So what do you think of this?

[PrincesScuba]

Back when we booked our cruise in january we told everyone who would listen LOL. Well a few families expressed interest but it was too early for them to book or too expensive....etc. Well, 2 days ago we decided to ask our youngest dd's friend (13) to come with us - this way she would have someone to hang with when her older sisters were in the teen lounge etc. Her family was on the fence about booking all along because of money and when i asked them if she could go they said yes but offered to pay her way. I declined and said it was our pleasure - they alway take our dd along with them so this was like payback.:) well she called me this morning to say that she noticed that most of the cabins for 4 are booked up but now that her dd is in one of our cabins she'll only need a triple and maybe they could join us afterall. :eek: I was speechless! I'm not taking their daughter so they could have a discount LOL! Am I wrong for feeling this way? I'm pretty upset.....I want their daughter to come and I'd love for them to come too but not on my dollar......

 

Am I a bad person? :( how do I handle this?

~Connie

 

Connie, are you currently booked as a double for you and DH, and a separate cabin for your three daughters, with room for a fourth?

 

If so, I wouldn't sweat it, as you implied in your last post.

 

But if it means that one of your daughters now has to room with you to make room for the 13 year old's friend, then it's a different matter.

[4merlurker]

Connie, are you currently booked as a double for you and DH, and a separate cabin for your three daughters, with room for a fourth?

 

If so, I wouldn't sweat it, as you implied in your last post.

 

But if it means that one of your daughters now has to room with you to make room for the 13 year old's friend, then it's a different matter.

 

 

The girls room is a quad. There's room, not much cause it's an inside, LOL but enough.

 

~Connie

[PrincesScuba]

No, the kids room is a quad. There's room, not much cause it's an inside LOL but enough.

 

~Connie

 

 

I actually enjoyed reading this thread, and the way the discussion evolved.

 

After reading everything, and especially your response here, as long as ALL of your daughters are ok with having the "baby's" friend in the cabin, I'd say that you are a wonderful Mom to your girls to do this.

 

(I agree with the caution: As long as the girl's family doesn't spirit her away for "family activities" when you are expecting her to be your daughter's companion)

 

I would discuss THAT with them before October! :)

 

(this must be the "New Jersey Teacher's Week" thingie, eh?)

[jmf123]

Thanks everyone I do see every side now. You're right. I've put the offer on the table....I can't take it back now. :) Maybe I misunderstood and she meant that by the time they are ready to book, the quads may be sold out but since dd is with us they can grab a triple?

 

Whatever.....who cares right? I'll be on a cruise and my dd will be happy! It's a win win!

 

~Connie

 

That is a good way to see it Connie, and I agree with your above comment about what your friend likely meant. She is not out to take advantage of you and I didn't see it that way.

 

Have a wonderful cruise! :)

[relaxandenjoy]

It's so nice to see a thread where the OP actually feels better and not worse as a result of the responses! :)

[TrikeRider]

It would feel odd to me - Does the friend hang out with your family or hers? Who has to watch the friend? I do think they are taking advantage of your generosity.

[TRadle]

I think if you hadn't invited the daughter the other family would not have been able to cruise! Work out the details for the girls activities, link your reservations, and have a great cruise!:D

[pcur]

I disagree with the posters here that don't see a problem with the girlfriend's mother. She is taking advantage of her friend's generosity, and profiting from a kind gesture. That's tacky and extremely rude IMO; she is benefiting from someone else doing something nice for her daughter, not her.

 

I'm glad the OP feels better, because to me that is the really important result here, along with the well being of the two girls.

 

Like I said before, you can't cure tacky. Being MORE generous and giving is a blessing, and to be commended.

 

I'm a "goes around, comes around" person, and I let life teach rude and greedy people.

[I'm Cruising Soon]

My two cents worth says take the friend along and enjoy the cruise. You are paying it forward. We are all in this world together and have to help each other out sometimes. We reap what we sow. Enjoy!:)

[BDL]

I know that when my daughter was 13 having a friend with her was a godsend! I didn't have to hear 'I'm bored'. I think you are doing a really nice thing for your daughter and her friend. They will have a wonderful time together and you should feel good about what you're doing.

 

Having the other girl's family on board may actually be beneficial to you. Since 13 year olds still need to be kept track of, if you want to have a night or two alone with your husband you can work something out with the other parents. Suggest ahead of time that since they are coming on the trip, you can take turns having evenings off ;).

 

You are right - you'll be on a cruise and your DD will be so happy to have a friend with her!

[CruisinManiac]

 

(this must be the "New Jersey Teacher's Week" thingie, eh?)

 

 

What and when is this New Jersey week "thingie?"

[Brickwood]

I can definitely understand your surprise. On the other hand, as others have said, maybe the difference between paying for the 4th passenger in a quad as opposed to having only three is a make or break proposition for them. Regardless, you did offer and while I'd have the same feelings, I'd try to stand by what I'd said, put my feelings behind me and enjoy my cruise however it turned out.

 

I'm facing a similar though not so last-minute situation in planning a European cruise with my DH's side. Everyone has been saying they want to go but it is the typical cat-herding situation. I finally committed, told hem where and when we're going and that we'd take the MIL in our cabin. I made my decision so regardless of whether 3 or 15 people go and who stays in what cabin, I'm fine. This may be a once in a lifetime opportunity us, certainly for my MIL and I'll be thrilled whether we end up with just the DH and I, the three of us or a multitude of family/friends.

 

Karma, pay it forward, whatever - try to let it go and just have fun - it's your vacation so do whatever it takes to enjoy!

[roe2ship]

Back when we booked our cruise in january we told everyone who would listen LOL. Well a few families expressed interest but it was too early for them to book or too expensive....etc. Well, 2 days ago we decided to ask our youngest dd's friend (13) to come with us - this way she would have someone to hang with when her older sisters were in the teen lounge etc. Her family was on the fence about booking all along because of money and when i asked them if she could go they said yes but offered to pay her way. I declined and said it was our pleasure - they alway take our dd along with them so this was like payback.:) well she called me this morning to say that she noticed that most of the cabins for 4 are booked up but now that her dd is in one of our cabins she'll only need a triple and maybe they could join us afterall. :eek: I was speechless! I'm not taking their daughter so they could have a discount LOL! Am I wrong for feeling this way? I'm pretty upset.....I want their daughter to come and I'd love for them to come too but not on my dollar......

 

Am I a bad person? :( how do I handle this?

~Connie

No you are not a bad person. I think that was very sneaky on the other family's part. She admitted that she was concerned about the money and then turns around and books the cruise anyway after she got you to say that you will pay for their daughter!

 

What and when is this New Jersey week "thingie?"

It is the NJEA, it is a teacher's convention held in Atlantic City the first Thursday and Friday of the week in November. Years ago, schools will be closed for the 2 days but now some districts close the entire week.

[Grannycb]

I'm glad to hear that everyone gets to go on the cruise together. I don't think the other family was doing anything to take advantage of you nor were they being sneaky. Everything was up front and out in the open. The cruise could work out exceptionally well with the kids having friends to share their experiences and you having another pair of adult eyes to help with the kids. Everyone wins this way. Have a wonderful cruise!

[CaribbeanBlues]

I'm glad to hear that everyone gets to go on the cruise together. I don't think the other family was doing anything to take advantage of you nor were they being sneaky. Everything was up front and out in the open. The cruise could work out exceptionally well with the kids having friends to share their experiences and you having another pair of adult eyes to help with the kids. Everyone wins this way. Have a wonderful cruise!

I definately agree with this view point. It seems like a win win for all envolved. If the other family really could not afford the price for 4 and this situation made it become affordable, what is the real issue. I guess it could be viewed as a little tacky as to the way it was announced that they could now afford a room for 3, but would it really be better if they stayed home. The OP has made it possible for everyone to go on this cruise. What could be better than that. The daughter will be happy, the other girl will be happy and the OP has made it all possible by a simple act of kindness that was owed to the other family. Forget how it came about and whether there was any thought of them taking advantage and have a great cruise.

[Garyorient]

May I just put my penniworth.
You are fortunate enough to be able to afford your holiday with your DD's friend.

Let me tell you, life is too short to make a bif deal about all of this.

You work damn hard for your holidays.
Do not lose a moments sleep, do not bother, do not care.
Just go and enjoy your cruise.

Life is too short to stress over such things.
Save your fretting for something more important.