.......idle jottings

[Jim Avery]

Didn't know thongs needed to be pressed, Jim. And as for you, ho-hum, I think you have spent too much time in the owner's suite. You obviously have forgotten what it is like to sail SeaDream in steerage. Constantly falling out of the top bunk every time the ship rolls. Sharing the head with the cabin next door. Having to wait until everyone else has eaten, and then getting to enjoy the scraps they have left behind. Is asking for a couple of new luggage tags too much? I don't think so. I'd even be willing to pull an extra watch up in the crow's nest in exchange for some nice perks.

 

The image of TrapperZ on watch in the Crow's Nest with a martini in each hand is sure to make you comfy in your hammock down in steerage.:eek:

[TrapperZimmy]

But the image of Jim in a thong, albeit a pressed thong, is quite disconcerting. :eek: Ergo, the two martinis.

[ho-hum]

The image of TrapperZ on watch in the Crow's Nest with a martini in each hand is sure to make you comfy in your hammock down in steerage.:eek:

 

Sure does!

 

But the image of Jim in a thong, albeit a pressed thong, is quite disconcerting. :eek: Ergo, the two martinis.

 

Ewww! Definitely two martinis required.

[ho-hum]

Looking forward to the post and name of the Programme. Thanks

 

Name of the programme? Oh heck Hum's too embarrassed to say.

They've gone for sensationalism!

 

But here is the review from the posh travel agents owner:

 

"Hi Blondie,

Hope you are well?

I hear it was a good few drinks after I left at the Mandarin, gutted I felt so rubbish.

It was a real pleasure to meet you though.

I watched the first episode of the program yesterday featuring you and Hum.

I just wanted to share how fabulous it was, you not only look amazing and glamorous, but you come across so well. Both of you do.

You really make the program with your insights into life and living life to the full..... You are a inspiration!!!

I think you are going to love it and more to the point I think you and Hum have a career in TV coming!!!

Thank you so much for being such a brilliant part of it. I can't wait to hear what you think.

Ps "Posh" travel agent girls were fabulous too....what strong, glamorous women you all are......

They are talking about a second series!!!!! How fabulous!!!!

PPS must drink champagne to celebrate soon"

 

Now this lady was worried.

It was her company.

So if she is happy then things are looking good.

Not too sure what she really means by a second series......hopefully not us!

 

News just in!

Blondie received another call from the "head honcho" lady of the "posh" travel agency saying she saw the preview again with a wider audience and they loved it!

Blondie was glamorous and Hum made her cry!

Made her cry?

How?

Why?

Oh heck what has Hum gone and done?

 

And later some publicity shot photos for the programme came our way.

Yikes!

Hum could'nt look. Blondie was delighted but she criticised Hum for not smiling.

Then Hum saw the photo.

They had shrunk Hum!

Well that is not as bad as it sounds as Hum doesn't look so HUGE!

Blondie's bosom is the size of Hum's head!

Oh but some of the other photos!

Oh dear, oh dear.

Hahaha

Blondie wins by a mile. Hum is inconsequential......that's fine by Hum.

 

The tv programme was supposed to be shown very soon but it was cancelled to show President Obama and the First Lady.

Well that is perfectly acceptable.

Then there are the Euro elections so when......well it's rumoured to be in......sorry gotta go.

[Jim Avery]

Sure does!

 

 

 

Ewww! Definitely two martinis required.

 

Don't forget Ganttc in his Speedo when you are handing out Eeeewwwws.

[Jim Avery]

 

HUGE!

Blondie's bosom is the size of Hum's head! ......sorry gotta go.

 

I am not sure what to say about that.:eek::D

[popper]

Name of the programme? Oh heck Hum's too embarrassed to say.

They've gone for sensationalism!

 

But here is the review from the posh travel agents owner:

 

"Hi Blondie,

Hope you are well?

I hear it was a good few drinks after I left at the Mandarin, gutted I felt so rubbish.

It was a real pleasure to meet you though.

I watched the first episode of the program yesterday featuring you and Hum.

I just wanted to share how fabulous it was, you not only look amazing and glamorous, but you come across so well. Both of you do.

You really make the program with your insights into life and living life to the full..... You are a inspiration!!!

I think you are going to love it and more to the point I think you and Hum have a career in TV coming!!!

Thank you so much for being such a brilliant part of it. I can't wait to hear what you think.

Ps "Posh" travel agent girls were fabulous too....what strong, glamorous women you all are......

They are talking about a second series!!!!! How fabulous!!!!

PPS must drink champagne to celebrate soon"

 

Now this lady was worried.

It was her company.

So if she is happy then things are looking good.

Not too sure what she really means by a second series......hopefully not us!

 

News just in!

Blondie received another call from the "head honcho" lady of the "posh" travel agency saying she saw the preview again with a wider audience and they loved it!

Blondie was glamorous and Hum made her cry!

Made her cry?

How?

Why?

Oh heck what has Hum gone and done?

 

And later some publicity shot photos for the programme came our way.

Yikes!

Hum could'nt look. Blondie was delighted but she criticised Hum for not smiling.

Then Hum saw the photo.

They had shrunk Hum!

Well that is not as bad as it sounds as Hum doesn't look so HUGE!

Blondie's bosom is the size of Hum's head!

Oh but some of the other photos!

Oh dear, oh dear.

Hahaha

Blondie wins by a mile. Hum is inconsequential......that's fine by Hum.

 

The tv programme was supposed to be shown very soon but it was cancelled to show President Obama and the First Lady.

Well that is perfectly acceptable.

Then there are the Euro elections so when......well it's rumoured to be in......sorry gotta go.

 

I don't understand all the secrecy, it is going to be shown on BBC2 to hundreds of viewers ;)

I want to let my parents know to watch it, they are in Bournemouth, the Posh Part.

[ho-hum]

I don't understand all the secrecy, it is going to be shown on BBC2 to hundreds of viewers ;)

I want to let my parents know to watch it, they are in Bournemouth, the Posh Part.

 

Hundreds!!!

[ho-hum]

It's the weekend and Saturday lunch at Scotts in Mayfair with a couple of SD chums who live in London whom we met last year in the Caribbean.

And Sunday lunch with another couple at their home who live about 40 minutes away.

Love meeting up with SD chums for eating, drinking and merriment.

[ho-hum]

Bon voyage SDI, if there is anybody onboard, let us know all about it.

Waves, a tiny bit high (4.0m) out of Barbados; always is.

 

SD shoreside managment never do blog any more and no lectures announced either. Seems they feel reporting weather conditions and wave heights would probably put people off though they have heavily promoted it onboard with even Captains being "roped" into the up-selling!

Whatever next?

 

 

[ho-hum]

Hundreds!!!

 

Hahaha......that's so sweet!

[southseas]

Dear Mr. Hum et al, it is with some trepidation that I report that--traitors that we are--we are about to board the Sea Dream I for a crossing. After ~10 years of exclusively voyaging on SDII we fear we will know neither crew nor passengers. However, to make up for our lapse we plan to christen the TOY bar with a toast of pink gin in Hum & Blondie's honor immediately upon checking in. With hopes for Barcelona,

Southseas & the French guy

[TrapperZimmy]

Quote: Hundreds!!!

 

Originally Posted by ho-hum

Hahaha......that's so sweet!

 

Really? This is what we've come to? Commenting on your own comment? Maybe its time to rebrand as .....idol jottings :rolleyes:

[TrapperZimmy]

Southseas, are you staying on until Barcelona? That's where we board. Haven't been on SDI for over a year. Last two sailings were on SDII, where we got to meet ho-hum and Blondie (as will as Jim and Lois). So it was worth "jumping ship." Please let us know what crew members are on board. We've done many sailings on SDI and love the crew. I'm sure you will, too.

[southseas]

Southseas, are you staying on until Barcelona? That's where we board. Haven't been on SDI for over a year. Last two sailings were on SDII, where we got to meet ho-hum and Blondie (as will as Jim and Lois). So it was worth "jumping ship." Please let us know what crew members are on board. We've done many sailings on SDI and love the crew. I'm sure you will, too.

 

 

Zimmerman, I apologize for the confusion, no we will be taking the return crossing from Barcelona on SDII but alas, due to some silly thing called job or work or something we can't stay onboard until then. Woe. ;)

 

Will do on the crew report!

[ho-hum]

Dear Mr. Hum et al, it is with some trepidation that I report that--traitors that we are--we are about to board the Sea Dream I for a crossing. After ~10 years of exclusively voyaging on SDII we fear we will know neither crew nor passengers. However, to make up for our lapse we plan to christen the TOY bar with a toast of pink gin in Hum & Blondie's honor immediately upon checking in. With hopes for Barcelona,

Southseas & the French guy

 

Well it is one big family SDI & SDII so good on you for sailing both, you are bound to have a great time.

Please say hello to Christian (if he is onboard, of course) the sommelier.

And of course Jeff Fithian the Club Director: the best storyteller ever and all round great regular guy. A must to have dinner with.

And a nod to the Captain too.

We have chums onboard amongst whom are a very quiet couple who may need being "brought out of their shell".

They will always eat by themselves....young love you see.

They are Brits called Russell & Liz.

Say Hum and Blondie say hi.

Have a fantastic time.

[ho-hum]

Mr. Hum...So happy to have you back.

I decided to try a new adventure and took my family on a Disney cruise to celebrate my Grandson's 5th birthday. My 80 year old Father and his much younger wife also joined the group. 7 of us total.

 

I will tell you, that is the last time I will venture into an adventure like that one.

Wonderful for a 5 year old, but not my cup of tea.

 

I do not post on here often, but wanted to let you know that I missed your writing

and was happy to see you back upon my return.

 

Well Hum's kinda back darling!

More like a "mini-me" Hum!

Saying thanks to dear chums who posted kind messages is the main reason for seeing Hum post.

Hum has little new to say because the "old spark-a-rooni" is "on the blink"

A trip with Blondie is not far off and oh boy is Hum looking forward to it.

Maybe time with Hum's darling and without distraction from cretinous contractors (who have gone now) will re-light the flame or maybe Hum will reach a state of tranquil equanimity with little to jot about.

 

Loved your very kind gesture for your family and your delightful frankness.

Hum salutes you.

So impressed.

What a lady.

Could Hum do what you did?

Err.......hahaha

However Hum would have loved to have taken Hum's parents and Blondie's parents.

We often say that whenever we are onboard.

"Oh they would have loved this or that"

But alas.........

When you are having a wonderful time,mthe feeling is a wish to share is'nt it?

To see others happy, complete.

Getting a bit sad at the thought.

Us sensitive types ehh.......

[Jim Avery]

Not sure when the Hums are leaving Castle Hum for the Crossing so Bon Voyage a bit early. Hope Y'all have a great trip. J & L

[BeignetBoy]

Mr. Hum...

 

If I am reading the "ship finder" sites correctly, SDII is now in San Juan, one full week before the crossing to Malaga. And on checking the posted schedules, I don't see anything booked between today and the crossing trip. I wonder if they need an entire week to get ready and to stock up for you and Blondie. (We will be on also, but they don't need much time to get ready for us.) Or perhaps there is a charter or two booked, or even more "Dry Docks"...

[gcmv]

Mr. Hum...

I wonder if they need an entire week to get ready and to stock up for you and Blondie ...

 

@BeignetBoy: Only one week this time?! Usually they need two weeks and three extra passenger suites to boost stockroom capacity for the Champagne bottles before hum and blondie enter the yacht. :D

[BeignetBoy]

@BeignetBoy: Only one week this time?! Usually they need two weeks and three extra passenger suites to boost stockroom capacity for the Champagne bottles before hum and blondie enter the yacht. :D

 

 

So I have heard!

[ho-hum]

@BeignetBoy: Only one week this time?! Usually they need two weeks and three extra passenger suites to boost stockroom capacity for the Champagne bottles before hum and blondie enter the yacht. :D

 

So I have heard!

 

"Infamy, infamy......they've all got it in for me!"

 

Dear chums, please these allegations are wholly..........err true but to publicly suggest it so is scandalous!

 

 

Mr. Hum...

 

If I am reading the "ship finder" sites correctly, SDII is now in San Juan, one full week before the crossing to Malaga. And on checking the posted schedules, I don't see anything booked between today and the crossing trip. I wonder if they need an entire week to get ready and to stock up for you and Blondie. (We will be on also, but they don't need much time to get ready for us.) Or perhaps there is a charter or two booked, or even more "Dry Docks"...

 

Mr. BeignetBoy,

"Stock up for HH and Blondie"!

Are you saying Hum drinks a lot?

Haha

 

Blondie just hopes there is sufficient arugula and plain low fat yoghurt (oh and champagne, naturally).

For some incredulous reason obtaining plain, low fat yoghurt is always over-looked. Obviously they are bought by MEN who just dont get Blondie's preference and a few discerning others too (probably).

They get practically everything else pretty perfect though except they could lose the "Raw Cuisine": an aberration of the Owner (a devotee of the "body is my temple" type).

Cardboard is tastier!

Hum feels sorry for the kitchen galley. Just how can they make this way of cooking tasty and the time it takes!

 

Quite the "private eye" ain't you dear chum.

Hum can confirm that embarkation was recent in San Juan for a "lovely" charter with some very nice guests (Hum didn't press for more details).

 

No news of any lecturers and no blog either.

SD Oslo had the "bright idea" of asking the Captains to promote the crossings.

How demeaning! And they were absolutely useless at the "up sell" too.

What "bright spark" came up with that master stroke?

You have a perfectly competent Club Director onboard, get him to do the "schmoozing" and "selling": that's his ruddy job.

Whatever next? Captain on piano in Piano Bar?

SD office adds nothing from it's end to appeal to people to do the crossing.

Maybe there will be lecturers (Hum never goes anyway) and maybe there will be a blog this year......but oh the pictures look dull, nothing like the real "feel" onboard yet Oslo wants to "pump out" this bland output which normally consists of food, passengers in sunglasses wrapped in blankets waving (or is it signalling for assistance to the toilet? It's difficult to tell) sunsets (aaaah) and if there is little to show, then the ladies at Reception are a ready "fall back" (they love to pose).

Never photos of the sea as "white caps" could put people off.

And yet the blog used to be very popular and followed by many SDers.

Oh and people doing "Walk a Mile" is photoed too (no Hum's not on that either!).

In fact there seems to be concerted effort to avoid Hum completely!

At least they got one thing right.

"Look darling, thank your lucky stars we're not on the crossing, we could end up with that self-regarding, obnoxious, "big head""

 

Hum can confide in you that the piano player has been practising all week for a celebrity singer boarding for the Transatlantic.

Maybe we can persuade her to sing for us.

And just between us, she can be raunch it up for some songs: "Harper Valley PTA" for instance.

Akarumba!

What a talent! What a voice! What moves!

A charming lady too and the crew love her.

 

Please never mention the words "Dry Dock", even in jest!

Hum still has "flashbacks" of leaving the cabin when Blondie called out and Hum was distracted and walked face forward into the plump buttocks of a middle aged Polish contractor who was on a ladder with his head poking through the suspended ceiling replacing sprinkler heads!

Eewwwww!

They posted an extra man at the bottom of the ladder after that!

And they looked very oddly and accusatory at Hum whenever he passed by!

 

Oh look, Hum understands work sometimes continues after "Dry Dock" and SD did the honorable thing and compensated the passengers with a nice discount (and maybe Hum slightly exaggerated events.....slightly Hum said!).

 

Look forward to seeing you on Saturday. Safe travels to you both.

We still have a lot to do before leaving.

Cant wait to get too that airport lounge with a glass of champagne in hand.

[BeignetBoy]

Yes.. the "Dry Dock" experience was one to remember... or rather yet... one to forget. And as you pointed out, at least SD did the right thing afterwards with a bit of compensation.

 

We were also wondering about the lectures planned. It is interesting to note that on the Sea Dream Blog on the current website, they are still hyping the lecturers that they had on the crossing last fall.

 

In previous years, friends back home did look for the blog when it was up, but it did become more boring over the past few years after they took down some of the nice shots of the ocean and seemed to be focused on the "mile walkers".

 

The celebrity singer hopes that the piano player is up to "snuff" since George won't be on the piano this trip. And the only reason that "Harper Valley PTA" got played so much is because it was George's favorite. Who knows what this player's favorite will be.

 

Oh well, Mr Hum.. see you and Blonde in a few days. We leave on Friday for a few nights in San Juan.. A few drinks at Toro Salao, dinner at Carli's and one dinner at one of our favorite restaurants ... Marmalade.

[gcmv]

Hum walked face forward into the plump buttocks of a middle aged Polish contractor who was on a ladder with his head poking through the suspended ceiling replacing sprinkler heads!

To be honest, Hum asked himself why it wasn't the young Polish long in the leg female dance artist on the ladder instead?! :D

 

They posted an extra man at the bottom of the ladder after that!

With the dance artist on the ladder, Hum would have done this job during the whole cruise. ;)

 

And they looked very oddly and accusatory at Hum whenever he passed by!

Everyone onboard looks this way whenever hum passes by ... :eek::D

 

Have a save trip and a calm sea while crossing, old chum! :)

[ho-hum]

Yes.. the "Dry Dock" experience was one to remember... or rather yet... one to forget. And as you pointed out, at least SD did the right thing afterwards with a bit of compensation.

 

We were also wondering about the lectures planned. It is interesting to note that on the Sea Dream Blog on the current website, they are still hyping the lecturers that they had on the crossing last fall.

 

In previous years, friends back home did look for the blog when it was up, but it did become more boring over the past few years after they took down some of the nice shots of the ocean and seemed to be focused on the "mile walkers".

 

The celebrity singer hopes that the piano player is up to "snuff" since George won't be on the piano this trip. And the only reason that "Harper Valley PTA" got played so much is because it was George's favorite. Who knows what this player's favorite will be.

 

Oh well, Mr Hum.. see you and Blonde in a few days. We leave on Friday for a few nights in San Juan.. A few drinks at Toro Salao, dinner at Carli's and one dinner at one of our favorite restaurants ... Marmalade.

 

Your "watering hole" and places "to nosh" are duly noted for next time.

We are staying at a hotel called Olive and Blondie is debating between a sushi place recommended by a Puerto Rican crew member or the hotel's own steak house for the evening meal.

Either are fine by Hum.

Frankly the expectations are not set that high for Puerto Rico due to previous disappointments but we now know better, so thanks BeignetBoy for the tips.

 

We stayed at the Olive once before.

The full title is the "Olive Boutique Hotel".

By some aberration it made it into the "Leading Small Hotels of the World" category.

The hotel owners proudly claimed they travelled the world and adopted inspirational ideas from their travels.

They had the "brain wave" of originally creating a shower and clear glass enclosure in the middle of the room so that the occupant could be seen by the person outside of the shower.

All well and good if you are making a low budget "porno" for the soap sud fetishists out there (by the way, hi Commander) but if it were to be occupied by our very large chum and his mid-80 year old mother then it had a serious inhibiting factor of them both ever wishing to use the facilities.

Our large chum and his elderly mother chum elected to have two rooms much to each others relief even though they ended up with views over-looking a car park.

One other aspect of this hotel was the extraordinary siting of a toilet behind glass screens (admittedly not fully see through) either side of an open entrance from the room........err without a ruddy door!

What exactly was the inspiration around the world that inspired that creation?

The wide, open plains of the Serengeti perhaps?

"Oh look how wonderful, the perfect place to go to the toilet. We must build something like this in our hotel, then we can call it a "Boutique" hotel".

Oh and they placed the toilet roll holder on the opposite side of the wall!

So after.....well you know, you look either side for the toilet roll holder and there on the opposite side from you is the ruddy toilet roll as you waddle across in a crouched position with trousers round your ankles and then with the same contorted body position... do it again but backwards from whence you came. And as you waddle back, head moving side to side, you smack your head against the basin and become concussed lurching forward and landing open mouthed onto the toilet roll now stuffed down your throat!

Can you imagine the look on the faces of the emergency services as they look on to the poor hapless guest. Perverted sex thrill gone wrong will be the coroners verdict on your death certificate! What an ignoble way to go!

What was the inspiration for that ?

The toilette of the "Marquis de Sade" perhaps?

 

But sorry, this is where most Europeans are horrified by the toilet practices of Americans.

Why on earth do you have phones in toilets?

No dont answer that!

But seriously it is disgusting.

And suggests they are the most constipated nation on the planet.

How long do you stay in there?

For hecks sake you need to change your diet.

This may come as a shock to you guys but In the wider world fellas, this ain't normal.

Hum can imagine American boardrooms of corporate figures all taking conference calls in their separate toilets with a cacophony of all sorts of background noises you do not wish to imagine.

"Sorry Smithers, I did'nt quite catch that, would you repeat that?"

"Sorry sir, I was mid-tinkle".

 

No the Brits have a lot of personal issues and are generally much more inhibited than most, that is true, so a toilet that has a wide, substantial door with a very secure lock (locks preferably) and is set behind non-invasive walls ideally with a lobby beforehand too, has a silent extractor fan (or fans) hooked up to engines off "Concorde", is completely sound-proof and spacious with fragrant soap, eau du toilette spray, white towels and high grade paper, un-carpeted (oak flooring ideally) and clean, clean, clean (everywhere) is essential. Oh and sensible white sanitaryware though Hum has been almost seduced by the Japanese toilet in the Park Hyatt in Tokyo where the bowl lifts to greet you on entry into the toilet and delivers all kinds of spurts of pure spring water, squirts out warm air onto the cheeks and orifice then delivers gentle puffs of British talcum powder and when all ablutions are complete it gently kisses both cheeks and wishes you a nice day!

Couldn't get Blondie out of there!

Oh Hum may have exaggerated slightly.

 

So the Olive undertook a refurbishment.

The shower was relocated and had a visually, non-invasive enclosure.

Hence our return.

 

Still, Hum hates the self-satisfying, self-entitled description of "Boutique" hotel.

You imagine a buxom woman, wafting around in a colourful kaftan bestowing greetings to all with large hand displays whilst "Enya" is playing "Ironoco Flow" over the hidden speakers behind the artificial silk flower displays in garish pots and everywhere is strewn with bowls of pot pourri and the oestrogen levels feel so high that you could swear you are growing breasts!

 

Oh you cynic Hum.....yes.

But finally there will be SD.

Sanity.

With crew that just "know"

How do they do it?

Whenever Hum is completing the Guest Comment Card, the standard phrasing adopted is "SD do the basic things right".

To some this may not seem "glowing" but to Hum, if you ain't got the basics right then you are "building on sand".

All the classic hotels and restaurants have this.

It looks so simple but it ain't.

And when you board, then everything will be taken care of and you can get on with relaxing.

No places to neurotically see.

People settle down quickly.

Crew are relaxed.

It is "paradisum"

Hum has entered Jerusalem.

 

 

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