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Cruisers & Losers Breakaway Part 1

Fineaswine

By Fineaswine,
in Norwegian Cruise Line

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sharona211

sharona211

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Posted

The people taking this review seriously are almost as funny as the OP's review.

 

Best line was calling FL the "Johnson" of the US. I think the woman who protested about that took it in a completely different and much more benign way than I did!

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Fineaswine

Fineaswine

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Day 6 Burn the Floor: Of all the performances that were offered on the Breakaway, I must say that by far, Burn the Floor was the one I looked forward to the most. Where as I found Rock of Ages to be crude in the extreme, and I wish to speak no further of the events which took place at the Cirque Dreams Jungle Adventure dinner, this performance promised to set the Broadway gold standard that I had been thus far denied. After a brief stop over at O'Sheenans, we went to the Breakaway theater one half hour early to find prime seating.

 

The theater rocked briskly back and forth as the ship had reached turbulent waters once more. I felt my stomach rising and crashing with the waves. I then regretted that 4th Chicago style hotdog. The show began and the dancers took the stage. Here is my review of said performance:

 

Androgynous men engaged in bare chested face offs. Spicy Salsa dances that attempted to titillate the senses, but fell sadly short, and some all in all average vocals. I must say I was a bit disappointed at the lack of cohesion. The dance performances seemed to follow no overarching theme and were reminiscent of a middle school recital with a higher budget and a greater penchant for pageantry. There was no narrative to follow, it jumped from 1920's flapper ware to full on shirts vs skins show downs. I was half expecting one side to proclaim that the other "got served."

 

Though not the heart stopping, mind blowing work of vision I went through the doors expecting, the show was at least not lewd. I have received no calls from the school to suggest otherwise. When it was over, we left. The night was still in its infancy when I realized that tomorrow would be the last day, and I had yet to try the noodle bar. I wiped my brow (figuratively speaking) and we made a plan to go to the noodle bar to enjoy some culinary delights from the far east. We set out for the Casino anticipating what would no doubt prove to be a culturally enlightening experience...

 

(to be continued)

Edited by Fineaswine
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kingstonKouple72

kingstonKouple72

Posted
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You're starting to lose me here. Might be time to wrap it up. ;)

 

While the description and details are different for each port, it is like I am reading the same review over and over again.

 

I admit it was cute for the first few, now it feels as though OP is just looking for attention.

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Sizzlechest

Sizzlechest

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While the description and details are different for each port, it is like I am reading the same review over and over again.

 

I admit it was cute for the first few, now it feels as though OP is just looking for attention.

 

There's a real easy solution for you two. Leave this thread and never return.

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suesings

suesings

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Posted
Day 6 Bizarre Bazaar:

I rolled on. I tried to push my way through the crowd shouting "move!" and "get out of the way" as tactfully as I could, but the ambiance of chatters and shouts drowned out my own. I received several elbows, some I dare say were intentional! The sheer inconsideration of some people! Finally on the other side I saw the elevators. I stopped and pressed the down button, and waited and waited...

 

Tears in my eyes. I loved this Day 6 entry.

 

I will be so sad when your trip ends. I really would love to know if you are an actual comedic writer? Your writing style reminds me of Seinfeld. "The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli." You could have written that line :D

 

Keep it coming! I sure do wish the people who don't like your review would go find one of the 10,000 other postings to read and leave those of us who are enjoying this immensely to continue laughing. This review does not need any Debbie Downers. It is too funny to keep having to read these negative posts. It is silly really when they can just move along.

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Tutontow

Tutontow

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The people taking this review seriously are almost as funny as the OP's review.

 

Best line was calling FL the "Johnson" of the US. I think the woman who protested about that took it in a completely different and much more benign way than I did!

 

I have lived in Florida since 1958 and can say without a doubt it is definitely "The Johnson".

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suesings

suesings

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I have no doubt that much of what was written was embellished or completely fictional. People are eating it up, but it doesn't mean that it actually happened.

 

So????? Who cares?

It's funny, it's witty, it's well written. Pure Gold as far as I am concerned. If it isn't your cup of tea, there are thousands of serious, bitter, angry threads to read. This one tickles my funny bone so I will stay and enjoy it!

 

Where are you Fineaswine??

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carol54

carol54

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This review makes me think of Saturday Night Live. If the cast of SNL were to take a cruise this review could be their script! Exaggerated? Sure. Did it happen. Yes! Love it!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums mobile app

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Fineaswine

Fineaswine

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Day 6 The Noodle Bar: I could not believe I had nearly missed the Shanghai Noodle Bar. Nestled in the heart of the 7th deck amidst the high stakes and low pay outs of the Casino, the Shanghai Noodle Bar offered entree's steeped in east Asian mystique. The kids decided to go off to play some air hockey at O'Sheenans, so it was just me and the Mrs. We arrived at Shanghai's at around 9:17 pm and were immediately seated, it seemed an unprecedented bit of luck.

 

I pulled over and stepped off my scooter as the bar was comprised of close quarters seating that could not accommodate a motorized chariot. To be candid, the arrangement barely accommodated me. I struggled past the seated customers who were unable, or perhaps unwilling, to adjust their position. Many leaned in, sighing and grumbling. Sorry, not everyone is a size 2, perhaps some people should try to act their age and not their dress size.

 

Once at our appointed seats my wife was able to mount very easily. I however had difficulty getting up onto the stool and needed to use the bar for balance. Once situated, I found the small wooden seats to be of insufficient size, and struggled uncomfortably throughout the meal. We waited nearly 5 minutes before being acknowledged due in part to a party of loud middle aged men who seemed to have broken loose from their wives. The men insisted on taking selfies with the staff, who were most accommodating, but left the rest of us hungry.

 

In the time it took to be waited on, we were able to peruse the odd menu. It was a list of items each with a check box which we were to fill out with a short bingo game pencil. I decided that I wanted two servings of egg rolls, two servings of the Dim Sum and a bowl of spicy hot squid/octopus and noodles. My wife also went with the egg rolls and a serving of Dim Sum. When the man who would wait on us finally arrived he looked at the order and than at me. "You do know that each order of egg rolls comes with two right?" he asked, I said "Even better." He raised an eyebrow and left to put the orders in. I would like to say, that as an LSA (Large Sized American for those not in the know), I often am given a stink eye when I order, as though they are shocked that that a man of my magnitude would eat two orders of two egg rolls.

 

While we waited, I looked out over the Casino, more specifically the card tables. I noted that a sullen looking woman, dressed in full white wedding gown sat and played with what I assumed was some of her wedding party. I had to hand it to her, with the luck of having a completely botched itinerary, rough seas and sub par entertainment, she had some stones gambling. I wished her the best, but since my own personal wishes fell flat, it seemed an exercise in futility.

 

At long last our food arrived, the noodle bar provides disposable chopsticks to dine with. I simply used my hands for the egg rolls as did my wife. However, the Dim sum, piping hot and soft, provided an unwelcome challenge. Soft and beef stuffed they tore apart with my less than expert use of the chopsticks. With my limited dexterity, my hands were just not up to the task. When the soup came out, the waiter smiled and said "This should help." It was a spoon.

 

A spoon, for noodles, squid and octopus. I only tried the spoon for a go or two before relenting. I ate what I could with the chopsticks, as I listened to the poorly suppressed giggles of the staff behind the bar. Though there remained an appreciable amount of Octosquid in my bowl, it wasn't worth the struggle. We soon left the bar and collected the children. We called it an early night returning to the cabin to watch a bit of the celebrity dance off on the ships looped channel. Tomorrow would be the last full day aboard the Breakaway...

 

(To be continued)

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fin

fin

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I know, right? Just about every post is putting a smile on my face :D

 

This entire thread is the best entertainment read on CC

 

Do you include the Montevideo account by Sailor Jack?

 

Seriously??

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suesings

suesings

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So happy to wake up today and see your new installment Fineaswine! Your writing really cheers me up! I laugh even harder when I read your reviews back to my husband. We are both fans of your wit and sly underlying innuendo.

 

Can you please take another cruise soon or let us know if you have a blog somewhere. Looking forward to your next installment!

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Jane Don

Jane Don

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Do you include the Montevideo account by Sailor Jack?

 

Seriously??

 

I found it and it is funny. I thought people who enjoy this review would like that one as well, so here is the link in case they need something to read while we await the next installment from fineaswine.

 

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=679082&highlight=montevideo+jack

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sharona211

sharona211

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I found it and it is funny. I thought people who enjoy this review would like that one as well, so here is the link in case they need something to read while we await the next installment from fineaswine.

 

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=679082&highlight=montevideo+jack

 

Thanks for posting that link. A short subtle and hilarious review! If you are enjoying this one, you will like it.

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