How to deal with family coming with you on same cruise

[cessnabmw]

My wife sent them a note today. I hope they get the message and that it's for the sake of both families. Everyone on life has a long hard working year and need to spend some quality time alone with family. We told that it is good for both of us as they need time alone too.

[cessnabmw]

Question on re-booking. We have already fully paid.

 

We have a balcony on Deck 7 that we paid $2200 (all in) and got a $100 OBC from the TA.

 

I only see Spa Deck now for $2800. Seems a lot more...

Edited November 30, 2014 by cessnabmw

[GeorgesGal]

Lots of good advice on here. Here's one more suggestion: why not introduce the cousins to Cruise Critic and the Roll Calls now that they have received your wife's note? If they had a bad taste in their mouth when reading her note, perhaps the good advice and sympathy from folks who have been in the same predicament will help them better understand your need to do your own thing.

[bossrat]

We are going on a March cruise along with my siblings and their spouses and my mother. We quickly agreed that for all our sakes, we would not be needing to be together 24/7. We will meet up for dinner each night but during the day we will not necessarily coordinate schedules. If we end up on the same shore excursions, great. If not, great.

 

I believe this will make for a pretty good cruise. lol

[GottaKnowWhen]

We have a bit of a situation and looking for some advise.

...

The kicker is that do nothing to find deals for places to stay, nothing to find rentals, have no clue what ship we are on, what it has to offer, have no clue of the ports, etc!!!

 

We are doing all the work! To add salt to the wound, after we found places to stay, car rentals etc, they ask if they can put half the cost on their CC for points!!

...

 

First, since they have at least one prior cruise, they cannot be totally clueless. Second, since you were together with them recently at a party, presumably they don't live too far away from you? So, my suggestion (based on similar situation with cousins, though 'twas a road trip rather than a cruise):

 

a. Suggest (demand) a get-together to go over plans and talk things through. b. Suggest, and then negotiate to everyone's satisfaction, ground rules for the finances. Is everyone paying their own way? If you buy them drinks one night, and they buy you drinks the next night, are you even? [Our first dinner on the road trip with my wife's cousins, she said "oh we'll buy the dinner." A few days later she pulled out her receipt, asked for reimbursement for our portion of the bill. What she meant but did not say was "oh, I'll put this on my card so I can earn the points, and we can split it up later."] c. Suggest and then negotiate guidelines on togetherness. E.g., "there are times my spouse and I want to be on our own, or on our own with our kids. Don't take it personally! It should turn out well if each family does their own thing most of the time, and then at dinners we can tell one another stories about what was missed." d. Do not, as others have suggested, try to hide, change cabins, change cruises, etc. Presumably you like these people, even if you don't, they are family. Be straight with them, deal with the situation [better late than never], but don't just passively hide out. It won't work.

[Drazil65]

We have cruised/vaca with family at times as well. We have relatives that depend on others to arrange everything and kind of just sit back and reap all the benefits and a couple of free meals as well :rolleyes:.

 

After that happened a couple of times we decided to send all the research links and ship itinerary to the relatives via email with a note saying "thought you might need to have this information for your research when searching for activities during the upcoming trip". Then politely stated that we are excited to see everyone at dinner each night and hear about everyone's adventure that day. Have a blast!!!

 

They did reply and ask what we were doing on such and such dates but we did not give them any of our plans and just stated that we are planning on a lot of quality family time for us and our 2 kids. Short and sweet. Did not plan to answer any further emails or phone calls if there were any, there were not.

 

This worked pretty well, we did run into several relatives at the pool with the kids on one of the sea days but it worked out ok as the kids enjoyed playing in the pool together.

 

Good luck and stand your ground!

[donaldsc]

a. Suggest (demand) a get-together to go over plans and talk things through.

 

b. Suggest, and then negotiate to everyone's satisfaction, ground rules for the finances. Is everyone paying their own way? If you buy them drinks one night, and they buy you drinks the next night, are you even? [Our first dinner on the road trip with my wife's cousins, she said "oh we'll buy the dinner." A few days later she pulled out her receipt, asked for reimbursement for our portion of the bill. What she meant but did not say was "oh, I'll put this on my card so I can earn the points, and we can split it up later."]

 

c. Suggest and then negotiate guidelines on togetherness. E.g., "there are times my spouse and I want to be on our own, or on our own with our kids. Don't take it personally! It should turn out well if each family does their own thing most of the time, and then at dinners we can tell one another stories about what was missed."

 

d. Do not, as others have suggested, try to hide, change cabins, change cruises, etc. Presumably you like these people, even if you don't, they are family. Be straight with them, deal with the situation [better late than never], but don't just passively hide out. It won't work.

 

Totally disagree on points b and c with the use of the word "negotiate". That is giving these information freeloaders power that they do not deserve. You set up the cruise and they basic are freeloading on you.

 

You do need to have the get together but you also need to tell them how it is going to be. You do not need to ask them if they agree because they will have no choice.

 

BTW - I also disagree with the groups that feel that they have to have dinner together EVERY night. I have traveled with small family groups. Sometimes we have dinner together and sometimes my wife and I want to be alone and do not have dinner together. To much togetherness is suffocating.

 

DON

[Theredofshaw]

 

To much togetherness is suffocating.

 

DON

 

This.

[Laughing Angel]

This is no time to beat around the bush. Explain to your relatives that you love them, but there are several instances where you will be "doing your own thing" during this cruise. You wish to have some alone time, and that is the plan. Encourage them to do research online or buy a guidebook and get some ideas for what they would like to do.

 

Life is short. Go have fun.