40 Something with grown kids - Where do we fit in?

[horsesrus]

DH and I are early 40s, we like to cruise off season and know that due to the time of year and itineraries we choose that the majority of our fellow cruisers are much older then us.

 

That being said; we have made some observations and had some experiences on past cruises that sort of make us feel both awkward and unwelcome.

 

In the awkward category is the struggle with trying to balance being courteous and accommodating to our elders; and wishing to enjoy our cruise as well. Primary example would be the elevators; if we stood back and allowed all those older then us to go ahead we would essentially never step on an elevator. We’ve finally gotten to the point where we only allow those with canes or walkers to go ahead of us but then that tends to draw looks from other older passengers that are completely mobile. We do use the stairs a lot but if we have to go up more then 2 or 3 decks or if I’m in formal wear then we do like to take the elevators.

 

In the unwelcome category would be the comments; primarily being frequently referred to as kids. At the last Platinum/Diamond lunch we attended we were at a table for 12, so 5 other couples and yes, all much older then us, in fact I didn’t see anyone else in the room that was close to our age. There was one couple (the wife) in particular that made no less then 5 “you’re just kids” type comments during our conversations and of course all the other couples had a chuckle and had to agree. We've also had the same comments made in the concierge lounge. To me, this is disrespectful to us, we have worked hard to be where we are in life and to refer to us as kids implies we are clueless, inexperienced, and immature. We are in our 40s after all; I have grown children of my own for goodness sake. Now, granted, we’ve not had near the number of year’s life experience as those at our table but still; it’s sort of condescending.

 

I guess I just wanted to see what others our age have experienced and maybe get some ideas on what the “real” perception is from some older cruisers. Perhaps I’m reading more into those looks and comments then are really intended or perhaps it’s just the “rude” folks that are being that way. I certainly don’t let it ruin my cruise and we have a Baltic cruise booked for May so it’s obviously not stopping us from sailing when and where we want but it can be kind of uncomfortable at times. We have considered sailing during peak season when more folks our age would be on board but since we started our family young and our kids are grown we aren't really into sailing on a ship full of children either. We seem to be at an awkward stage in our lives!!! :)

[JanineM]

We're in our mid-40s and often find that we get along best with those who are a bit older. As we don't have children, those our age seem to spend most of their time talking about their kids, and when they ask us if we have them and we say, "no", there is this unbelievably awkward silence. They'll usually find an excuse to leave at that point.

 

But those in their 50s and 60s normally have empty nests so they want to talk about the cruise, the state of the world, politics, entertainment ... ANYTHING but their little darlings!!

 

We have found the most people of our "ilk" when we sail off season, or on longer cruises. Sure, we're often younger than our fellow passengers, but I'd take a table of 60, 70 and 80 year olds over a table full of people incessantly talking about their children's accomplishments any day.

[DHADEN]

I'll try to give you an answer, but without being labeled a "flamer" or sounding like I'm scolding you. ;)

 

DH and I are early 40s, we like to cruise off season and know that due to the time of year and itineraries we choose that the majority of our fellow cruisers are much older then us.

 

First, unless you're booking with HOlland America (the only ship we've been on where the age was considerably older), I have never seen this on any RCI ship at any time of year. Every ship we've been on, we see people of ALL ages. Lots of cruisers in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, AND UP.

What Iteneraries are you finding where there are no kids??

 

In the awkward category is the struggle with trying to balance being courteous and accommodating to our elders; and wishing to enjoy our cruise as well. Primary example would be the elevators; if we stood back and allowed all those older then us to go ahead we would essentially never step on an elevator. We’ve finally gotten to the point where we only allow those with canes or walkers to go ahead of us but then that tends to draw looks from other older passengers that are completely mobile. We do use the stairs a lot but if we have to go up more then 2 or 3 decks or if I’m in formal wear then we do like to take the elevators.

 

If you are standing among a crowd of people waiting for the elevator, you should get on with them. While you make think waiting and letting them go first is "polite", you just put them in the BACK of the elevator where it is harder to get out. Go ahead and get on WITH them.

 

In the unwelcome category would be the comments; primarily being frequently referred to as kids. At the last Platinum/Diamond lunch we attended we were at a table for 12, so 5 other couples and yes, all much older then us, in fact I didn’t see anyone else in the room that was close to our age. There was one couple (the wife) in particular that made no less then 5 “you’re just kids” type comments during our conversations and of course all the other couples had a chuckle and had to agree. .....

 

To someone much older than you, this is a way of complimenting and envying your "youth". You are being way too sensitive and possibly even looking for a reason to cry "victim".

 

Hope This Helps

[horsesrus]

 

Thanks for the feed back and you make a good point that is something that we don't get into at this point in our lives either; the whole "my life revolves around my kids thing"; not that it's bad we were there at some point, just not now. So I guess that's why we stick with the off season sailings. We have met some very nice people on board, they are not all as I mentioned, but we do have those things happen enough that it's notable.

[SeafordCruiser]

Thanks for the feed back and you make a good point that is something that we don't get into at this point in our lives either; the whole "my life revolves around my kids thing"; not that it's bad we were there at some point, just not now. So I guess that's why we stick with the off season sailings. We have met some very nice people on board, they are not all as I mentioned, but we do have those things happen enough that it's notable.

I hear you. We are in our 50s (may not act it!)but ALWAYS have to cruise school vacations since I teach...sometimes there are no problems; sometimes it gets close to nightmarish with hoards of teenagers roaming the hallways. Usually we sit with people late 40s; young 50s so we dont have those kind of conversations at dinner time. I guess now you can always do My Time Dining.

[horsesrus]

I'll try to give you an answer, but without being labeled a "flamer" or sounding like I'm scolding you. ;)

 

First, unless you're booking with HOlland America (the only ship we've been on where the age was considerably older), I have never seen this on any RCI ship at any time of year. Every ship we've been on, we see people of ALL ages. Lots of cruisers in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, AND UP.

What Iteneraries are you finding where there are no kids??

 

New England, Alaska are of note. Voyager in December was a Caribbean cruise and although there were more folks in our age category there were still a high percentage of folks significantly older then us.

 

If you are standing among a crowd of people waiting for the elevator, you should get on with them. While you make think waiting and letting them go first is "polite", you just put them in the BACK of the elevator where it is harder to get out. Go ahead and get on WITH them.

 

Good feedback, I'll just jump on from now on.

 

To someone much older than you, this is a way of complimenting and envying your "youth". You are being way too sensitive and possibly even looking for a reason to cry "victim".

 

I'll take as a compliment then I suppose, and I'm not sure what about my post made out that I felt a victim, was simply noting some observations. I will say that your reply sort of exemplifies what I was getting at though.

 

Thanks for your feedback. :)

[cb at sea]

Whoa--you think WAAAAY too much! Just go, and have fun! We're in our 50's--kid's gone and grown... I don't feel too old or too young...I feel JUST RIGHT!

 

As far as elevators go...you let the folks who want out, out...and you get in..there is no age requirement about elevators.

 

I've found that the older folks have had alot more time to "have fun"--and they really know how to do it. We may be able to go longer than the 80+ crowd, but they're there to have fun, too!

 

We've never been "over-run" by kids of any age'"!

 

Relax! It's a vacation!

[horsesrus]

Whoa--you think WAAAAY too much! Just go, and have fun! We're in our 50's--kid's gone and grown... I don't feel too old or too young...I feel JUST RIGHT!

 

As far as elevators go...you let the folks who want out, out...and you get in..there is no age requirement about elevators.

 

I've found that the older folks have had alot more time to "have fun"--and they really know how to do it. We may be able to go longer than the 80+ crowd, but they're there to have fun, too!

 

We've never been "over-run" by kids of any age'"!

 

Relax! It's a vacation!

 

I suppose you are right but it was drilled into me as a child that you were to be respectful to those older then you even as an adult. Perhaps oldfashioned but something that I still have in my head. You let them go ahead, you give up your seat if there are no others available; that sort of thing. I guess I need to work on that and just let all that go!

[Ms. B]

.

 

In the unwelcome category would be the comments; primarily being frequently referred to as kids. At the last Platinum/Diamond lunch we attended we were at a table for 12, so 5 other couples and yes, all much older then us, in fact I didn’t see anyone else in the room that was close to our age. There was one couple (the wife) in particular that made no less then 5 “you’re just kids” type comments during our conversations and of course all the other couples had a chuckle and had to agree. We've also had the same comments made in the concierge lounge. To me, this is disrespectful to us,:)

 

The best time that I had was on a Baltic Cruise last summer where my cousin (38) and me (49) were seated for dinner with a set of 81 year old twins and their husbands. They were from England and it was the BEST time we have ever had at dinner. They were so funny and kind. Yes, they referred to us as kids and for me, I loved it. Imagine being called a kid when I'm close to hitting 50. At 81 years old, we were kids to them. They meant no disrespect at all. Actually, they had children older than us. You will find that many of the seniors that cruise have travelled extensiviely. They just want to have a great time. Relax and enjoy them. You just might learn something from them;)

[dirtgirl]

I'm in my 40's, and I've never experienced any of that. I never take elevators, so wouldn't have a problem there, but I have always met such fun people - from their 20's on up.;)

[Jake2008]

DH and I are early 40s, we like to cruise off season and know that due to the time of year and itineraries we choose that the majority of our fellow cruisers are much older then us.

 

That being said; we have made some observations and had some experiences on past cruises that sort of make us feel both awkward and unwelcome.

 

In the awkward category is the struggle with trying to balance being courteous and accommodating to our elders; and wishing to enjoy our cruise as well. Primary example would be the elevators; if we stood back and allowed all those older then us to go ahead we would essentially never step on an elevator. We’ve finally gotten to the point where we only allow those with canes or walkers to go ahead of us but then that tends to draw looks from other older passengers that are completely mobile. We do use the stairs a lot but if we have to go up more then 2 or 3 decks or if I’m in formal wear then we do like to take the elevators.

 

In the unwelcome category would be the comments; primarily being frequently referred to as kids. At the last Platinum/Diamond lunch we attended we were at a table for 12, so 5 other couples and yes, all much older then us, in fact I didn’t see anyone else in the room that was close to our age. There was one couple (the wife) in particular that made no less then 5 “you’re just kids” type comments during our conversations and of course all the other couples had a chuckle and had to agree. We've also had the same comments made in the concierge lounge. To me, this is disrespectful to us, we have worked hard to be where we are in life and to refer to us as kids implies we are clueless, inexperienced, and immature. We are in our 40s after all; I have grown children of my own for goodness sake. Now, granted, we’ve not had near the number of year’s life experience as those at our table but still; it’s sort of condescending.

 

I guess I just wanted to see what others our age have experienced and maybe get some ideas on what the “real” perception is from some older cruisers. Perhaps I’m reading more into those looks and comments then are really intended or perhaps it’s just the “rude” folks that are being that way. I certainly don’t let it ruin my cruise and we have a Baltic cruise booked for May so it’s obviously not stopping us from sailing when and where we want but it can be kind of uncomfortable at times. We have considered sailing during peak season when more folks our age would be on board but since we started our family young and our kids are grown we aren't really into sailing on a ship full of children either. We seem to be at an awkward stage in our lives!!! :)

 

 

We're like you in that we cruise/vacation in October which is a great time to avoid a ship full of children but you do run into a lot of older cruisers. I would take the comments about being kids as a compliment because if you think about it, to a 70 or 80 year old we are kids. When they were our age we were just being born etc...LOL.

Now I'm with you about the respect your elder thing but when you are dealing with a ship full of octegenarians...well you would stand at the elevator all day. I have a hard time cutting into the elevator even if I was there first so usually out of fear of being disrespectful and also lack of patience we do take the steps a lot as well.

Don't worry too much about off the wall comments, most people aren't trying to be rude...just be yourself and enjoy your lives!!!:D:D

[mation101]

We are in our 40s and are D+. I LOVE the fact that we are often the youngest in the CL. We have always cruised in Sept/Oct, and always have a table with people 20-30 yrs our seniors. They are way more interesting than anyone our age. On a 3 day we were the only D+ at the D/D+ party we were given a bottle of wine When we went up to get the bottle we heard a bunch of "they're so young!" wispers. I have the utmost respect for my elders and my DH was brought up in a military family in the south so he takes polite to a whole new level, never have we felt overwhelmed by the older people or felt that they looked sideways at us for being younger.

 

Enjoy being the "kids" someday you will be sitting across the table from some young 40 yr olds calling them "kids"

[djmutters]

On our first cruise last year there was only 5 children it was bliss :)

Most evenings we asked to be seated with others and the age range was 65-70+ and it was Fabb

 

What did make us laugh was they always thought we was brothers I didn't have the heart to tell them we was a couple lol

 

There was also a lady about 70 on a scooter and she always had a bottle of whisky with her even at breakfast,maybe I shouldent laugh but it was fun watching her scoot around the ship drunk.

 

OP you say you are going to the Baltics in May, You will love it we got ourselfs Visas for St.Petersburgh so was able to do our own thing.

[I'm on holiday]

OP, the short answer is that you fit in EVERYWHERE! :D

 

It's funny...DD (55) and I (48) refer to our neighbor friend (29) as a kid, and our parents friends (70's) call us kids! Just smile about it, and realize it's a rite of passage, so to speak. I too would rather hear these types of comments in lieu of endless "my darling Jimmy/Janey" stories. Doesn't anyone have a fabulously average kid? :rolleyes:

 

I miss the the days when our DD (now 16) wasn't in school, so DH and I could sail during the off-season and take advantage of great deals, and fewer crowds. I never remember feeling like we were surrounded by all old folks. Maybe we were just having too much fun to notice? :p Hmmm...but then again, I live in FL...enough said. :eek:

 

I agree with SeafordCruiser, take advantage of My Time Dining. ENJOY your cruise!

[marci22]

The Baltics in May won't be a teenfest, but I'm sure you already know that. When people call you 'kids', they most likely mean it affectionately; enjoy it while it lasts! I love it when the 80 yo guys call me 'young lady'. Don't get much of that in normal day to day life.

[rebeccalouise]

I just got off the Independence of the Seas and it was a nice mix of people of all ages. There were only 200 children onboard and many people under 25. I'm 43 and was traveling with my 8 year old- who rates Independence his favorite ship (he's been on 12 different ships).

 

I quite frankly prefer the older crowd. I probably won't sail RC again because I just don't find the line relaxing. It is more of a high energy cruise and I like calming vacations. So I'll stick with other lines.

 

But if you are looking for action, younger people and a great cruise line for kids- you'll be fine on the Freedom Class ships. The only person that was ever rude on the elevator was a middle age German man who yelled at a 70 year old woman. I felt bad for her. His behavior was inexcuseable.

[cassieroll]

See now, it's all about perspective! We get dirty looks for not sailing with our kids. :eek: LOL!