Volendam review 02/2004

[The Monocled Mutineer]

HAL Volendam Review 02/2004

 

Well, we’re back from our Eastern Caribbean Cruise (10n) on the above vessel / line. We flew home and crossed our threshold Sunday @ 10:00 am but it has taken till now to get over jet lag, laundry and waking up the house / attending to various chores before I could put fingers to keyboard and put together a report on our experiences as I promised I would.

 

We set-off on the 75 minute journey to Heathrow c.05:30 on 3/2/04 in order to check in for our 10:30 American Airlines scheduled flight to Miami. We boarded on time but there was a 30 minute delay before we took off at 11:00.

 

I was advised that American Airlines offered some of the most generous passenger space of any Transatlantic carrier for those of us in Economy (Coach) and this was apparent. We were sitting very close to the Club Class area and our seat pitch compared favourably with them.

 

The flight of 10 hours seemed to go quickly punctuated by 2 meal services and frequent bar service (soft drinks being free and alcohol being $5/£3 each). There was a broad program of films and TV to watch on an individual plasma screen on the back seat rest in front – the films being of recent release – I very much enjoyed “Duplex” starring Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore. Incidentally, the cabin crew (all American) were some of the oldest I have ever seen on any flight – they were certainly no “trolly-dolly-birds”!

 

We touched-down at Miami local time 15:00 and cleared Immigration/Customs by 16:00. Our cases were neatly stacked together (all 3) on the floor by the carousel. The US Immigration controls did not seem over onerous (as regards this gateway) although I noticed that a rather patrician English lady (who had been sitting near us on the plane) was getting a hard time from the official. It transpired that she had not filled in the US Visa Waiver during the flight and when being asked to do so by the official, she had slammed down her passport on his desk/counter in high dudgeon. The young male official then gave her a lecture about showing more respect to a Federal official.

 

The only hitch on the holiday then occurred when we quickly established that our included transfers from Miami to our overnight hotel in Ft.Lauderdale had not shown up. After breaking a dollar note into some coin, working out how a US public phone works and digging out the local transfer agency’s telephone number, it had appeared that the Ft.Lauderdale agency was not aware of our booking and was not prepared to come out and get us!!! They suggested we take a taxi and claim back the fare off Holland America (HAL)!

 

We therefore hailed a taxi (after establishing from an information booth what the fare should be ($75:00)) and took the interesting 60 minute journey to Ft.Lauderdale to our hotel. (The metered fare showed as $77.70 – which was fine).

 

We arrived in Ft.Lauderdale c.17:30. Our hotel (The Embassy Suites) was impressive – a large o.t.t structure in that pinky/orangey Floridian stucco. There was a further hitch for a few minutes whilst the hotel reception and duty managers had a short debate as to whether our hotel voucher was valid (here we go again, I thought) but was then quickly resolved. Our room was a fairly generous space and was indeed a small suite with a separate living room and 2 TVs. At 19:00 we went down to a complimentary drinks reception and followed this with a steak meal in the hotel restaurant which was semi-out doors – it was a pleasant experience in the balmy evening air. However, the travel fatigue/tiredness was starting to kick in and we retired to our room at 21:00.

 

The next morning I awoke to be pleasantly surprised by how close we were to the Port Everglades with a variety of Cruise ships docked the nearest being Princess’s Island Princess.

 

We availed ourselves of a complimentary full breakfast and then elected to sunbathe for a couple of hours around the hotel pool (it was a gorgeous sunny, warm day) before checking out at 11:45 and boarding the complimentary hotel transport to the cruise terminal.

 

With us were a number of clearly seasoned Holland Americaners – all boasting large Holland American pins. An Arizonian “cowboy”, complete with Stetson, picked up on my English accent and engaged in conversation with me about the differences between Florida and his home-state, which I certainly found amusing and perhaps a foretaste of what the next 11 days was going to be like!

 

I’m glad we had taken the decision to leave the hotel at the time as we did (we had debated about lounging around the pool after check-out till 14:30) as an unexpected bonus was about to occur. The journey to the terminal took under 10 minutes. We were greeted by smiling porters (who issued Volendam luggage tickets to us – we were a late booking and there has not been enough time to issue any to us pre-cruise). The porters then indicated where we should proceed to, inside the terminal. We were then greeted by a lady who was checking new arrivals as to whether we had filled in various documents (again we hadn’t received these due to the nature of our late booking). We were taken to a desk where we quickly filled in the required forms.

 

There was no queuing for us (unlike the bulk of Americans) to check-in as we were ushered to the Suite passengers / non US citizens desk with only 1 couple in front of us. We were issued with our cruise cards there and then and invited to proceed through security control. No sooner had we done that then surprise, surprise … we were on board, having first posed for the obligatory embarkation photograph! From leaving the hotel to being onboard took 35 minutes!!!

 

There was the usual line-up of smiling South East Asian faces. We were informed that passenger cabins were being made ready for us and that we should proceed up to the Lido Restaurant where lunch was waiting for us. A desk was available to hand over one’s carry-on luggage in exchange for a numbered receipt. We went up to the Lido Restaurant and there, sure enough was a full lunch being offered via the enhanced service level that HAL offer in their informal restaurant. We dined outdoors on wonderfully rare Roast Beef and SE Asian stir fry. We tried to order some Pimms but nobody seemed to understand what this was (and on checking later I found that this was a bar inventory item that was not carried). We plumped instead for G&T’s and what must have been the strongest hi-balls I have ever had, came – I would estimate the gin to tonic ratio was 4:1 rather than 1:4!!!

 

An announcement at 14:00 was made that our cabins were ready so, after reclaiming our baggage, we proceeded to find our cabin. We knew we had been upgraded from Standard Inside to Large Outside so there were no surprises there. However the cabin proved to be a wide space (compared with usual industry standards) – more of stateroom proportions. We had a full sized 3 seater settee and a Queen sized double and a picture window. The décor was a bit beige and bland but the cabin was more than compensated by the generous stowage and wardrobe space. There was 1 double and 1 single full length wardrobe, 1 double half drop wardrobe, 1 single floor to ceiling shelving system behind a “wardrobe” door, One 3 drawer and Two 2 drawer bed side cabinets. Cases (nested) could be stowed under the beds and there was a safe which you could control by swiping a selected charge/credit card to lock/open (with no charges!!!!). There were no tea-making facilities (although there was a room service menu – we never tested this though). A small selection of soft-drinks was available in the cabin (at a charge – although these were the same as the public bars) but there was no in-cabin fridge. However ice was replenished twice a day by our cabin steward.

 

The bathrooms were the usual system types one sees on modern cruise ships. The bath was of the “Finnish” type – when you lie in it your knees sick-up somewhere adjacent to your ears. However with the shower attachment (which was simple to control) we had no problems and hot water was plentiful and the loo always worked!!! There was plenty of stowage for toiletry and medicinal items on shelves behind the mirrored cabinet doors. Complimentary toiletries were supplied and we supplemented these with ones we “filched” from our overnight hotel.

 

Our luggage took about 30 minutes to arrive, which was fine as we used the time to check-out our cabin and unpack our carry-ons. After unpacking (again CC’ers will no doubt from previous messages I have posted, know that Val & I have perfected rapid unpacking, by ensuring that garments/suits remain on hangers from home). We then went out to enjoy the rest of the Floridian sunshine remaining for the afternoon.

 

At 16:15 a safety drill was commenced. We mustered outside at our lifeboat station on the Promenade deck and were required to be WEARING one’s life jacket on arrival there. The emphasis during the drill was very much geared to procedures for actually leaving the ship in an emergency and the old rule of “women and children first” was underlined by requiring passengers to stand in line with women and children up front.

A roll-call was called – cabin number and “Mr & Mrs so-and-so” and we were not released from the drill until non-attendees had been rechecked for twice.

 

After the safety drill, an outdoor sailaway party was held out on the stern Lido deck with one of the ships groups providing musical entertainment Caribbean style. We were offered Rom Punchs in a take-home garish plastic hi-ball “glass” marked “Holland America” – at a price ($4.75). This all went with a swing, with the onboard photographers taking photos and shooting a video (for resale towards the end of the cruise). It was an interesting departure from Ft.Lauderdale with at least 3 other ships leaving with us. As we passed out into the open ocean by the beach-front high rises, all kinds of klaxons and whistles went off shoreside. Whoever lives in these apartments and sounds these devices must have a busy time on some days!

 

It was now time for us to explore the interior of the ship. The overall impression is non-glitzy, warm, darkish hues with many traditional touches and a touch of SE Asian exoticism. Also, there are a wide variety of public rooms – numerous for a ship of this size and many of them intimate in size and atmosphere.

 

Starting from the top:

 

Sports Deck: 9

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The Crow’s Nest was here (forward). This was the most disappointing space on the ship. It had no atmosphere, day or night and had an uninspiring décor and rather sparse items of seating which were inconsistent and not in keeping with the rest of this delightful ship.

We went on the first night to midnight disco. Hardly anyone was there and the sound system was akin to a 1960s Dansette! Very disappointing!

 

The rest of the deck mid-ships was devoted to the space for the sliding roof and aft for the netted in sports court and aft with an upper tier sun-bathing terrace looking over the aft pool on the next deck down. Also aft was a rather small room called the Sky Room, which was bereft of furniture, but which judging by the décor, acted as a playroom. However, although there was a Youth leader’s photo on the Officers/Crew board, there were very few children on board and it was certainly my impression that this was NOT a ship for children but was very much geared to the age 50+ American/Canadian passenger.

 

Lido Deck: 8

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Forward was an extensive Ocean Spa, with a very comprehensive gym with state-of-the-art equipment, and a collection of beauty rooms offering a wide range of treatments including hot rocks massage – Crickey, they were hot!

 

Amidships is the Lido Pool which has the benefit of a sliding magradome roof. Around the pool area was a hamburger grill (hours 11:30 to 17:00) and a very attractive Dolphin Bar with umbrellas and soft comfortable furniture to sit on including some large built-in settees.

 

The sun beds here and on other decks had the benefit of clean feeling cushions that did not look at all tired and there was always plenty of pool towels close on hand for lying on and drying off. The pool had a delightful feature of a group of life size dolphins leaping out of the pool and the deck was covered in an attractive multicoloured non slip covering with interesting geometric shapes. All other open deck areas on this, and other decks were teak covered (and there was no sign of the dreaded, soggy astro-turf – hurrah!)

 

Going aft was the large space devoted to the “self-service” restaurant “The Lido Restaurant”. This seemed to be the model of efficiency and operated along 2 lines (port and starboard side). Generally the traffic moved in one direction and thankfully did not resemble the “stirred-up ants nest” which on board self service restaurants, do too often degenerate into. The smoothness of the operation was enhanced by the fact that the self service was enhanced by behind the counter assistants actually serving you and a table beverage service bringing your coffee and tea. Also frailer passengers were escorted by stewards along the line (and I have much more to comment about the excellent crew later in this report)

 

Aft was the aft pool and sun terrace which was fairly large. However this is where I think the design of the ship does fall down slightly in as much as on sea days when the weather was pleasant, there was distinct shortage of sunbeds and space. With this in mind I would suggest that Volendam is best suited for cruises with a high port count or for cool region weather cruising. Even with the amidships pool area magradome open, space in the sunshine was at a premium and it could, on sea days, be a noisy space, it being still partially closed in.

 

Navigation Deck 7 & Verandah Deck 6:

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Given over to verandah suites and cabins (plus a few inside cabins).

 

Upper Promenade Deck 5:

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This is where most of the main public rooms are. Forward is the upper gallery of the Frans Hals lounge which doubles up as theatre and show lounge. The seats in the balcony were of the conventional theatre style (with the lower deck offering the showlounge tables, banquettes and bar service). More about this space on the next deck description.

 

Moving towards amidships the top of the Atrium can be found. This space 3 decks high had the only really glitzy décor in the form of a giant multicoloured column of glass in primary colours that I must say was truly stunning. Off the atrium, port side was a gift shop selling HAL t/shirts, visors, mugs, etc and a kiosk selling toiletries, medicines, sweets, etc. Starboard was a large, very pleasant bar called the Ocean Bar where a small combo entertained most evenings.

 

Moving further amidships, portside was a large casino with usual zoo of slots together with roulette, various forms of blackjack and poker plus a Craps table. I went to the Craps table lesson and I am now (hopefully) equipped to impress the high rollers on the QM2 (with my $5 stakes) when we sail on her in April!!!! Adjacent to the Casino is a Casino Bar which I found rather smokey and gloomy. Starboard there is the main shop offering glitzy frocks, DJs, perfume and fine china and glass. Aft of the shop is a delightful, intimate piano bar and lounge called “Seaview” where we spent most evenings in pre-prandial mode. There was a one-band (electronic keyboard orchestra) and singer doing all the Frankie and Tony turns who delighted the mature American audience.

 

Moving aft before reaching the main dining room, portside could be found the “quiet” rooms (Hudson, Half Moon Lounge, Web Site Café and the Erasmus library). The Hudson room was given over to a private, small business seminar most days as was the Half Moon for that plus the inevitable Art Auction sales. The Web Site Café was expensive and did not have a lower tariff for document prep prior to linking on to the Internet. (I dread to think how much this report would have cost me had I done similar on board). The Erasumus library was a fairly “thin” affair in terms of the stock. There were however plenty of interesting monthly American glossies to read. This was also the venue for the daily quiz (written). You collected the paper from 09:00 onwards, and had until 15:00 to fill it in. The winner was the earliest to get the highest score. On one of the days the subject was capitals of the world (20). I got 19 out of 20 (I mistakenly wrote Lagos for Nigeria, when it is in fact Abuja) and had handed in my answer sheet by 09:05. I was then horrified to see a lady using a Country Reference book cribbing the answers!!!! I did win on one day a general knowledge paper, my prize being a leather HAL luggage label.

 

To starboard was a beautiful lounge called the Explorers lounge decorated in a homely, near chintzy style with Dutch “Old Masters” and good views. Classical piano and harp recitals for the early evening were held here.

 

Finally on this deck was the main entrance and upper tier of the main dining room, “The Rotterdam”. These 2 deck restaurants are very much the tradition on HAL ships and was very impressive and delightful. A string quartet played on some nights, with other evenings being supplemented by an invisible piano player (a la Aurora). We ate there every night for dinner (bar 1 night), once for breakfast, once for afternoon tea but never for lunch. More about the food and service later in this report.

 

Promenade Deck 4:

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Forward is the main area of the Frans Hal theatre and showlounge. Sightlines were very good but this did not matter as we found the entertainment to be a weak spot and gave up after 2 shows. This lounge also served as the area for assembling for those on tours or using a tender.

 

Moving amidships was a photo gallery portside off the 2nd tier of the Atrium with starboard the Front Office (Reception) and the Tours Office.

 

Moving further aft a coffee and pastries bar called the Java Café (we did not use it) to port and starboard the excellent and comfortable cinema, the Wajang Theatre. This became the main focus of our evening entertainment from early on as they were showing new release films. The projection and quality was good with the sound too. A nice bonus: Popcorn ad libetum as you enter.

 

You could not move further aft as the main galley lied between here and the lower tier of the Rotterdam Dining Room. Because our cabin was aft on deck 2, this proved to be the only interruption regarding free and easy movement around the ship. It wasn’t a big issue and was mitigated by the ship having 3 sets of staircases; fwd, amid and aft together with lifts and we seemed to never have to wait more than half a minute for a lift. Incidentally, Americans gave me a puzzled look whenever I referred to lifts so I used to remind them that we are all 1 people divided by 2 languages!

 

Lower Promenade Deck 3:

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Given over to passenger cabins and the outside wraparound teak Promenade deck. I found the deck a pleasing, wide walking space with no “pinch-points” fwd or aft. But it did feel somewhat disconnected from the main public/business areas of the ship and on some evenings one did “forget” that 1 or 2 decks away it was there for you to enjoy.

 

Main Deck 2 & Dolphin Deck 1:

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Given over to passenger cabins (plus the infirmary and onboard dentist(!) on deck 1).

 

 

Now, about our cruise experience on board:

 

CREW:

 

The mainly Indonesian (table & cabin stewards) and Philipino (bar staff) crew were a smiling, highly engaged and friendly bunch, who remembered your name on a 2nd visit to a bar, venue, etc: I was “Sir Derek”, my wife was “Madam Valerie” and they would offer you the drink you ordered last time.

 

I can honestly state I did not encounter one unfriendly, unhelpful crew member. It was interesting to note that the venues were devoid largely of supervisory staff (be they Asian or European) and yet everyone was busy pleasing passengers and giving service. If you pardon the pun HAL do not appear to suffer from having more chiefs and less “Indians”

 

We also received little handcrafted gifts from the crew (from the bar we frequented the most) such as some paper flowers mounted with a card to “Sir Derek and Madam Valerie” and a “Dutch Girls ‘Hat’” with our names “painted” on in a gothic script with best wishes from 4 (named “ stewards/stewardesses. Lovely and charming!)

 

ENTS (or HAL equivalent):

 

These were a fairly young and excitable bunch (American) but I did not see them much as there were few day or evening diversions on offer that interested me. Those I did see were very much engaged to their elderly, American passengers and did seem to make the difference in many of the passengers eyes.

 

OFFICERS:

 

Water were mainly Dutch, Oil were mainly British and Hotel were mainly SE Asian. With the exception of Hotel (for which as stated earlier there did not appear to be loads of them) the Officers stood out by their non-appearance in passenger spaces. I also confirmed with a HAL regular on our table that the practise of Officers dining in the Main Dining room for dinner was dropped a few years ago .We saw all the main officers at the Welcome aboard cocktail party (3rd night) but other than the handshake with the Captain as we entered, we were all corralled into seats in the Franz Hals lounge and therefore could only converse with your neighbours. At the end of the party the Captain then introduced his team on the stage and made the usual jokes which no doubt his team have heard 100 times before.

 

Interestingly, the Captains name was Weiger van der Zee – talk about Happy Families!

 

THE PASSENGERS:

 

As I indicated earlier, the majority of passengers were 50+ Americans with a heavy emphasis on over 70s. There was a significant minority of Canadians with a sizeable contingent of French Canadians (which offered to my ear an interesting flavour of the French tongue). There were perhaps about a dozen Brits (of which 4 were on our table) plus a small minority of Dutch, and some I think were parents of the Dutch officers.

 

I found the majority of the Americans to be a happy and pleasant bunch (with the odd miserable curmudgeon). Yes, there are not unwelcome differences between our tastes and expectations but I was struck by how similar the passengers were to a typical P&O profile on a cruise away from the school holidays. I would be happy to cruise (premium or upwards) with a near All-American complement again, given our experiences here.

 

DRESS CODE:

 

Formal: described as Jacket & Tie required, tux optional. Cocktail or formal gown for ladies. About half the men wore a lounge suit with a tie, the rest wore a dark DJ with bow-tie. I was one of the few wearing a white DJ. A delightful elderly gentlemen (a retired surgeon) who I struck up dialogue with, who bore a passing resemblance to Chief Dan George (the Native American Actor), wore a bright red dinner suit (memories of all that blood?)

 

Informal: described as jacket required for gentlemen. Dress or pant-suit for ladies.

 

Most men adhered to the jacket rule but many looked scruffy without ties. I stuck to P&O guidelines and wore a lounge suit with one of my usual bow ties.

 

Casual: described as Comfortable attire, but no shorts or tank tops in the dining room please. Well gentlemen adhered to this rule but still managed to look scruffy and out of keeping with the ambiance of the lounges and dining room offered on Volendam. I stuck to P&O Informal dress code here.

 

THE FOOD:

 

Other than Continental Breakfast early one morning, due to an early tour departure, I did not avail myself of the Room Service (nor indeed bother to look at what was on offer as I prefer to eat away from the cabin anyway).

 

Breakfasts:

 

Other than once in the Rotterdam Dining Room and once in the cabin, we breakfasted every morning from The Lido and dined al fresco other than on a couple of very windy days at sea. The range is extensive but does not vary during the cruise. Bacon and sausages were American style and of course the hot courses were served by behind the counter servers and one was supported at table by a beverage service. A good plus point on all hot food served in the Lido is that the server places a metal plate cover over your plate which I think is a good idea. Orange Juice is of the freshly squeezed variety. Good.

 

Breakfast if of a similar offer in the main dining room. On the 1st sea day (the 2nd day out) we presented ourselves at 08:55 (5 minutes before the dining room was to close) to enjoy a leisurely breakfast. We were politely received. I did wonder why the dining room emptied quickly and why we had a number of polite waiters watching us 2 (all alone).

 

It wasn’t until we left the dining room an hour later that we shortly afterwards realised that the ships clocks had gone forward an hour overnight. I had the previous evening noted on retiring to our cabin that the ships newspaper “On Board” had advised of a planned time change – however, we were still in “P&O” mode and thought that this applied to the next night! So suddenly it was only about another hour till lunch!

 

Lunch:

 

We lunched everyday we were on board at the Lido (The main dining room offered a similar table of fare). There was a choice of about 6 entrees together with a Roast of the Day as well as salads. On offer from 10:30 till 17:00 was a bespoke sandwich bar, an ice cream bar (real American ice cream and no charges including pour-your-self BOLS liquers) as well as a hamburger bar offering real burgers and dogs together with Tacos and Pizzas, plus a Deli bar.

 

Although 2 lines would form for breakfast and lunch, the layout of the Lido precluded any serious waiting and you could still select as little or as much as you wanted from the genial Indonesian servers.

 

The Lido starboard also offered the dinner menu 18:00 to 19:30, self service style for those who wanted to feed the children or who did not want to dress-up for dinner.

 

Portside on the Lido at c.18:00 a service for officers and European crew/staff (including shop, casino, beauty staff, etc) was conducted. This was the only time (in the distance) I saw Officers in any number … and I as I have said before, Officers were a rare sight. day or night.

 

Afternoon Tea:

 

This is only offered as a Formal “occasion” during sea day afternoons and we were turned away despite being in tailored shorts and smart polo type shirts. We went back to out cabins and I dressed up Henley style with a white blazer with red stripes and white trousers whilst Val dressed in a flowing, white “pants-suit” – we asked “Will this do?” and were ushered in quite regally!

 

Pre-dinner:

 

During the pre-prandial cocktail hour, hot hors’dourve was offered EVERY night in the bars with an individual plate for both of us with 3 different items. The young Philipino whose mission it was to deliver these to the passengers would actively press a 3rd plate on us and would retire hurt when we said we needed to keep room for our dinner.

 

Drink prices (currency dollar – so you can imagine our £s went a long way) were about $4.75 (£2.70) for a GENEROUS measure of premium spirits WITH mixer and about $1.75 (£1.00) for soft drink

 

Dinner (we were 2nd sitting):

 

We dined every night in the Rotterdam, bar 1 night. Our table was one of the few for 12 but only had 10 seated ( early on I thought we would have an officer on Formal nights until I was disabused of this allusion). Our table comprised:

 

A Bostonian boy/girl friend touching 60s – he was a Vietam Vet and a film buff so we had some interesting conversations.

 

A retired couple from Tennessee – he was a self-confessed “hill-billy” and “red-neck” and I found him highly amusing as I think he did my latent European liberalism. He could not understand why I didn’t possess at least one gun let alone the armoury he possesses both at home and at his holiday home in Florida.

 

A British couple in their 60s who have lived and worked in America for 35 years (Pittsburgh). They were nice and jolly but kept going on about how uncultured and unfashionable most of America and Americans are, which I must admit I tried to not respond to as I felt for our American fellow passengers.

 

A Scottish boy/girl friend touching 60’s who were pleasant company. Tennessee Rocky Raccoon could at least identify with the Scottish gentleman as his hobby and living was field sports including game shooting.

 

The cuisine as regards quality of ingredients and cooking techniques together with presentation were excellent although surprisingly the portions were small, other than the steaks which were offered EVERY night. The beef in general was of good quality and flavour. About 4 cold (usually) starters were offered followed by a choice of 3 soups (including a chilled fruit “soup”) followed by a choice of 2 salads. You then moved on to the entrees or a choice from the grill (perhaps one of those steaks). All food was plated, there being no silver service. Consequently potatoes and vegetables were relegated in size and content to little more then a garnish. The only really duff dish I had was a very poor “Gratin Dauphinois” made with clearly American cheese (only Swiss will do here) and was dry and had no flavour.

 

The wine steward for our table was a particularly effective team member and was always prompt and courteous with our wine order and requirements. It was a pity that the list did not match in content the service he offered. It was entirely American (and Californian at that – whatabout Oregon and New England Wines and South America?) with just a nod and a wink to the French bar champagne – and NO Alsace!!! One useful feature was the Reds and the Whites were ranked in order on the list by Body and Oakiness. There was only one Dessert wine (by the half bottle) but it was the excellent Californian Essensia, so that at least was a bit of compensation. Wine prices in general were comparable with P&O.

 

One strange American habit at dinner: coffee is served after the main course BUT before dessert. As I wanted to enjoy the Essencia which we had most evenings I asked for the coffee to come AFTERWARDS for us 2.

 

I enjoyed the Dutch dinner on 1 night when unpronounceable dishes are offered for our delectation. The Indonesians dress up in traditional dress and sing traditional songs to us. We also get a Dutch Bargees Cap to wear (gentlemen) and a Dutch Cap for the ladies (RC’s excused!!!!!) – sorry, I meant a kind of white linen bonnet!

 

There is no 24 hour dining (other than coffee or tea (help yourself) in the Lido). However a midnight buffet with a different theme each evening was offered from 23:00 till 00:00 together with a late night ice cream at the same time.

 

At the end of every evening one would retire to ones cabin to find tomorrows “On Board” and a pillow chocolate.

 

Strangely at 17:30 a splendid barbeque took place at the Lido pool. We nibbled a little bit to get the taste but could not understand the timings given that 1st sitting dinner was at 18:15 (and we due 2nd sitting at 20:15)!

 

On the penultimate night we elected to go for the Pinnacle Grill which is Volendam’s alternative dining venue at dinner. There was a hefty $20 pp charge for this. The grill has it’s own galley and the staff are European (mainly Hungarian and Romanian). The food was excellent and cooked to order with nice little frills and touches. The service was a bit cloying, familiar and servile. The chef also comes out and “explains” what you have just ate to you – he reminded me of Mussolini, in looks. Having dined in 3 star Michelin restaurants I commented on the comments form at the end of the cruise that good service is usually only noticeable because it isn’t noticeable ie anticipatory, unobtrusive and friendly without needing to know your life story!

 

Entertainment:

 

We went to the welcome aboard show. Not very good. Standard ostrich feathers and not very good magic/juggling acts. We despaired and gave up on this after a 2nd night.

 

Cinema: Excellent as already described. We saw “Lost in Translation” (stunning), Intolerable Cruelty, Duplex (again!), Under the Tuscan Sun (excellent) and School of Rock (fun).

 

Other than drinking (or/and slow smooching to a combo) there were no other entertainment strands (no syndicate quiz for example). Strangely they did offer some audience participation shows which I would have gone in for or watched but these were timed whist at 2nd sitting dinner!

 

In cabin TV and video was good and had a variety of film and CNN “cable” Having seen Stephen Kings’s Dreamcatcher at the cinema, I would have thought any child seeing that on board at c.18:00 would probably not have been able to get to sleep that night.

 

The Cruise – Destinations.

 

Foreword: Cabin Port guides and lectures (they were repeated on video circuts) were a joke. Port guides are basically a pencil map of the outline of the coast of the island and the name of the capital, a photograph of one of the 2 (yes TWO) onboard Port and Shopping Ambassadors and a list of the same chain of Diamonds International, Columbian Emeralds, et al with the local address. They are about as informative as the daily Art Auction fliers (sometimes twice daily) that were constantly pushed under our cabin doors. All in all – very poor!

 

Day 1: Ft Lauderdale sail off

 

Day 2: Half Moon Cay – 5/5

 

HALs private island. Very clean, Very pretty, beautiful azure blue sea. Took in some snorkelling, a walk on the beach and a barbeque. Certainly makes a change from negotiating Biscay.

 

Day 3: At Sea – sunny but sailing into a strong gale – 3/5

 

Day 4: At Sea - sunny but sailing into a strong gale – 3/5

 

Day 5: Barbados – Bridgetown – morning excursion to swim with the turtles. Wonderful.

Then a ride on a “banana” and then bounced all over the place on an inflatable “Patriot”. Got a 2nd free ride when the operator said it’s even madder if you are the only one on board. He was right. In the afternoon went into Bridgetown – as it was Sunday all was closed and then it started to rain – warm rain and the only couple of showers we had on the whole cruise. – 5/5

 

Day 6: Dominica – Roseau – By far the prettiest and friendliest of all the islands on this cruise. Went on a mountain bike tour from below the 2nd highest point down to the coast. Tropical rainforest. Saw a dead boa constrictor on the road side. Ate bananas fresh off the tree. Went around the market stalls in the afternoon – what charming, graceful, lovely ladies the Domincan women are! Had a drink at a smart water-hole and discovered frozen Daiqueris for the first time – wow! – 5/5

 

Day 7: Tortola BVI – Road Town – Swam with the dolphins and bought the video to prove it (ouch! $50 on top of the cost of the tour). Very , very memorable. What wonderful creatures the genus Cetaceans are! Walk around Road town pm and another frozen Daiqueri. Not impressed by the place after Dominica – 5/5 (2/5 if I hadn’t gone swimming with dolphins).

 

Day 8: St.Thomas USVI – Charlotte Amalie – What can you say about this “zoo” that hasn’t already been said. We bought a “unique to St.Thomas” piece of Lalique – it is a paperweight of a Normandiesque Liner and a pair of 3 stone diamond earrings for my lady – plus a couple of litres of hooch. PM we went to a splendid diner where Wednesday was Lobster day – Val indulged – I had a steak as I don’t on principle eat anything with an ectoskeleton – lobsters remind me too much of the face huggers in Alien! Funny moment: Disney Magic sailed off at the same time as us – guess what it’s whistle/horn beats out: “When you wish upon a star …. “ - 4.5/5

 

Day 9: At Sea. A glorious, sunny and calm day. I just lazed, drank and ate my way through the day. I spied in the distance (horizon) the QM2 which I can recall was due to be sailing this way on her way down to RIO (we’re off the lower end of the Bahamas/Turks&Caicos). When I told some of my adjacent American friends and thrust my P&O binoculars into their hands they said “Nah! That’s a Disney ship” I said “Oh Yeah! Well Mickey’s just lost one of his ears (Disney ships have 2 funnels, the QM2 has only 1 Red funnel) – 5/5

 

Day 10: A short morning at sea. Sea an even, oily calm. It seems to be even warmer.

Arrive Nassau – Bahamas about 2 hours early. We followed some advice and went on a water taxi to Paradise Island and the Atlantis Resort. Jaw Dropping Las Vegas style resort hotel, casino and leisure (leezure) complex. The aquarium needs to be seen to be believed. Lunch on proper American style burgers and … you’ve guessed it more frozen Daiqueris. PM back to Nassau. Strolled around market stalls and shops. Women stall holders fairly “aggressive” – this contrasted with the happy but “dirt-poor” Dominica. Dominica is a unspoilt paradise – 4/5

 

Day 11: Arrive back in Ft.Lauderdale. You can elect to remain in your cabin until your embarkation number is called. We elected to sun ourselves up on deck. We were however called early as we had pre-booked an excursion on the way back to the airport. Immigration and Customs at the port terminal was a doddle – we set off at about 10:00 for the Everglades – at about 10:45 we arrived. Transferred to an air boat and taken over the glades. We saw a heron dive and catch a fish and 2 alligators surfaced then resurfaced near our boat. We then went and saw a large alligator in a pen close to and were given an interesting talk by the keeper there who also had some young ‘gators for us to stroke and touch. They also had a Flordian Mountain Lion who Val wanted to take home – he was a cuddly big pussy cat who liked nothing better but to suck his keepers thumbs – I checked she still had 2 - 5/5

 

Back to the airport c.14:00. Check-in and security a doddle. Flight for 17:30 more or less takes of on time. I watch the film Master & Commander (5*) We arrive London on time Sunday 07:00. Back home by 10:00.

 

An end to a wonderful holiday.

 

To end this by now lengthy report I highly recommend HAL. If entertainment and cerebral activities are not important to you or you can park them for 10 days, then go for it. If you are a sun worshipper the Volendam may only be suitable for cruises that do not have too many sea days.

 

In many other aspects of cruising HAL equals and in some instances surpasses P&O. With a good discount HAL is formidable value for money.

Supplement to main report:

Couple of other pointers:

 

Public tolets on board are the epitome of cleanliness. Real Cotton towels and fresh flowers by the sinks.

 

Talking about fresh flowers - there are lovely displays all around the different public rooms.

 

The passenger corridors were devoid of any art-work. The artwork around the ship in the public rooms were stunning with an emphasis on Dutch artists, traditional styles and a lot of scupture.

 

 

“The Monocled Mutineer”

 

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[PRINSENDAM]

HAL Volendam Review 02/2004

 

 

Back to the airport c.14:00. Check-in and security a doddle. Flight for 17:30 more or less takes of on time. I watch the film Master & Commander (5*) We arrive London on time Sunday 07:00. Back home by 10:00.

 

 

 

“The Monocled Mutineer”

 

 

 

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Mutineer,

 

I guess we should welcome you to Cruise Critic.... Holland America Branch. WELKOM!

 

Excellent review of your VOLENDAM cruise. I see that the voyage is dated 02/2004, please tell us that it has not taken you three years to write it?

 

Stephen

[Krazy Kruizers]

Wonderful review.

Drinks must have improved since we were on her just a couple of months ago -- most times we were lucky to get 1 1/2 ounces of alcohol.

Dress code -- this must have changed as well for the afternoon -- always saw lots of people there wearing shorts.

[codyody]

Wonderful review; thank you. I am disheartened to know Pimms is not stocked on board. While I don't expect it in any but the most extensive bars in Kentucky (and in my home), it is my drink of choice when I'm on vacation. :( I'll just have to bring an extra bottle of wine. BTW, Alsacian is my preference there, so your information has personal import to me:D

[happy cruzer]

We enjoyed the Volendam too. Did you post your review to the ship review board too? It's nice to have them all archived over there too.

 

We too enjoyed the wine stewards service. Our wine list was boarder the entire world of wine was represented. We did order a French white wine one night. I have also been told you can request the Pinnacles's list in the dining room too.

 

Also I would be very interested in a comparision of HAL to P&O. You did a bit of that. I would like to know about the smoking policy and compliance for example. Also the entertainment differences. And perhaps it the excursions are handled differently? It might make a neat thread to compare HAL to P&O.

 

Love your humor. Especially the "armed" American:p of course we only have 3 hand guns as recommended by our local policeman after our house was vandalized.

 

Enjoyed your review very much!

[Boohbah]

THAT was a delightfully thorough review that I very much enjoyed reading. Thank you so much, oh Monocled one! ;)

[johnlcruise]

A very enjoyable review.

Thank you for taking the time to report on your excellent adventure.

[NoNoNanette]

I very much enjoyed your review! Thanks for taking the time to post such a wonderful, well thought-out critique. Brought back "old" memories from December.

 

How I loved the Volendam! *sighing* ;)

[The Monocled Mutineer]

I wrote the week we came home 3 years ago but I have only just joined Cruise Critic.

 

Derek “The Monocled Mutineer” Kane

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