotThatName]

Leave some "postcards" for Nanna to give the kids everyday. Just a short note for her to read to them everyday about how much you miss them. The communication (even a bit fabricated) should ease their minds.

[Spiritedmom]

MamaParrotHead, We leave Saturday for Miami to sail on the Spirit. Our children 5 and 3 will be staying with Grandma. I have talked to them about the adventure that we are going to have and they are almost as excited as we are. One of the things that I did this weekend is to make a large two week calendar. I have all sorts of pictures pasted to the days: A plane for the day that we fly to Florida, a ship for our at sea days, a stingray for our excursion on Grand Cayman etc. At the bottom of each day I have written # of days until we are all together again so that they can do a count down each day. We have planned an special treat that we will all do together when we return. So to them Mommy & Daddy going away means that we get to go to Chucky Cheese and to see the Incredibles movie when we get home.

 

Relax and have fun, I am sure that I will miss the children terribly the whole time I'm away. I am hopefull that the Mai Tai in one hand and trashy novel in the other will ease the misery. LOL

 

Mor than anything remember that Adult time is just as important as family time. Good Luck and happy sailing;)

[KKB]

We have left our children on long weekends w/ grandmas regularly, but our 10 days gone last month was the longest ever. I have never been bothered leaving them in the care of their capable loving grandparents, but even I was a tad worried...

Funny, our 9 year old was the only one w/ an issue, and only the first night.

After that, they had too much fun to care!

And I was astounded how busy we were! Plus with that surreal quality on a ship--unable to call in our out (although attainable in a true emergency), no newspapers, nearly worthless CNN international, and email had to be very purposeful. It was GLORIOUS! Don't use up any of that precious week fretting--use it to fill yourself up and refresh that all important relationship w/ your husband. THAT is the greatest gift you can give your children--happy parents and secure marriage! Additionally, you are supporting that valuable relationship w/ their grandparents!

DH and I were pleasantly surprised that we could spend virtually every waking hour together for 10 days w/o a fight and REALLY enjoyed it!!!! We took separate excursions in Jamaica, but actually did everything else together, unintentionally. It was fantastic. We never had a honeymoon, and now I see the value of it!

Happy cruising!

Kristin

10/24/04 Star Princess

12/24/05 Disney Magic (w/ kids and all of DH's family)

[Deb in Cali]

Are the kids are going to be staying at home with Grandma or are they going to Grandma's house?

 

Is they are staying in their own rooms it will be life as normal with Grandma making it fun. If they are going to be at Grandma's it will be an exciting adventure.

 

In either case I would have a short term dry run over a weekend. That should help them iron out the kinks. Grandma can perhaps discover some points that she needs info on while you are still available by phone. The kids can learn what to expect from Grandma. Then when the cruise does happen it will be a been there done that experience.

 

Is there anyone else that you trust that can be back-up for Grandma? A close friend that has kids the same age, that could give Grandma a break if she needed one for a few hours.

 

If the kids have a set bedtime routine like having Mom or Dad reading a story. Do a video or audio tape of the story for them. You also can do a video of you on your precruise weekend and leave it as a surprise for the kids to watch during the cruise.

[SisZ]

I am leaving mine, too, for the first time. He's 14, she's 10. We

 

don't have grandparents or uncles or aunts, but we do have a

couple from church we are very close to, and they are keeping

them.

I am dreading the time I leave them. One thing I do know, do tell

them the truth. Keep talking about what will be happening and what

they can expect.

I kept another couples' children and she told them she was going to the

store!! She was gone a week. So, now, every time she goes to the store

she can't figure out why the baby throws herself in front of the door...!

[chefajax]

Hi to All....

As always this board has many good suggestions and comments. I will only add this.....The reason you got married was to be with each other. Since you have a strong family support system, let your concerns fade. Now, go and enjoy that cruise :)......Dennis

[1sttimecruisercb]

I just returned from my Voyager Cruise. We were gone 9 days because we went a day early to Miami. We left our 6, and 7 year olds at home with grandma, and aunts, uncles, and cousins. The kids still had school to go to so they were basically on their regular schedule. I mailed them a card from the airport before I left, and they were really happy to receive it. I called them from my cell at two of the ports. They seemed like they were having a blast without me. Grandma spoiled them well, I almost think they liked it too much.

Anyway, I missed them and bought them tons of items. But think of this, it's nice to have dinner without having to take someone to the bathroom, or getting into the who's touching who arguements. It was a chance for my husband and I to do grown up things and stay up late for a week. We travel with our kids often, but miss out on alot because they have to go to bed. This was a nice break, where we were able to rekindle alot of our love and friendship that often is clouded out by mommy and daddy issues.

Now, next time I may take them with me.

[lougee1043]

dont look back and dont call home!!!!!

 

we have friends who lost all the money for their cruise because they called home before boarding the ship and their spoiled only child threw such a fit that they got on a plane and flew home because the daughter wanted them to

[ineedacruise]

The first time we left the kids with Grandma and Grandpa it was pretty scary but we all made it through. Back then, we did not have cell phones or computers so it was hard to stay in touch. We were gone for 7 nights and left them a little gift for them to open up each day while we were gone and gave cards to another relative to send them so they got mail as well. In todays age, you can email pictures and easily stay in touch. Also let them bring a special toy or blanket from home or even one something of yours to wrap up in.

[jessizadorable]

I don't have any kids of my own, but I remember when I was a kid (I'm 22 now, so I'm like a big kid). We used to do the paper chain thing. That was a great way to countdown. This will be my first extended leave from my dog, so I plan on calling his kennel any chance I get when we have cell service. :)

 

Happy Cruising and use your intuition.

[breeding]

Our experience - 10 years ago we left our 4 and 2 year old with grandma for 8 days while we went to Hawaii for our 10th anniversary. I made sure I wrote the them the first day we were there. The post card got to them on day 6 and my mom told them "see where mommy and daddy are living" (it was a picture of the hotel). Well my two year old would not eat a thing after that and the 4 year old went into a slight depression. They had been fine up to that point. Grandma had no idea but after she said it that way (she thought she was telling them in a way they could understand) they didn't think we were coming home. They told us after we picked them up and spent the whole day with them that they thought the picture was a picture of our new house and that they didn't get to live in it. I didn't think I had to tell my girls - but make sure they know for sure that you are coming home. I think the chain thing is a wonderful idea!

[franu]

I was doing Social Work directly with a family at risk. The 5 yr.old got extremely upset as I told him that I would be on holiday. He became more upset when he asked where I was going and I replied Italy. At the very next meeting, I showed him my airplane ticket and showed him that one part was for going and one part was for coming home. We marked my return date on his calendar.

 

When my own kids were little, my son became secretive about school and what he did there until I shared with him what we had done during that time. It would be a nice activity if your kids could somehow keep a diary through whatever means they are capable. If they went to McD then they could save a napkin. Let them know that you are interested in what they were doing while you were away.

[KAR444]

Make sure that they don't see your anxiety. Also, leave love notes for them so they have a note everyday. Perhaps have a stuffed animal or jacket or something that you tuck a lot of hugs and kisses in their pockets so the kids can see. You might want to make a chart so they can see when you are coming back. Good luck!