how would you handle this ??

[mamasue]

Oh that's a good answer!

 

MamaSue - are you back from your Monarch Trip already?

 

 

hi!! yes we got back home late Friday evening.... it as a great little cruise... the ship was great... the food was great.... the staff were all wonderful!!

For a "small and old" ship... everything exceeded our expectations, even though the weather was fairly poopy!!! :)

[euro cruiser]

At least, if you are vacationing with another couple, you can agree to do some things together and some things alone. It is different with a single friend.

I think it depends on the single friend. I travel alone and love it. I also travel with friends and, when I do, I don't want to spend every waking moment with them.

 

The most important thing about traveling with others is clearly articulating your expectations to one another before you agree to travel together. It's a lot harder said than done, but it's the most important conversation you can have.

[Cruisin' Chick]

On my last cruise, two of our tablemates were siblings. They had separate cabins and did different things in port and on the ship. Probably most of the time, they only saw each other at dinner, that is, if the brother showed up, which wasn't every night.

[carlmm]

I do not share the opinion that it is a solution to tell a person you are travelling with that you are doing what you want irrespectively of her wants. "We leave; either you come with us or we will leave you alone at the table." Even with strangers it is very impolite to leave before the end of the dinner, and in this case it is probably hurting.

Does really somebody suggest to leave her alone at the table every night?

 

Of course the friend might be a nasty dictator who only understands harsh and direct words and actions, yet given the question of the OP this is quite unlikely.

The relationship of the OP and their friend seems to be a close one where everybody enjoys the company of the others and wants everybody to be happy. Friendship lives with consideration.

 

It sounds like a typical dilemma situation:

Person A prefers to be early at the show to get a good seat.

Person B prefers to enjoy dinner without haste.

No opinion is better than the other.

Both prefer to be together.

No ideal solution.

 

Any solution at all depends of course upon the individuals.

I would suggest to go for a compromise that rests on respect for each other.

Point out how great cruises are, how much you enjoy both the peaceful dinner and the shows. State, that unfortunately time constraints (as given by the ship's schedule not by the friend) make it often impossible to do full justice to both. Thus you (the group, all together) will have to decide each day which of the two nice events will have to be curtailed. Some days the great show will not be to missed and you will have to go early. Some days a less good seat or being late to the show will be just fine as the show is not the best anyway or because you enjoy the atmosphere and the conversation at dinner that much.

 

It remains open if the friend will indeed come to the show early on the days when the show gets priority or if one of the other options (reserving a seat, meeting afterwards) will be better, but that is only the second step.

[Gathina]

You must be a real people pleaser then! There is a polite way to do it and a rude way to do it. No it's not very impolite to leave before the end of the dinner..IF you politely excuse yourself.

 

And who said it was going to mean leaving the woman alone at the dinner table every night? Geez..she is probably used to it as I am sure she eats this way with other people.

 

Friendship does live with consideration. But it does work both ways. It's nto all about the woman at the table..it's about her consideration of the other's wishes as well.

 

I do not share the opinion that it is a solution to tell a person you are travelling with that you are doing what you want irrespectively of her wants. "We leave; either you come with us or we will leave you alone at the table." Even with strangers it is very impolite to leave before the end of the dinner, and in this case it is probably hurting.

Does really somebody suggest to leave her alone at the table every night?

 

Of course the friend might be a nasty dictator who only understands harsh and direct words and actions, yet given the question of the OP this is quite unlikely.

The relationship of the OP and their friend seems to be a close one where everybody enjoys the company of the others and wants everybody to be happy. Friendship lives with consideration.

 

It sounds like a typical dilemma situation:

Person A prefers to be early at the show to get a good seat.

Person B prefers to enjoy dinner without haste.

No opinion is better than the other.

Both prefer to be together.

No ideal solution.

 

Any solution at all depends of course upon the individuals.

I would suggest to go for a compromise that rests on respect for each other.

Point out how great cruises are, how much you enjoy both the peaceful dinner and the shows. State, that unfortunately time constraints (as given by the ship's schedule not by the friend) make it often impossible to do full justice to both. Thus you (the group, all together) will have to decide each day which of the two nice events will have to be curtailed. Some days the great show will not be to missed and you will have to go early. Some days a less good seat or being late to the show will be just fine as the show is not the best anyway or because you enjoy the atmosphere and the conversation at dinner that much.

 

It remains open if the friend will indeed come to the show early on the days when the show gets priority or if one of the other options (reserving a seat, meeting afterwards) will be better, but that is only the second step.

[momofmeg]

I do not share the opinion that it is a solution to tell a person you are travelling with that you are doing what you want irrespectively of her wants. "We leave; either you come with us or we will leave you alone at the table." Even with strangers it is very impolite to leave before the end of the dinner, and in this case it is probably hurting.

Does really somebody suggest to leave her alone at the table every night?

 

 

I have had table mates politely excuse themselves many a time, it is not always me that leaves early. I have never been offended by the another excusing himself.

 

People's codes of behavior always surprise me. As long as you excuse yourself, no impropriety is done. Check your book of manners.

 

Personally, I always like when a person is on a cellphone, or smoking a cigarette, that they do excuse themselves from the table. That is good manners.

 

I guess that is why I know, I would never cruise with certain people. I know we almost did a group cruise a couple years back-we backed out-when we learned the perosn organizing it had our whole day mapped out- example- "Monday is a sea day-We will meet at 8 for breakfast, and at 9:30 we can meet at the pool.." and so on. "Tuesday we are in Cozumel, we will meet for breakfast at 7 and we will do the ruins excursion..." We canceled that trip.

[marco]

I think someone may have mentioned this already, but just say, "we really really enjoy the shows and are disappointed when we arrive late. Please stay and finish your dinner leisurely and enjoy....we're going to run along to the show, now".

[RetireeWannabee]

As someone that eats slowly, I'd rather you tell me. I don't do shows, so I would have no problem with your leaving the table to make the show while I linger over coffee and dessert.

 

Ask her to go, she's a friend! Address the issue as an observation, not a character trait.

 

And a little hint - don't engage me in conversation at the table if you're trying to hurry me up!

[pg.]

I love posts like this,, the OP never comes back on and answers any questions, so you never really can figure out the whole picture.

 

Hey, Cori,, any comments?

[sail7seas]

I don't see it as a problem to say you really would like to see the shows on this cruise and will understand if she doesn't wish to go but hope she will understand you want to be out of the dining room by 'set your time'.

 

I wouldn't be offended.

If she wants to linger with her coffee and wine, great. No reason she shouldn't but no reason you should miss the shows you wish to see. Why should that offend her?

 

[jnc411]

Hi I am to OP, have not been able to get back online for a couple days, babysitting my little grandson. Sorry I have not replied to all the great ideas. For those who suggested that we do the flexible (personal choice option, well that is what we have done in the past , was not the answer. We also have tried the go early , get done on time, didn't work , she would not be ready on time to go early. Also have tried the lets be sure to be done on time for the show, that didn't work either. And I don't mean to make her sound just awful, because she isn't . She just is not good about being ontime, period. Also when she picks the wine it goes on her account, and I am not comfortable with her always paying for the wine, so we try to be sure to take our turns, and we don't usually drink wine with every dinner, my DH is a diabetic, so wine is a sometime thing and we have told her that as well. And the idea of telling her , well you take your time and we will get seats for the show , just would not work , she would be offended. Actually , she is a work friend of our daughter and she comes along , so our daughter has a friend along to go on excursions with , etc. Both are single women who enjoy traveling and we enjoy having our daughter along to spend some time with her while we are on vacation. So our daughter does not want to cramp our style on another cruise like the last one, and we are thinking of just us and our daughter going this time, but again , we don't want to offend the lady she works with. Our daughter is a grown women who has traveled extensively, and is not high maintenance and easy to travel with, her work friend is very nice , but needs more maintenance when traveling. I told our daughter I would post this question to see what the great CC people suggest, then I would tell her. So Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful and helpful answers to our little problem. Hope this answers some of your questions, I did not mean to be vague, just was not sure how to put it, with out sounding like a jerk. Anyway thanks.

Cori

[JanineM]

Hi I am to OP, have not been able to get back online for a couple days, babysitting my little grandson. Sorry I have not replied to all the great ideas. For those who suggested that we do the flexible (personal choice option, well that is what we have done in the past , was not the answer. We also have tried the go early , get done on time, didn't work , she would not be ready on time to go early. Also have tried the lets be sure to be done on time for the show, that didn't work either. And I don't mean to make her sound just awful, because she isn't . She just is not good about being ontime, period. Also when she picks the wine it goes on her account, and I am not comfortable with her always paying for the wine, so we try to be sure to take our turns, and we don't usually drink wine with every dinner, my DH is a diabetic, so wine is a sometime thing and we have told her that as well. And the idea of telling her , well you take your time and we will get seats for the show , just would not work , she would be offended. Actually , she is a work friend of our daughter and she comes along , so our daughter has a friend along to go on excursions with , etc. Both are single women who enjoy traveling and we enjoy having our daughter along to spend some time with her while we are on vacation. So our daughter does not want to cramp our style on another cruise like the last one, and we are thinking of just us and our daughter going this time, but again , we don't want to offend the lady she works with. Our daughter is a grown women who has traveled extensively, and is not high maintenance and easy to travel with, her work friend is very nice , but needs more maintenance when traveling. I told our daughter I would post this question to see what the great CC people suggest, then I would tell her. So Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful and helpful answers to our little problem. Hope this answers some of your questions, I did not mean to be vague, just was not sure how to put it, with out sounding like a jerk. Anyway thanks.

Cori

 

Ahhh Cori ... it sounds like you may be sailing with my sister! ;) However she's in her late 50s so it can't be the same person :o. But she is never, ever, ever on-time and does NOT understand the value of time. We have held Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner for over two hours for her, and when she arrives she is not even apologetic --- she just does not GET time.

 

However, I have learned that I am not going to sacrifice my vacation or get anxious because she can't get her act together. And she is absolutely NOT going to change. For this one reason we do not vacation with her. She and her husband cruise all of the time, and have even suggested we buy a vacation home with them. If we did I'd spend the whole time popping Valium and my husband would divorce me ... and that is not a vacation!

 

Now as I have become older and more self-assured, I have stood up to her and just said "no". Surprisingly, she has taken this well and just goes about her way. But that's a choice I made.

 

Given that your daughter works with this person and you don't want to threaten her job, I guess I'd just avoid traveling with her.

 

Another suggestion would be for you to take early seating seating to deal with your husband's diabetes. Sometimes we need to take advantage of these health situations in order to smooth the way.

 

Good luck. I hope you find a reasonable solution to your dilemma!

[momofmeg]

Cori, now that I understand the situation, you could suggest to your duaghter that they eat the late seating, but you want to eat early. Surely you can explain to your daughter why. The two may actually enjoy doing dinner on their own. I don't think your daughter's friend will be offended, if your daughter tells her that Mom and Dad don't want to linger in the dining room as they love the shows, that is the highlight of cruising for them. She can also explain as her Dad is diabetic, and wine runs up his blood sugar, that the two of you prefer to forego the wine.

 

I htink this ocudl be a good solution-that you book separate dinner times-and then perhaps the 4 of you could ONCE go to a specialty restaurant together during the week.

 

BTW-I am diabetic also-and like your husband I rarely drink wine-because of what it does to my blood sugar. I also prefer early seating, as when I eat late-I am more apt to go to bed shortly afterward. When I eat early, I usually have a nice walk out on the promenade or up on the lido afterward-which helps my blood sugar-and I still get to the shows!

[jnc411]

Water Baby and Mom of Meg. Thanks for the suggestions, yes we have thought of the early seating , late seating idea and that is an option. So we might do that. We also are still considering just the 3 of us going this time, we would just get a Suite so we would have enough room and not be stepping all over each other. If it were just a shorter 1 week cruise we might just deal with it , but the cruise options we are looking at are 2wks or longer , so things would have to be worked out before we go. Not to sound whiney, but the past two years for us have been very rough, my husband has serious health issues, and each time we are not sure if he will be able to cruise another time, so far God has blessed us with good results on his current tests, so he will be able to cruise. So spending time with our daughter would be an added blessing for us. And since our daughter is a medical professional it gives us added security when traveling. I just want her to be able to go on the more active and physical excursions that she enjoys, and we can no longer do.

Well enough going on about problems, going to have my little 4 month old grandson again today and gramma loves it. Thanks again CC friends, I know I can always count on the CC people to help out.

Cori

[momofmeg]

Cori, I would leave the decision with your daughter. If she is willing to go just the 3 of you-fine-and she can explain to her friend why she is not invited. She can simply say she wants private family time with her parents, as Dad has not been doing too well. But if your daughter wants her friend to go as she is a companion on the excursions you and her father can't do-which is the only reason I can see that there would be a concern, your daughter may want her to come-then you can simply eat at different seating-OR you and your husband can excuse yourself for the shows-and your daughter can stay with her friend while she finishes.

[jnc411]

Mom of Meg: Thanks , I think that is what we will do, I just needed confirmation from someone not involved , to know that what we were thinking was ok and hopefully will not hurt the ladys feelings. Thanks again everyone,

Cori

[Cruisin' Chick]

Hi I am to OP, have not been able to get back online for a couple days, babysitting my little grandson. Sorry I have not replied to all the great ideas. For those who suggested that we do the flexible (personal choice option, well that is what we have done in the past , was not the answer. We also have tried the go early , get done on time, didn't work , she would not be ready on time to go early. Also have tried the lets be sure to be done on time for the show, that didn't work either. And I don't mean to make her sound just awful, because she isn't . She just is not good about being ontime, period. Also when she picks the wine it goes on her account, and I am not comfortable with her always paying for the wine, so we try to be sure to take our turns, and we don't usually drink wine with every dinner, my DH is a diabetic, so wine is a sometime thing and we have told her that as well. And the idea of telling her , well you take your time and we will get seats for the show , just would not work , she would be offended. Actually , she is a work friend of our daughter and she comes along , so our daughter has a friend along to go on excursions with , etc. Both are single women who enjoy traveling and we enjoy having our daughter along to spend some time with her while we are on vacation. So our daughter does not want to cramp our style on another cruise like the last one, and we are thinking of just us and our daughter going this time, but again , we don't want to offend the lady she works with. Our daughter is a grown women who has traveled extensively, and is not high maintenance and easy to travel with, her work friend is very nice , but needs more maintenance when traveling. I told our daughter I would post this question to see what the great CC people suggest, then I would tell her. So Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful and helpful answers to our little problem. Hope this answers some of your questions, I did not mean to be vague, just was not sure how to put it, with out sounding like a jerk. Anyway thanks.

Cori

 

I'm still not getting the idea that she would feel offended if you let her know (or your daughter does) that you are planning to leave by a specific time to catch a show or two. Maybe if it's explained to her, she would understand. It could be that she just doesn't think about going to a show or is not into them. Maybe you can suggest to her that you all go to an early dinner (like the buffet perhaps, if you're signed up for late traditional), get the meal over with, and then get to the show lounge. Maybe she hasn't been to such shows and would really enjoy it. I just think if she would get offended because you want to enjoy a facet of the cruise (we're big on checking out the shows), she's being inconsiderate.

[beachchick]

I do not share the opinion that it is a solution to tell a person you are travelling with that you are doing what you want irrespectively of her wants. "We leave; either you come with us or we will leave you alone at the table." Even with strangers it is very impolite to leave before the end of the dinner, and in this case it is probably hurting.

Does really somebody suggest to leave her alone at the table every night?

 

<snip>

 

I could not disagree more. On the rare occasions when we use assigned dining in the MDR and when our table has not been just us and our family/friends, we have no problem politely excusing ourselves when we are finished dining. I feel no obligation at all to sit there for an extended time because a stranger, assigned by the cruise line, takes a long time to finish dinner or wants to have extended dessert or after dinner coffee. We are not responsible for entertaining them or for providing them company. We don't even know them. We don't just get up and leave; we thank them for their company, wish them a nice evening, and excuse ourselves. Period; no apology or anything else. If they get offended that is their problem.

 

IMO, your solution mostly takes into account what the friend wants, her preferences, her time-table. How about considering that it is selfish on her part to expect everyone to sit at the table until she decides she's finished with her meal/dessert/wine/coffee, irrespective of what the others in her traveling party want to do? These are all adults who are (presumably) not joined at the hip. Why should they be expected to all sit down and decide how to spend the entire evening together? If everyone in the group agrees to go over the day's schedule and compromise on what all of them will do all the time, then that's fine. But it sounds as if the friend would resent having to leave the MDR to go to a show, so how much fun would that be for anyone? And vice versa for those who want to finish dinner and head to the theater on time. How much fun would it be for them to sit there after they're ready to leave and go do something else? If she chooses to sit alone at the table after everyone else has finished, no problem. They are not abandoning her; she is making a choice to remain.

 

There's certainly room for those who want to head to a show to do that; there's equal room for those who wish to linger over dinner to do that. If the friend chooses to remain on her own that is her choice. Unfortunately, Cori indicated that this woman would be offended if everyone didn't remain at the table until she was ready to leave. With that kind of attitude, I'd not want to travel with her anyway. Does she expect the entire day and evening to revolve around her preferences? I've traveled with family like that and it isn't fun at all. I'm all for compromise and spending time together, but I'm also all for allowing the people I care about to enjoy themselves at their own pace and in their own way.

 

beachchick

[momofmeg]

I'm still not getting the idea that she would feel offended if you let her know (or your daughter does) that you are planning to leave by a specific time to catch a show or two. Maybe if it's explained to her' date=' she would understand. It could be that she just doesn't think about going to a show or is not into them. Maybe you can suggest to her that you all go to an early dinner (like the buffet perhaps, if you're signed up for late traditional), get the meal over with, and then get to the show lounge. Maybe she hasn't been to such shows and would really enjoy it. I just think if she would get offended because you want to enjoy a facet of the cruise (we're big on checking out the shows), she's being inconsiderate.[/quote']

 

You may be right-but if you are-it is the daughter's friend that has the problem-not the parents. As you said, she is being inconsiderate of her friend's parents. With people who are that way-sometimes you just have to "bite the bullet" and let them know, that they are not the only one who has preferences. This type of person is just used to having his/her way by emotionally bullying others who fear to "offend" this person. I see no problem with IF you have to offend them- as long as you do it politely and try to be as considerate as you can-they are ussually very unhappy people anyway-no matter what. Those types you offend no matter how hard you try not.

[kat2009]

[COLOR="Blue"]

Ahhh Cori ... it sounds like you may be sailing with my sister! ;) However she's in her late 50s so it can't be the same person :o. But she is never, ever, ever on-time and does NOT understand the value of time. We have held Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner for over two hours for her, and when she arrives she is not even apologetic --- she just does not GET time.

[ [/color]Janine - we must be related. I had the same problem with my sister on our cruise. She almost spoiled it for me. She was sooooo slow and always late - to the point she frequently missed out on things. When I wouldn't wait for her, she would sulk. Anyway, didn't mean to hijack your thread Cori. I say leave her at home. I have another cruise planned for December but no way is sister going.