Will we regret it if we skip formal nights? Dress shopping drama

[meshelles]

DH and I are on Rhapsody on Aug 20 - 7 night, so 2 formal nights. We are a little less than a month from sailing - just 3 weekends left for shopping, and 2 of those we are out of town or have guest. I am working a lot of OT right now because we are short staffed and have several large projects going on at work - so it is hard for me to shop in the evenings. So anyway - I tried to get most of my cruise shopping done this weekend. It went ok - I bought several pairs of shorts, a new swimsuit (and swimsuit shopping was actually easy - not the ordeal it usually is), a hat and several tops. Other than that I was pretty set as far as clothing for dinner and such. The one thing I am lacking is a dress / gown for the formal nights.

 

I shopped literally all weekend. Several hours on Sat. with DH and all day yesterday. Saturday was hard to shop for a dress because DH was with me (he hates shopping) but I went with the thought that I needed 2 dresses would hopefully find something I love. Obviously that did not happen. Sunday I went shopping alone, decided I could wear the same dress for both nights, and told DH when I left the house that I was not coming home without something. On Sunday morning I was looking for a dress that I liked, by Sunday afternoon I was just looking for anything that fit. I still came home empty handed, after a call to DH from a dressing room, in tears.

 

I have gained a significant amount of wieght since I got married 3 yrs ago. Granted, a that time I was pretty slim and fit... looking back on it now, I realize my body looked amazing and clothing was really easy to fit. Now, I am by no means thin, I'm lumpy and rolley in areas that a few yrs ago were beautiful curves or smooth and flat. I am also now hard to fit because most of mt weight gain has been around my middle, waist, hips and bottom, but I have remained pretty small in my chest. Of course I knew this all along (I have been buying ioncreasing larger sizes, but hey - I like to shop and I love new clothes, so I didn't let it bother me.), but yesterday shopping for a dress for formal night really really brought it out, and honestly made me feel really depressed. Everything I tried on (and I tried on lots because I eventually went to the "try on every single thing in my size, regardless of if I like it" plan) seemed to accentuate all those lumps and rolls.

 

I was so looking forward to getting all dressed up and looking fabulous. But instead, I ended up looking dumpy and feeling bad about myself. So - we have decided to skip formal nights. I hate that because I know my DH was really looking forward to it - it was probably the part of the cruise he was looking forward to the most in fact. But at this point, it is more trouble than it is worth I think.

 

The bright side is - it was a good wakeup call. I am so careful about my body in so many way. I spend so much energy on sun protection and I take excellant care of my skin. But I have been so careless about what I put into my body, and it is really showing. I know what I have to do to change it and I know it's time to start.

 

I guess the only question is, will we regret it if we skip formal night? Right now the plan is that we will order room service or go to the buffet those nights instead. I hate to be under dressed in any situation, so there is no way I would go to the dinning room on formal night without proper formal attire.

 

If you made it this far, THANKS for reading my whine. Just needed to get it out I think.

[crucero-amante]

I am sorry that you have gotten so discouraged worrying about formal nights.

I wore a long black skirt and a white shirt on formal night once and felt perfectly fine. I am sure that you can find or possibly already own a long black skirt. Try working with things you already own.

On formal night you will see that formal doesn't mean the same thing to everyone and some people wear things that aren't formal but still look nice and presentable.

I say enjoy formal night; enjoy being with your husband and have a good time.

[Ehpride]

I definitely understand the need to vent so no worries about that!

 

Will you regret it? Only you'll know that, but I personally really enjoyed formal night. If you think you will. Consider getting separates, like a long skirt and a sparkly top. Something like that would maybe be easier for you to find. Or you could wear a little black dress if you have one or can find one. With something like that, you probably wouldn't be the most dressed up person there, but you'd fit in, which I'm guessing is what you're looking for.

 

Of course, you can always go the buffett or room service on formal nights if you don't think you'll regret missing them.

 

If you do decide to keep looking, you may have to think about going up a size just because formal wear can tend to be sized funny.

[gerif]

I had a formal dinner to go to in June - midway in my quest that started in January to lose 75 lbs. Didn't want to spend a fortune on something I might not (hopefully) ever wear again. I was able to get a pair of black crepe wide-leg pants (with elastic waist) from QVC for under $25. Just paired it with a beaded jacket that's been in my closet for years and a black tank top, but at this time of year, you can buy all kinds of fancy tops for a song. Just get two different style tops for the two formal nights and you're in business. The outfit looked quite elegant. Oh, you can also find dressy tops on QVC - no shopping required, just call or use the internet and they arrive within about 5 days.

 

Since the pants have an elastic waist, they will do me through at least a 30 lb. weight fluctuation!

[caviargal]

Do you have a Chico's nearby? I noticed their store window at a mall the other day and they have some festive separates that would work well on a cruise, pack easy and are forgiving. Mix and match is a great benefit :)

[meshelles]

Thanks ladies - I really appreciate the suggestions.

 

I had thought about the seperates, crepe pants, beaded tops or jackets approach. But when I looked at them at the mall yesterday they all looked more matronely than I am. I'm still pretty young, 27, and I was afraid these were for a more mature woman. But I guess it might be the way to go.

[Nliedel]

Some people will regret it, some won't. It largely depends on your make-up. If you are the type who would feel left out then you really should make an effort. Is it your schedule or is it the, "hard to look in the mirror with the weight gain thing?" I have that. I have that a lot. I detest clothes shopping cause I hate to look at my butt. It breaks my heart and then I see a photo and I could just cry.

 

I'd say go. Take the seperates the wonderful ladies suggest. have the photos taken. I know it's work to get ready, but I think it's worth it.

[adbnva]

you can always find a pair of plain black pants & get a dressy top. i do not wear large size clothes but i see a lot that are very attractive. last 2 cruises i wore chico black pants, jacket & several tops. one is sparkley, one blue shell, another without the coat. then you can wear the pants again. the chico travelers are great. if they are plain they never go out of style, take up no space, and don't wrinkle. you will never see these people again so you can use the same clothes cruise after cruise. you will regret any experience you miss.

[Slyn]

You sound like you are a pear...that means there are tons of choices for you. A simple A-line dress would work really well. Where have you been shopping? Do you have a Group USA in your area? They have all types of dresses in one location. Or stores that sell bridal fashions they sometimes have formal dresses.

 

You still have time to shop online too. I have found so many dress sites. From what you are saying, you are not plus-sized, just depressed about some weight gain. I would say look in the mirror and embrace your curves. I bet you are being harder on yourself than you need to be. I am sure you are gorgeous (as your husband will attest).

 

I think you should go back out to the stores, with the "I am fabulous" attitude and try on some dresses. I would look for things create balance between your smaller top and larger bottom. Perhaps some beading or interesting neckline with a simple a-line bottom on the dress. You can find something great and enjoy your formal night.

 

Pep talk over. LOL

[awrightsd]

I have also had weight gain in the last 6 months. It is due to prednisone for my asthma and just getting older. Also note that in formal wear, you may have to go up a size or two. Remember that it doesn't matter what the tag says (you can cut the tag out), as long as it looks good and you feel confident in it.

 

I actually bought a couple of dresses on ebay that are a size bigger than I usually wear, but they look good. I think it's better for the dress to have some room rather than be too tight (for looks and comfort.)

 

If your husband wants to go, try and get something that will work for the dress up evening. Good luck and enjoy your cruise whatever you decide!

 

Amy in San Diego

[Slyn]

Oh and some good foundation will smooth out the "lumps". Don't go dress shopping without wearing the proper underwear. It will only make you depressed.

[gjules]

You sound to me like you would regret missing formal night, since you're questioning it. I know all about the weight thing, have had my own struggle for years! :(

 

I think you need to find a part of your body that you DO like. Dress that part UP and dress the rest of your body down. Like, get a plain style LBD and get your hair done so it looks fantastic or buy a fabulous pair of shoes. If the focus is taken off the parts you don't like you may feel more comfortable. And don't forget, shoes and great accessories can really dress up a plain black outfit. If you think a 2 piece outfit looks too matronly, maybe you can alter it a little to jazz it up...wear a sparkly cami under a dressy jacket?

 

Let us know what you decide on.:)

[Soxfan05]

Lots of great suggestions already on outfits. Does your ship have an alternative dining room? If so, maybe you and hubby could go there for a quiet, romantic dinner. Between the white glove service of the staff, and some one on one time with hubby, I am willing to bet, you'll still get that special, pampered feeling. The bonus is you won't have to deal with the precruise stress of finding the right gown.

[JanineM]

My favorite pressed-for-time shopping place is eBay. There are so many really nice dresses available, and it seems like a lot of people have their June prom or maid of honour dresses for sale already. I bought a really pretty gold coloured gown for just $20 last month. I'm in the middle of a weight loss plan and did not want to spend more than about $40 for something that I would only wear once. If you go this route, check for ads with the measurements included. The dresses I looked at all ran small, so I wound up with a larger size.

 

Another place to check is Ross or Marshalls. I was in there 3 weeks ago and they had some really pretty full length gowns for $16 and up. You'll definitely find something less matronly there.

 

Good luck, and have a wonderful cruise, no matter where you eat dinner!

[Cats' slave]

I think you'll be missing a special event if you decide to skip formal night, and from what you've written, I think you'll regret it. I'm a person who has to do formal way too often in real life, and truthfully, I thought I wouldn't enjoy getting dressed up on a cruise, but I was so wrong. I loved it! The whole night is fun, like a terrific party all over the ship.

 

We've gotten the most wonderful photos on formal night. We look all relaxed and happy. You can see the fun we're having in our faces.

 

You've gotten great advice already. Don't write off Chico's before you try on some of their stuff. Find a saleslady and ask for help. They're really good. Even if you don't buy anything, they can help with ideas.

 

I'm heavy now and I don't have your youth on my side. In the past, I've found that my biggest strides in weight loss have come after I bought nice clothes, not when I deprived myself because I felt fat.

 

If you wear black slacks or a long black skirt with festive tops and killer shoes and jewelry, you'll fit in fine.

[Silvery Seas Cruiser]

I urge you not to miss formal night because you are worried about figure "Flaws." Believe me you will see many, many women in formal attire who have figure flaws, some far worse than your own. Many women will be overweight; some will be seriously overweight. Even the thin ones will have some figure flaws (unless Jessica Simpson is on board.)

 

The thing is to wear something dressy that makes you feel comfortable about yourself. But please don't worry about your figure. There will be so many women dressed in formal clothing who could never compete in the Miss Universe contest and that is the great thing about cruise ship formal nights. The people are "real", not glamorous actors and actresses parading on the red carpet at the Oscars.

 

Have a great time and don't worry about your weight gain.

[kitty9]

If the weight issue is the one thing worrying you, let me tell you a story. We were on Celebrity Millennium 18 months ago and there was a table for 10 next to ours. It was for an entire extended family, the smallest was, maybe, 275lbs. They dressed great for dinner each night, they had a great time with each other and they all wore lovely formal clothing. The husband was probably tipping the scales at nearly 400lbs but he still proudly wore his tux and looked great. The ladies, of all ages and all plus sizes, wore very lovely evening clothing for the formal nights. I give them so much credit because sizeism is rampant in our society. Take a look at clothes at on line stores. There's a ton of really pretty, dressy clothing that younger women can wear, even if they're not a size 10.

[Cruise Arizona]

I'm sure you are planning on wearing undergarments, and one of the best things to do is to buy one of those control spanks kind of girdle thingies and a good padded push up bra. You'll be amazed at how much better things fit.

 

I got a great seamless control shorts girdle thingy at Dillards last year. It make all difference. I am small chested and pear shaped with a poochy tummy from having my two kids. This thing really smooths me out.

 

I love formal night and wouldn't want to miss it, but there are usually alternatives if you still can't find anything.

 

I'm sure you've been to Dillards or a similar department store??? How about Ross or Marshalls???

 

Good luck and enjoy you cruise no matter what you decide!!!!

[travelpeon]

There's a lot of excellent advice here. Just wanted to put a little more info on certain things.

 

Ebay Keywords:

Sequin

beaded

Sparkle/sparkly

sexy top

evening top

evening dress

little black dress

 

Look for something that flatters your figure. I advise going for quantity and bargains, then taking it to the alterationer (keep in mind certain fabrics and cuts are easier to alter. Sequins and beading = hard, shiny fabric poly/silk = easier). If you decide you hate it, then sell them after your cruise.

 

Does the ritzy town in your area have a high end consignment store? It might be worth visiting. Do call ahead of time and ask them if they carry evening wear or items suitable for cruise formals.

 

Make an appointment with the MAC counter for some make-up tips, if you're feeling "older". They deal in the young and hip, so they can probably pick out a few accent colors in makeup to pull off an evening look.

 

Bra boosting - Don't forget, there's good chances that you can boost your breast size, if you want. There's all manners of padded bras at Victoria's Secret (ask saleslady for "lots of clevage" ) and silicone inserts aka chicken cutlets that will push the ladies up and forward.

 

Corset-like tops might work for you. They'd bind in those bits, accentuate the curves. Ruched (sp?) dresses in the middle disguises lots of undesirable bits.

 

Offhand, I thought these types of cuts might be flattering on you (if not downright sexy)

http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/application/prodDisplay/?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=XB-192898&page=1&cgname=OSCLOBTPVIL&rfnbr=2220

http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/application/prodDisplay/?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=XB-193950&page=1&cgname=OSCLOBTPVIL&rfnbr=2220

http://www.jessicamcclintock.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10001&storeId=10001&productId=88099&langId=-1 (This type of flowy skirt with a corset to define, but maybe something less Laura Ingalls Wilder gone bad)

http://www.jessicamcclintock.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10001&storeId=10001&productId=82508&langId=-1 (Perhaps this type of seaming would flatter your body?)

http://www.expressfashion.com/styles/womens.jsp?room=womens&productId=2402&groupId=40

 

I think you should go because I get the feeling that you want to. It is just the body change and shopping woes getting you down.

 

If this all really does get to you, why not go to the buffet and have a glass of champagne/wine to celebrate. If you're in a balcony room, have dinner out on the balcony with a nice bottle of wine. Or grab a windowside table at the buffet early/late evening, when it is quiet. Will the alternative restaurants (if any) be semi-casual dress code? How about doing that on formal nights, still get the food and service without the dress woes.

[KK_Cruisin]

Just an idea......

 

This may not be the most cost effective way to go, but since you do not seem to like the "wearing sperates" idea. Based on the description in your post. Find a dress that fits around your midsection. Then take it to get it altered to have the top taken in to fit you up there. Make sure they can have it done in time, as it seems you are in a bit of a time crunch! :cool: Either way I hope you have a blast on your cruise, nothing a little foo-foo drink wont fix.:p

[meshelles]

Thanks ladies! Y'all have made me feel much much better. And thanks for all the tips - they have defiantly given me an idea of what I should be looking for. Hopefully I will get to go sopping one evening next week - and this time I am definatly taking a girl friend with me.

 

Travelpeon - thanks for the links - I think you are right, some of those styles are defiantly good for my shape. I love the last one from Express - that halter style with the ruched middle is very flattering for me (the swim suit top I bought the other day is that same styling).

[rbm444]

not given up. By all means take a girlfriend or a co-worker who's taste you admire. I love to go shopping with my friends and sisters. I think sometime we do not try things on because we can not picture ourselves in it but another's perspective can make all the difference.

 

I could never take my DH, he is very helpful, but once he thinks I have found the dress he's done, problem solved. I of course want to try another store, another dress, etc.

 

Do not forget to try outlet stores, right now they have a lot of formals. Also remember what most of the wonderful ladies have said already go at least 1 size up and wear the correct undergarments so that you and your friend can make the right choice. Good luck and please let us know what you decide.

p.s. If you decide to do room service, make it romantic so that your husband won't even realize he missed a formal night.;)

[momof4boys]

I hope you go to the formal dinners. They are very special.

 

I read through the posts....they have great advice. I had a similar situation a couple of years back ( + 4 boys) but found a dress with a jacket type to cover the top and mid section. I loved it and felt lovely!

 

-80 pounds and two cruises later, I found two formals and felt lovely.

 

Good luck and have a wonderful time.

[tammyp5]

Meshelles,

Before I reread your post, I probably would have advised you to order in an elegant meal from room service, since I don't think formal night is such a big deal, although I usually enjoy dressing up.

 

Formal night didn't seem to have a huge impact on our cruise, other than lots of people having a photo done. Some people wore elegant formals, others wore simple black pants and glitzy tops.I couldn't describe one single outfit that stood out, since there are so many other great things on a cruise that divert your attention.

 

Hearing that your DH was looking forward to it changed my mind, since I also noticed a certain gleam in my husband's eye that evening as well. He has so few opportunities to dress up, and I thought he hated it, but he looked great that evening, and I could tell he felt great as well. I wouldn't want him to miss out on that next time.

 

I just went through the same shopping hell that you described. I have a relatively trim body but a very short waist and full bust. Not fashionable by any means, so I tried on at least 25 dresses this weekend, looking for that outfit that would make me feel like a million bucks. Didn't happen.

 

So, I started over. I found a pair of shoes to die for. Yep, started from the bottom. Now I know that, if all else fails, I can choose some black pants or a long skirt and just go very simple without fretting, 'cause I will want to wear those killer shoes, no matter what.

 

I also like the gathered bodice styles, and I have my eye out for a top that is gathered under the bust and draped loosely down acorss my hips. I thought it would be very unflattering, but I did fnd a cotton top like this and my husband told me (unsolicited) that it made me look taller and thinner. Now, who doesn't want to hear that? Maybe I can find one with some glitz on it. The great thing is, the summer sales have started in earnest this week, so maybe I can find something very reasonable, in case it is only worn once.:)

 

The posters here have the best advice - go for great foundation garments (and wear them shopping - it makes a difference). A great shawl or wrap is a wonderful way to add glamour and hide a mulitude of flaws. Choose something simple and dress it up - but go for comfortable or you won't be able to enjoy the evening.

 

And remember that everyone else on a cruise will be enjoying their own evening - they won't be paying much attention to how you or anyone else looks. Remember to ake a photo of your hubby so he feels like a million bucks - and post it here so we see how it all worked out (I'm sure it will).

 

Tammy

[tankersbabe]

Thanks ladies - I really appreciate the suggestions.

 

I had thought about the seperates, crepe pants, beaded tops or jackets approach. But when I looked at them at the mall yesterday they all looked more matronely than I am. I'm still pretty young, 27, and I was afraid these were for a more mature woman. But I guess it might be the way to go.

 

 

Ok, gonna ask a question...

 

What size are you now? I have a number of great formals that may be what you are looking for...

 

I was a size 20 a few years ago, and have formals that are size 16 down to a 10. I'm an eight now, after a lot of tears, struggle, and whining. But it's done and now I am maintaining.

 

Let me know, I might be able to help you out.