Live From The Noordam With Tomc

[jhannah]

FYI the doggie bags are so you can show your roomie what you had for dinner!

(rimshot) Good one, Gerry!

[wrp96]

The ship is providing doggie bags if you want them. They are available, oddly enough, at the elevators. Haven't figured that one out yet. They weren't there when we sailed down the Hudson River.

 

While I'm sure that HAL does a wonderful job on their food, you might want to skip the leftovers.;)

[Jsipes]

Tom...you are soooooooo funny :>) When the drunk @ AYWD asked how much you paid for your room, he probably figured that as a CC Host you were comp'd.....enjoy the VIP Treatment, give us a spa report.....:) Jer the Bear

[gambol]

Tom, I got back yesterday. We were late getting off the ship but we were even later boarding January 16th. Noordam came in on Code Red

and the crew had to sanitize the whole ship. We didn't board until nearly 6 PM, had dinner then the lifeboat drill. These life jackets were really different than I've had before. Could hardly get our heads through them.

(Tom)

People were getting off the ship late; someone said the Noordam was late getting in, another person said it arrived on time. Perhaps nobody could find the gangway, or it could be the staff lost the key and couldn't get the door open.

(Gambol)

For the first couple days we couldn't touch a thing. Servers both in the dining room and Lido Restaurant had to hand us everything, including napkins. No salt and pepper shakers on tables but we got packs of salt and pepper if we requested it. It had to be very tiresome on the staff making so many extra motions.

(Tom)

I have a delightful room for one with sufficient closet space. Unfortunately, it's actually a double and I have a roomie. One of us will have to stand in the corridor while the other changes his mind.

(Gambol)

We had a veranda room on Deck 4 in the stern. That was great for getting to the dining room and a hike for everything else. Some people had electric scooters which looked better and better to me as the days went on.

(Tom)

HAL's lifeboat drill was the typical serious matter, with the captain issuing several of what amounted to be "shut up and listen" announcements from the bridge. The crew went around adjusting the jackets for people who screwed up (me, as usual, although I'm getting better all the time).

(Gambol)

We screwed up too. Also it was cold but body warmth of all the

passengers made it okay.

(Tom)

I wanted Traditional Dining, but ended up with As You Wish. Well, the other guy at the table was a drunk and my wish was that he would disappear, but it didn't happen. So much for "as you wish."

(Gambol)

After reading your experience, I'm glad we went for traditional dining.

We had the first seating. Food was really good.

(Tom)

That's the report for the first day out.

(Gambol)

Thanks for posting; I'll look for more. I used the internet twice and

it was incredibly slow. Unfortunately I can get only dial up at home and the Noordan's internet made dial-up look fast. I couldn't afford to post to the board; I sent and didn't have time to read mail.

 

We had a Meet and Greet in the Owl's Nest the first day out at 11 AM.

A big thanks to Lynn for arranging it. I enjoyed meeting some of the Cruise Critics; a great group of people.

 

We had a terrific storm and the bridge announced waves from 27 to 42 feet high. It woke me up at 3:15 AM and I never went back to sleep after that. I don't know how the servers managed to serve with the boat pitching and rolling.

 

Meet interesting people and loved the trip. I hope you have a great time.

 

gambol

 

 

 

This post came to you Live from the Noordam.

[spcl4cs_gal]

Owl's Nest??? Is this something new they've added to the Noordam since August? :rolleyes:

[spcl4cs_gal]

Owl's Nest??? Is this something new they've added to the Noordam since August? :rolleyes:

 

Damned double posts! :mad:

[cruz4evr]

All continues to go well. To those who wonder, remember that this is not the most serious thread you will read and is subject to a bit of exaggeration.

 

Last night's show included comedian, so she advertises herself, Janine Gardner. She was not particularly smooth and the audience was not particularly appreciative. Still, she hung in there. At the start, she mentioned something about being better if the audience had a couple of drinks in it, which is probably true. But a stone-sober crowd isn't quite what she works with best. You could tell she was uncomfortable after the first few lines died. I left when she started doing impressions. It was me or her and she stayed. Now: this is my opinion. Others may have found her just fine.

 

I think the band was "augmented" with some sort of back-up disc, or something. I heard instruments that were not onstage. It sounded good, by the way, similar to the way things were in The Olde Days when the HAL ships had a real orchestra. If the musicians were playing to an augmented track, it was a good idea and worked well.

 

The drunk at my table last night, if I didn't mention it, couldn't figure the concept of the Cruise Critics. "You folks just go from ship to ship reviewing it? They give you free cruises? Is that all you do, just criticize ships?" I gave up on it about the third or fifth time around. Then he ordered another martini and I figured it was time to go. I should have mentioned that Bill is a nice guy and all his friends would be meeting every day...

 

Seas overnight were running high. I fell out of bed twice and the third time ended up in another cabin. THAT is what you call rough. They moderated earlier today, but it's up again as I write this. We're off Cape Hatteras, 16,000 feet of water, doing 21 knots; for you Canadians, that's south of Toronto, eh, 28 celsius per furlong and about the same speed as a dog sled.

 

Here's Your Lifejacket; What's Your Hurry? As an insert in the morning NY Times, the crew stuck the disembarkation form. First full day out and they can't get rid of us fast enough. Disembark plans? Hey, I haven't even planned what I'm having for breakfast yet.

 

The Purell Handshake ... glop yourself up, then watch your hand slip as you try to greet another person in the buffet line.

 

The Meet & Greet went well. They greased us up with various beverages more potent than coffee and little thingys with toothpicks sticking out of them. Mystery meat, from mystery animals caught by mystery hunters on mystery islands far away on the uncharted seas.

 

So far, no Code Red. And, as there are no children onboard, no Code Yellow in the swimming pools. Actually, it's nice being the youngest person on board.

 

The ship is providing doggie bags if you want them. They are available, oddly enough, at the elevators. Haven't figured that one out yet. They weren't there when we sailed down the Hudson River.

 

This post came to you live from the Noordam.

 

 

tomc, your live posts from the Noordam are much appreciated and I absolutely love your humor and desriptive narratives. Are you perhaps a professional writer or is this just a hobby? :D

 

We just got back from the 1/16/08 cruise on the Noordam and also hit rough seas the last day. Apparently you must be encountering the same weather system. I hope you won't need those doggie bags!

 

Looking forward to you next post! :)

[innlady1]

All continues to go well. To those who wonder, remember that this is not the most serious thread you will read and is subject to a bit of exaggeration.

 

Last night's show included comedian, so she advertises herself, Janine Gardner. She was not particularly smooth and the audience was not particularly appreciative. Still, she hung in there. At the start, she mentioned something about being better if the audience had a couple of drinks in it, which is probably true. But a stone-sober crowd isn't quite what she works with best. You could tell she was uncomfortable after the first few lines died. I left when she started doing impressions. It was me or her and she stayed. Now: this is my opinion. Others may have found her just fine.

 

I think the band was "augmented" with some sort of back-up disc, or something. I heard instruments that were not onstage. It sounded good, by the way, similar to the way things were in The Olde Days when the HAL ships had a real orchestra. If the musicians were playing to an augmented track, it was a good idea and worked well.

 

The drunk at my table last night, if I didn't mention it, couldn't figure the concept of the Cruise Critics. "You folks just go from ship to ship reviewing it? They give you free cruises? Is that all you do, just criticize ships?" I gave up on it about the third or fifth time around. Then he ordered another martini and I figured it was time to go. I should have mentioned that Bill is a nice guy and all his friends would be meeting every day...

 

Seas overnight were running high. I fell out of bed twice and the third time ended up in another cabin. THAT is what you call rough. They moderated earlier today, but it's up again as I write this. We're off Cape Hatteras, 16,000 feet of water, doing 21 knots; for you Canadians, that's south of Toronto, eh, 28 celsius per furlong and about the same speed as a dog sled.

 

Here's Your Lifejacket; What's Your Hurry? As an insert in the morning NY Times, the crew stuck the disembarkation form. First full day out and they can't get rid of us fast enough. Disembark plans? Hey, I haven't even planned what I'm having for breakfast yet.

 

The Purell Handshake ... glop yourself up, then watch your hand slip as you try to greet another person in the buffet line.

 

The Meet & Greet went well. They greased us up with various beverages more potent than coffee and little thingys with toothpicks sticking out of them. Mystery meat, from mystery animals caught by mystery hunters on mystery islands far away on the uncharted seas.

 

So far, no Code Red. And, as there are no children onboard, no Code Yellow in the swimming pools. Actually, it's nice being the youngest person on board.

 

The ship is providing doggie bags if you want them. They are available, oddly enough, at the elevators. Haven't figured that one out yet. They weren't there when we sailed down the Hudson River.

 

This post came to you live from the Noordam.

 

I suspect those are barf bags, Tom! Although, I know you know that! ;)

 

Love your "Live From's"...can't wait for the next!

[tomc]

Owl's Nest... I have no idea why I called it that. There certainly were enough old crows in there to remind me.

 

A Sighting The First Day Out! Yes folks, at 4:17pm on the first full day, we had the initial Bingo Announcement. It's now officially a cruise.

 

My AYW dining. Much better tonight. I joined a table of five, saying, "The last sardine in the can." Delightful people, cold sober down to the last (unlike last night, when I was stuck with a guy who heard the slogan, "Drink Canada Dry," and went there to try). For dessert, I asked what kind of tarts they had and the waiter responded, "Not the type you want, sir." Smart @. I ordered an apple tart, instead.

 

The computer system was down in the dining room, so they had to check us in by hand, which slowed things down a bit. There we stood, in rags, clutching our bowls, begging, "More, sir; we want more." After waiting for more than five minutes, we finally rushed the door (much like the third-class Irish in "Titanic" rushing the locked gate) and forced our way in, shouting, "Food! Food! We haven't eaten since 4:00pm!"

 

The Yum-Yum Man is running his little racket outside the upper level, the Traditional Dining. Those on the AYW (deck 2) will have to walk off the pounds by taking the Grand Staircase up and finding the condiment of their choice. That's "condiment," you dirty-minded sex fiends.

 

This post came to you live from the Noordam.

[dakrewser]

Have a ginger snack for me, Tom. Yum!

[Mr Veendam06]

Hay i saw you go out yesterday from that new park on the pier .Boy it was cool!! Not many out on deck for sail away .I got a vido of you sailing away .I stop at to pier on my way home from the city on the ferry back to NJ!! The gem went first !! I head out on feb.16th .I also have Any time dinning .How do you like it so far ?

[sail7seas]

Fabulous, Tom. What great posts. Enjoying them tremendously.

 

[ger_77]

There we stood, in rags, clutching our bowls, begging, "More, sir; we want more."

 

Let me guess, this was "smart casual night", right? And as far as the bowls go, were these included in your cabin amenities or were they "removed" from the Lido by you for use in the dining room???

 

Smooth Sailing! :) :) :)

[BeenAround]

Patiently waiting for you to return.

Just means I will be leaving next!

Please only give me the good details.

Keep it coming. Hysterical. Eh?

[hammybee]

Thank you Tom. I am enjoying the ride. :)

[RustaRoo]

Here I sit 'enjoying' a cool evening -45 celsius windchill tonight - so the laughter generated by reading your reports actually generated a little body heat! Thank you! Thank you!:D The cold snap is to last for 3 days. My trip to Southern Caribbean can't come soon enough...how many more sleeps??? Let's see...

[Jsipes]

Sienfeld...watch out!! Tomc's gathering steam !!! Great post, Tom. Watch out for the crazy man with the kid by the Lido pool !!:)

[jrzebird]

Really enjoying your posts Tom. I can't believe that a mere 3 weeks ago I was headed south on the Noordam. Reading your posts brings me back. I'm also glad to hear where the Yum Yum Man disappeared to. He was outside the lower dining room one night and then disappeared. Only his lovely Yum Yums remained, untouched and unserved. I was sad. Don't they know that I was looking forward to that! After all, a silly Code Red shouldn't interfer! LOL

[CrystalLady]

TomC - your sardonic wit is a joy to read, as always. Your narrative is hilarious. I'll be here daily from the other board following your cruise antics.

[innlady1]

Really enjoying your posts Tom. I can't believe that a mere 3 weeks ago I was headed south on the Noordam. Reading your posts brings me back. I'm also glad to hear where the Yum Yum Man disappeared to. He was outside the lower dining room one night and then disappeared. Only his lovely Yum Yums remained, untouched and unserved. I was sad. Don't they know that I was looking forward to that! After all, a silly Code Red shouldn't interfer! LOL

 

Does the Yum Yum Man not stand outside the lower dining room any longer?

 

He was there every night during our cruise last year. We had early traditional on the lower level. Will be on the lower level this time, with AYWD, because that's all we could get.

[jrzebird]

Does the Yum Yum Man not stand outside the lower dining room any longer?

 

He was there every night during our cruise last year. We had early traditional on the lower level. Will be on the lower level this time, with AYWD, because that's all we could get.

 

He was always there on our cruise last year. However, I only saw him once this year. We went to code red the third day, so that might have had something to do with it, although the goodies were all there, just not the Yum Yum man. Also, I never heard the chimes this year. I wonder if he is just upstairs for traditional dining? Kind of hard to call AYWD to dinner when there's no set time.

 

By the way, I also requested traditional dining, and got AYWD. In the long run, we really enjoyed it. Met a lot of people, and when we grew tired of chatting with strangers, we got a table for 2.

[innlady1]

He was always there on our cruise last year. However, I only saw him once this year. We went to code red the third day, so that might have had something to do with it, although the goodies were all there, just not the Yum Yum man. Also, I never heard the chimes this year. I wonder if he is just upstairs for traditional dining? Kind of hard to call AYWD to dinner when there's no set time.

 

By the way, I also requested traditional dining, and got AYWD. In the long run, we really enjoyed it. Met a lot of people, and when we grew tired of chatting with strangers, we got a table for 2.

 

Thanks, jrzebird! It seems the Yum Yum man would be there more often rather than less in a Code Red situation...so that he could hand out the goodies rather than have people take them.

 

Glad you liked AYWD. I'm not too worried...we had Personal Choice dining on Princess and it was fine. So, we'll go with the flow!

[Krazy Kruizers]

Enyoy reading about your adventure.

[tomc]

Another hedonistic day at sea.

 

I just realized how much I miss making my own bed, vacuuming my room, taking out the trash, cooking my own meals, shoveling the snow we had back home and ==brrrrrrrrng== [sound of alarm clock going off]. Oh, I'm on the Noordam. Boy, was THAT a bad dream. Whew! I actually thought I was home and somehow got bored with cruising. I better see my doctor about this. Well, not until I get back. Maybe a quick visit with Dr. Jack Daniels will help.

 

Well, the AYW dining experience continues... Last night, I was the six at a table for six. One couple, at least, and I don't know how the other three fit (Together? One couple and a single?) Anyway, good conversation until ... until ... the couple started to talk about their brother and his wife, who have a teenage son who just started driving. He blew a red light and got caught. Here is the approx conversation in the family, as best as I can paraphrase it from Uncle and Auntie:

 

Father: "You ran a red light!"

Son: "Well, you do it all the time and you're a cop."

Father: "Your mother and I have 40 years of experience and we know when to do it."

Son: "And you do U-ies."

Father: It's ok for us, but not for you."

Son: "I'm just driving the way you do. And you two speed all the time."

Father: "We know what we're doing."

Uncle at table: "Kids. They think they know everything."

Me at table: "A cop is blowing lights, doing U-ies, speeding. Now, all of a sudden he's trying to tell his kid it's wrong?"

Uncle at table: "Well, he and his wife have experience."

Me at table: "Yeah, in breaking the law and setting a bad example."

Uncle at table: "He's just starting to drive."

Me at table: "Parents are the first and best teachers of their children. A cop and his wife have taught their son well."

 

Grannynurse was out on the back deck this morning with a bright and cheerful yellow shirt. She looked like a giant daffodil in a field of passenger groundcover. I wanted to pick her, stick her in a vase and bring her to my room. She would have none of it.

 

I notice there is a "Friends of Dorothy" meeting at 6pm. I'm not sure what this is all about, but I do have a good friend named Dorothy back home. What I might do, wherever I am on the ship, is go straight there. Those who have met me know I'm a bit of a loose cannon, so I'll just walk in, find this cruise's "Dorothy" and announce, "I'm here, my dear, get used to me."

 

There's a "Friends of Bill" meeting just before it. I wonder if we can have the Jewish service called "Friends of Moses," and the Catholics go to a "Friends of Jesus" meeting. Or have Bill and Dorothy stage a fake marriage, toast each other and do whatever they do.

 

We are 660 NM east of West Palm Beach. Or west of East Palm Beach. It's 72 US or 21 KM Cdn and we have remained 16k' above the ocean floor.

 

This report came to you live from the Noordam.

[dakrewser]

Word to the wise, Tom, never, ever, say a woman looks like a "giant" anything! ;)