Getting Passport for Underaged Child when Ex-Spouse is being Uncooperative

[evolutiondob]

*Sigh* It's really too bad that adults that were married at one time cannot come together and be reasonable. I don't want to risk not being able to board the ship. So, I guess I'm going to have to continue doing like I always do - grovel and let him bully me until I can get him to agree to something that I want for our children. It's really a shame. I'll continue to ask him and if he doesn't agree within the next week or so, I'll resort to having the matter handled legally. It's a shame to spend unnecessary money having a lawyer get involved when it's a simple matter of the a$$ showing up at the post office and providing his signature on a piece of paper!!

[Spurs Fans]

As an attorney, I agree that the Courts would not refuse to grant permission only because the other parent did not want the child to go. Unless there is some valid reason, these requests are ALWAYS granted. Let your attorney handle the matter. The Judge should be pretty ticked off at your ex that it would have come to a motion having to be filed.

[willysgrandma]

A similar situation happened with one of my friends, who wanted to takeher daughter to Mexico on vacation and her ex would not sign a notarized document that was required stating she could take the child.

 

She had to go to court to have him ordered to sign the paperwork.

 

You may need one of those letters as well as a passport. You should speak to an attorney.

[Mrsg324]

I wish I could get in touch with a friend of mine who went through this a couple of years ago. She wanted to take her daughter to London. Her ex was jealous that they were going but he wasn't allowed.

 

She won the trip through a contest at work, all expenses paid for 2 people. She chose to take the child. (she was 8 or 9 at the time)

 

Not sure the steps she went through but she filed everything on her own with the courts. Got a hearing set, dad tried saying he was afraid she'd never return.

 

Judge stated, "she has lived in same city, town etc for 42 years, her family is still here, no major issues with the 2 of them (ex & her). She worked for the same company with wonderful benefits for 15 years. I do not consider her a flight risk by any means."

 

He ordered her ex to sign, then changed it to allow her to apply for a passport with only 1 signature. He said he thought it best that she not have to worry about him showing up.

 

The only stipulation is she had to send a certified letter to her ex along with a letter to the court anytime she wanted to take the child out of the country for a vacation but there was no way he was refusing this child the experience being provided. The court didn't even have to respond, just requested to be aware. This was only if the ex didn't show up to sign for the passport.

[SomeBeach]

So, I guess I'm going to have to continue doing like I always do - grovel and let him bully me until I can get him to agree to something that I want for our children. It's really a shame. I'll continue to ask him and if he doesn't agree within the next week or so, I'll resort to having the matter handled legally.

 

Then don't grovel and don't give him any warning. If, as you say, he is a control freak, that's his reason for doing this. Show him you are a big girl now, your begging days are over, and go straight to the lawyer and turn it over to him.

And if at all possible, try to keep your daughter out of what you plan to do. Just do it.

[MercedMike]

I am pretty sure he would have to show cause for wanting to refuse a passport for the daughter. He can not decide he doesn't want for her to have a passport 'just because'.

 

An interesting legal theory. Any lawyers care to comment?

 

I am pretty much under the impression that a parent CAN make decisions for their child "Just because."

 

Obviously it would be subject to the terms of the custody order. But if he has joint custody or even visitation, I bet he can refuse to let her leave the country.

 

Lawsuits are made of much less ...

[zqvol]

I am pretty sure he would have to show cause for wanting to refuse a passport for the daughter. He can not decide he doesn't want for her to have a passport 'just because'.

Sorry, but legally this is one of those issues that he does not have to have a reason and all he would have to say is that he fears the child will be taken out of the country and not returned. The missing spouse wins.

[SailAwayWendy]

Just once, I would like those of you who do not have to deal with ex-spouses that are controlling, bullying, blaming, manipulative, abusive, rude and hurtful and left the marriage and their children, to experience life in our (and our childrens') shoes. :rolleyes:

 

OP, good luck with your situation !! I can totally empathize.

[SheriNtexas]

Just once, I would like those of you who do not have to deal with ex-spouses that are controlling, bullying, blaming, manipulative, abusive, rude and hurtful and left the marriage and their children, to experience life in our (and our childrens') shoes. :rolleyes:

 

OP, good luck with your situation !! I can totally empathize.

 

 

Well said!! Unless you have lived with someone like that (and I have) you have no idea what they can do not only when they don't want you anymore, but even AFTER they leave!

[Merion_Mom]

this is right from the passport site,

 

 

. Present Parental Application Permission Documentation

 

(for minors under age 14)

 

1. Both parents must appear together and sign or

 

2. One parent appears, signs, and submits second parent's notarized statement of consent authorizing passport issuance for the child (a notarized Form DS-3053, Statement of Consent: Issuance of a Passport to a Minor Under Age 14 , or a notarized written statement with the same information on a sheet of paper from the non-appearing parent) or

 

3. One parents appears, signs, and submits primary evidence of sole authority to apply (such as one of the following):

 

* Child's certified U.S. or foreign birth certificate (with translation, if necessary) listing only applying parent; or

* Consular Report of Birth Abroad (Form FS-240) or Certification of Birth Abroad (Form DS-1350) listing only applying parent; or

* Court order granting sole custody to the applying parent (unless child's travel is restricted by that order); or

* Adoption decree (if applying parents is sole adopting parent); or

* Court order specifically permitting applying parent's or guardian's travel with the child; or

* Judicial declaration of incompetence of non-applying parent; or

* Death certificate of non-applying parent.

 

If none of the above documentation is available, the applying parent/guardian should submit a Form DS-3053: Statement of Consent: Issuance of a Passport to a Minor Under Age 14 .

 

NOTE:

 

A third-party in loco parentis applying on behalf of a minor under the age of 14 must submit a notarized written statement or affidavit from both parents or guardians authorizing a third-party to apply for a passport. When the statement or affidavit is from only one parent/guardian, the third-party must present evidence of sole custody of the authorizing parent/guardian.

Does anyone know if these rules have changed any time recently?

 

I first got passports for my children when they were 10 and 12. I know for a fact that I had NO papers from my ex, he did NOT go with us, and we had no problems.

 

We three showed up at the passport office in our local post office, I had photos and birth certificates and checks, and we had their passports within a few weeks.

[nycruises]

Well i would go the court route, if that fails tell him that your going to go and he now has to watch your child for the time your gone because you don't feel they can get the same level of care from a non=parent, that might help change his tune epically if it would mean losing time at work. Might work rather well actually,l knew i should have gone to law school

[la_croisiere_s'amuse]

An interesting legal theory. Any lawyers care to comment? I am pretty much under the impression that a parent CAN make decisions for their child "Just because."

 

Mike, looks like you missed post #29.

 

To the OP and others in her shoes, my deepest sympathies. As both a child of divorce and a full-time stepmom to five kids whose mother left them . . . I hear ya. :o And for those who can't relate first-hand to spousal or parental abandonment, PLEASE please don't pass judgement on what you don't understand. Rather, be grateful that you can't relate, and pray that you never do!

[SomeBeach]

Does anyone know if these rules have changed any time recently?

 

Carol, not sure what you mean by "recently" but this went into effect July 2, 2001 from what I gather. It's Public Law 106-113, Sect 236. Basically states that both parents are required to execute the passport application for anyone under the age of 14.

There is also a program where a parent can register a child with the agency if they have a fear that one parent may try to get a passport and then take the child out of the country without the others knowledge.

[Moeve]

He has been holding her at bay with the don't call me I'll call you routine so that will probably not go down with the judge very well since ALL parents are advised to deal with each other for the best of the CHILD and not themselves.

 

Stop letting him jank your chain take it to your legal help and then HE will have to explain why he has been dragging his feet and letting his daughter suffer!!!

 

This is my personal comment for DAD:- grow up and start being the Dad you are supposed to be and stop acting like a spoiled brat!!!

[sassmofi]

Mike' date=' looks like you missed post #29.

 

To the OP and others in her shoes, my deepest sympathies. As both a child of divorce and a full-time stepmom to five kids whose mother left them . . . I hear ya. :o And for those who can't relate first-hand to spousal or parental abandonment, [i']PLEASE[/i] please don't pass judgement on what you don't understand. Rather, be grateful that you can't relate, and pray that you never do!

 

Well said!!!! I was going to say something about the view from the high horse....Oh wait I kinda just did :o

 

My parents seperated by the time I was three. I will be turning 30 this year. My parents still can't be in the same room together. I have decided to elope to avoid the drama from them if I had a wedding. I really hope the OP and ex can eventually find some common ground.

 

I would think the court would have "what is best for the child" approach and not the "just because" parental approach.

[VernRDH]

To the OP: My prayers to you that this gets resolved in a timely manner and you can take your daughter on a wonderful vacation. Seek legal counsel to make it a reality if necessary.

 

I have not been in the OPs shoes, and hope to never be. But wanting to take your child on a vacation and having your ex stymie you has got to be maddening. :mad: She is taking the child on a cruise, for a week (if I remember correctly). She is not taking her to South America or Bosnia or somewhere where she could easily "disappear" with the child. She could just as easily say I am taking the kid to DisneyWorld and never come back either. Yes the passport makes international travel possible, but it also leaves a paper trail, does it not? You have to clear customs should you fly to a foreign country, and you could be tracked down that way. I agree with others that dad is being a controlling pain in the patootie. He needs to get over himself and allow his child to have a life. I don't honestly think if mom were going to take the child and never return she would be posting about it here on CC either.:rolleyes:

 

[getting off soapbox now]

[Ivanova]

According to RCCL you only need one parents signature for going with another adult (not related), wonder why you would need his if she's going with the mother:confused:

Because the cruise lines have no way of knowing if mom has legal custody, or if there's a custody fight going on and mom is about to flee the country with the kid (i.e. get off in port and never make it back onboard).

[Lisichka]

An interesting legal theory. Any lawyers care to comment?

 

I am pretty much under the impression that a parent CAN make decisions for their child "Just because."

 

Obviously it would be subject to the terms of the custody order. But if he has joint custody or even visitation, I bet he can refuse to let her leave the country.

 

Lawsuits are made of much less ...

 

If HIS wishes trump the ones of the CP, then it is no longer joint custody, is it? I have been through this myself. The ex has to have probable cause to refuse a passport. And being a control freak isn't one of them.

 

A reminder to parents who are just now going through a divorce: if you have a controlling soon-to-be-ex, fight for sole legal custody!!! I cannot stress that enough. I can only imagine the even more frequent fights my ex and I would have been in had I not been awarded sole legal (and physical) custody.

[nrh322]

I'm going through the exact same thing with my ex. Thankfully, my older son is going to be 14 and I'll be able to take him to get his passport without my ex having to sign off before our cruise. My younger son will just have to make do with a birth certificate. I managed to get a notarized letter out of the ex a few years ago for a different trip, so I'm going to bring a copy of that - even though the dates are different.

 

I did notice that there is a section on the minor passport consent form that you can fill in if you can't get the other parent to sign off. Have you considered trying that? I've been thinking about just being honest with them and seeing what happens. I figure I'll have better luck that way than trying to hurry this through the court system in time for an August cruise!

 

Good luck and keep us posted as to what happens...

[evolutiondob]

Thank you all for your encouraging words and advice. Yes, this is a really frustrating situation. Believe me, he has no fear of me running off with my daughter and never returning (or 16 year old son who is also going on the cruise) - he's just using this as yet another situation where he will make me sweat it out until he gets good and ready to cooperate.

I remember when I was graduating from college a year or so ago and it was his week to have the children (we have 50/50 joint custody). I asked him for weeks if he would allow me to have the children on a particular date where he was scheduled to have the children so that they could attend my graduation ceremony. He didn't get back to me for weeks and I was so upset because this was a very special day for me and I wanted my children there. He did the same type of "Don't ask me again, I'll get back to you" response. Well, about two days before my graduation I sent him an e-mail saying look, this is a very important day for me and I want my children there. I don't understand why you would rob me of this when I've always been flexible when you wanted the children off schedule. So, he sends me an e-mail saying "of course I would allow the children to attend your graduation. What type of man do you think I am?" HE'S MADDENING!! He's controlling, manipulating and likes the power trip.

I truly hope no one has to deal with a person like this - it's completely frustrating!!

I wish I could immediately jump on having my attorney handle this situation but he charges $350 an hour. So, that will be my last resort. I'm going to wait until June and if he doesn't get back to me, I'll approach him with him signing an affidavit - offering to pay for the notary and everything. If he refuses or continues to stall, then I'll speak to my lawyer and have him handle it.

I'll keep you all posted. Thanks again for your encouragement and supporpt!!

[MercedMike]

Mike' date=' looks like you missed post #29.[/font']

 

 

Yep, I did -- but that one seems to say that indeed, a parent can make decisions "just because" -- UNLESS the other parent can convince a judge that it is not fair under the terms of the divorce. I seriously question that it will be such a slam dunk. Legal matters rarely are.

 

In any case, going the legal route is indeed the only answer, apparently.

[Lisichka]

Yep, I did -- but that one seems to say that indeed, a parent can make decisions "just because" -- UNLESS the other parent can convince a judge that it is not fair under the terms of the divorce. I seriously question that it will be such a slam dunk. Legal matters rarely are.

 

In any case, going the legal route is indeed the only answer, apparently.

 

I think you misinterpret that. A parent can make a decision 'just because' only up until a judge hears him doing so. Do that a few times in a row, and he will be robbed of joint legal custody. Judges get just as tired of control freaks as CP do.

[sassyj]

Thank you all for your tips and suggestions. I do have her original birth certificate so I may either ask him to sign an affidavit or just show up at the post office with her myself and hope that there are no questions.

 

I showed up at the post office hoping they wouldn't ask for my ex's signature. It didn't work. My daughter was only 1 week from turning 14 and they still wouldn't let her apply. I went back the next week on her birthday. 14 is the magic number without both parent's signatures. It stinks. Sorry you have to go through this. I've been there many times as well.

[house7]

I have sole custody of my oldest 2 (1st not so DH). I'm in Canada so we have to re-apply every 5 years, not sure how it is in the U.S. The first time I drove to his house and threatened legal action after which he signed. The second time (last year) I didn't have him sign as we have had no contact for a while but signed a statement explaining why he hadn't signed. The passport office notified him of my application at his last known address and it took a total of 30 days to get the passports. He didn't respond and I was given passports.

[evolutiondob]

I did see a form online with the Passport Services where a parent can give consent or you can provide an explanation as to why the other parent is not signing. I guess if I put in the explanation portion that the father is being uncooperative and not making time to be present, perhaps they will also send him a letter and if he doesn't respond then they will go ahead and process.

 

I just sent the form to him asking for his signature. We'll see how that goes.