Teenage Curfew?

[Wennfred]

I always instill the 'buddy system' and they will also have the two way walkie talkie to check in with mom and dad every half hour after 11:00 p.m.

Thanks Again!

 

You beat me too it, its good that you have those walkie talkies, there is no excuse about answering you when you call them.

 

 

Fred

[SL HomeschoolMom]

I am a very overprotective mother...I don't even let my kids go to school :)

 

However, now that they are teens, I had better have instilled good values in them already. Last cruise they were 12 and 14, and were usually in the cabin between 1 - 2 am. I would have had no problem with them staying up later eating pizza with new friends. The only rule we had was that they were together, and no going into someone else's cabin.

 

My children do not have a curfew at home either. My oldest (15.5) graduates in 11 months, and wants to travel around the world by himself. Giving him an 11 pm or midnight curfew seems ridiculous while on a cruise.

 

Shari, hoping that there will be some other teens for my kids to hang out with past grandpa's bedtime on the next cruise

[sassy0930]

I'm glad you got the information you were looking for Roxxy, Like most people said it's such an individual experience that it's hard to just do what someone else says.

 

The only extra advice I have is to see if you can meet some of the kids or the kids guardians that they are out with regularly. It will help you feel better. Plus if you're the kind to stay up late too, GO GET PIZZA WITH THEM!! HAHA. you don't have to sit at the same table, but go get a slice and just say you missed them or something.. best way to know if they're behaving is to see it.

[Carnival Game]

Not being allowed to go to school sounds overprotective. ;)

 

On the other hand, having no curfew sounds underprotective. :confused:

 

Oh well.....

[KenMo]

This thread is timely for me because I promised my two neices a cruise if they graduated from high school with good grades. The oldest one graduates next May. She's never caused a problem for her parents and she's been on the honor roll all through school and has taken college courses. I'm not going to worry about what she does.....it's other pax I'll worry about.

 

Now her sister might be another story....also on the honor roll, etc., but she is more of a wild child. We'll see what develops in the next two years.

 

On another note.....I took my son and nephew on a cruise. They had their own cabin and were in their mid-twenties so, obviously no curfew for them! They did tell me, after the fact, that they had met a young woman who came back to their cabin for drinks one night. She was by herself. I couldn't believe it! Not that the boys would have hurt her in any way, but she didn't know that.

 

Everyone needs to be careful. There's creeps everywhere.

[mkgcars]

It would be critical that after midnight, that they NEVER go anywhere alone. If one goes to the bathroom, the other should go. If one wants to go on deck for a walk with someone they've met and trust, then the other should be included somehow, rather than be left alone.

 

Bad things happen on cruises all the time, let me repeat that, bad things happen on cruises all the time (Ref: http://www.cruiserape.com/news.php) - you do not want to become a statistic. The problem is that evil-doers get away with things because it is hard to find/indentify a below deck crew worker who may be an evil-doer - and so they can get away with things. The more typical case is probably relative to women who are more mature (20's, 30's, 40's, 50's+) who have some drinks with someone (crew or not), and they get too tipsy and things get out of hand and they are not able to defend themselves. So, I'd say teens are actually probably in better shape, given they will be sober - but it's always better to be safe than sorry.

 

So, in closing, if they stay out until 2am, they need to stick together PERIOD, no IFs ANDs or BUTs. Tell them it's a sad reality, but sometimes cruiseships are not all the ideal world they seem.

- And I don't mean to panick anyone, I want everyone to have the best time they've ever had, and be safe at the same time.

 

matt

[GaryWT]

I agree. That's a reasonable time. Last cruise (RCCL on 3/28/08) I was at the Bow @ 2am alone (because my husband passed out & I wanted to capture some footage), when a group of teenagers above me was acting rowdy & yelling down. After confronting them & scaring them away, I enjoyed the peacefulness and loved it... until some creepy guy came over to me, so I left! lol! When these kids have NO supervision, they go CRAZY!

 

Plus, u want the peace-of-mind that ur girls will be safe & sound, in bed.

 

Happy cruising!

 

 

Why are you calling me creepy? LOL

[christmas]

Last year we had a room real close to the elevators and kids kept knocking and beating on our door at all hours of the night and then would run to the elevator where another group of kids would be holding the elevator for them to escape. It was awful and scared my seven year old to death. They threw pizza at the door etc... all at 1am, 2am etc...then they would call the room and act like security and talk in funny accents all night. We had to unplug the phone. This happened 3 nights of the 7 night cruise. We finally had to have security come and sit by the door. Where were the parents of these kids??

[2aztravelers]

Ok don't laugh, but on our first cruise when DS was 12, I drafted a "cruise contract" between my son and me. (I am am an attorney so its in my nature:p ) I thought it was a very good experience. The contract listed my expectations regarding DS behavior and participation in activities (curfew, family dinner in the DR nightly, respect for other travellers, zero tolerance on drugs and alcohol, etc) as well as the ramifications for a "breach" of contract. DS got to review the contract before signing, "negotiate" regarding ambiguous terms, etc. I found that putting the expectations and potential consequences up front made for no surprises and a great trip.

 

DS will be 16 for our upcoming cruise in August and the contract will be coming out again. His curfew will likely be 1, with the ability to get extended based on the particular circumstances.

 

Curfews are a difficult topic for which to make generalizations because it really depends on the kid. Remember when you wondered when it was ok to leave your child home alone without a babysitter? Again, it depends on the maturity level of your particular child.

 

whatever you choose, I'm sure that you all will have a great time!

 

 

This is a great idea! I make a habit of not only negotiating, but advising what to expect and what is expected, and when kids know what to expect it is easier to follow the program. There are some points that are not negotiable though, and we as the parent's need to make sure we relay that as well. Clearly. It also helps them realize that they are a part of their own destiny.

 

As I stated earlier - take care of your children, even if it seems a little paranoid, they are your children and your love. Informing them and advising of what the expectations are and the reasons for those are what you have to do! You would never forgive yourself if you did not listen to that little inner voice that was nagging at you to be more involved in what they are doing. Happiness and a good safe trip should be the goal of your trip. Some people take advantage of other people's lack of attention.

 

It will be a wonderful trip. Happy Cruising!

-Angelique:)

[cruiselover999]

Our son was 16 on his last cruise. He shared a room with his uncle. We set a "curfew" for 1 a.m., but honestly, since our room was nowhere near his, I just took his word for it that he was back by then. We're not night owls, and would be conked out before midnight. I trust my son completely, and until he does something to break it, I will continue to do so! It's between you and your children...you know them the best!

[Theresa522]

Last year we had a room real close to the elevators and kids kept knocking and beating on our door at all hours of the night and then would run to the elevator where another group of kids would be holding the elevator for them to escape. It was awful and scared my seven year old to death. They threw pizza at the door etc... all at 1am, 2am etc...then they would call the room and act like security and talk in funny accents all night. We had to unplug the phone. This happened 3 nights of the 7 night cruise. We finally had to have security come and sit by the door. Where were the parents of these kids??

 

OMG that is just terrible! :eek:

[toledo]

There is a direct correlation between each hour after midnight and the type of kids you will see hanging out on deck. Take a walk around the Lido deck and 12, 1, and 2am and you will see what I mean.

[Nuttycruisegirl]

On Conquest recently we saw hardly any kids at all after midnight...And the ones we did were older....17 or so. The tweens and 14-15 year olds were nowhere to be seen after midnight and believe me, I was up and all over the ship! :)

[PINEVIEW01]

Hi There,

Just wondering everyone's opinions on setting a curfew for my 16 and 17 year old daughters. This will be their third cruise and they want their curfew extended until 2:00. Is this unreasonable? They are what I consider 'good kids' with a good head on their shoulders - they just want to stay out later with their 'new found friends'.

 

This will also be the first time in a cabin on their own ....:( and :D at the same time!!

What are your thoughts?

RCCL has a mandatory 1:00 curfew, unless with parents. 2:00 seems really late to me for a 16 year old.

 

I agree with the comment about the kind of kids out each hour after midnight. Watch it all the time. Last cruise this group has come down to include the 5 to tween group. Yep, after midnight, 5 to 8/9 year olds out with out a parent in sight. Climbing on on the pizzia counter ringing the bell. This was a first and all time low for me to see.

[WK-Orlando]

All I will say is sexual assaults are frequent and almost never prosecuted on these ships. At that age, they will be targets for both their own age and any creep that is prowling and believe me, they are there.

 

You need to know when they are in and they need to stay there once you have checked. Under no circumstances should they allow strangers into the cabin. There are plenty of places to hang out in public...

 

I am sure the parents of that Holloway girl felt safe in Aurba too...

 

my 2c

[chadinennistx]

Just make sure your daughters understand, and adhere to, some very basic safety measures. First and foremost...regardless of how (insert the appropriate word here...) cute, nice, friendly, cool...someone whom they've met may seem...they should never never go into his cabin.

 

Regretfully the search is "temporarily down", because I was hoping to post the links to 2 threads recently on this forum about teenage girls being victimized by 1) 20-somethingish young men and 2) a crew member.

 

Your daughters need to understand these things for their own safety.

 

the story about the 20 something guy was a grandmother was with her granddaughter and the gd. said she wanted to walk her friend somewhere and the gd. disappeared for hours. anyway, apparently she got raped by some mystery 20 yr. old. till now i don't think he's been caught. wish i could find that thread.

[pe4all]

DD16 (17 in 2 months) is straining at the leash, teetering between childhood and adulthood. Her curfew at home is 12, and that is a fight. Luckily, that seems to be the curfew for most of her friends. She has already "informed me" that, as a senior next year, her curfew will need to be later. When younger, (13-14) her curfew was 11:30 on a cruise. The past few cruises, it became 12:30. Sometimes she would come in earlier, if she was tired, or nothing was going on, or if we had an early port excursion the next day. If she was in the middle of an activity, she would call, or stop by, and ask for curfew to be extended 15-30 minutes. She seems to be very responsible, but it only takes one lapse in judgement... well, you all know what I mean. I am already worried, as this December we are traveling with her best friend (and her family). They are night owls - dh, dd19 and I are not. Their dd16 (almost 17 also) and her mom bragged about the 2-2:30 a.m. curfew dd16 had on the past cruises. Now my dd wants the same curfew. This will be negotiated on a night to night basis. I guess I will be the "bad" parent who makes her come in earlier than the others - but dd can ruin a vacation by getting over-tired and moody (surprise). She really does need her sleep, and we are the ones who get punished if she gets burned out!

[Chigirlcruzin]

I see the OP has already reached a decision for 1 am. I think this is reasonable. 11 pm for a 16-17 year old on vacation is WAY too early. As others have pointed out, college is right around the corner. I had friends with overprotective parents that were out of control once they were on their own. My parents trusted both the way they raised me and me to do the right thing. I never had a curfew, and I think most would agree I turned out ok. Heck, I cruised with 2 friends at 18 in 1995, which wasn't that long ago. Since then, Carnival has changed the rules so you have to be 21 to cruise without a guardian. Now, my mom has said that she never fully got to sleep until I was home for the night, but you have to let your kids go and trust you've raised them to do the right thing. There's a balance.

 

Not all teens on a ship are out there raising heck. I kind of felt bad for the teens on the Valor last week. A lot were hanging out on the promenade outside the disco so they could at least hear the music. They were just sitting there talking. One particularly bold 15-16 year old hit on me, but it was more funny than anything. There's not much for them to do, so "hanging out" until 2 seems kind of silly, but to have to be in before the teen club even closes is a bit much too. 1:00 allows them to close the teen club and hang out for a bit without annoying the other passengers.

[Carnival Game]

I wouldn't say college is "right around the corner" for a 16 year old. At that age, a year and a half in maturity makes a big difference. Sheesh, I wasn't able to "inform" my mother that the rules would change. When I was turning 18 I asked if my curfew could be extended til 12:30. NO - it was midnight.

 

Anyway, in these kind of situations, it's not just about trusting your teen to do the right thing. The biggest issue is their safety. They don't need to be out at 2:00 a.m.

[janetz]

DD16 (17 in 2 months) is straining at the leash, teetering between childhood and adulthood. Her curfew at home is 12, and that is a fight. Luckily, that seems to be the curfew for most of her friends. She has already "informed me" that, as a senior next year, her curfew will need to be later. When younger, (13-14) her curfew was 11:30 on a cruise. The past few cruises, it became 12:30. Sometimes she would come in earlier, if she was tired, or nothing was going on, or if we had an early port excursion the next day. If she was in the middle of an activity, she would call, or stop by, and ask for curfew to be extended 15-30 minutes. She seems to be very responsible, but it only takes one lapse in judgement... well, you all know what I mean. I am already worried, as this December we are traveling with her best friend (and her family). They are night owls - dh, dd19 and I are not. Their dd16 (almost 17 also) and her mom bragged about the 2-2:30 a.m. curfew dd16 had on the past cruises. Now my dd wants the same curfew. This will be negotiated on a night to night basis. I guess I will be the "bad" parent who makes her come in earlier than the others - but dd can ruin a vacation by getting over-tired and moody (surprise). She really does need her sleep, and we are the ones who get punished if she gets burned out!

 

 

Well said. Do not let her get away with "everyone else can stay out". I just say, "well your not everyone else" ;)

[2 rednecks]

Last year the DW and I noticed that all the "kids" i would guess 17-20 y/o that we saw after midnight or so were some of the best behaved on the ship. We would many taimes have a last walk around the ship and maybe some pizza at 1am or so and see small (5-8) groups of kids sitting near the pizza place or on the lido deck talking listenting to music playing games i just hope when our little ones are older they are as well behaved.

[themarm]

I wouldn't say college is "right around the corner" for a 16 year old. At that age, a year and a half in maturity makes a big difference. Sheesh, I wasn't able to "inform" my mother that the rules would change. When I was turning 18 I asked if my curfew could be extended til 12:30. NO - it was midnight.

 

Anyway, in these kind of situations, it's not just about trusting your teen to do the right thing. The biggest issue is their safety. They don't need to be out at 2:00 a.m.

 

well said. a child who is showing respect does not inform but rather they respectfully negotiate. as pertains to the board member who phrased it that way, i will downplay it as her passing on a humorous incident with a young lady who is spreading their wings.

 

to be sure, SAFETY is the larger issue. without a doubt young adults need the freedom to learn to stand on their own. that is earned in doses, with trust.

 

a guiding question might be - does your child have what it takes to make it through the worst trauma out there? can they face the real-life consequences of being in the wrong place at the wrong time? if so, maybe the responsibility is well deserved. if not, maybe they can grow in to such responsibility over time instead of rushing it.

 

not every child that jumps off the proverbial deep end is the result of parents that were too restrictive. i have worked with at-risk youth for years, and find that the "rebellious backlash against punitive restriction" stereotype does not truly hold up. many at-risk kiddos have parents who implicitly trust them, and are more permissive. i think deep down these parents know that adults who are letting them know what their kids are doing are right, but they WANT to believe in their kids - want to think the best of them, and therefore ignore outside reports of behavior.

 

when i was seventeen and negotiating for a later curfew, my dad once pointed out that i did not have the fortitude it took to accept that a dress shopping excursion had to be delayed owing to pressing priorities that cropped up in the family. if i could not accept that without pouting and acting like it was the end of the world, i had no business cavorting around in a larger arena where the consequences can be more dire than simply not having a frock in my closet on a given day. a LOT of growing happens between seventeen and twenty, when, home for the summers between college, i was granted the priviledge of letting mom and dad know before i went out if i was returning that night. by that time, they knew that i could handle the fall out in case i was arrested for minor in posession, if i saw a drive by, if someone tried to perpetrate on me. it would be a scary situation, yes. but i was ready at that point to take up my own emotional baggage (and deal with whatever financial and legal baggage i created).

 

each parent truly knows where their child stands. the TRUE question is: are you being honest with yourself? if your kid is ready to be thrown to the wolves, and would survive - let them run the ship. if they need guidance still - then guide them. if you are less than absolutely certain, then caution might be prudent.

[MACISBAC]

I would say their cerfew should be no later than 9 or 10 PM.

[MaryZ]

well said. a child who is showing respect does not inform but rather they respectfully negotiate. as pertains to the board member who phrased it that way, i will downplay it as her passing on a humorous incident with a young lady who is spreading their wings.

 

to be sure, SAFETY is the larger issue. without a doubt young adults need the freedom to learn to stand on their own. that is earned in doses, with trust.

 

a guiding question might be - does your child have what it takes to make it through the worst trauma out there? can they face the real-life consequences of being in the wrong place at the wrong time? if so, maybe the responsibility is well deserved. if not, maybe they can grow in to such responsibility over time instead of rushing it.

 

 

A wise statement you have made. Not that anyone is truly ever prepared for dire consequences due to their actions, or perhaps actions of others, but the thought of something happening to your child is usually enough to stop parents dead in their tracks from allowing too much freedom.

What totally disgusts me on a cruise is seeing very young children running around completely devoid of parental attendence. I've seen children as young as 7 at midnight buffets, on open decks, in elevators without parents. I can not imagine allowing my child out of my sight unless they are at camp at those ages.

That shocks me way more than seeing teenagers out and about at midnight.

My personal feeling is that children under the age of 12 should either have to be with their parents or be enrolled in camp activities. No other choice.

[songanddance]

I think the concept of allowing two underage girls to share a separate cabion is just fine - IF

1. They both are using some form of birth control

2. You as the parent are prepared to handle ALL the potential consquences ie: pay for errors and omissions in behavior by them any where on the ship or any of their friends while in that cabin without trying to look elsewhere to place blame or responsibility.

 

If you are ready to do this, then by all means allow them to stay out as long as THEY want and allow them their own cabin.

 

Have a great cruise.