Southwest Flight Attendant Script anyone?

[GreytRacer]

I am looking for a copy of the funny pre-flight spiel that Southwest Flight Attendants use. Does anyone have it? Or do you travel on Southwest enough you could recreate it, or parts of it?

 

I am a dance teacher and our recital theme this year is a trip around the world. We are going to start with a "pre-flight" spiel and are trying to make it humorous like SWA. Their script would be a great template for me to have.

 

A giant THANK YOU for your help! :)

[parody]

I never thought of it as being standardized. Hear and see one version

.

[Bars7816]

Thanks. That guy is good. Why do we always get the boring flights?

[GreytRacer]

I never thought of it as being standardized. Hear and see one version

.

Great! Thank you so much! I think rapping is out of my comfort zone, but it hadn't occurred to me to look on youtube to see if there were recorded versions.

 

Thanks!

[steve20832]

Southwest Flight attendents don't have scripts but are required by FAA to cover everything such as seat belt use, where the emergency doors are, flotation cushions, etc.

Some airlines do have scripts they follow as others have videos they play.

[GreytRacer]

I was a Flight Attendant back in the '80's, and I know we had a very specific script we had to follow. I don't fly SWA very often, so I wasn't sure if there was a script or if everyone just did there own thing, as long as they hit the safety items.

 

If anyone can remember anything especially funny you've heard on a SWA flight, I would love to hear it.

 

Thanks! :)

[kenish]

And the FAA is cool with it (as long as all the items are covered). More passengers pay attention compared to the "canned spiel".

[cherylandtk]

If anyone can remember anything especially funny you've heard on a SWA flight, I would love to hear it.

 

(said with a very thick Texas drawl)

"Now, for those of you have not ridden in an automobile (ah-toe-MO-beel) since 1962, here is how you use a seatbelt."

 

"Smoking is prohibited on this aircraft, but should you feel an intense need to smoke while in flight, please notify our flight attendants and we will re-accomodate you in our smoking section located right outside on the wing."

 

(While bouncing along on a particularly long ground trip from the runway, across a few taxiways and around the terminal pods to our gate) "Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the slightly rough ride to our gate, we want to assure you that nothing is wrong with the aircraft, nor is it the pilot's fault or the flight attendant's fault. It's the asphalt."

[twoputt.plusone]

We fly SW whenever we can so with children living in the sunny south, we fly a fair bit. I can't honestly say that we've heard the same "spiel" twice. I've always thought it was up to the individual flight attendant. Some were hilarous, one even sang it :D and a couple needed to try a bit harder because it didn't come naturally. While we're on the subject, I have an iTouch were I download podcasts. There is one that's written by a flight attendant and is called Betty in the Sky. She describes the daily humour that takes place while flying. It's hysterical! If you get the chance, check it out.

[greatam]

Not a WN story, but about a really famous AA pilot. I have flown with him and while I usually don't like the "cutesy" stuff on an airplane, I find this guy really hilarious.

 

"Welcome to the World of Captain Don!

 

 

Some people go to work just to work. Others love their job and do their best to spread good times to everyone around them. The pilot on my AUS-DFW flight today is in the second category. In the category? Heck, he OWNS that category!

 

We’ve all heard the boring announcements from the flight deck on every flight, as the Captain welcomes us on board, tells us the flying time to our destination, reminds us not to smoke, etc. Sometimes it sounds like he can hardly wait to finish the speech, but not my pilot today.

 

As we sat at the AUS terminal, we heard the following. “Good morning everyone, this is your captain speaking.” Five seconds of silence and then, “Oh my gosh, that sounds so cool that I have to say it again! Good morning everyone, this is your captain speaking.”

 

“Welcome aboard flight 1959, but that sounds so boring that we’ll just call this flight The Scooter. Welcome aboard The Scooter! I am Captain Don.”

 

“As you look out the right side of the aircraft, you will see a group of burly men jumping up and down on your luggage. Don’t be concerned, this is normal procedure. At American Airlines we believe in the pizza box philosophy of luggage; the flatter we can make it, the easier it will be for us to load.”

 

Plainly, this was not your average AA pilot.

 

As we backed away from the terminal, he continued. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have completed the most harrowing part of our flight, backing away from the gate in Austin. We’re now ready for our short 42 minute flight to DFW aboard The Scooter.”

 

When we got to the end of the runway Captain Don said, “Ladies and gentlemen, The Scooter is now number one for departure. Please sit back with your seatbelts securely fastened as I attempt to get 113,000 pounds of aluminum, nuts and bolts into the air!”

 

This was great stuff. Sadly, Captain Don was quiet during the flight. This may be because it is such a short flight; not long after leaving Austin it’s time to get in line to land at DFW. It wasn’t long before we arrived at DFW and had one of the smoothest touchdowns I have had in a long time. This guy knows how to fly!

 

As we taxied to the terminal, Captain Don said, “Ladies and gentlemen, The Scooter has landed! Welcome to Dallas/Fort Worth airport. We hope you had an enjoyable flight and thank you for flying American. Please tell all of your family, everyone you know, your friends and neighbors, and if you run out of them go to the shopping mall and grab strangers and tell them that you flew The Scooter!” Everyone enjoyed that, we all applauded.

 

As we got off the plane Captain Don did something I rarely see: he stood in the cockpit door and, with a big smile on his face, thanked every single passenger for flying The Scooter. This was not the standard automaton-like “thank you, thank you” that we usually get; it was obvious that Captain Don was speaking from his heart and meant every word of it.

 

I wish there were more pilots like Captain Don, he truly made my flight, short as it was, enjoyable. Thank you sir!

[kenish]

Once on an AA flight from SNA-ORD (somewhere over Colorado)....

 

Pilot suddenly comes on the PA and says "....where the heck are we?"....(5 second pause with some curious/concerned looks in the cabin)...."you may be asking yourself" Then he let us know exactly where we were, and other details of the flight. :)

 

On Southwest taxiing to the gate at LAS, "Please check your seat back pockets and seat area for any personal items. Oh, check under your seat belt too for any other personal items, as well as anything or anyone you may have grown fond of during the flight".

[Rudi610]

I have flown Southwest quite a few times and here are a couple that I have heard:

 

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways off this aircraft--2 doors in the front, 2 in the back, and 2 over the wings."

 

"In case of a drop in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling. After you stop screaming, place the mask over your face and pull the straps tight. If you are traveling with a small child, put your mask on and assist your child. If you are traveling with 2 small children, decide now which one you love more."

[fbgd]

Some of the ones I've read have been rehashed over the years. One original one I heard on a United flight a few years back was 'if you find yourself in the restroom when the cabin de-pressurizes grab one of the two oxygen masks. Don't ask why they are two oxygen masks just put one on'.

 

The MD80 Scooter shtick sounds familiar, I'm pretty sure I've flown with that guy.

[greatam]

Some of the ones I've read have been rehashed over the years. One original one I heard on a United flight a few years back was 'if you find yourself in the restroom when the cabin de-pressurizes grab one of the two oxygen masks. Don't ask why they are two oxygen masks just put one on'.

 

The MD80 Scooter shtick sounds familiar, I'm pretty sure I've flown with that guy.

 

If you did the triple miles, AA MR when AA started flying into DAL, you probably flew with him.

 

He was on every flight, back and forth between AUS or SAT/DAL for 3 days with us. We even stayed at the same hotel and rode back and forth to DAL with the flight crew.

 

He flies the shorthaul stuff during the week, then flies DFW/LGA or BOS when he goes home for the weekend. When we did the DAL MR, he was living in the woods of Maine.

 

We were very surprised to fly with him on a DFW/BOS flight when we did the MR's to Ireland. He truly loves his job.

[GreytRacer]

Thanks everyone! You've all given me alot to work with for my script. :)

[Fattony]

PSA (Pacific Southwest Airlines) had funnier lines way back when. Sadly, PSA was absorbed by Western or Republic, which was absorbed by . . . well, you know how it goes.

[FlyerTalker]

PSA (Pacific Southwest Airlines) had funnier lines way back when. Sadly, PSA was absorbed by Western or Republic, which was absorbed by . . . well, you know how it goes.

PSA was purchased by USAir, which essentially gutted the PSA route structure within 2 years. Much as AA gutted both the AirCal structure and the Reno Air routes.

[KenMo]

On a SWA flight from Portland to Orange County, the flight attendent said "In the unlikely event of a change in cabin pressure, please deposit a quarter and the oxygen masks will drop".

 

At the time, I was sooo nervous about flying that I was actually checking my pockets to make sure I had a quarter!!!

[denlishen]

On a bumpy flight from ORD to STL, (bumpy as in we didn't even get drinks and the flight attendents never got unbuckled) and after landing in a foggy rainstorm, the pilot came on after landing and said " WHEEEEW folks we finally made it, now I am going to take whats left of the plane back to the terminal " Ok, maybe you had to be there to hear how his voice sounded, but my husband was about rolling out of his seat laughing at me because I am terrified of flying and I thought he was serious and we had almost crashed or something. It really was a joke though. :cool: My knuckles were still white for about an hour after landing.