Innocents Abroad ? (we qualify)

Thought I'd share this story to make you lot :D on a right dreich day.

When we did out first cruise (Princess) in 2009, 'er indoors noticed that there was a "Friends of Dorothy" get together at 5pm daily, advertised in the newsletter, with G, L, B, & T in brackets after the announcement.

Her Ladyship remarked that this woman must be a well known regular cruiser and have lots of pals on board, and expressed a curiousity to drop in and see what was what.

Needless to say, neither of us had a scooby doo as to the nature of this particular social event !!!

However, for one reason or another we missed out, mostly because we were sunning ourselves on deck, or just back from a run ashore.

The next summer we did another Princess cruise and noted more FOD meetings - Mrs.WCM mentioned this aloud at dinner the second night onboard and drew some very odd sideways looks from other passengers.

One of them kindly explained the plot in a low voice - and deciphered G, L, B & T for us as Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and Transvestites.

Talk about RED faces !!!

:eek:

Like it :D:D

Review of my (fictional) Cruise:

Arrived at destination airport to find that everyone on our flight was performing some kind of traditional stamping/whooping elbow dance around the luggage carousel I joined in just to be friendly

First evening on the all inclusive, decisions decisions...shall I have a foaming pint of creme de menthe or a line of cocktails complete with fruit, plastic swords and umbrellas, went for the umbrellas

First morning, at the breakfast buffet, couldn’t decide so crammed a piece of everything onto my plate....I never realised that Mackerel and Honey were so nice...

This first day was a sea day so headed off to the pool deck to get a sunbed....found one and kindly someone had left me a book and a towel

That evening....you won’t believe this, on my way to the show lounge I actually bumped into the captain....what’s the chances of that eh eh? He even shook my hand which was difficult because I was holding 2 plates of cakes which I was saving for later....what a great guy he even offered to have a his photo taken with me but before I could thank him he had to turn his back on me for some reason?

Then all too soon it was time to fly home, couldn’t find my bag...someone had taken it in the night? But they must have felt some remorse because when I got the airport it had been left outside

It wasn’t easy finding the right departure gate but I followed some people I recognized from the ship who were speeding up in front of me almost to a run at one point, managed to board the plane first as I was leaning against the door to the air bridge when the security guard opened it from the other side, once on board spent 20 minutes rearranging the overhead lockers.....so untidy, got a round of applause when I finally sat down and reclined my seat ....people on Thomson’s are so nice

Names have been changed to protect the innocent:D

shall I have a foaming pint of creme de menthe or a line of cocktails complete with fruit, plastic swords and umbrellas, went for the umbrellas

You would definately qualify for Dorothy's circle of companions with a "Del Boy" drink like that !!!

:D

Love these little stories real or fiction :D:D

Mrs.C :)

Weecountryman & Geomagot; great stories :) :) We need a "like" button on here!

Weecountryman & Geomagot; great stories :) :) We need a "like" button on here!

I was just thinking the very same :D

Our first cruise was with NCL from Miami down to Mexico quite a few years ago

Every night was formal dress night :( same table,same people

mostly Americans on board out for a good time

Our table consisted of 8 peeps all English :)

myself and beloved,then there was Trevor from Wolverhamton (thats how he introduced himself and his wife) :D

couple no2 :Mr and Mrs very quiet dont want to speak to anyone

the other couple in their 70's had been on more cruises than I have had birthdays, but were charming company

we only saw Trevor & co once at dinner,when we next saw him he was wandering around on his own were we had docked :confused:

when we enquired about his BH he mumbled something about a slight argument, we never saw her again :cool:

always wonder if she got off or he threw her overboard ? :eek:

Stevie

On our Honeymoon in France one night we decided to try a swanky local restaurant as a treat.....we perused the (rather alarming) French menu, after an age the slightly sniffy waiter came over to take our order, mrs (or ms as she calls herself these days?) magot ordered the coup de gras! and I said 'I’ll have the have the capo-de-monte':D

I Must Go Down To The Sea Again

I must go down to the sea again,

to the lonely sea and the sky;

I left my shoes and socks there -

I wonder if they're dry? :rolleyes:

Stevie :)

Before we took up cruising ,like a lot of newbies ,not knowing what to expect it was decided we would do a two for one (on the ferries )

from Hull. The best would be, we would like the North sea or at worst hate it .

We liked it ..:D but what stayed with me was a coach load going over to Brugges was one lady ,who lets say had discovered the bar ,

staggered into the Four Season's Buffet and was very loud, her husband was silent and just sat there eating his meal .

One of her trips back from the food ,she was all over the place almost falling on the floor .

At the top of her voice she yelled .." IT'S A BLEEDIN ROUGH ONE TONIGHT ! " Quick as a flash two waiters ran over one taking her plate and both holding her up ,to take her back to her table ,whilst telling her " The ship is not sailing yet , we are still in the port locks waiting to go to sea .":D

I think the silent husband was not too impressed as he brought all her food after that .

Before she left it was a sight to see, her getting a few slice of cake and press ...well crush between two plates and slip it all into her handbag before staggering away with a very red faced hubby in tow .:eek:

I wonder if they ever took up cruising :p;):D

Thought I'd share this story to make you lot :D on a right dreich day :eek:

Just googled "dreich" :eek: It's fabulous weather here. Sitting in the garden with the laptop :)

Wonderful story though - made me chuckle :D

Review of my (fictional) cruise part 2

Day in port, decided to hop on a bus which was handily parked right next to the ship, we drove off.... past the scenic container port.... past the supermarket..... past the GUM clinic..... past some derelict buildings and on down a dirt track where a group of security guards with guns had gathered possibly for target practice? and then on through the local swamp, until we reached a scenic view where the tour guide ordered everyone off the bus and to stand against a wall in a perfectly straight line and take photographs before being ordered back on in double quick time and told to sit in the exact position we had held before, which was difficult because I was trying to find my two plates of apples (that I was saving for later) which had been rolling up and down the isle from the outset

Next was a lunch stop at a local beauty spot, this place had a completely unpronounceable name (being from somewhere in the west country I should be well used to this) anyway, the restaurant looked very exotic they had palm trees outside and everything, I was looking forward to ‘getting down’ with some locals and enjoying some traditional cuisine so, not wishing to be disrespectful before I ordered I asked the employee 'would you please pronounce where I am..... very slowly' the employee leaned over the counter and said 'Burrrrrr gerrrrrr Kiiiing'

On the drive back everyone on the bus fell asleep (must have been all that local food?) after a while the bus driver (perhaps to distract himself from the blind 45 degree bends, piles of sand, flocks of sheep/donkeys/mopeds and a precipitous 5000 meter drop into a volcano either side of the narrow road) fumbled around for some minutes under his seat and in the stairwell then, while holding the wheel with his knees connected his radio to the tour guides microphone, eventually playing some sort of traditional local tune which he seemed to be enjoying immensely, I have to say that to me it sounded a little like a group of scrapyard Dobermen dragging their claws over some corrugated tin to the tune of Aga do do do, however, just to be friendly, I stamped out the beat on the floor of the bus as hard as I could so that the driver could hear and drummed as fast as possible with both hands on the backs of the 2 seats in front, it must have really improved the sound because I got a round of applause when I finally stopped......people on Thomson’s are so nice

Names have been changed to protect the innocent:D

Just googled "dreich"

Ah, but can you say it Linda?:D

Ah, but can you say it Linda?:D

No! You will have to enlighten me :D

Reading this topic has made me realise why we like Thomson message board (+cruises) so much- it's all the interesting stuff that stops us from doing boring research :D

I'm sure that I'd still read this, even if we were sailing with another line. Keep up the good work

yep that's us all daft and happy :D

Stveie

Just googled "dreich" :eek: It's fabulous weather here. Sitting in the garden with the laptop :)

 

Wonderful story though - made me chuckle :D

Linda,

There was a BBC Radio Scotland football reporter from Tayside who used to "live" for whenever Dundee (Dens Park) played Dundee United in the local derby game, especially when the match ended all square !!!

Hello and welcome to a damp dreich dreery dismal Dens for yet another depressing Dundee drawn derby........etc., etc.

I mind of alliteration being mentioned at school, but I'd never heard it used in the real world until then.

Doh !!!

How do you delete a duplicate message ?

While we were on a boat trip we were chilaxing away on the roof, when.........you know how itis........suddenly there are Dolphins all around us, pandemonium broke out on the boat, I shouted to ms magot, Quick! Quick! get the camera, she passed me a banana......no! NO! The camera! The bl**dy CAMERA!

some minutes later, I was happily filming the Dolphins for about 6 seconds when................ Memory Full!!.........Doh! it always happens! I (stupidly) fumbled about with the memory stick while balancing on the roof of the boat (people behind were getting close ups of the back of my head!) it was the sort of memory stick that you push to eject......it popped out, bounced on the roof, bounced on the rail twice! (I know, Amazing!) and plopped through the side into the crystal clear water (I watched it as it gracefully planed away) The entirety of my weeks holiday photos gone, just like that, gone forever to the bottom of the ocean!

I had to rely on the little magots photos to fill my holiday album that year......they consisted of blurry pictures of the showteam in the dark, blurry photos of peoples feet and various other body parts? and a photo collage of themselves taken in the bathroom mirror with the mosaic tiles as a backdrop!

While we were on a boat trip we were chilaxing away on the roof, when.........you know how itis........suddenly there are Dolphins all around us, pandemonium broke out on the boat, I shouted to ms magot, Quick! Quick! get the camera, she passed me a banana......no! NO! The camera! The bl**dy CAMERA!

 

some minutes later, I was happily filming the Dolphins for about 6 seconds when................ Memory Full!!.........Doh! it always happens! I (stupidly) fumbled about with the memory stick while balancing on the roof of the boat (people behind were getting close ups of the back of my head!) it was the sort of memory stick that you push to eject......it popped out, bounced on the roof, bounced on the rail twice! (I know, Amazing!) and plopped through the side into the crystal clear water (I watched it as it gracefully planed away) The entirety of my weeks holiday photos gone, just like that, gone forever to the bottom of the ocean!

 

I had to rely on the little magots photos to fill my holiday album that year......they consisted of blurry pictures of the showteam in the dark, blurry photos of peoples feet and various other body parts? and a photo collage of themselves taken in the bathroom mirror with the mosaic tiles as a backdrop!

Your holidays sound like fun :D

While we were on a boat trip we were chilaxing away on the roof, when.........you know how itis........suddenly there are Dolphins all around us, pandemonium broke out on the boat, I shouted to ms magot, Quick! Quick! get the camera, she passed me a banana......no! NO! The camera! The bl**dy CAMERA!

 

some minutes later, I was happily filming the Dolphins for about 6 seconds when................ Memory Full!!.........Doh! it always happens! I (stupidly) fumbled about with the memory stick while balancing on the roof of the boat (people behind were getting close ups of the back of my head!) it was the sort of memory stick that you push to eject......it popped out, bounced on the roof, bounced on the rail twice! (I know, Amazing!) and plopped through the side into the crystal clear water (I watched it as it gracefully planed away) The entirety of my weeks holiday photos gone, just like that, gone forever to the bottom of the ocean!

 

I had to rely on the little magots photos to fill my holiday album that year......they consisted of blurry pictures of the showteam in the dark, blurry photos of peoples feet and various other body parts? and a photo collage of themselves taken in the bathroom mirror with the mosaic tiles as a backdrop!

Now we know who the inspiration for "Mr.Bean" really is !!! :D

Now we know who the inspiration for "Mr.Bean" really is !!! :D

someone did once comment that I was 'Nuttier than a port-a-loo at a peanut festival':eek:

Review of my (fictional) cruise part 3

Next Day, Ahhh The Eternal City, This was the port of call we had all been waiting for.......didn’t look that eternal to me, judging by the recklessness of the car & moped drivers they cant be short of organ donors that’s for sure

Tour Guide asked, does anyone on the bus know what a roman forum is, I raised my arm, ooh, me, me pick me.... it’s two-um plus two-um, everyone knows that

The bus parked up near some ruins? the tour guide said 'ok we alla know that you thomsona guests are genetically programmed never to be ona time, so pleasea stay with me at all timesa' I raised my arm (again) She looked at me with that look that you get in the movies, the one that’s usually accompanied by gunfire' How will we know its you?' she replyed 'I will be the one waving an extended car aerial with a little red flag on top' O....kay.....that sounds easy enough doesn’t it? cant really miss an Italian woman waving a car aerial with a little red flag on top, on leaving the bus every other woman in sight was waving a car aerial with a little flag on top and those that weren’t were holding aloft wire coat hangers/umbrellas/plastic chickens!

In the cathedral utter silence must be maintained at all times? probably out of respect for all those solid gold statues, so we were all wired up with little radio devices and earphones so that we could hear the whispered commentary, I think mine must have been in Latin? Very interrr-esss-tinggg???

I noticed that picture had been painted on the ceiling that was an exact replica of the lid on one of ms magots boxes of chocolates....a bit tacky, I thought

Decided to give the Latin a miss and went shopping instead and purchased a lovely present for ms magot a very swanky Louis Vuitton handbag she will be so pleased (big brownie points for sure) inside it said 'Made in Senegal' very exotic

Later on passing the Trevi fountain I wanted to throw a coin in but didn’t really want to throw away a perfectly good 1p coin, so threw in a nearby bicycle instead

On the journey back I decided to enjoy my 2 plates of pizza (that I had been saving for later) I even managed to melt the cheese topping a little with the help of my collection of free matchbooks that I carry everywhere, happily chomped/slurped/crunched away on the entire long journey back to the ship, I did feel a little guilty, briefly, when I noticed that everyone on the bus kept glancing over their shoulders towards me with a crazed look in their eye and clenching their fists, I bet they whished they had brought some pizza along too ...........People on Thomson’s are so nice:D

I know what you're all thinking............is this review ever going to bl**dy end?:o

Tonight was a special night for me as ms magot (now known as lady magot....cruising seems to have this effect on the ladies?) had, strangly? agreed to accompany me

she was looking resplendently interesting in a new updo hairstyle, it had started out as a Tina Turner but after a long tousle with the hairdryer, which was inconveniently attached by a short cord to the bottom of the wardrobe, had ended up as an updo complete with cherries, plastic swords and umbrellas

I put on my best suit that I have hardly worn since 1982, Hmm, just as I was thinking that it was a little short in the leg? a button popped off! luckily, that guy, who seems to spend his days idling in the corridor making towel animals came immediately to the rescue, he sewed the button back on, whilst making the bed up, picked up all the rubbish, got all the drawers to finally close, tidied the bathroom and even artfully placed a flower and some chocolates on our pillows, before I had finished doing up my shoelaces.....what a guy!

ms lady magot was wearing yet another new dress! this one had dental floss straps which were so stretched, they were in danger of playing a celestial harp tune in D minor if she got up from her chair too quickly! and was of a pattern that she must have especially chosen to match the dining room carpet.

'A lady must get that perfect balance of not trying to hard while still looking demure' she said, while doing a little twirl, and then promptly tripped over the raised threshold of the cabin door and tumbled (like that boy on a skateboard on you've been framed) onto the corridor floor, unfortunately, right in front of a line of bridge officers who were marching past one by one, ms lady magot sat up, crossed her legs, flicked her hair nonchalantly and said 'ah......good evening gentlemen...... just looking for my earrings.... as you do.....' they smiled and marched on a little faster

the bright lights of the chandeliers hanging in the dining room were so bright and unforgiving that as ms lady magot walked underneath them the light began to bounce and scatter of her jewellery (she was wearing all of it) in a kind of boogie rhythm, sending out what looked like random blue green laser beams around the room before rebounding off the portholes and continuing on into infinity! The captain had resorted to wearing a welding mask whilst making his speech at the top table, and then even gave us a mention 'I just cant take anymore of those two' he said 'Call security and have them removed to the cargo hold immediately' cool, the captain had taken the time to arrange for us to have a private tour of the inner workings of the ship, this cruise is fantastic!........people on Thomsons are so nice:D