Inappropriate Behavior from Gem Crew Member

[amjdcm]

what you have to realize is that norms differ from culture to culture. most people believe that their way of seeing things is the only way. however, i beg to differ. what you perceived as "threatening" could be considered harmless play or silliness. i agree that when dealing with so many different cultures, one has to be sensitive to social norms and perhaps refrain from such acts. but to imply that it was an assault on your daughter is ridiculous. an by the way, if the act were so threatening don't you think that your daughter would have said something to you immediately instead of waiting. perhaps, it was threating to you, but not to your daughter. we live in a colored world, learn to enjoy all of the pallet.

 

I am posting this here as a heads up to those who may be on the Gem in the future with a teenager. There is a crewmember on the Gem who works in the giftshop (the one adjoining the jewelery store) who I just found out crossed the line of acceptable behavior with my 13 year old daughter on our cruise.

 

We had seen him in the giftshop early on, we noticed him because frankly he is a nice looking kid (dark hair looks to be about 18 years old) He said some kind of comment to my daughter when she bought some stuff. I remember thinking that was rude and that she was not going to go in there without an adult. The day we went to the private island we stopped at the stand before getting to the tender to buy some bug spray. I was really sick that morning and could barely talk. There were 2 workers taking care of the sales. I was dealing with one of them, and while my head was down signing I heard the one we had seen previously say "She's staying here with me". the other adult with us made a comment to him and then said she is not going near him again. I said OK, because I hadn't appreciated the comment.

 

It wasn't until a few days ago that I found out that what actually happened while i was paying attention to my transaction. What took place is that the guy who made a comment in the gift shop was behind my daughter, reached his arm around her, grabbed her wrist, and pulled her into him while making the verbal comment.

 

I wish I had known of this while we were on board. I would have taken care of it immediately. However, I have written to NCL to report this after the fact so that they can be aware. I have not heard back from them yet, despite knowing that they have received my letter.

 

Like I said, a heads up from one parent who is angry beyond belief that some one put their hands on my daughter.

[hamrag]

Firstly, I am a 62 year old man with 1 daughter and 2 sons. I am also a retired police officer who has unfortunately had to deal with paedophiles.

 

There is something about the series of events in this matter that make me question the motives of the mother. Surely if the girl and/or the

MIL had been so upset about the incident in the shop, something would have been said to the mother a lot sooner than 11 days after the cruise ? I am not condoning the actions of the shop employee and he should be advised on where the boundaries are with customers. I have an uncomfortable feeling that this will result in the dismissal of an 18 year old man, without a reference and will have a life changing effect. NCL will not want to take any chances of this happening again.

 

Of course I may well be wrong and this man has paedophile tendancies but somehow I don't think so.

 

Bob

 

Bob we have at least one thing in common...1 daughter and 2 sons! Very interesting to read this reflection from someone with your work and life experiences.

 

You and I both know that if such an "incident" were reported to the police here in the UK, based on the evidence presented by Sick of Snow, there would be no case to answer. Somehow others on this thread cannot see the obvious and are blindedly taking the view that if Sick of Snow said it then it must have been as she says.

 

Actually we have at least one other thing in common....I too continue to question the motives of the mother! The MIL has been painted by some as the "villain" and I wonder if she or the 13 year old teen is even aware of the hullabaloo created in this thread, which has become quite compelling.

[Carnival Game]

I, too, also wonder if the daughter was as embarrassed as the mom indicates, or was she only embarrassed because it was done in front of grandma. Most girls that age love the attention of older guys. IMO, this was harmless kidding around.

[redroses27]

i just dont understand why the grandmother didnt say something right then and there, if i thought some was doing something that was making my granddaughter uncomfortable, (and you know the look on their face) i would have said she doesnt like that , so dont do that. and say it loudly enough to get other peoples attention.

[Sea Hound]

I like Oreos and milk.

[suzyed]

I agree with everyone on this thread....now you all figure it out ;) 'cause I ain't gonna tell anyone how to be a good parent. (much less try to read anyones mind)

 

Ahhh! The voice of reason!

[suzyed]

Are you saying that your opinion is based on being there?

nope....and that is why I think the Mom should follow her gut and try to resolve the problem.

[suzyed]

For having a thought? An opinion?

 

 

Shame on YOU for thinking I'm not entitled to one.

Oh no..you are entitle to your opinion, no matter how wrong...now we are blaming the victim. The 13 YEAR OLD! :rolleyes:

[isles1]

Oh no..you are entitle to your opinion, no matter how wrong...now we are blaming the victim. The 13 YEAR OLD! :rolleyes:

A victim of what? Maybe of something inappropriate? Maybe of an overreacting mother? Or maybe of a MIL who did not like her GC fraternizing with an older male (whether innocent or not).

 

Ever see that cruise commercial (not NCL) on TV with the adolecent/teenage girl on a trip with her parents? The plot is basically showing the girl not smiling the entire trip, that is until she is strapped into a jetski by an older, 20-something, attractive male...perhaps she is a victim of marketing :)

[sjbdtz]

Maybe like me, she saw all the ridiculous posts and felt there was no need to respond anymore.:rolleyes: Whatever anyone says here isn't going to change minds. People have different views. And I have to believe that those who think there was nothing wrong in it, either aren't parents or don't realize how YOUNG 13 actually is. A teenager, yes, but just barely. It's still a CHILD. I have a neice who is almost 13 and if this happened to her she'd have decked the guy herself. But that's her personality. The young girl this happened to was uncomfortable but didn't say anything about it at the time. Doesn't mean she should be accused of all the things she's been accused of on this thread because she dealt with it quietly.

 

Maybe some are confusing 13 and 16, there may not be many years between those numbers but there is a big emotional difference. You say it would be different if it were a 30 or 60 year old in Walmart, there's no difference. Unwanted and unasked for grabbing, touching, getting into one's personal space, whatever you want to call it, is still UNWANTED and inappropriate. I don't care how old the person is.

 

For people to say she was flirting, probably got a thrill out of it, a willing participate, you don't know this girl, and as others have said, shame on you. And that's being nice as I'd get booted off if I said what I really wanted to. It's a CHILD we're talking about here. Closer to 10 than 16 emotionally.

 

The OP's entire point has never been accusations other than stated. What he did was inappropriate. It's been others on here who have blown accusations out of proportion. Like a rumor, it starts with one thing and ends up another.

 

The guy needs to be re-trained on dealing with the public. He's not only endangering his health by acting in such a manner because as I and others have eluded to, he may just run into the person who is going to deal with it in a physical manner. But he's also endangering the cruise line with potential problems. That's been the whole point of contacting the cruise lines and letting them know what kind of 'character' this person is. Other's have said they thought they knew exactly who the OP was talking about and agreed he was very flirty, friendly, etc. That's all great, nice personality to have on a cruise ship. But staff, employees, etc. have to have a boundary line when it comes to physical contact. If not, how could you say it was okay for this guy to do something like that, and not okay for the 30 - 60 year old guy to do it?:rolleyes: Just because this guy was young and nice looking you think it's flirting, it's okay, she probably got a thrill... so what if it was the creepy 21 year old guy who vacuumed the hall floors at night and hid in the shadows with his sunglasses on and watched all the girls walk down the halls? What if he grabbed a 13 year old in this manner? Does that give you a different picture?

 

Was it all innocent and playful fun on this young guy's part? Probably. But that still doesn't make it right.

 

 

You know what.....the BETTER question to be asked is whether his behavior would have been condoned (or differently perceived) if the "victim" was 6 years old, or a boy.

 

I still believe from the words which were uttered, that the tone of those words was playful, not flirtatious.

[sjbdtz]

and a man who happens to know what inappropriate behavior is.

 

 

Not according to what you've written in this thread, you don't.

 

You may THINK you do....but you're wrong. Dude.

[suzyed]

Maybe like me, she saw all the ridiculous posts and felt there was no need to respond anymore.:rolleyes: Whatever anyone says here isn't going to change minds. People have different views. And I have to believe that those who think there was nothing wrong in it, either aren't parents or don't realize how YOUNG 13 actually is. A teenager, yes, but just barely. It's still a CHILD. I have a neice who is almost 13 and if this happened to her she'd have decked the guy herself. But that's her personality. The young girl this happened to was uncomfortable but didn't say anything about it at the time. Doesn't mean she should be accused of all the things she's been accused of on this thread because she dealt with it quietly.

 

Maybe some are confusing 13 and 16, there may not be many years between those numbers but there is a big emotional difference. You say it would be different if it were a 30 or 60 year old in Walmart, there's no difference. Unwanted and unasked for grabbing, touching, getting into one's personal space, whatever you want to call it, is still UNWANTED and inappropriate. I don't care how old the person is.

 

For people to say she was flirting, probably got a thrill out of it, a willing participate, you don't know this girl, and as others have said, shame on you. And that's being nice as I'd get booted off if I said what I really wanted to. It's a CHILD we're talking about here. Closer to 10 than 16 emotionally.

 

The OP's entire point has never been accusations other than stated. What he did was inappropriate. It's been others on here who have blown accusations out of proportion. Like a rumor, it starts with one thing and ends up another.

 

The guy needs to be re-trained on dealing with the public. He's not only endangering his health by acting in such a manner because as I and others have eluded to, he may just run into the person who is going to deal with it in a physical manner. But he's also endangering the cruise line with potential problems. That's been the whole point of contacting the cruise lines and letting them know what kind of 'character' this person is. Other's have said they thought they knew exactly who the OP was talking about and agreed he was very flirty, friendly, etc. That's all great, nice personality to have on a cruise ship. But staff, employees, etc. have to have a boundary line when it comes to physical contact. If not, how could you say it was okay for this guy to do something like that, and not okay for the 30 - 60 year old guy to do it?:rolleyes: Just because this guy was young and nice looking you think it's flirting, it's okay, she probably got a thrill... so what if it was the creepy 21 year old guy who vacuumed the hall floors at night and hid in the shadows with his sunglasses on and watched all the girls walk down the halls? What if he grabbed a 13 year old in this manner? Does that give you a different picture?

 

Was it all innocent and playful fun on this young guy's part? Probably. But that still doesn't make it right.

Very well put.

 

Too bad what you have said will not have any effect on some of the posters here. It is just unbelievable how some have responded to this. Blaming the child? OMG

 

You know how you hear some folks say, "All men cheat" or "Everybody steals", or "She said no, but she really meant yes"??? When you consider the source of these comments..it's always the guy who is cheating on his wife, or the biggest thief you know, or the college guy just home from a "date". Very scary!

 

Know what else is scary?..we will be cruising with some of these people.....those people who don't know what crossing the line is and seem ignorant to the fact that there is, indeed, a "line".

 

With that said...I am joining Snow wherever she may be...and withdrawing from this particular board... I am just discusted by much of what I have read here.

[Gixer]

I think what can be taken from this is that staff need to be retrained to have no physical contact or any 'goofing around' with guest at all, for thier own sake - because otherwise they run the risk of their innocent actions being questioned with a possible dismisal and black mark against their names.

 

I for one think that this is a great shame, one of the wondeful things about vacations and cruising is meeting new people from all over the world. We had a wondeful cabin steward on our cruise, she was from Chile and made such a big fuss of my kids everytime she saw them, she was delighted that they could speak Spanish and we had spent a lot of time in her home country, it was lovely for her and it was lovely for us, my girls always ran down the hall to give her a big hug everytime they saw her and she always left them extra treats and chocolates etc in the cabin.

 

When it was time to leave I threw my arms around her and gave a kiss on each cheek which is the customary greeting/farewell in Chile and she hugged me right back and came to wave us off and wish us a safe journey home. I wonder if it crossed her mind to report me to her superiours for assault and inappropriate touching because I hugged her goodbye? what a shame if we ever had her as a cabin steward again that we wouldnt be able to share genuine, innocent humant interaction with each other.

 

There are bad people out there, we all know that, but there are also an awful lot of very good, kindhearted people out there too and that shouldnt be forgotten either - I hate this pre judged, cynical, paranoid world we now find ourselves living in. I am vigilant at all times with my children, I love them and want to protect them from harm, but I dont want to teach them to live their lives in fear and mistrust of every single individual they meet.

[bobstheboy]

I still cannot believe the behaviour was so bad to warrant all this fuss now. If it had, surely any sensible adult who witnessed it would have spoken out then and there. The mother was at the scene and the MIL witnessed it and nothing was said until 11 days after the cruise.

 

It would be laughed out of court.

 

Bob

[astropilot]

Okay, I'm going to say something which is likely to cause many people to fire back at me. But so be it.

 

As the mother of two daughters, I certainly understand concern that any parent feels for their child. And, any sexual predator needs to be more then locked up with the key thrown away. We need to be wary of every second, of every day, in order to prevent our children from becoming victims. Predators are out there and it is our responsibility to protect our children.

 

However, having stated my opinion on that, I feel that many people go overboard in their suspicions of their fellow humans. Anyone who goes near their child is considered a threat. We live in a world where God forbid, a teacher or any adult for that matter, touch a child. Do you know how many children come into a classroom and throw their arms around their teacher for a hug? Yet the teacher can not hug back for fear of backlash and perhaps ending up on the firing line for touching a child. So they have to push the child away. I feel that the fear of sexual abuse in this country has started to outweigh common sense. And, I also believe that this is perhaps the case in the OP's situation.

 

 

I could not agree more with you on this!!!

 

It's a sad day in the country when every adult is afraid to be around a child out of fear of being accused of sexual abuse.

 

If someone does abuse a child, then I think they they sould be punished to the full extent. But we shouldn't have to looing over our shoulders every minute in fear of being accused of something.

[Sea Hound]

I like Oreos and milk.

 

Especially if the milk is REAL cold!:D

 

I like pickles, too.:D

 

And pancakes! I think pancakes are probably my favorite!:D

[Carnival Game]

At the end of our first cruise my son and I also hugged our waiter. I think the 'rule' that you "never put your hands on another person" is ludicrous.

[sjbdtz]

Especially if the milk is REAL cold!:D

 

I like pickles, too.:D

 

And pancakes! I think pancakes are probably my favorite!:D

 

 

I wonder if I'll ever stoop to quoting myself.:rolleyes:

 

:eek:

 

 

Pickles & cold milk however are not a wonderful combination....sort of like toothpaste & orange juice....

[AFAMILY]

First let me say I have a daughter myself. And although she’s now grown I was always very protective of her and still am as most parents are.

 

That being said, if you take into consideration the comments made by the OP in her other posts that relate to her daughter it is easy to imagine, at least in my mind, that it is POSSIBLE that here you have a young teenage girl looking older than her years and an older teenage boy who have engaged in some harmless flirting. He may have thought she was older or he was just clowning around with her. It is POSSIBLE this girl initiated any flirting or clowning without the knowledge of either her mother or grandmother. To condemn this young boy with the “facts” as presented by the OP is wrong. This incident may have happened exactly as the OP states but then again it could be the daughter who actually initiated this entire thing. Hopefully, the TRUE FACTS of what happened here will be revealed to NCL management and will result in the proper steps being taken, whether that be disciplinary action against the crewmember or completely exonerating him of any wrongdoing.

 

I, like others here, have a hard time believing this young man would assault this girl right in front of her mother and grandmother. Perception is everything and maybe the perception of the OP is as she states. Of course it is also possible there are other motives at work here as others here have suggested.

 

Quotes from the OP on her other posts:

 

"We have a 13 year old going with us. I see that on NCL that age goes in with kids up to 17. Was wondering how the 'kids' programs for that age group are and if it is really appropraite and chaperoned for the 13 year old who really wants to be a 16 year old girl."

 

"I am hoping that we can meet others with age appropriate kids (my daughter is hoping to meet 16 - 17 year old hot guys ... I'm hoping for her to meet 12 - 14 year old sweet girls) Sigh, that battle I am not sure I'm ready to fight"

"Her and I have already been butting heads over her "freedom" on the ship. She believes she should be allowed to come and go with any new friends she may make."

[AFT_LOVER]

when you don't know a lady from a tramp. I was raised correctly.

 

 

 

Aw-I hoped for smuttier! You got my hopes up when you started about the handcuffs, but what a letdown after that ;)

[Sea Hound]

I wonder if I'll ever stoop to quoting myself.:rolleyes:

 

:eek:

 

 

Pickles & cold milk however are not a wonderful combination....sort of like toothpaste & orange juice....

 

I'll stoop to anything to end this thread.;)

 

It jumped the shark about eight pages ago!:eek:

 

I know -- I don't have to keep clicking on it but, as one poster said, it's like a train wreck you can't stop watching:eek:

[sjbdtz]

I'll stoop to anything to end this thread.;)

 

It jumped the shark about eight pages ago!:eek:

 

I know -- I don't have to keep clicking on it but, as one poster said, it's like a train wreck you can't stop watching:eek:

 

 

In slow-mo!

 

 

I jumped because of a shark once. Snorkeling off Key West, this 12 ft (approx) reef shark kept circling our group, getting closer & closer....so I jumped....back up onto the boat! :eek:

[mbisson]

Especially if the milk is REAL cold!:D

 

I like pickles, too.:D

 

And pancakes! I think pancakes are probably my favorite!:D

 

And what do you like on your pancakes? Some people like jam/jelly and some like to put syrum (genuine maple is fan freaking tastic-much better than the imitation stuff). But if I have to use imitation, sometimes I'll use a little bit of jam at the same time.

 

Sometimes though, I'm in the mood for French Toast or even waffles! BUT AWWW-can a good hot dog ever be beat ;)

[Sea Hound]

And what do you like on your pancakes? Some people like jam/jelly and some like to put syrum (genuine maple is fan freaking tastic-much better than the imitation stuff). But if I have to use imitation, sometimes I'll use a little bit of jam at the same time.

 

Sometimes though, I'm in the mood for French Toast or even waffles!

 

DW and I have discovered Boysenberry syrup! If you haven't tried it, please do! I also like Blackberry syrup!

 

DW sometimes goes the jam route instead of syrup but, for me, syrup is the only way to go;) .

 

Waffles -- don't get me started! Are you a regular waffle guy or a Belgian waffle guy? I'm a little put off by the huge holes in Belgian waffles. The syrup/compote/butter/jam always seem to nest in those great big holes and I'm never sure of how to handle the situation.:(

[Sea Hound]

BUT AWWW-can a good hot dog ever be beat ;)

 

If you're ever in central GA, you HAVE to try a Nu-Way Weiner:

 

http://www.nu-wayweiners.com/

 

Now I'm hungry! Methinks I'll have three all the way for lunch!:D