Wedding Date Conflict...Need Advice!

[NurseBeth]

Okay....so my fiance' and I are wanting to get married in October 2008. We haven't chosen a specific date yet, but we are positive about the month of October (we had been waiting for the itinerary schedule for the Fascination leaving from Jacksonville). Our friends recently became engaged, and they are dead set on getting married in October as well!!!! They asked us if we had chosen a specific date in October, and I told them no, but that it didn't really matter because it would be rather rude to have their wedding in the same month as ours.

 

Well we get a phone call from our OTHER friend telling us that our newly-engaged friends have chosen October 18th as their wedding date!!! I am really angry at them....they knew that October was going to be our wedding month and they went ahead and chose this date anyways.

 

So this is my question....am I totally wrong here? They asked us up front if we were getting married in October,and when we told them yes, they STILL chose a date in October as well. Also....what do we do now? We really liked the idea of an October wedding, so do we stick to our guns and book the package for that month, or step back and let them have the month?

[Prinycesa07]

Honestly, it sucks but you really do only get 1 day. I can understand why you are upset but i would let it go. You both wanted October, you guys didn't pick a date so all is fair for them to pick what they want. But on that token, she only gets 1 day too. It is completely fine for you to still get married in October too. JMO, hope you dont take offense =)

[6rugrats]

This is written from the point of view of someone probably old enough to be your mother. And, someone who totally does not understand how weddings got so blown out of proportion.

 

The reality is that your wedding day is a very special time. But, really, it's more important to you than anyone else. Most people honestly, while happy for you, don't find it the life changing experience or special, special day that you will. And that's how it should be.

 

Anyway, yes IMO, you are totally unreasonable and getting upset about nothing. You don't own the month of October and neither do they. In no way, shape or form was it "rude" for them to pick a date in October just because you said you wanted to get married that month. Ignore what they do and plan your wedding for when you want to have it. Life will provide you with enough drama; you don't have to manufacture it.

[finn1913]

It must be frustrating and irritating, but at the end of the day there isn't much you can do about their date - so let it go. They did have the courtesy to ask if you had a date (I'm guessing so they didn't pick the same one) and you said no.

 

However... get married in October anyway and have a fabulous time!! Don't let this date issue ruin anything!

[Josh'sMom628]

I can top you.... I got married to my boyfriend of 6 years July 16th, 2005, after postponing our original wedding date may 15th,2004.

 

Then May 2006 my younger sister calls me to say that she and her boyfriend were getting married on July 15th, 2006. They only took 2 months to plan it, got my parents to spend almost 2 times more for her wedding than mine (even though my parents really couldn't afford it)

And no, I wasn't asked to be in the wedding, only to help plan it, and fix all the problems along the way when they didn't know what to do on such short notice. (not to mention that the maid of honor was a complete ditz and didn't do ANYTHING to help throughout the whole process)

 

But-- as much as I was really really bent out of shape that my sister would pick the same weekend a year later (I'm sure even reading this post you can all hear the bitterness)-- my advice to you is this--

Get married when YOU want. Forget what they are doing. Even if it means you miss their wedding! You need to celebrate, and do it the way that makes you happy.

 

PS-- Best wishes on the planning... it is an enormous amount of work, something inevitably goes wrong, and in the end, all that matters is that you married the man you love with all your heart!

[RachieLnnn]

Why does it matter if someone gets married the same weekend as you a year later??? I think it would be kind of nice. I went to a wedding where the parents and siblings of the groom all got married the same weekend in previous years (Memorial Day) and it was nice because they had a special toast in their honor. Talk about being self-centered! :eek: You seem jealous of your sister (and the money your parents paid) and bitter that she didn't have to wait 6 years like you did, but only waited 2 months. Let it go!

 

To the OP, yes, you are being unreasonable. You don't own the month of October. You said you didn't set a date yet, so they probably thought it was ok to go ahead and plan theirs. Are you sure they knew how important it was to you? I'm sure they think their own wedding is just as important as yours. You can't expect them to put their own wedding planning on hold until you set a date.

 

I can't believe you would ask your friends to completely plan their wedding around "your" month, even though you hadn't actually set a date yet!!! Why don't you shoot for Oct. 4th? I think if you are at least 2 weeks away it's fine, gives people time to recuperate inbetween weddings.

 

I hope things work out for you. Remember to keep it all in perspective, and that it's a happy occasion...

[briseis23]

Trust me, I feel your pain! My fiance's friend got engaged recently after knowing some girl only 3 weeks, and they planned their wedding on the SAME exact weekend that we are leaving on our cruise. They actually thought about doing it ON our cruise. So I understand why you would be pissed, and your feelings are valid, but I am sure they didn't do it out of spite or anything. You should probably be telling your friend about your disappointment, though, instead of just venting about it here. She may not have thought it was rude at all to have her wedding in the same month, especially since her guest list will probably look very different from yours. In the end, that's how I looked at it.

[Saraloo]

well, my friend was engaged for about a year and they said that they were going to plan a wedding for may 2008. I got engaged in feb this year and within a month we already picked dec 07. Suddenly she moved up her date to (well first to sept 2007) and then had to choose Nov 2007 (her wedding was last weekend) I was convienced that she moved up her wedding because she wanted to get married before me. It was a little frusterating because our weddings are only a month apart, but in the end no harm was done, they had their wedding and i will have mine, even if they were a week apart its not a big deal, it would diff. it was family though because out of towners would have to make the trip twice within a few days, and some might not go to one, but since it is just a friend, we do have mutual friends going to both, but no one once said anything about our weddings being close together. I say pick whichever day you want, and if they have to miss your wedding or you have to miss theres, thats how it will have to be. You cant plan your wedding around other people. If they are busy, they cant go. Maybe you can plan it for the weekend after, chances are if you are getting married on an island they will not go anyways because they will be coming back from their honeymoon. Best wishes!

[RachieLnnn]

Just wanted to add - sorry if I sounded harsh in my first post on this subject, I'm sure it wasn't helpful to what is an already stressful time for you. Please forgive me (Nursebeth and Josh's Mom, too). :o

 

My own wedding is coming up in only 16 days and I seem to be a ball of nerves - going from extremely happy to extremely stressed that we won't "get it all done." Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy right now, just easily provoked I suppose. I apologize. :)

 

I'm usually a very nice person, I swear!

 

I still think you should relax a bit about the date, but I could see how it could be upsetting if you really wanted October. I still think you should have an October date if that is what you want. Have it on a different weekend if you can, but don't plan around them. You have to do what is right for you.

 

Best of luck!

[sas80]

Okay....so my fiance' and I are wanting to get married in October 2008. We haven't chosen a specific date yet, but we are positive about the month of October (we had been waiting for the itinerary schedule for the Fascination leaving from Jacksonville). Our friends recently became engaged, and they are dead set on getting married in October as well!!!! They asked us if we had chosen a specific date in October, and I told them no, but that it didn't really matter because it would be rather rude to have their wedding in the same month as ours.

 

Well we get a phone call from our OTHER friend telling us that our newly-engaged friends have chosen October 18th as their wedding date!!! I am really angry at them....they knew that October was going to be our wedding month and they went ahead and chose this date anyways.

 

So this is my question....am I totally wrong here? They asked us up front if we were getting married in October,and when we told them yes, they STILL chose a date in October as well. Also....what do we do now? We really liked the idea of an October wedding, so do we stick to our guns and book the package for that month, or step back and let them have the month?

 

My own personal experience is the following:

 

DH's friend, Judy, got engaged and picked a date in October to get married. DH and I then got engaged about 4 months later. We were at Judy's house and the topic of when DH and I would be getting married came up. We started mulling months and the month of October seemed ideal for us for many reasons BUT I said to DH in front of Judy, "I dont think it would be fair or appropriate to get married the same month that Judy and FI are getting married" Judy said "no problem, dont worry about it!"

 

So we did get married in October, about 2 weeks before Judy did.

 

Bottom line - I asked the "friend" what she thought and she gave me the green light. If she had said "yea, I would prefer that you not do it" I totally would have understood and respected that!

 

It is very difficult, especially when you have friends in common, to tax people with 2 big events like this in a short frame of time.

[sas80]

P.S. they suck for doing that

(that's my own personal opinion)

[sas80]

I can top you.... I got married to my boyfriend of 6 years July 16th' date=' 2005, after postponing our original wedding date may 15th,2004.

 

Then May 2006 my younger sister calls me to say that she and her boyfriend were getting married on July 15th, 2006. They only took 2 months to plan it, got my parents to spend almost 2 times more for her wedding than mine (even though my parents really couldn't afford it)

And no, I wasn't asked to be in the wedding, only to help plan it, and fix all the problems along the way when they didn't know what to do on such short notice. (not to mention that the maid of honor was a complete ditz and didn't do ANYTHING to help throughout the whole process)

 

But-- as much as I was really really bent out of shape that my sister would pick the same weekend a year later (I'm sure even reading this post you can all hear the bitterness)-- my advice to you is this--

Get married when YOU want. Forget what they are doing. Even if it means you miss their wedding! You need to celebrate, and do it the way that makes you happy.

 

PS-- Best wishes on the planning... it is an enormous amount of work, something inevitably goes wrong, and in the end, all that matters is that you married the man you love with all your heart![/quote']

 

Your sister sucks too! ;)

[sas80]

well, my friend was engaged for about a year and they said that they were going to plan a wedding for may 2008. I got engaged in feb this year and within a month we already picked dec 07. Suddenly she moved up her date to (well first to sept 2007) and then had to choose Nov 2007 (her wedding was last weekend) I was convienced that she moved up her wedding because she wanted to get married before me. It was a little frusterating because our weddings are only a month apart, but in the end no harm was done, they had their wedding and i will have mine, even if they were a week apart its not a big deal, it would diff. it was family though because out of towners would have to make the trip twice within a few days, and some might not go to one, but since it is just a friend, we do have mutual friends going to both, but no one once said anything about our weddings being close together. I say pick whichever day you want, and if they have to miss your wedding or you have to miss theres, thats how it will have to be. You cant plan your wedding around other people. If they are busy, they cant go. Maybe you can plan it for the weekend after, chances are if you are getting married on an island they will not go anyways because they will be coming back from their honeymoon. Best wishes!

 

My cousin did the same thing to me.... Got engaged AFTER I did and made sure to get married before I did. My sister and I joked about how, if she knew that we were trying to have a kid, she would make sure to try to have one before me...lol

 

People can be needlessly competitive sometimes!

 

Feel good that it is a self esteem thing....the "one upsmanship" thing. Low self esteem on their part...

[mandabear]

I think you should choose whatever date you want the most. I also think you should keep in mind that if your cruise overlaps with Oct. 18th, then if you have mutual friends with the other bride, your friends will have to choose just one of you. Good luck with the planning!

[txtwinmom]

18 years ago, my friends and I were the only three single girls in our social club. We all got married that summer - Jan two weeks before me and Marsha two weeks after me. We had a wonderful summer. I help to host a shower for Jan and a party for Marsha and they hosted things for me. We had an engagement/couples party hosted by my sister and they came with their guys and we all celebrated together. I thought it was wonderful that my friends and I were all going through the same things together. Each wedding was totally different from the other in size and scope and 18 years later, we're all three still married to those guys, so I guess something worked that summer!

[donaldsc]

I can top you.... I got married to my boyfriend of 6 years July 16th' date=' 2005, after postponing our original wedding date may 15th,2004.

 

Then May 2006 my younger sister calls me to say that she and her boyfriend were getting married on July 15th, 2006. They only took 2 months to plan it, got my parents to spend almost 2 times more for her wedding than mine (even though my parents really couldn't afford it)

![/quote']

 

As I see it, you seem to have 2 problems:

 

1) that someone else in your family had the audacity to select the same day of the year as you selected; and

 

2) your parents spent more money on your sister's wedding than on yours.

 

Point 1 is totally ridiculous and point 2 shows total jealousy.

 

In both cases, you are pathetic.

 

DON

[donaldsc]

Okay....so my fiance' and I are wanting to get married in October 2008. We haven't chosen a specific date yet, but we are positive about the month of October (we had been waiting for the itinerary schedule for the Fascination leaving from Jacksonville). Our friends recently became engaged, and they are dead set on getting married in October as well!!!! They asked us if we had chosen a specific date in October, and I told them no, but that it didn't really matter because it would be rather rude to have their wedding in the same month as ours.

 

 

They asked you if you had chosen a date - you said no. From your message, it also appears that you NOT clearly ask them NOT to have their wedding in October.

 

Given the total absence of any verbal guidance on your part besides the idea that they should have read your mind, it is not surprising that they ignored your unspoken wish and scheduled their wedding in October.

 

You suffer from a failure to communicate and should learn to communicate or accept the consequences.

 

DON

[Josh'sMom628]

As I see it, you seem to have 2 problems:

 

1) that someone else in your family had the audacity to select the same day of they year as you selected; and

 

2) your parents spent more money on your sister's wedding than on yours.

 

Point 1 is totally ridiculous and point 2 shows total jealousy.

 

In both cases, you are pathetic.

 

DON

 

I had respect for what my parents could manage- she didn't care if they had to take out loans to pay for whatever she wanted.

 

As for being upset about it being the same weekend? I didn't get to celebrate my own wedding anniversary because I was busy trying to help make my sisters wedding work. I didn't get a single- Happy Anniversary from anyone. Shouldn't I be allowed to be a little upset that she didnt even ask my feelings on it?

[sas80]

They asked you if you had chosen a date - you said no. From your message, it also appears that you NOT clearly ask them NOT to have their wedding in October.

 

Given the total absence of any verbal guidance on your part besides the idea that they should have read your mind, it is not surprising that they ignored your unspoken wish and scheduled their wedding in October.

 

You suffer from a failure to communicate and should learn to communicate or accept the consequences.

 

DON

 

Wow! You're quite an ASS Don!

[sas80]

I had respect for what my parents could manage- she didn't care if they had to take out loans to pay for whatever she wanted.

 

As for being upset about it being the same weekend? I didn't get to celebrate my own wedding anniversary because I was busy trying to help make my sisters wedding work. I didn't get a single- Happy Anniversary from anyone. Shouldn't I be allowed to be a little upset that she didnt even ask my feelings on it?

 

 

You know what? Don is a total ASS. Dont even humor his posts with a response! His spirit is totally corrupt! He doesn't deserve attention to posts that are only intended to stir the pot.

[6rugrats]

I can't agree that "Don is an ass". He should have left out the personal comments; that wasn't called for. But, he makes some valid points.

 

Drop the bitterness about what is in the past and move along. Some of these complaints make the posters sound as if they think the world should revolve around them. It just doesn't. It is sad when someone doesn't remember your anniversary, etc., but you need to remember that it's never as important to someone else as it is to you. Plus, there is an undercurrent of kind of, for want of a better phrase, self-centeredness running through some of these posts, and maybe some of these other people that upset you are the same way.

 

Here's a story for you. After I got remarried and had a daughter, my ex brother-in-law and his wife had a baby the year after. Guess what they named her? The exact same (first and middle) name as I named my daughter! And it's not a common name. Now that's just wierd! But did I get upset about it? No, just laughed.

 

Just laugh about this stuff and move on. Life is good, you are married, or getting married to someone you love. Rise above the rest. Good luck to you.

[Prinycesa07]

Im going to have to agree with PP. Don shouldnt have made the personal insults but I do agree with him. Its a year later. Nobody cares that much about your anniversary but you 2. I dont think she did anything wrong, if that weekend worked for me, I would have done the same.

 

But I do think making her mom pay more than she could afford is a bit selfish and self centered.

[sas80]

I'm neither agreeing with Don nor disagreeing.

 

I just think Don's an ass for posting the way he posted.

[CurlyRed964]

Many valid points have been made here. However, some were obscured with cruelty (Don). This can also be construed as poor communication. You make make your point and move on, no barbs are required nor are they necessary.

 

These boards are meant to encourage and support. Nursebeth asked if she was wrong in feeling the way she did. Obviously she is trying to sort this out and wants to act appropriately. She was looking for truthful answers and support not a lambasting.

 

Nursebeth, you look like you will make a beautiful and sweet bride, no matter what time of year you get married. I've been to more weddings than I can count. No two are the same. Enjoy your October wedding, if that's when you want it. Let the friends have their October date and go in peace. I commend them for at least approaching you and making the inquiry. Many would not have had the courtesy to do that much.

 

Blessings and best wishes to all you brides (and renewing brides, too!)

 

Tamara

 

P.S. What is a man doing posting on this board anyway?:confused: Now that is food for thought! But I will leave it at that so as not to be cruel, too.;)

[Josh'sMom628]

I guess my post didn't come across the way I wanted it to.

 

I had ALOT of issues with my situation. Mostly because I felt completely ignored and my mom and sister asked ALOT of me during the whole thing, without taking a second to check on how I felt. BUT....

 

I recognized that things happen, everyone is going to do what they are going to do, rarely are people good at thinking about how their actions affect others. So, my suggestion was to let go of it, and do what's going to be best for the OP, and what makes the OP happy for herself. Even if it means missing the other wedding.

 

(btw- who doesn't have some issues with competition between siblings!)