Help! My child refuses to try the kids' club!

[consorzio]

Hi,

We're going on a 10 night Panama Canal cruise this March on Royal Caribbean's Jewel of the Seas. We can't wait! Our only fear is that this trip will be a repeat of last year when our almost 4 year old (then almost 3 year old) threw a fit the two times we tried to get him to go to Adventure Ocean.

 

I think the new experience, new people, and new surroundings were too much for him. He was willing to go, but only if we stayed with him, and no amount of talking up the fun themes and the fun people would sway him. Anyway, we gave up after the second try.

 

We're hoping that now he's older he'll be more willing to go, but I'd LOVE ADVICE ON HOW TO GET YOUR CHILD TO WILLINGLY GO TO THE KIDS' CLUB!

[rebeccalouise]

There is a big difference between 3 and 4. Is your son enrolled in pre-school or kindergarten? Most kids that are used to childcare and school aren't reluctant to go because they aren't afraid of childcare.

 

There won't be as many kids on a Panama Canal cruise because school is in session, the cruises are longer and more expensive. This may work well in your case because your child won't be as overwhelmed.

 

There is always an open house on the first day of sailing. Make sure to go there and spend an hour allowing him to check it out, meet the counselors and the other children.

 

If your child is still reluctant to go, I don't know if you feel comfortable letting him cry. You could leave and see how he responds after 10 minutes. Tell the counselors (out of your son's earsight) to call your room if he continues to fret. Sometimes kids relax after you are gone.

[Spook44]

Hi consorzio,

 

I'm not a child psychology expert, but I do have a few kids of my own and I ran into a similar problem on a Disney cruise. I've also had a young child in daycare who was very shy and wouldn't want me to leave.

 

I'm thinking that you could do some preparation before you go....help your child get over the fear before you even get onboard. Does your child attend daycare? Does he go to school? Maybe you could try leaving him with a sitter for a few hours or arrange to leave him at a daycare centre before you leave on your cruise. Maybe you could leave him for short periods of time in the kids' club, take him for an ice cream or a swim, then bring him back and gradually increase the time he spends there. I think that would let him know that you're always going to come back for him. I'm sure it's scary being away from your parents at that age, especially in a strange place. Good luck!

[cb at sea]

I wouldn't MENTION it in advance! He's a year older now, and perhaps once he sees the fun the kids are having, he'll WANT to go on his own. (I was one of those kids that couldn't be convinced of anything---the more someone tried to convince me to do something, the harder I dug my heels in---power struggle???? Maybe!)

[rebeccalouise]

Yes- I think that preparing the child for the kids club at home isn't really an option at this point. Once you get onboard and are relaxed about it- then I think it will be fine.

 

I was one of those kids that needed a nudge. I had two sister though and had playmates at my disposal so didn't feel the need to go to the youth program. My son, 8 now, has always gone readily to the youth program.

 

I think it is important that you check every hour on the hour for at least the first day. More than likely you child will want to stay but if your child is left there for too long- this may deter him from coming back.

[2Cruise4Ever]

Our DD did the same thing 2 times: when she was 2 and then again when she was 3. She's 5 now and can't wait to get to the Kids Crew in June. She's been in daycare since she was 3 months old. So, we have no idea why she had such a fit. But, the first time she threw a fit, we let her cry, gave her a hug and kiss, and left. We came back about 1/2 hour later and she was laughing and having a really good time. This past year, she told us she didn't want to go, but we gave her incentive: if you go for just a couple hours, I'll take you to the ice cream bar afterwards (DH and I really needed a little time to ourselves). And, she had no problem after that.

 

My suggestion: take your child to the "open house" the first night. Let him/her walk around and meet the other kids and get to know the counselors and find all the fun things there, but don't leave him/her there. Then, you can recall all the fun things and people he/she met during the open house. This might work. It might not. But, it's worth the try.

 

Oh, and I agree with other posters: if your child is not already in daycare, find a group club where you CAN leave him/her there for just a couple hours a few times before you go. It could be separation anxiety. This will help prepare your child for the cruise.

[Karysa]

How about telling him that it is part of the cruising experience when you are 4. When you were 3 it was a try out and parents were allowed but when you are 4 you go by yourself and you get to bring home all the activities that you do and show your class for show and tell or buy a scrap book for him to glue it in while on the ship or on the plane ride home, or buy a special keepsake box and it will be for special memories. I found that I had the best luck with my kids when I just told them what was expected of them. I would tell them something like, you go to the club in the morning and then you can pick any of these three things to do with mommy and daddy in the afternoon.

Good luck and I hope that you all make great memories apart and together on your cruise.

Karysa

[wishtdream]

I would not say a word - Just go to the family welcome aboard show which is not the same as the general welcome aboard show and let him/her check out the kids club by the end of the night your child like mine did will be asking why they have to leave kids club and asking to stay aboard during port stops.

[Paumavista]

Well.....don't need to be flamed for this but my advice is that you introduce him to kids club. Take a little time, stay for alittle while, get to know the staff, show him the facility at the very beginning of the cruise.

 

Then later when you need a little mom and dad time you take him back to the club and say "see you later, have a good time". If he carries on endlessly let the staff know where you can be reached, but leave. Let him know just as you would if you were leaving him with any babysitter...that you will be back and that he will be just fine. But he is not in control and you and daddy need to "do something". When you pick him up celebrate his good behavior (I don't consider rewards necessarily a bribe - get a snack, read a story, go for a swim - don't buy him something)

 

I'm raising/raised a couple kids; of the 9 that currently call me mom (step children, bio, adopted, and foster - ages 3-30) - they're all different. Some have been alot easier than others. But especially on vacations daddy and I need at least a meal by ourselves or time for a show - keeping our relationship strong and loving is what helps make for a happy family.

 

Have a great trip - all of you.

Judy

[cascole]

If yours is the shy type - look for a little bit more outgoing child in the same age rage at the party & take the lead in finding a cruise friend!

 

While mine isn't shy, the initial meetings are always a little awkward. On our last cruise, there was little boy I could tell who was a bit shy & the same age as my son... at the family sundae making party on the first night, I took the initiative & walked over to him with my son & intrduced them, asked which toppings were his favorites - pointed out "Wow, Hunter likes the chocolate sprinkles too!" you get the idea... then I just started talking to his mom, so the kids talked to eachother! The boys 'latched' & had an immediate friend they would look forward to seeing.

[consorzio]

Thanks for all the advice! We haven't tried to open house/family welcome show before, so we'll have to do that. My child is the stubborn type -- we tried to mention the kids' club recently and he fell apart -- so I think we won't talk about it again until we get there.

 

He does go to preschool and loves it. The first day there was hard, too. It's just the initial/getting used to new things that is hard for him. I'm sure he'll love it if he gives it a chance.

 

It's hard for me to do the tough cry it out approach, especially on vacation, but with a long 10 day cruise we may resort to that. I like the leave and have the staff call after 10 minutes if he's still crying idea.

 

Keep the ideas coming! Thanks again.

[igraack]

We're leaving on a cruise in a month and have been talking about "maybe" "letting" them do Camp Carnival. I looked up some of the previous cruise postings about what they do from the ice cream, kids "only" dinners with "kids only" food, the dancing in the disco, etc .. They are now BEGGING to do Camp Carnival and I just keep saying "we'll see".

 

4yr old might not be there yet (mine are 5 and 7) but it's worth a try. I've also shown pictures online from other cruisers of the kids areas to get them excited and so they've seen it already.

 

It's what works for my kids.. I'll report back after our cruise if it works. :)

[Kerry's Girls]

Thanks for all the advice! We haven't tried to open house/family welcome show before, so we'll have to do that. My child is the stubborn type -- we tried to mention the kids' club recently and he fell apart -- so I think we won't talk about it again until we get there.

 

He does go to preschool and loves it. The first day there was hard, too. It's just the initial/getting used to new things that is hard for him. I'm sure he'll love it if he gives it a chance.

 

It's hard for me to do the tough cry it out approach, especially on vacation, but with a long 10 day cruise we may resort to that. I like the leave and have the staff call after 10 minutes if he's still crying idea.

 

Keep the ideas coming! Thanks again.

 

I also HATED the idea of doing something that was going to make my girls cry while we're supposed to be enjoying ourselves, but after some excellent advice from parents here who had been in the same position, I did the drop and run technique. I didn't explain anything before the cruise - I know my girls would have refused. We went to the registration party, they still cried all the way to the door of the kids room and had to be pried off of me. But the Carnival counsellors clearly are used to these situations and they were wonderful with my girls - sure enough, the twins would stop crying after awhile and enjoy themselves. That whole cruise they would cry anytime we were on our way there, and briefly once we arrived, but would always end up joining in. (I did get paged each night when one of my girls would start crying again and not stop - but at least she was there for a little while). On our last cruise, at first they refused to go and would try to run out the door, but I insisted and of course by the end of the cruise, they wanted to spend every minute in the kids program.

 

Best,

Mia

[cascole]

The other thing I did with mine prior to sailing - - - if reverse psycology works for your child... I would read the kid capers & say thing s like:

 

Me, "Oh look - it says they have face painting & jungle stories! wow - too bad you don't like that"

Him, "I do too! I want to do that!"

Me, "Oh, but you don't like playing candy bingo, so I'll come and get..."

Him, "I do too - I wanna go to that!!!"

Me, "But I'm not going to make you go play parachutes - because I know you don't..."

Him, "Yes, yes - I like that, I do too like that!"

 

.. this became a game & even now he'll say to me... "Mom, tell me all the stuff I don't like again!" ... and he was really impressed that mom couldn't go & have fun, too - cause it was JUST for kids! (Especially when I feigned being sad because I couldn't go with him.)

[consorzio]

Love the "stuff I don't like" game! Thanks for the idea of finding out what the activities are beforehand. Someone had posted the daily activities for Adventure Ocean so I gently brought up some of the things that kids get to do on the ship -- Legos, birthday parties -- and my little one's eyes lit up.

 

Thanks again for the advice.

[cascole]

Glad it helped! :D Have fun!!!

[crusinmama06]

OK, I can give him one - PIRATE PARADE!!!!

 

This one thrills my youngest every time. To the point that we NOW have a pirate costume (grabbed one cheap after Halloween last year) just for Adventure Ocean. :D

 

I'll be posting the latest activities (just got back this past Sunday), so keep an eye out for them. They will be at the link in my signature.

 

Here is the Pirate Parade from last week....both of my girls were in it.

 

 

[scubagolfer]

Each night our 2.5 year old was to stay with kids club we actually took her about 5-10 minutes after they started accepting children that night....The reason is, If our daughter saw the children already engaged in more fun than she was having with us she ran into kids club and didn't look back........when she saw other kids slinging pain then we could hardly get her to leave.....some advice, make sure you pack play clothes. We enjoy seeing our children in clothes made by Polo, Tommy, Roxy etc.....clothes that we try to keep somewhat nice for our younger daughter...well each night she was certain to come back to our cabin with marker, or paint or glue, or glitter or crayon...well you get the idea

[bankerbabe]

Though I've yet to take my kids on a cruise (next month!) we had plenty of experience with daycare. Both my son and daughter would cry when I dropped them off. My daughter would cry when I dropped her off, and then cry all the way home because I picked her up.

 

I found when they were littler (they are older now) and I had to drop them off at daycare, that it was best to keep it short and sweet. I couldn't stick around giving endless hugs and kisses. It became all about making a quick transition. Walk in the door, have a quick word or two with the sitters, hug, kiss, love ya, turn around and walk away. Don't look back, don't let them see me worried about them. Once I started doing that, I would walk out the door and then sneak a peak in the window - she was always, and I mean ALWAYS, smiling and having fun by the time I could get to the window.

 

So, maybe your best bet is to go in, hug, kiss, and say goodbye. Don't let your son see you concerned, act like it's just the most natural thing in the world. Kids will pick up on your fear and react to it. Just leave, even if he starts to fret. And then have them call if he's still upset in ten minutes.

 

Hopefully with all the suggestions here you will have some "mom and dad" time. Good luck, and enjoy your cruise!

[GulfCoastAmy]

I wouldn't do that to my kid. I was painfully shy and my parents never ditched me on vacation, thank God. We all had a great time together.

 

(I grew out of it eventually. Looking back I really appreciate their support.)

[cascole]

As parents, we know our children best. What's right for one child isn't right for all children. I'm sure your parents knew how you'd best react in this situation - as do the parents here... sometimes kids do need a little push to branch out (as I did)... sometimes they do it all on their own.

[crusinmama06]

As parents, we know our children best. What's right for one child isn't right for all children. I'm sure your parents knew how you'd best react in this situation - as do the parents here... sometimes kids do need a little push to branch out (as I did)... sometimes they do it all on their own.

 

I was thinking the same thing. Kids are little sponges. They sense our emotions. I say they can "smell fear" lol. If we take our kids somewhere and tell them they will have a wonderful time, we stay upbeat about it, drop them off and then don't look back. The kids feel safe and confident enough to have a good time. And then I go around the corner and peek back in to make sure they are ok. :p

 

I have a friend who "prepared her kids" to go to the kids club (and the first day of school for that matter) with "Are you going to be ok? Mommy won't be too far away. Don't worry. You'll be ok without me. Maybe you'll have fun. I'll buy you something if you stay till midnight" :eek::eek:

 

Then she drops them off and stands there. Yelling "Are you SURE you are going to be ok without me?"

 

Now who is the one with the fear? The child? Or the parent?

 

Her kids were the only ones in school that kept running back out of the building...and this was well into the 2nd grade. :eek:

 

When they were 7 and 8, they cried when they went to the kids club. :eek:

 

I understand that some kids are just naturally shy...so pushing them is never good. But if your child does have the confidence to go, then don't hang around and keep asking them "If they are ok?" Drop and run...then peek around the corner and see if they are ok. :D

[rebeccalouise]

I agree with cruisinmama. My son isn't shy and likes to go but I am not shy either (although I was when I was younger).

 

It is very important to go to the youth program on the day of embarkation- this will be the only time that the parents are allowed in. After that adults can't enter beyond the front desk.

 

If you approach the whole ship like an adventure- the kids will have the same attitude. I usually then drag my son to the salon to make my appointments. This way he knows where that is. Then we continue our fun with a trip to the arcade, blah, blah, blah.

 

If he wants to go to the kids program great- if not, don't sweat it. The more you "make" him go the less he'll want to go.

 

I suspect he is older now and will want to go when he see how fun it is and meets some kids.

[scubagolfer]

I wouldn't do that to my kid. I was painfully shy and my parents never ditched me on vacation, thank God. We all had a great time together.

 

(I grew out of it eventually. Looking back I really appreciate their support.)

Maybe you were painfully shy because they didn't do that? Look mybe i'm getting the very very wrong message here from you, however "our" daughter ran to Camp Carnival and she clearly has my personality outgoing personable,and has many many friends and makes friends without hardly talking to them. I believe that the reason she is like she is because at a very early age she was eating out with us, going to sporting events, the theater, all with responsiblity from us of course, leaving if they get out of hand.

 

Once in Camp Carnival she Didn't look back! They nicknamed her Tinkerbell because we had been to Disney just a few days before embarkation and she had a tink temp tatoo, The Camp only enhanced her vacation. We didn't throw her in and lock the door and DITCH her if you will. I'm not certain that anyone is implying that as well. hey if I got the wrong impression about your post then i'm certainly sorry.....and I will relax a little, and turn off the flame thrower.

[Julienatul]

We are in the same boat. My DD who is 3 now has been on 6 cruises, 3 of which she has been old enough to go to the kids club. She cries hysterically when we drop her off each time and they call us to come get her. We have tried it all, staying with her, leaving her, going to the welcome aboard party, bribing her, introducing her to other kids, talking about the activities and showing her pictures months before we go etc. Nothing has worked yet. The new atmosphere and being away from us is too much for her. She is not very shy and attends daycare everyday since she was 4 months old. She has a great memory and remembers the club so we get to the door and immediately she starts crying. I just plan on her being with us for the cruise. I am hoping one day she will try it because I know she would love it.